Saturday, July 31, 2021

"The Green Knight" 2021

Watched "The Green Knight" today afternoon. Leena and Noah took care of the kids so we sneaked out. Haven't watched a movie in the theater for so long, mostly due to the pandemic. 

Loved this one. Didn't fall asleep although I only slept 3, 4 hours last night after drinking and chatting with S and C in our house. 

Right after the movie, Raj was like: "oh man, I have absolutely no clue what's this movie about." I was like: "oh wait bae, let me come back from the restroom and tell you everything about it." Raj is hilarious...

It's all about symbolism, that kind of arty movie I like. As of this moment, I have never heard about the poems and folktales, neither checked anything online. Just want to write something down about the movie, the movie itself. 

Always love to write about movies, my little analysis. Planned to make a serial of reviews on the feminist Hindi/Bollywood movies that I love, never got the time, maybe in the next few years. 

I was like: "First of all, the kingship, knightship and royals must have used this folktale to set up moral standards among themselves, an old tale to teach how to be kings and knights and all that. Never lived in this culture before, never was in a knight family, I might be wrong, but ya, gut feeling.

Secondly, to be qualified as a true knight, there are many levels of moral tests. Each story symbolizes certain qualifications for the knight. And in this movie, it's like a video game, as the game progresses, the level of difficulty increases.

Level one - can show little kindness, bravery, the ability to persist and not giving up

Level two - can stand up for justice, know what's right from wrong, can make the right and just choices

In between level two and three - little experience with death. From my understanding, the movement of those giant people symbolizes the path to death, those giants are just slowly walking to depart, after ending the sufferings in life. All of us are unavoidably on this path, in the same direction as the giants, and you can't take a ride on their shoulders, only trailing behind. Could be completely wrong about this part, but ya, everyone has her/his own understanding. 

Level three - able to resist lust and seduction

The blindfolded old woman actually only exists in his own mind, represents his own consciousness. Blindfolded because most of us are actually blind when we are trying to find the truth, looking for and facing the truth is exactly like walking in the dark, it's never an easy path. The old woman is a contrast to the young and seductive lady because the truth is usually ugly and difficult to face. Even though you think you are able to more or less do the right things, sitting right in front of your eyes or at the corner of your eye, there will be the consciousness that is inserted there, like a blindfolded old woman. 

Level four - the highest level of qualification to be a knight/king, the ability to put your head on the ground. What stops the most people is the blue belt, which symbolizes the honor, and the reward and comfort that honor could bring to you, it symbolizes the material attachment. Why did you choose this path? For the honor? Wrong answer. If you are not ready to let go of your life and the pleasure that comes with life, you are not ready to be a true knight. 

Because you see, when you chose to take this path, which was taking up the challenge from the green knight. From day one, you had no way back, only to make the right choices and push forward. Not ready to let go of your life and glory is a sign of weakness. With such fundamental weakness resides in you, you are a runaway, a runaway from hardship, a runaway who can't escape the fate of taking easy paths. What could happen? Wrong choices lead to wrong choices, greed and lust might one day eat you alive, you will be left heirless and abandoned, without respect and legacy, your kingdom will eventually fall. From dust to dust, everything will be just a dream, because you are not a true knight.

Why the mom is the one who gave him the belt? Because oftentimes such cling to glory, the proto-emotion to the cling to power, is instilled by the closest to you: father, mother, wife, lover, in the name of honor and glory, disguised under the emotional connections to "home". And they might be the ones who stand by you when you are making all the wrong decisions. 

What does the fox symbolize? Disguised under a "loyal" companion, a long-time partner, the fox is someone selfish, cunning and dishonest. At the most crucial moment, you might be misled by it, purposefully. Do you have someone like this in life? 

And are these qualification tests for knightship is only for the knights and kings? No. It's relevant to each of us cause each one's life is filled with hardship and there are difficult choices to make at each step. Can you be the true knight of your life? Can you make the right choice when you are in fear and trembling? Can you take the real path that is filled with thorns and thistles but not be a runaway? Are you able to 'put your head on the ground'?"

Raj was like:"wow.... we both sat there together the whole time? How come the outcome is so different?"

Raj is hilarious... 

Thursday, July 29, 2021

Sandy Lerner





What a legendary woman! I am completely awed by her strength and wisdom. 

I believe what she experienced while growing up back then, that degree of sexism and sexual discrimination in both subtle and coarse ways, led to the most regrettable moment in her life - “leaving me out of it”. A decision led by impulsive thought processes that were baked up unconsciously over the years under a fundamentally hostile environment for women. Deep down, self-confidence and reassurance were slowly stripped away without noticing. 

I believe what she did after Cisco was all highly related to or directly resulted from the Cisco trauma - realizing her powers as a woman, making loud noises, as a woman. 

We are able to understand this now, only because things have changed drastically for women, we have landed in a somewhat completely different landscape. [ Or not? ] 

As we are pushing forward on this path, I believe what’s equally, even more, important to unleashing the inner strength of women, is the “fundamental fairness and decency of men”. Why? Because from the beginning till now, men have always been the dominant force of human beings. 

And of course, there are many dimensions to her story, one lesson for all of the new entrepreneurs: Never let the investors take over what you built! Actually, in today’s entrepreneurial world, that piece of knowledge has already been carved into the foundation stones, thanks to the predecessors who had suffered. 



Sandy: “You know I’ve already decided my epitaph that has one word on it, what do you think it is?” 

Guy: “I don’t know. I have no idea…” 

Sandy: “Bold. Bold.” 



Wednesday, July 28, 2021

Push forward

 

too much suffering 

too much death and killing

too much mourning


if we back down

one day the Sacrifice, all that we will be


because they sense the weak

and slaughter the meek


no other way out now

only to push forward


in blood and tears

we push forward


Friday, July 23, 2021

Bird

There was not a little blue, a layer of dust on top of a layer of smoke, mustard yellow dissolved into ash gray. Wild sparrows and ravens squealing and squawking from the densely packed trees, sudden soarings pulled them into that layers of pale. 

"I have to face away."  She turned and walked toward the end of the platform, afraid to be seen. The porters moving alongside the green carriages, small steps but fast and heavy. 

The weight of the luggage turned into rhythmic pants, bursting downward with froth, from noses and mouths buried underneath the bags and boxes, together with their 90-degree-bent backs. 

Some engines blew out several horns, one by one, sharp and brief, but asserting. 

Time to go. 

"Contain your tears, contain your mind." She commanded herself as walking further off, clenching her fists. It was quiet, as quiet as to how noisy the surroundings could get. 

Not a sob, not a sniff. Only a wet stain on the white clothes that sticking to her chest, also the baby carrier. 

"He didn't even say goodbye..."



"... vous souhaitent la bienvenue dans ce TGV a destination de..."

Blasts of young people pushing through the platform. She was trying to find him. The backpack was ready, things were packed, all of her things. 

Both of them knew what they were doing, it was never meant for beyond breakfasts. Although he taught her some northern dishes from his hometwon, they're pretty dry and spicy.

An arm grabbed her and wrapped her chest from behind. In a sudden movement, he turned her around, bit into her lips and dived into her mouth. Her whole body was pulled and locked on his. 

People passing by with smiles and giggles.

"Did you miss me?" He whispered in her ears. 

She didn't make a sound, just leaned on his chest and smiled. 

Bruges was beautiful, as beautiful as Paris, and Antwerp. 

But it's time to go. She waved at the airplane. 

It's time to go. 

Wiped her tears.

She didn't take even one of his photos. 



On top of the stairs, the escalator was making a rumbling noise.

He wanted to say something but hesitated. Just pulled her to his chest. 

"Thank you..." 

"Be safe. Send me a text." 

She crawled up into her bed, didn't know what to think. 

"Where have you been? You missed the party!" 

He stepped into the room, leaned down, rested his lips on her forehead.

So gentle she suddenly freshened up.

"Farewell, my pretty girl. Be well. I love you."



“I'll wait for you. Come back to me in 2 years."

"I don't know what will be after Istanbul, I wanna see the world..."


"I'll wait for you.  When will you be coming back?"

"I don't know what will be after this, now I've seen the world..."


"I'll wait for you. Are you still coming back, just to see me again maybe?"

"I'm sorry..."


Wednesday, July 21, 2021

河南大水 #郑州 #HeNanFlood #ZhengZhou

July 20th 2021 

Sitting on the grass, watching my children play in the park. Today is a sad day, I have been crying. Many young lives have been taken, too suddenly. 

No report no news, but we all saw it. We saw the young lifeless once beautiful bodies with shorts, t-shirts and skirts, lying on the platform, so many of them together; we saw lifeless young faces, closed eyes and bloated bellies lying on the metro doorstep; we saw them head-down floating on the muddy water, with no movement; we saw father struggling to grab hold of his son but son flushed away at the end; we saw them crying for help with weak breathes, stuck there for 10 hours, sending their last messages because oxygen is almost finished...

Do we know how did it all happen? Who is responsible? Do we know is it truly a natural disaster but not wrongdoing? Do we know anything at all? 

Today is a sad day. 

Why I had to leave? Because I had to find a place where laws and order are used to protect the weak instead of enslaving the whole, I had to find a place if disasters happen, I could trust the numbers and updates from papers and screens, I had to find a place where life is cherished instead of being grilled like insects. 

Why don't you understand? Food was what they promised you, but without rights and freedom to choose your entity, your life is for the take at any passing moment. If you don't even have the power to choose, how can you not be as light as an ant? 

But how can they understand if from birth their eyes have been covered ears have been blocked? How can they leave if not feeling hungry and ragged is their day-to-day struggle, even if there's a will? 

When is this going to end? The despair and tears? When is this going to end? The darkness and hopelessness? 

Have we not suffered enough by now? Not enough of us have died by now?


July 21st 

沒想到昨天看到的畫面對我的打擊這麼大。昨夜難眠,各種情愫噴湧,幾個小時淚流不止,無法自持。年輕女孩毫無生命徵兆的屍體,在被淹的車廂裡奄奄一息發信息求助,畫面像發瘋了似的,在我腦海裡重複播放,完全失控。作為有女兒的媽媽,一顆母親的心在被絞輾,在滴血。

文安@xmly_2020: 谢谢你不计较国内父老对你的误解,依然关注国内发生的事情;也请你多在外面说说国内的事情,让世界知道我们这里到底发生了什么!再次感谢🙏 


July 21st 

我們那每幾年就會發洪水,無數生命和財產被捲湧而去驟然消失,不記得有多傷感,只記得轟轟烈烈的災後建設。出來這麼久了,早已習慣了平等,你我無差,早已習慣了生命的無價,無貴賤高低。每一個生命都曾耀眼地活過,需用靜默和懷念來表達對其的尊重,凡人皆如是。所以看到那些悄無聲息的流逝,會傷心。



























謝謝超會搜索收集和查驗真假的狗哥 綜合整理的這些信息!🙏🙏🙏👍👍👍

Monday, July 19, 2021

😂😂 How Famous am I in China? Some Video Platform Search Results #郑墨沫 #中印恋人 #嫁给印度人 #网络暴力 #抹黑污蔑

My million-dollar questions:

a. Why the Heck is Nobody Using My BIKINI videos??!!!! 🤨 🤨 🤨

b. If I can sue all of those, how much can I get as compensation??!!! 💰 💰 💰

c. Am I angry at those people who produce the content? No. I see them also as the victims of such a society where hatred and fake news are the mainstream, where individual rights are at all times being violated. They are violating all of my rights, but truly they are violating their own rights. And if they just joined the wave, using my popularity to make money, maybe for their kids' education or old parents' medical fees, I even feel good because I helped them achieve that. 

No, I have no grudge only sympathy for them.

#PublicShaming #InternetViolence #Defamation #Propaganda


***

SP: "This is so sad and scary at the same time! Sorry to hear about this Momo! I am sure it takes a toll on your mental health! 😞 But you should report these just to take a stand against fake news."

My Reply: Thank you S! My dad did go to a lawyer in China, just to ask, the lawyers' office said they can't do anything. There might be a law (or not) relating to this, but nobody is doing it because it's against propaganda and brainwashing. It's kind of political (because it's relating to the image of India, in current China, the image of India should be bad, bad Indian image is politically right, the government is behind it), nobody would do anything if it's anything remotely political. All there should exist in society is persecution and public shaming.

***



Videos with 1 million 2 million views are so easy to spot, dozens of them are more than half a million and mind that 

1) These are only social media videos, not thousands of news articles or posts from hundreds of websites... 

2) Search results are only from web browsers but not phone APPs, considering most people actually only using phones to play video, and there are tens of popular video apps out there... 

3) These only are the search result without a registered account, for example, the Tiktok Chinese browser was only showing results of 1 page on the browser. What I heard was I was the most bombastic in the Tiktok Chinese app...... 


























Saturday, July 17, 2021

21世紀中國式的黑白顛倒 指鹿為馬 閉塞無知 公開羞辱 侵犯私權 文革批鬥 21st Century Chinese Style of Public Shaming, Persecution, Defamation, Rights Violation, Fabrication of Complete Fake Information

One video has 2.2 million views, almost more than my whole Youtube channel's views...  

Welcome to witness the Momo Zheng who lives in a parallel universe: born in a poor family, but smart and studied hard, got into Xiamen University, Finance department. Got a job in China, business traveled to India, met Raj for the first time. In a year Raj traveled to Xiamen to meet again. Both fell in love. Against all of Momo's friends and family's will (because India is extremely poor and backward), she eloped with Raj to India. Only to find out Raj already had 2 extremely beautiful and good-body-shaped (big boobs big asses) Indian wives at home, and a bunch of sons already produced. But Momo didn't mind, she just loved Raj so much, with all the cells in her body, she just wanted to be Raj's concubine (my pronunciation: cucumber)... bla bla bla... 

Oh eventually Momo was so brainwashed and she started to enjoy the bad air and pollution and all that nasty stuff in India, her life can't live without it. She even said India is the best country in the whole world. She loved Indian trains that crawled with millions of people, even the roof was filled with people, she loved Indian slums, and she defended the Indian caste system because she enjoyed using illegal child laborers, she thought she gave them jobs and fed them. 

And she even wrote online and started to defame her own motherland. That's why a Xiamen University graduated, eventually she got physically abused and dumped by her Indian husband and mother-in-law. 

When she was running away from filthy India, she got rejected at the Chinese border and sent back to India to continue enjoying her concubine (my pronunciation: cucumber) life. Because she forgot how to love her motherland - China, and she lost the qualification to be a Chinese anymore. 


***

SP: "This is so sad and scary at the same time! Sorry to hear about this Momo! I am sure it takes a toll on your mental health! 😞 But you should report these just to take a stand against fake news."

My Reply: Thank you S! My dad did go to a lawyer in China, just to ask, the lawyers' office said they can't do anything. There might be a law (or not) relating to this, but nobody is doing it because it's against propaganda and brainwashing. It's kind of political (because it's relating to the image of India, in current China, the image of India should be bad, bad Indian image is politically right, the government is behind it), nobody would do anything if it's anything remotely political. All there should exist in society is persecution and public shaming.

***





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*Is Internet Violence Truly Scary? https://feimoyu21.blogspot.com/2020/05/is-internet-violence-truly-scary.html 

*Why I regularly post the violent comments I receive? https://feimoyu21.blogspot.com/2020/06/why-i-regularly-post-violent-comments-i.html 

*A Poem - If I Could Stay, Why I Ever Leave? https://feimoyu21.blogspot.com/2020/10/a-poem.html 

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*With You By My Side, My World Lit Up Like A Northern Sky https://feimoyu21.blogspot.com/2021/03/with-you-by-my-side-my-world-lit-up.html 

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*[Twitter May-June] Internet Violence - Making a Record as How it is Unfolding http://feimoyu21.blogspot.com/2021/06/twitter-may-june-internet-violence.html


Video Playlist 

*Internet Violence https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzlsklOlfSJ5-2ZTPdF8xeBIZ1wEGg8vh 


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*China-India Border Tensions Bring Internet Violence To Chindian Family https://youtu.be/rlng22KPGEs 

*China's Internet Censorship and Violence 【21世紀文字獄】https://youtu.be/EoWGwqscwNo 

*The Most Violent Languages Usually Sent Via DM https://youtu.be/YrdHZJem6WI

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*[Twitter May-June] Internet Violence - Making a Record as How it is Unfolding https://youtu.be/JF2pxR5c9Xo

*21世紀中國式的黑白顛倒 指鹿為馬 閉塞無知 公開羞辱 侵犯私權 文革批鬥 21th Century Chinese Style of Public Shaming, Persecution, Defamation, Rights Violation, Fabrication of Complete Fake Information  https://youtu.be/6X-YiGiGaHY

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Tuesday, July 13, 2021

"宇宙盡頭的書店" by 江波 "The Bookstore (more of a Library but I guess using the word 'Library' might trigger censorship on the story) at the Edge of the Universe" by Jiang Bo

Besides western classic literature, now I think the love for sci-fi was also a key for me to be able to build critical thinking in my 20s. 

From when I was 8 years old, I was reading this then famous magazine called "Science Fiction World", 80% of the pieces would be translations of short to medium-length stories by foreign writers, 20% would be original works by Chinese writers. I would always finish within 2 days each month when I got it and would tape those dreamy space pictures all over my wall. 

However when I was in junior high and high, the school was tightening the control on students' reading lists at home, magazines like this were listed as "not favored and better restricted" (because people with too much imagination is difficult to rule), so my family forbade me to it. 

I still secretly purchased it from a neighborhood bookstore and hid it under layers of textbooks while reading. After I went to college, suddenly one day I realized it was very difficult to find that magazine in any store, the publisher as well went through rounds of regulation and censorship. I don't know if they continue to publish this magazine anymore in China or not... 

Found this book from that library that had a whole row of Chinese books. It was first published in 2018, a compilation of short to medium-length stories by one author. Between the lines, I was constantly looking for any clue to indicate that this author had independent thinking and would not be like the author of "The Three-body Problem" who was deeply poisoned by propaganda and stuck in the so-called metanarrative, using "the law of the jungle" instead of universal values as his measurement for everything in life (metanarrative宏大敘事和 the law of the jungle叢林法則 - brainwashing guidelines for Chinese intellectuals). 

I almost was discouraged to dig into his stories because of the preface. It was written by some people who held some governmental title in some writers' association. The whole 4 paged preface was total bullshit, praising how writers should adopt metanarrative writing style and why metanarrative is the only meaningful writing style in science fiction. The only sentence he forgot to write is "Metanarrative is the one and only writing method for us comrades who still believe in the revolution!!" oh wait, maybe he did write that. 

C'mon, we live in the postmodern world, only the totalitarian rulers are still forcing the grand narrative methodology into their people as part of the scheme for propaganda and brainwashing. 

Although this writer did state in multiple stories that "I don't like Americans" and he denounced "American imperialism", I wonder if he just used this as a practical tactic to bypass censorship. No wonder the moron who wrote the preface did sincerely believe this writer was truly aligned with their ideology. 

How hard it is to be a writer under an authoritarian regime right? Years of practice on how to cover up your true thoughts with propaganda doctrines, but still could let out a little ray of light, for the people who're longing for warmth. 

I guess I received enough of such hidden rays from my years of reading, therefore at the end, my eyes were only filled with light. 

The sad thing is as the control is tightening day by day, the young generations, where do they even find such stories to read?


"宇宙盡頭的書店" by 江波 "The Bookstore (more of a Library but I guess using the word 'Library' might trigger censorship on the story) at the Edge of the Universe" by Jiang Bo



One of his well-known pieces is called "The Dance of Shiva"

Tuesday, July 6, 2021

About books and all that...

Found a whole row of Chinese language books in this library, usually only libraries in universities have this many Chinese books. Took a close look, only one or two of these hundreds really caught my eye, like this one. 

First of all, they are all books with simplified Chinese characters, therefore I suspect this library most probably had received these books as donations. Secondly, the first printing time of these books is fairly not too long ago, most of them had been written in the past 20 years or so. 

There are rarely Chinese classics neither translation of English or other languages' classics. What composes this row mostly is chicken soup kind of literature soap opera or daily life topics that easily fall under pragmatism. 

There is no history (only some Chinese ancient history about different dynasties and emperors' gossips), especially no history of modern China or the modern world, no religion, no philosophy, no modern politics, no other countries' history and cultures. 

And there are a full 10-20 of them about how China is rising as a superpower in the world, mainly propaganda-style with not much content or logic. 

You know when I am looking for Chinese books outside China, I automatically scan for forbidden books, books that are banned by the government. There is not even one book in this library that is banned in China, it's surprising considering the volume of the collection.

I always remember every time when I landed in China from other countries, in the custom at the airport, they would order me to open up my suitcases, take out the books that they found in the scanning image, and check earnestly if those were in the list of forbidden books, or if the book titles were provoking or containing sensitive words. If the officers were not happy about the books, they would throw them away so quickly like killing viruses and preventing the spread. 

As long as you didn't bring back books like Xi or Mao and their mistresses, if it were just about Cultural Revolution, Great Leap Forward or Dalai Lama (well, I can't say about Dalai Lama books for sure) most probably the books would just be seized right away and they would let you go without further prosecutions. It was back then, I don't know about the situations now, maybe your pads and phones would be asked to be scanned and searched too, maybe you wouldn't be allowed to go so soon anymore. 

Well, I never got caught because I usually read forbidden books after downloading them online or directly on the webpage, and I don't keep them on the devices that came with me to China. 

If any paper prints of such forbidden books are found in bookstores or libraries while traveling outside China, that surely is the high point of the month/year. The other reason that I don't possess forbidden books is that they were only sold in HK or Taiwan, now only in Taiwan. 

Books like this one were allowed and popular in China across the board, especially during my college years. At that time Chinese were still looking up to democratic societies and trying to understand them. Now what I heard was libraries and bookstores all over China have been going through cleansing efforts led by the government, a significant amount of books have been seized and thrown out. 

I'm pretty sure books like this are categorized as "too western" and could inflict "traitorous thoughts". And it could even easily fall under the list of forbidden books or at least "unwanted books", considering what's been happening. 

How things changed too fast too soon....



Why I can't stand "Memoirs of a Geisha"?

"Memoirs of a Geisha" was available on Netflix so I watched it, but couldn't last till the end. I started it of course because I am interested in all cultures and respect all. But at the end, I just can't brush off the thoughts such as I feel like myself a Jew watching movies about how Hitler was a great vegetarian and painter and extremely disciplined in life... 

I mean of course, I don't mind who made the movie and why all Chinese women are leading actresses, and I am not on the side of the Chinese officials to ban the movie in China and using it for propaganda purposes and to arouse Extreme Nationalism. And I know, it's about an ordinary woman's life in special times under special circumstances and any struggling of life is respectable. But ya, I just can't stand it, to be completely honest. 

Why? You should know some more historical background to understand my position: Wikipedia -"The film's setting of the 1920s and 1940s covers both World War II and the Second Sino-Japanese War, during which a time Japan captured and forced thousands of Korean and Chinese women into sexual slavery known as 'comfort women' for Japanese military personnel. A different controversy rose with the mentioning of a Japanese soldier that had fought in Manchuria, China, as the geisha introducing the soldier referred to him as a 'war hero' in the film." 

As a Chinese woman, I just couldn't put aside the facts about thousands of Chinese "comfort women" as sex slaves and each of whom was raped hundreds of times a day by hundreds of soldiers and killed as easily as rats and cockroaches (rats and cockroaches were how Japanese militants defined Chinese and other Asians) by the Japanese war criminals in the exact same time and as the general historical background of the story. 

The movie is about women's life right? I know back then Japanese militants didn't consider Chinese as human beings, but ya, we are in the 21st century now. If there was a movie even just remotely relating to World War II, it would be about how brutal and wrong were the Nazis toward Jews, with no other options. But for Japanese war criminals, because they killed only Asian yellowmen who were non-whites, the world is much more tolerant toward them.... 

Not only about the sex slaves during the wars, the millions of lives that were lost, families broken, and a lost nation that was thrown into turmoil after turmoil after the brutal wars and evasions, this all made it very difficult for me to watch any movie which is about that period of time but took a very positive view toward the Japanese. 

I don't like to see any war criminals glorified in any sense, period.