Tuesday, February 21, 2017

对盗用我照片乱编故事的新闻的回应

大约从几个月之前就陆续有亲人和朋友在微信上分享链接给我,说“Mo,你怎么上网易头条了?”“Mo,有人盗用你照片。”打开链接一看,几张我的照片加一些简短的文字,有不少文章也用了其她女孩的照片,每次还都是像网易这样的正经新闻平台。随便瞄了几眼文字,好像最开始看到的几次还蛮客观,也很简短,说这中国美女远嫁印度,印度是个神秘的国度。后面几次看到的愈发离谱起来,故事编得一套一套的,前因后果都来了,一吃饭就被婆家人扇脸,一上街就被印度男人性骚扰,老公还劈腿找了印度女孩。 

说实话我一点都不介意,带着两个孩子天天又累又困,朋友善意发来的链接打开一看,最先注意的是自己的照片,“嘿,选的照片还挺美,那时瘦瘦的,Raj也还有头发,可以可以,不错”。孩子在身后又闹起来,赶紧丢掉手机。常常到后来忘记了回复朋友,隔一段时间孩子照片视频拍太多手机没空间,清空并重置微信,忽然再想起来,也都找不到之前那对话与新闻链接了。 

这段时间父母来帮忙照顾孩子,两位老人承包了大部分家务,于是我一下子挤出不少空余时间,上周已经有两个晚上溜出去和姐妹泡吧到下半夜。那天看到微信“中印恋人”群里有姐妹艾特我,打开对话框往上翻了几页,咦,好快,才两页就翻到了艾特我的对话,看到姐妹给我分享了个新闻链接,大家评论说这样捏造是非实在令人恼火。往常如果群里有人艾特我,想找到写给我的话,往上翻个半死,眼睛都花了,手指都发抖了还找不到,中印恋姐妹们太能侃了,话题一个接一个的聊。 

我打开这个链接,一篇网文,我的几张照片加一些简短的文字,照片竟然还把我的脸打了码,幸好当时年轻没生过孩子,身材还算匀称,值得一看。故事完全是编辑根据自己躲入洞穴几十年修炼出来的偏见和歧视胡扯的,想象力还不错,鸡毛狗血一地的实在感很强。趁两个孩子熟睡之际,我把链接分享到了微信和微博给朋友们看看。朋友纷纷为我打抱不平,建议我去投诉,几位亲人和朋友还真的为我评论并投诉了。 

感谢大家的关心,感谢大家为我生气。不过屏幕后面的我,一直觉得很滑稽,一点上火的感觉都没有。还记得那个很执着地和百度(污蔑)印度吧对着干的Momo吗?我觉得自己好像真的已经走完了一个比较偏激、火烈的人生阶段。现在回头看,我赞叹当时那个年轻Momo的勇气,她热烈、真诚,充满了正义感。她勇敢、直接,不低头不害臊地对外界表达着自己。当然她的想法时而幼稚,时而偏颇,但是她勇于挑战自己,不断地学习钻研、交流对话。她不断地探索和积累,相信人生是一个从低往高走的旅程。那个阶段,发生在我的二十到三十岁之间。 

我今年三十二岁了,不敢讲自己脾气变小了,但至少对于中国网路上关于印度的舆论这件事情来讲,心态已经相当成熟与平和。我仔细想想,这里面最重要的原因应该是因为自己和印度先生的小生活比较平和幸福。最初的那几年的确是不易,我和先生毅然决然私奔来美国,没有一个亲人在这里,远在中国印度的两方父母都无法接受我们的决定,经常在电话里哭哭啼啼。说服他们的过程漫长而坎坷,前后花了三、四年的时间,我们才分别办完了在中国印度的婚礼。生活艰辛,心态自然就难以平和。看到尖刻的评论会上火,看到污蔑的话就想去纠正。不仅在网路上发火,偶尔还把火气无名地发到先生身上。幸好Raj从小就充满自信,心态健康,最终他总能谅解并安抚我。 

到现在我和Raj已经在一起快九年了,我们有过夜夜笙歌的放逸不羁,有过恶言相向的不可理喻,有过刚愎自用的年少轻狂。我们一路紧紧拉着手,珍惜共同点,磨合不同处,一起成长,共同进步。刚刚度过二十岁的花样青春,接着又把两个孩子带入人世,开始了三十岁的魅力征程。任凭外界风起云涌,电闪雷鸣,想到我们自己的小家,心里就很安宁祥和,想到孩子们天真的脸,这世间便再没有不可解的仇与苦。 

我的先生一定要是印度人吗?当然不一定。我自小性子就很直,敢做敢为,有喜欢的男孩子从来不会埋在心里了事,常常主动表明。只不过缘分一直未到,也痛过也苦过也哭过,不是你的强求不来。而属于你的,不远万里总会有相遇的那天,在异域之地说着异乡之语,那张异于俗世,如此陌生却又如此熟悉的脸。这是缘分,不可解释,也无需解释。由此与神秘的天竺之国结下因缘,这一切也都是命运的安排。我享受这不可言状的奥妙,珍惜每一次与天竺之国的碰撞,向往与善良印度家人的相会。 

也许不少人觉得,嫁入印度这是遭人唾弃的恶运,但于我而言,中国也好,印度也好,巴西也好,俄罗斯也好,这只是一个人的标签,每个人的灵魂是独立于任何标签之上的。两个被标签禁锢住的灵魂,一旦寻觅到对方,他们将挣脱枷锁,合而为一,江水竭,天地合。怕印度的脏乱?就算是枪林弹雨,啮雪吞毡,也照样能活出旷世的精彩与甘美。 

可惜的是,这人世间并不是所有的灵魂都在等待涅槃重生,许多灵魂乐于被禁锢的现实,也不是所有的灵魂都有那样的命运能与谁合而为一,绽放自由。能体会到这份痴狂的我们,是幸运中的幸运,我们只想努力地牢牢抓住这份幸运,不让它逃走。道路越坎坷,终点越美好。 

这一路走来,我真的很感谢支持和鼓励我的朋友们。从2014年怀了第一胎,到现在第二个宝宝也快半岁了,三年之间博客更新方面相当于放了一个大长假。但是每隔几日仍会有朋友在微博或微信找到我,告诉我说喜欢看我的博客,从中受到鼓舞,并给我和家人送来祝福。我热爱写作,脑子里飘着的都是半熟不熟的句子与点子。我会坚持下去,把更多的印度还原给大家,拿更多的想法与大家分享。 

有人无法改变他们的偏见与歧视,并且拿我的照片来编写故事,旨在贬低和攻击印度,我能做的只有拿起我的笔,把更多的丑恶与美好,哭泣与微笑,冷漠与温暖,客观地给大家呈现出来。

 感谢朋友们的关注和爱护,我爱你们。

Thursday, February 9, 2017

To Shiva and Aditi - Letter From Mommy3

My beautiful children Shiva and Aditi,

Mama wants to keep a tradition of writing a letter to you every year on your birthdays, September of 2016 has long passed but I had never really got time to settle down to write. Now Gong-gong and Popo are here to help Mama, I am starting to have some time to myself.

My dear son, Mama sees that a fabulous human being is emerging from you. You have a really kind heart with a tender nature. There is so much peace in you (yes, you are a peaceful boy, even though you are like a tornado, jumping and running nonstop, leaving chaos behind you wherever you go). I have never seen you pushing anybody or taking toys away from other kids. I have never seen you being mean to anyone. If you are pushed or toys in your hand taken away, rarely you would react to it. You keep calm and move on to other available fun things to do, no fuss no mourning. However the mommies here are very nice and they protect you from their own naughty kids.

You are very conscious about sharing. Most of the time even when you are fascinated with what you are playing with, if I ask you to share, you don't mind at all. It feels like sharing indeed gives you pleasure, if not more, at least equal to the excitement toys give you. Mama is feeling very blessed, because you will understand one day, sharing and caring with an open heart brings only happiness.

It took you a few days to adjust to the arrival of your little sister. At first you were a little shocked and sad that Mama was fully occupied by this tiny crying alien. Luckily Papa, Gong-gong and Popo were on the mission to give you all the love and attention Mama couldn't give at that moment. You transitioned very well. In a really short period of time, you fell in love with your little sister like all of us, don't mind that you have to share Mama and Papa with her.

Now every morning when you wake up, you quietly come to Mama's bedroom, climb onto my bed, find your sister there, kiss her forehead and loudly chant "Bonjour" and "Hola" to her. And she laughs so hard as if she has been waiting for this moment all night long. The favorite thing for your sister to do is to watch you do silly things and laugh. Like when you are performing break dance, singing Chinese songs, patting balloons, jumping around or simply eating your dinner. She enjoys the most and laughs the hardest with you. You are also Mama's great help, you help bathe your sister, place blanket on her, rock her chair, put toys in her hands and you never mind sharing your toys with her.

Before the birth of your sister Mama thought that your coming back to this circle of life might be because of Mama or Papa. Now I am very certain that you and your sister were seeking each other. The connections you two had in your previous lives was unbreakable. Mama is feeling very lucky that I am your rendezvous.

I want you to respect each other. Respect and cherish the similarities, more importantly, the differences. You two are very lucky to share a space formed with both Ying and Yang. And from an early age to understand that all things exist as inseparable and contradictory opposites. This way of living would be very beneficial to you, because you would have a better understanding of the other half of the human population.

I want you two to always love and support each other, take care of each other throughout your life time. The reason that Mama and Papa want to have two kids is because single child could face loneliness. While the most common age differences among siblings are three years and up, we decided to have a two-year gap because we want you two to be in the same age group and develop intimate relationship. You and your sister will surely learn together, grow together, and enjoy the adventurous life journey together. Cherish this siblinghood.

My dear daughter, welcome to this wonderful world! Thank you for choosing me to be your mother, trusting me to nurture you, protect you and bring you up. I am feeling truly blessed. You are such a sweet and tender little human being. Every morning you wake up having a big smile on your face and make happy cooings. Whenever I smile at you, you smile back. You are always ready to give a good laugh to Mama's amusing facial expressions, Papa's comic sounds and brother's funny movements.

Actually when Mama was pregnant with you, I was overjoyed that you were going to be a girl, however I had no idea how it felt like to have a daughter. I have never heard about sayings such as "daughter brings mother glory", "your daughter will grow up to protect you", they are only associated with sons. While I was growing up, in the neighborhood I only witnessed baby girls being aborted or abandoned, or discussions about the abortion or abandoning of baby girls. I only heard about the sex techniques, the food to avert or to consume a ton if you want to conceive boys. I only knew families that kept having four, five daughters until they met a son, no other way round. Expressions like "girls are stupid", "women are useless" are commonly used. "Is it such an inglorious thing, having daughters?" Imagine that this was an actual question circling in my head sometimes, before I had you.

On the day when I was holding you in my arms for the first time, in the morning ray of a California sunny day, my beautiful princess, I finally saw you. You have practiced Kung-fu inside my belly for 40 weeks, my little Kung-fu Master. You are as precious as any baby to their mother. I saw your rosy cheeks and tiny nose, your frowning eyebrows and alert eyes. My thumb felt the strong grip from your fingers. Your hungry lips were searching everywhere to find Mama's nipples to latch on. I just knew that you were my baby who I would kiss a zillion times, tickle a billion times, who I would die a million times for, who I would love to the moon and back. I didn't need to turn you upside down and check if you had a penis, so to determine the way to treat you. And I feel deeply disturbed by the society that shames the mother so much so to cause her to lose the motherly nature of loving her own child.

Your eyes are big and shiny, every time I see your face, they remind me of the beautiful snake I saw in my dream. It was May 20th 2016, Mama was exactly 24 weeks pregnant with you. I had this magnificent and vivid dream that I think was about you. Something terrible had been happening in the forest, there was a snake gang made of ruthless and gigantic snakes, they killed each every innocent living. There was screaming and fear everywhere in the forest. In the dream Mama was a human being, hiding here and there in the forest. Although I was shocked and scared, I was brave enough to keep moving. Because I was carrying a mission. There was a suitcase I was protecting. Eventually I found an empty house in a safe place, stayed in there for weeks, with windows and lights shut in the night.

Weeks maybe months later, the owners of the house returned. They were two men with European accent. At the moment they found about me, I asked them not to be angry but quietly follow me to the room I had been staying. I had something to show them. They entered the room with me. I took out a box, opened it deliberately. A little snake was lying in there, slim and vigorous, red flowery patterns on dark shinning skin. Her eyes were big and shiny. Her face expression was soft and benevolent. She was a little female snake. At the sight of the snake, both of the men were frozen, as if they were struck by lightning. "She is THE one." "Yes, she is the one... wow, she is so beautiful..." They murmured in ecstasy. Yes, this girl snake was my mission, more valuable than my own life. I didn't remember where I got the suitcase that held the egg. I just knew I had to find a place to hatch the egg, protect the baby snake and bring it up. Because this baby girl snake was the one who was going to change everything, who would defeat the snake gang and bring peace and prosperity back to the forest. And everybody recognized this fact at the sight of her, even when she was just a few days old.

In the East, deciphering dreams during pregnancy is a very important part of the culture. Only two or three days after the possible conception date of your brother Shiva, I had a significant dream. It told me I was pregnant with a boy, he was Shiva. Two weeks later, pregnancy test showed me I was pregnant. Five months later, ultrasound result confirmed it was indeed a boy. While I was pregnant with you, Mama had waited patiently for the dream in which I get to see you.

My beautiful daughter, I have no doubt that that little powerful dark snake was you. The forest could be a nation, so you are its president. The forest could be a movement, so you are the leader. The forest could be a company, so you are the one to save it. The forest maybe just represent the hardship of life, so you stay strong and rescue yourself. That little snake was your inner strength. All you need is the freedom to dream. You need the freedom to consider different possibilities and the freedom to follow your heart. Mama will always tell you "Yes, you will be the first/second female president of our country if you want to." "Yes, you will be a respectful supreme court judge if you work hard." "Yes, you will win the world championship if you never give up." Maybe you are the Murphy Cooper in movie "Interstellar", who knows!

At times there might be people implying "Girls shouldn't be so naughty." They might ask "Why she keeps playing with those test tubes like a boy?" They might suggest "Your daughter should focus on something more girly." But how can they know you better than Mama? I am going to quietly turn away and keep granting you the freedom to believe in yourself. I think this is what every mother should do to their daughters.

My sweet son and daughter, your skin complexion is so perfectly brown, I am truly proud of it. It tells the story of Mama and Papa, the story of your origin, your identity. You should be proud of it too. However recently some voices emerged, telling you to be ashamed, telling you that you are not welcomed. In the year of 2008, Mama and Papa first came to this land, it accepted us as one of its own. It showed us the true meaning of diversity, freedom and equality. We fell in love with it. Soon enough we started to consider this land as our own and we fight to keep the values it holds. The unkind voices are a threat to these values.

Yes sometimes the world seems like it's getting darker. But we are at the most peaceful time of the history, at the most diverse and inclusive place one could imagine. Embrace this fact and be grateful. In human history, two steps forward usually followed by one step backward. The most important thing is we should believe in our ability to push it forward, to clench our fists and give a good fight. Nothing worthy comes without a fight. To prepare for it, be tolerant, be kind. More importantly, be positive and optimistic. When they go low, you hold up high. When the darkness is crawling in, you be the light and lighten up the way.

I love you for always
Mama
Feb 9th 2017

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Please Help to Save Lives in Narumu Village, Tanzania

I have been working on this nonprofit project for a while now, finally everything is put together and I can introduce it to my friends and ask you all to help.

This is a very specific nonprofit, it aims to help the pregnant mothers in a remote village from Tanzania. The name of the village is Narumu, it's on the slopes of Mount Kilimanjaro. The village has more than 226,000 residents, averagely 23 newborns everyday, but zero health care for women and newborns, there is not even one clinic equipped enough to deliver babies. Women and babies often die from simple infection occurred during birth. If there is unforeseen complication, there is not enough time to reach the hospital 50 miles away because no road and no transportation.

When I gave birth to Shiva at Alta Bates hospital in 2014, I stayed there a few days for recovery, that was when I met Dorothy Mboya, the woman from the village of Narumu, who desperately wants to help her people back in Tanzania. Dorothy was a nurse for postpartum at Alta Bates, she was telling everyone about her initiative and trying to get help. While checking my temperature and giving me painkillers, I also got to know her story.

It is not easy for a woman like her to start up a nonprofit organization. Believe it or not, there was no lack of people who tried to take advantage of her. To file the company registration documents, she paid 3000 dollars to someone who barely helped. A friend of a co-worker promised to open an Etsy account for the handcrafts made by women in Narumu, but ran away with the whole suitcase of precious handmade jewelries worth of 2000 dollars. However Dorothy wasn't put down and she did not stop trying.

To stick with a nonprofit at its very early stage, it requires a lot of commitment, also money out of own pocket. People come and go, progress was extremely slow. I was willing to contribute but limited by my experience. I remember we sent out bunch of emails to professors in Berkeley and Stanford in related fields, seeking advices and help. Most of them didn't reply, some of the replies were heartbroken. Luckily one professor replied to Sabrina, who is my best friend and a PhD student in Stanford, and he was willing to meet us. I had newly acquired the skill of driving around that time, and was still scared of driving on highways, but there was no other options, we had to go. Dorothy was watching the road and map for me, only a few months old Shiva was crying his heart out in the back seat, my hands were sweaty, my head was exploding. There were many trucks over passed us and horned us. Fortunately we made it to Stanford and back safely, it was also a very fruitful meeting with the professor.



The video I made of Dorothy telling her story. We recorded the video in Live Oak Park with my cellphone. Shiva was wrapped up on me so I had two hands to hold the cellphone. You can even hear Shiva cooing during the recording. 


After all this time, only Sabrina and I stayed and are still trying. We are still not sure about how to host the fundraising events, but at least all the information is put up together and that is sufficient to start with. We are raising money to build a Labor and Delivery Center for the 226,000 and more people in Narumu. You may not believe, but living cost in such areas is actually very high, because everything is imported. Therefore we break the project into four phases, for now we are acquiring $80,000 to make a very simple L&D center, only a few rooms with very basic equipment, so to give women a clean place to deliver babies, save their lives from infections. We are also raising money for preparing maternity bags to give to mother-to-be, the bag includes at least 3 months supply of prenatal vitamins, thermometer, bulb syringe, clothes diapers etc such basic postpartum care products. The cost of each bag is around $60.

If you want to know more details, please check our website http://www.tujengemaisha.com

The name of the organization is Tujenge Maisha, which means "Let's build lives". It is IRS registered. 

What can you do to help?

-- Share our stories and help rise awareness https://www.facebook.com/tujengemaisha/

-- Donate through Paypal  
    click here http://goo.gl/g49ekX  or  send directly to tujengemaisha2012@gmail.com

-- Donate used baby stuff - receiving blankets, clothes diapers, baby clothes, small toys etc (please contact me or Sabrina directly)

-- Contact us with advices or connection

-- Join us with your compassion and expertise 



Watch more videos about Narumu and Tujenge Maisha initiative


Thursday, April 28, 2016

First letter to my daughter Aditi

My dear Aditi,

How are you, my little Kung Fu master? You have been in Mama's belly for more than 20 weeks now, we are half way there to meet you. Where should I start? I have so much to tell you.

After we got to know you were a girl, your Papa and Fua Lipi picked the name for you. We wanted a powerful goddess name, because we didn't want your name to be any less than Shiva, your brother's. Thus here it is, the female Hindu goddess Aditi. According to Rig Veda, the oldest book in the world, "Aditi is Mother of the Universe, the Primal Being. Aditi is all the Heaven, Aditi is the space, Aditi is Mother, Father and Children. Aditi is all the Gods and Goddesses, Aditi is the five bases of creation. Aditi is all that has been and all that will take birth."(Rig Veda 1.89.10) Aditi is the one who creates each every living in the planet. One uncle joked on your Papa "Shiva is on the job of destruction, Aditi on the job of creation, what a match of siblings, no wonder your work specialized on strategy!"

We didn't get to know your gender on the scheduled 20th week ultrasound, we were informed 10 days earlier, due to an advanced DNA test. The DNA test is called Cell-free fetal DNA test, it estimates the risk of about 6 genetic mutations, base on baby's DNA, which is circulating freely in mother's blood stream. Because it directly investigates the fetal DNA, test accuracy is as high as 99%. The reason we did this test was because my 2nd trimester California screening (a mother's blood test on 16th week) for Down Syndrome showed a risk not that high, but higher than my age group (1/470). The fetal DNA test is a follow up option and non-invasive, when our doctor suggested it, we immediately took it. Before the DNA test was first available in 2013, if California screening showed a Down Syndrome high risk, which is bigger than 1/250 for women under 35 years old, mothers were usually recommended to do an invasive diagnostic test, to find out for sure. During the invasive test, a needle would be inserted into mother's womb to fetch some amniotic fluid which contains fetal DNA. This kind of tests cause a risk of miscarriage on later pregnancy (1/100) due to infection.

With a risk like 1/470 (1 out of 470 mothers with the same blood condition) for having a Down Syndrome baby, we would definitely be hesitant to take an invasive test to find out more, because there is a chance for losing the baby later on. Could I possibly be the one in the pool of almost 500 mothers? You never know until the baby is born. That is some serious fear to carry through an already tough pregnancy. Now the new fetal DNA test is available, it only requires 2 tubes of blood from mother, sufficient fetal DNA could be separated for investigation, the test result tells as much as the invasive test could tell. In our case, your DNA shows low risk, less than 1/10,000 for all genetic mutations tested, thus we are freed from the worrying of Down Syndrome. Our DNA test was conducted by a company based in silicon valley, it is a start-up genetic testing company, the Cell-free fetal DNA test was first provided by this company from beginning of 2013. Because the lab is so close by to where we live, from blood draw to getting result, it only took less than 4 working days. How lucky we are today due to the advanced genetic technologies.

But my dear Aditi you have to remember, we live in the most privileged place, we are among the most privileged communities. Our fetal DNA test costed $7999 without insurance, Mama and Papa paid $66 out of own pocket. California is the state that most of such genetic testing companies reside, and up to 2015 there were only 4 companies up and competing. You know how much Mama wishes that within a short period of time, genetic technology will advance much more, more labs from the globe will join the competition. New methods coming up, raw costs going down, tests will be made available and affordable to most mothers and fathers in desperate need. 

The ironic fact is, when we are sitting here talking about advanced genetic technologies, to a vast amount of mothers in this world, basic prenatal care such as regular checkups, ultrasound and vitamins; basic clean delivery materials such as gloves, suction bulbs, clean scissors; basic hospital facilities such as professional medical staff, delivering tables, lights and electricity are not accessible. As a result, infant mortality as well as maternity death rate are extremely high, life and death is still a everyday struggle. While we, who are embraced by all kinds of high-end technologies, have never for a second worried about losing the baby or mother before, during or after birth. Mama wants you to always have this in mind, and start to volunteer from a very young age.

Around two years ago, when I was 12 week pregnant with your brother Shiva, we did a 1st trimester California screening ultrasound to estimate the risk of Down Syndrome. We had the result right after ultrasound, it was extremely low, 1/10,000. When Mama and Papa were leaving the institute with relief, two medical staff stopped us, asking if we could help them. We agreed and followed them into a room. They explained that their company was a genetic testing company, they were currently conducting a research on mother's blood, hopefully in the future with a small amount of mother's blood, they could separate baby's DNA and obtain information of baby's health. Which means mothers would never anymore need to go through invasive tests that could lead to miscarriage. Why did they need me was because I was assessed negative on Down Syndrome and with an extremely low risk, also I was on my 1st trimester, my blood was valuable for their research. However the donation would be made anonymous and we were not able to view any result. Without hesitation, I was glad to help. They began to draw my blood, one tube, two tubes, three tubes...without telling us in advance how much of my blood they needed, in total of seven tubes were drawn from my right arm. Luckily I didn't faint. Less than two days later, my arm started to show severe bruise, the whole right arm was covered in dark black and purple, it lasted for more than three weeks before the bruise finally disappeared. Nobody remembered this incident until recently. Who could have imagined after two years, what I exactly needed was the availability of this genetic test, and I became a beneficiary from a contributor. Help and contribute will bring back good to you, much more than that, it will make you happy and worthy. Mama wishes you a happy life by giving.

Although it was only a short period of time we were worried, for Mama it was a scary ride. "Down Syndrome" had suddenly became a horror word for me, every time I saw it, my heart stopped a little. After reading about it for half an hour, your Papa already calmed down: "Most of such tests show a false positive, 1/470 is a very low risk anyways." However Mama started to put herself through some emotional trauma: "What if I am carrying a Down Syndrome baby? Should I keep her anyways?" "It is already more than 17 weeks, I started to feel her strong kicks from as early as 16th week, how can I ever let my own child killed?" "But if I keep her, can all of us take this burden? Can Shiva take it? What is the best for him?" "What if I want to make the cruel decision? Most probably I will change my mind at the last minute lying on the operating table." "I think I will keep the baby no matter what. I will protect her from all the discriminations." I cried like I was already holding my Down Syndrome baby. You know I would trade everything I have for your health, I would suffer a great deal myself to exchange for your well-being. Money, fame and fortune, all of that is ultimately weightless and meaningless, as long as you are healthy and happy.   

"What will you do?" I asked your Papa. " You need to calm down. I don't want to discuss about it this early, it's like worrying a plane falling on our head. You need to have faith." He answered, "No matter what your decision is, I will support you with all my heart." "You need to have faith." Papa said. Your Papa always has strong faith, and it has helped us through a lot of ups and downs.

When I received the DNA test result by email, I called your Papa immediately, I was shouting on the phone, "She is fine! She is fine! And she is a girl!!!" Papa and I both cried, we were overjoyed by the news of your health, as well as your gender. Yes, you are a girl, a girl that your Papa always wanted. Not all girls in this world are wanted by their Papas, you are indeed born a lucky one. During our 20th week ultrasound, Mama was lying on the table watching you from the screen, you are such an active little girl, you were moving, flipping, stretching and kicking nonstop like a true Kung Fu master. For a moment there I couldn't stop myself thinking how lucky you are. "A boy or a girl?" To a surprisingly large amount of parents, that is the only thing they ever care about for pregnancy. Although the gender is fixed at the moment of conception, it takes 20 weeks for a fetus to fully form his/her sex organ. Which means even around 18th to 19th week, a boy or a girl's sex organ could look exactly the same in ultrasound image, same size same shape, some girls' even bigger than boys'. To tell for sure it's a boy or a girl, one has to wait for at least 20 weeks. 20 weeks of developing, it's a little human being already, all of her organs are in shape, some of them already functioning. After 4 more weeks she would survive outside mother's womb under medical help. She has been hearing her environment for a month now, she would suck her fingers for fun, swallow amniotic fluid for practice. Maybe she already knows how to smile when you talk to her through mother's tummy. But a lot of healthy girls wouldn't survive after coming this far, their Papas and Mamas decide to kill them, just because they are girls, not boys. Looking at how lively you are from the screen, Mama can't stop thinking about the girls that were killed and being killed, and Mama can't help crying.

Yes my little girl, you will surely find out one day, the world you are going to be born into, it's not a perfect place for girls. It is not now, it has never been, and we can only hope for a better future. Till very recently, the world's most famous scientists, explorers, historians, artists, musicians, philosophers, rulers and leaders are 99.99% men, the world was only run by men. Men are still ruling the world no doubt, but after years of years feminist movements, in some parts of the world, women started to participate in roles such as making the rules. However if you look at the population, majority women in the world still have nothing to do with making rules but only to obey. Most of the time women are kept doing what "they do best", giving birth and taking care of offsprings and whole family, and by the end of the day, this turns out to bring them less and less respect. Being a girl, there is much more danger awaits, sexual assault and harassment, gender inequality and discrimination. Even a woman grows up unharmed physically and mentally, most probably she will be put down many times by men's ego later on in her life. Meanwhile, majority of men still couldn't bear to hear the word "feminist", which just means a normal person who thinks women deserve a better environment and they deserve equality, and there is so much to do for them.   

Mama is not suggesting giving birth to your brother and you makes me sad. In fact it is the most beautiful thing ever happened to Mama, I am grateful for each every second I am able to spend with you. Giving birth and taking care of your brother gave me a feeling of being complete. Now you, my dear daughter, we are going to have so much adventure together. I believe by looking into your eyes, Mama is able to find out the little girl in myself, by watching you grow, Mama is going to reflect myself and find out answers about life. I have always been a pessimist when it comes to the selfish and greedy nature of humans. Until one day when I was with your brother that I realized, a mother can never be selfish towards her babies. Selfless love and sacrifice, Mama believes that is the key for human race to survive. Now you see, women is such a powerful gender, mothers and daughters, even the whole world is letting them down, they can still generate endless love, to cure the world.

My dear creator Aditi, Mama wishes you grow into a powerful woman, powerful in a way that you are full of self respect and confidence. So powerful that you might get hurt sometimes, but you can always choose to forgive and choose to love like you were never hurt. The world awaits you to bring changes, and my Aditi, you are the change and you will make it a better place for everyone.

Love 
Mama
  

Friday, April 22, 2016

Under the moon

I open the curtains
a bright moon comes into our window

We lie head to head in the moonlight
You point to the moon "Muuun"
An airplane pass by, you shout "Wee Jee"

Mama sings "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"
      you stand up, jump around and follow "EE-Ah-EE-Ah-YOOO"

Mama sings "Row Row Row Your Boat"
      you are still jumping, and follow "Mer Mer Mer..."

Mama sings "When You Happy and You Know It"
      you stand there, look at mama, smile like an angel and start to clap your hands

......

Finally mama starts "Moon.... River...."
      you stop jumping, settle down, and follow "Why..."
This is our lullaby
Mama has been singing you this song to sleep even before your birth

When the song ends, you get up again, come to mama's face
On mama's lips, you put your lips down
A big wet kiss
Then you lie down back, tuckle yourself in

Mama has never had such a beautiful kiss before
You are the most precious lover in her life

--- For my one and half year old Shiv

Monday, April 18, 2016

Aditi


Aditi (Mother of the Universe, the Primal Being) is all the Heaven, Aditi is the space, Aditi is Mother, Father and Children. Aditi is all the Gods and Goddesses, Aditi is the five bases of creation. Aditi is all that has been and all that will take birth.

  Rig Veda 1.89.10 - The oldest book in the world


父母的爱

“这个世界上所有的爱都以聚合为最终目的,只有一种爱以分离为目的,那就是父母对孩子的爱。父母真正成功的爱,就是让孩子尽早作为一个独立的个体从你的生命中分离出去,并让他最终成为一个有独立人格的人。然而很多父母却忽视了教育最为重要的目标之一——培养独立人格,总喜欢干预孩子的一切重大人生选择,视孩子为自己一生的得意作品,到头来不过是养成一辈子依附于父母或他人的精神‘巨婴’。”