About wars

“Naturally the common people don't want war; neither in Russia, nor in England, nor in America, nor in Germany. That is understood. But after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.”
-- Hermann Goering

Waste Land (2010)

An eye-opening documentary. Very inspiring. Loved it.

And Moby's song, for me and you.

Hometown Glory

A song for "OCCUPYING BERKELEY"

Hometown Glory

   by Adele

下雨天

期待很久的雨天终于来了

躲在温暖的窗檐下

念着我多雨的家乡

思阁莫默
于伯克利
2011年10月5日

孩子 小诗三首

《孩子》之《天使》

多像一个天使

你一望他，他就咯咯地笑

就把小手伸开，朝你扑过来

也许所有的女孩都在心里默默祈祷

让我也拥有这样一个天使吧

＊ ＊ ＊

《孩子》之《父亲》

孩子的父亲接过孩子

顺势将孩子举过头顶

高高的

父亲的手臂、腰、腿，任何凡是能伸展开的部位

都被拉得直直

我悄悄地发现

他竟还踮着脚尖

父亲静静地举着他的孩子，并不是在玩闹

只是这么举着

父亲的头昂着，仰望着他的孩子

孩子啊，你一定是他心里最大的骄傲

＊ ＊ ＊

《孩子》之《思阁先生》

孩子的爸爸说：

思阁先生的考试是通过的，高分

思阁莫默
于伯克利
2011年8月11日

————————

后记：和Raj来到南加州，他开会，我度假。让他参加了这么一个NASA的会，参观了NASA的实验基地，他幼时的一个小梦想算是圆了。我呢，就乖乖待在酒店享受着我的夏日，疗养身体，每天晒几个小时太阳，泡几个小时SPA。

才一天呢，Raj已经俨然成为了亚洲区的小头头，把中国人、泰国人、越南人都聚到了一起，没想到这些“科学男”都是带着家属的。亚洲区的家属团似乎更加强大，从酒店的各个角落里，冒出各式美女和孩子。

小诗写的是越南人家的男孩，八个半月，不会说话也不会走路，揪心的水灵聪慧。

结识了几对中国夫妇，都和我们一般年纪（当然Raj总是年纪最小的那个），男生博士在读。和珊特别要好，每天中午一起出去吃午饭，下午一起泡SPA，大谈国事，两个小“愤青”，臭气相投。微博这么一闹，我们俩对“重大事件”的定义以及对单个事件所接收到的信息几乎是同质、同量与同步的，虽然平生素未谋面。看来真的是到了侬不死呃就亡的境地了。

长不大的孩子

长不大的孩子

不小心乌云密布，电闪雷鸣

他却将我紧紧揽进他自己的彩虹世界

在那里没有风雨、没有乌云，也没有黑夜

一个长不大的孩子

也许我心中深爱的

就是这个有着顽皮笑脸的孩子

      －－ 记思阁君通过伯克利PhD Candidate面试

思阁莫默
于伯克利
2011年8月6日

周末随记---又开始写诗了:)

玫瑰色的小花，你们在想着什么？

是否也像我一样在享受着阳光的温暖？

如果我的前生是一朵像你们一样的小野花，我会是什么颜色的？会出现在何方？

路边一个男人坐在车里，双手握着方向盘，凝视着远处。

汗吉君时不时地捏捏我架在他大腿上的光脚丫，问：
“在写什么呐？”
我抬起脸看着他，不说一句话。

车里的男人终于扭转钥匙将引擎发动，车开走了。

风很大，玫瑰色的小花们却一动不动，默默地齐望着我。

汗吉君仍在把弄着我的光脚丫，时而喃喃着什么，

时而追问那个还没有得到回答的问题：
“你在写什么呐？”

一对用法语在争论着什么的夫妇从我身后走过。

车流一秒钟都没有间断。
车里的人们，你们在赶往哪里？

一朵玫瑰色的小花悄悄地落在我的笔前，
我一惊：“嘿，我正在写你呢，你怎么跑到这里来啦？”

抬起头，迎来的是汗吉君顽皮的笑脸。

－－
续：之后去了Cheese Board Pizza，现场爵士乐队在演奏，把人弹钢琴的帅哥盯了好久，，，我们家马上也要有钢琴啦啊啊啊，这样就不用跑那么远到学校琴房练琴，也不会因为一时发懒而取消练习计划勒，，，

汗吉君的手机拍滴..... ^.^

Summer time in Berkeley

Summer in Berkeley is really nice, sunny but not that hot, a walk in the sun is always the best time of a day.

Raj is staying at home recently, preparing his interview for PhD candidate, I am taking summer courses in department of Art History, 3 mornings a week. The sunny afternoons, we usually go to a cafe, sit in the sun, have two cups of Chai Latte, what a way to spend our time.

We will go check up the pianos after his interview in August, one second hand piano will cost us around 500 to 600 dollars. He suddenly told me the other night: do you remember that I have promised you a year ago, before we getting a bed, I will get you a piano (right now we are sleeping on a mattress).

Yes people say no matter how much you are in love, everything will fade away after a few years living together. Somehow it still hasn't happened to us.

Raj is like a black sweet candy, always so sweet. At least two times a day, I am staring at him, also imagining my future kids, have the same cute cheeks, same cute noses, same sweet smiles, crying out loud for a kiss from me :)

La Vie en Rose

Just found this fantastic music video, love it a lot...

If the streaming version of "La Vie en Rose" was available in Netflix, I would like to watch it for a few times more.

Watched "The Piano" again the other day, also "Before Sunset" and "Before Sunrise", so happy that I can watch them on-line in Netflix. There are not many new movies I like nowadays, what I was crazy about in college, stays in my life.

Although Raj's complain about being forced to watch this kind of "chick-flick" always ruins the last moment, he was seriously looking for a second hand piano in Craigslist today...

Suddenly remembering the days while we were just falling in love, spending hours in the piano room of International House of Berkeley, he sat besides me, quietly, listening to me play.

Also remembering the trip to Vienna, a city full of music, during the concert, I almost cried... That was before I met Raj. I hope Raj will keep his promises to bring me to more concerts and musical events.

People keep telling me that "you need to have your own life", "you shouldn't be so dependent on somebody", when I finally started to think it over, the first thing I was looking for was the music that left in the dust. Maybe sometimes life is just about finding a balance.

But I will always be dependent, like I always were, since part of the definition of the word "Love", means this to me.

Amazing girls in my life :)

I am feeling sooooooo happy and proud of all my female friends and baby sisters that everybody is making big progress in life and showing guts on chasing their dreams.

Their existence only, already making this world a better place.

This song is for all the girls I know and love: girl you are amazing, just the way you are ♥ :)

Here comes the new year 2011

Sorry that it's been a very long time since I wrote blogs here, in English.

My personal blogs, I was busy with the Chinese one, where I share my feelings of being a girlfriend of an Indian boy to get more respect from Chinese people and discovered the awesome groups and individuals such as "marry-to-Indians-Chinese-girls", "Chindian-mixed-blood-babies" or "we-are-Chinese-who-love-India" etc. I made a lots of friends and had lots of fun.

From the time that my Chinese blog attracted thousands of clicks everyday due to CommonWealthGames pictures posting, to the time that I had to deny the allowance of comments for almost 3 weeks due to unbearable nasty comments, to the time that more and more and only the people who are looking for and sharing supports are visiting my blog and leaving warm-hearted comments, not a bad job indeed :)

Checked H's blog this morning, suddenly remembered the hard time I've been through while I was also a very sensitive and easily heart broken little girl who was stubbornly looking for something, something almost unreal, in this realistic world. Now that at last I am in some safe hands, which hands are holding me, protecting me like what I wished for :P

But being a girl like me, I have to be out of my mind occasionally.

Incidents like the "Midnight Cat Incident" happen to me all the time. By the way, I saw the cat again in day time, his name is "Mookies", I will name whatever petted animals I will have Mookies: Mookies the junior piggy, Mookies the crazy cow, etc, someday.

OK, there was something like this happened at new year's eve. Since I was in THE period that any normal guy who has a girlfriend fears, my "outraged" behavior was actually not so unreasonable.

We were partying at SF a friend's place, almost like a night club without checking your ID, high. Raj the poor guy got allergic out of nowhere and I was sitting with him outside the cluby apartment, high. Suddenly I got mad for no reason and directly moved out into the dark street by myself. Raj didn't follow up immediately. So I kept on walking, in my trembling steps, in the shady street at 2 or 3 am. Those frequently happened incidents such as people being robbed and shot to death after coming back from a night out never got into my mind, I felt my bravery, backed by some anger, some sadness, some bitterness, some desperation.

The next thing I remembered was sitting on the stairs in front of a dark building, I had no idea how far I had walked, the whole street was dark and soundless, I didn't know where were I, I left my head buried into my laps, I think I started to feel the fear. Then they came, 4 girls, stopped and asked me if I was ok. That was all I could remember, they were 4 girls, I couldn't remember if they spoke English or Spanish or French or Chinese, I couldn't remember if they were white or black or brown or yellow, I couldn't remember if they were fat or thin, dressed up or not, drunk or sober, the only thing I remember was that they were 4 girls, asked me what happened, invited me to walk with them to eat some tacos, hugged me while I stood up. I remember hugging all of them, the closed up image of one of the girl's face is still there, a pair of caring and watery eyes, a handsome nose, in the darkness. That's all I could remember.

So I followed them, in my still trembling steps, I couldn't remember what did they talk about while walking the long street, but they were talking about something. After walking for a while, at a street cross, something suddenly got into my mind and blinked, I recognized the street I came from and told them that I had to turn right to this street, they all stopped, asked me if I was sure, and wished me: ok, girl, good luck, and be safe. They hugged me again, all 4 of them, the only thing still in my mind is the closed up image of one of the girl's face, the same girl, it was really beautiful, a pair of caring and watery eyes, a handsome nose, under the orange street light, brightly.

After some more trembling steps, it came the running Raj, almost slapped me, said he went back to get my coat and got scared that I disappeared...

I started crying, crying out loud as if it was from deep of my heart, as if without alcohol this part of bitterness would always be hidden but never be unveiled. I told Raj that I missed my mom, my family and my friends, I missed the life in China, I was feeling lonely here in the US, I told Raj about the 4 girls and started to cry even more since they saved my life.

After I got a little bit more sober, I told myself, no matter when and where, if anybody needed help, I would give my hands without hesitation. I know most of the time, it's just a kind smile or a nice "hello", that could change some other people's life.

Yes, it's amazing that a new year again comes, while writing dates, we have to get used to 2011 instead of 2010, earlier it was 2007, 2008, 2009... Time flies fast while life goes on, sometimes I want to hold on to the past memories, sometimes I get confused with where to go in my life, but most of the time, I wish I am just this kind of a silly girl, who could give a kind smile and a nice "hello" to anybody who needs it.

Happy new year my friends, enjoy the life :)