Disappointment [Roe v. Wade No.5]

Yes Raj was angry from day one when the draft was leaked. "Are you angry because you love the women in your life?" "Ya, partly. However, it's also common sense, no?" 

But Raj had always been hopeful. He truly thinks this will pass, and things will stop regressing but continue to progress. In fact, "it could be a good thing because in the wake of extremism of a far-right supreme court, people will start to push back. And you need to fight, go vote, well, in 2025 when you get the citizenship."

For me? I just can't. After many rounds of discussions, we indeed started looking for other options. 

I know, this specific law doesn't affect us at all. I will never get pregnant again and even if we need to, we can fly anywhere in the world. We will also make sure our children stay safe by educating them and keeping an open discussion. 

But the disappointment, the hope that is slowly dimed away. 

I know, I know it has always been a struggle, slavery, color discrimination, class discrimination, gender inequality, immigrant persecution, you name it. I know after push and pull, things move forward, I know in the long run, minorities do rise up and realize their rights. The struggle? It's the beauty of a true republic. 

The question is, do I want to risk being in the downfall if I have the means to be in a better place, for the sake of my children? 

I guess when the draft was leaked, a lot of us still held that small bit of doubt and hope. Now things are crystal clear, reality sinks in, people with capabilities, people who used to be global citizens, people who are not identified as majority in a society minority could potentially be persecuted or at least discriminated/ troubled, would start to look around and figure out. 

It happened before, it might happen again. 

Escaped from one of the biggest cults, I detest any form of authoritarianism, even just the smell of it from 5 km away. Religion, as long as it starts to dictate right vs wrong and strip away my own independent thinking and feelings, for me, they are all cults. Cults that are easily controlled or used by people, people who are as filthy as any old men now and before who ruled over others with absolute power. Most of them fell for greed and lust. 

I know, this is the ultimate curse of us humans who reside in the physical forms. And we are supposed to be stuck in the infinite cycle of ups and downs, rises and falls. Until the final destruction. 

But that flood of disappointment, I wish I could control it by reasoning, but I can't. 

Because I am a woman. I have lived my life through day-to-day sexual harassment, each uninvited touch was a reminder of our inferiority; I have to be regularly thrown under a bus and crushed by wheels, because of the change of hormones that dictates how I can feel and breathe; I have to sacrifice my body and all of my glory and aspiration so to bring other lives into the world and raise them up good, and for the exact reason, I am treated as unworthy, nonessential, secondary, not important, you name it. 

Is there any matter in this world more unfair?    

I had thought America could give me that protection and justice I longed for since the first time my childish pussy was grabbed at 8 years old. But I had been mistaken, for all this time. 

Can I bear to be in a place where I am constantly reminded as being one of the inferior, weak and stupid halves who don't deserve the same fundamental rights and freedom as the stronger, smarter and more beautiful halves? 

This question to me is yet to be answered.