Not in the mood for the New Year's Resolution video, will just write it down then. Meh, fine, as long as I put my mind into it :)
Can't believe one more year has passed! These turmoil times, these turmoil times... Things that happened merely a few months ago already seem blurry and murmuring, out of order, lack full perspectives. We have been unwillingly pulled into the middle of the swirl, constantly being pushed in unforeseeable directions. The only concept that has been consistent and progressed steadily is Time. In time, my children grew bigger and shinier, we grew older and paler; in time, chaos became peace, peace turned into chaos; in time, some of us gained more wisdom, some of us developed more unsettling senses; in time, nothing has been rectified, none of us has changed...
Well well, enough of the emotions Momo, just write your resolutions!
Hmmm, I think if I start writing, it will surely turn out to be just a piece of diary. Resolution or not, no guarantees....
1. The thoroughly planned UK trip has turned into a bubble. We were trying to grasp onto the last imaginary hope, but the bubble burst at its own will, out of anyone's hands. We had been monitoring the Omicron situation and everything looked bleaker and bleaker day by day. Just really don't want to be tested positive and be stuck in UK right before ending the trip, missing two weeks of my children's study, now that 24-hour testing is required to board the in and out flights. Also, the infection rate has been skyrocketing and this variant might turn out to be as deadly as all the other variants. Sigh, can't imagine what the world will become in two months' time. Will India go through another round of chaos and tragedy since the vaccine seemed lost efficacy toward the new variant? The world is gonna keep dividing in a bad way if only Pfizer and Moderna which are mainly produced by American pharmaceutical companies are up against the new variant. I really thought with multiple vaccines out from all over the countries, now we are together entering the last phase of this damn COVID.
My wish is that in the foreseeable future, the world could finally catch up with each other, with the help from rich nations to the poor. And no more deadly variants from less advanced nations where the majority of people are too poor to be taken care of. Please, Please, Please. When the rich and ignorant are abusing their freedom to refuse masks and vaccines, when thousands (maybe more) of vaccines are thrown away every day like garbage, the poor are desperately waiting for any kind of jabs to provide any kind of protection. When the rich deliberately chooses their misery, the poor are using all their might to struggle and beg to see another sunlight.
2. My parents have successfully taken the flight out from Shanghai, reunited with us after two years. They almost were denied the freedom to travel abroad and sent back to their hometown because of the abuse of authoritative power at all levels. Large populations have been denied access in and out of China, stay separated from their family. A few days after my parents' arrival, we took them to get Moderna even though they had two shots of Sinovac five months ago. Now two shots of Moderna are complete. Same as all of us, we four and Leena Noah had completed all shots from Pfizer. Now we just sit and wait through this round of Omicron turmoil, hopefully, schools won't be closed again after the new year. Then I will start preparing for my parents' returning trip to China, which could turn out to be ten times more traumatic than getting out. China is getting darker by the day, with the rest of the world falling in and out of unstoppable surges, gasping for air. The iron fist's grips grew tighter and tighter, penetrating into each and every living thing's body and brain, inside the iron walls.
My wish? I have no wish in this respect. China is gonna be what China wants to be. All I know is, because of all the miserable experiences from my birth country, now I am not able to hold up any respect for any form of authoritarianism. Governments, religions, organizations, individuals, I have problems with them all. Don't preach me with your one and only true male god, don't lecture me with your glorious achievements for the people, don't shake up anyone and make him/her the hero of my life. I take comfort in the existence of polytheism, I seek refuge in the society/community that is constructed to respect and tolerate, I will light up my own path to the stars and the garden of bliss, no one needs to shine on me.
3. With what happened to me in 2021, the Cultural Revolution thing? At this moment, I actually am feeling quite past it, thoroughly. Actually, I have never felt sad as such, mainly was shock and then amusement. Now my parents are here, we talked and talked and talked. I stood my ground and realized that they are almost aligned with me in many aspects. For example, agreeing on my and my children's identity/nationality. For example, agreeing on why the future of us four has to be here but nothing to do with there. I sensed that now, after 13+ years, my parents finally started to realize their respect for my husband. For firstly, I am not abandoned or divorced, instead, loved and pampered, in contrast to a lot of other family members, secondly, the educated Indians do get far, in spite of their humble family monetary backgrounds and "unfavorable" skin complexion.
Plus I am quite surprised you have followed my tracks to this far, in my dear diary? No matter how and when you found me, you must feel very amused by me in general, for whatever I say and whatever I write. And so many of you in Canada?! Yes, I have been trying to figure you out too, but absolutely no clue so far. Why Canada? I just couldn't put it together. Anyways, I feel immensely honored to have you instead of being completely alone in my dear diaries (it's not that I have any problem with being alone). I wish that one day, I might really write something up to put into a book, when I set up some bookselling and signing event, I can talk with you all in person. And oh, also, my other wish, please don't murder me.... (heart heart)
Ok, my new year's resolution turned into a new year's wish dear diary, anyways, whatever I write, right? Love ya.
