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野鹤

野鹤保留有前世的记忆
她仍骄傲着自己完美的身体

低低地徘徊在湖面上
阵阵眩晕使她窒息
那块被压塌的草皮
是否是她告别前世
告别了他的伤心之地？

曾经的珍珠项链早已散落
几颗化作泪熔在心里
其余的随着羊群的迁徙踏进了土里

盘旋在山顶那座熟悉的小木屋上
是他吗？我的王子
你仍旧美丽
我的裙摆是否拉平？我的发髻是否动人？

黑色的枪口后温情不再
野鹤欣慰地闭上了眼睛

一粟

于厦门大学

2003年12月

＝＝＝＝＝＝

生命的滑轮

生命的滑轮一刻也不会停息
我一如牢牢抓紧轮轨的蚂蚁
任由滑轮的转动将我拉近或
抛离地面

被抛到高高的云端
一时间竟忘记了曾那么贴近花朵的
感动

不是我健忘
只怪我无力的细肢不可能改变
滑轮的转动

一粟

于厦门大学

2004年9月14日
给我自己

＝＝＝＝＝＝

一粟

下了一夜的雨，早晨醒来，浮肿的眼睛被风铃反射来的阳光晃得睁不开，第一缕阳光。一粟眯起眼睛望着洒满阳光的窗台，嘴角露出些许欣慰。

她走到镜子前抚摸着自己的脸，一丝憔悴，但她给了自己一个微笑。一粟换好运动衣，跳动着，迈出家门，沿着小溪边的鹅卵石小径开始晨跑。

淡白的雾气在阳光下激散开去，一夜清雨后，溪水边的芦苇划出荧荧绿意。溪上石板桥的小坑洞里，未蒸干的水涡泛着亮光。远处几家农舍零星散落于绿野，时而懒懒地升起几缕清烟，溶进白雾里不见了踪影。身后的层层远山虽绿意正浓，却也起了一丝翠意。

一粟深深地呼吸，有节奏地踏在鹅卵石上，整个世界也随着脚步在脑中上下晃动。溪里一群白鸭子悠闲自得，时而扑腾起翅膀，似乎与翠林中的鸟儿呼应，一点也没有因为一粟的到来而受惊。

呼吸虽然急促，一粟的心却已不再沉重，不远处田间绿苗里忽地飞腾出一只白鹤，有着天一样纯净的白，不沾染半点泥渍，一粟也忽地有了一种飞翔的感觉，仿佛那飞起来的不光是白鹤而是她自己。

或许这种感觉早就该有了，如此美丽的早晨从她生命开始时早已伴她左右，为何直到今天才学会让自己的心与白鹤齐飞？又或许是没有经历过真正穿透心的痛楚才不懂得之后的轻松与解脱吧。

不论怎样，过去的终会过去，此时再叫她重去感受那些浓黑深重的夜，感受只留下半边天空的孤寂与害怕，感受曾痛到无力正常思考的心，她似乎找不到一点头绪。

没结果的爱，再千番呼喊，只能眼睁睁看着它走向消亡。唯一遗憾的是从未握住过他的手，但如果曾贴近过他的脸，心还会如此激荡吗？

不论怎样，此时的她已忘记了为何要祈求黑夜不要降临，温和却热烈的太阳光束带走了一切阴霾，夜晚不再是将所有都掳之一空的强盗，一粟知道，还有月亮留下来陪伴她告别不眠。

早晨就这样来临了，无论焦灼着煎熬着度过的夜晚有多长，早晨终会来临。

一夜的吵闹后，清早的万物归于宁静，那瞬间跳起在地平线上的太阳将整颗心撑得开阔起来。是太阳的定时升起让她知道这个世界还有永恒，而那撒遍万里的光芒让她了解生活可以同样宽广。

是啊，生活何其宽广，太阳永远不离左右，一粟调整好步子继续跑向温暖的朝阳中。

一粟

于厦门大学

2004年9月

＝＝＝＝＝＝

墙的拐角

我是一个混血儿
靠在墙的拐角
两面墙的阴影在背上重叠
穿透了低垂的脸

我左手举着空白的纸
右手捏着犀利的羽毛
——战斗的唯一武器

墙的棱角抵痛着背
右手的羽毛碰不到左手的纸
那羽毛曾经勇敢，曾经抖擞
那纸已经开始泛黄，边角起了皱意
他们不愿再结合
不像我身体里高尚的和卑劣的血液

一粟

于厦门大学

2005年3月15日
床头灵感突至的作品，非常喜欢

＝＝＝＝＝＝

怪兽

心中有一个怪兽
只有思念能折磨它
像针尖穿透它的灵魂
它撕扯着头发，捶击着地面
尖锐地，疯狂地，歇斯底里

可是你永远看不到

只要你能看到
我随风轻轻歌唱的
泪

一粟

于厦门大学

2005年

＝＝＝＝＝＝

图书馆的落地窗

新图书馆三楼面对湖的这片落地窗是我的最爱。

今天起了个早，选到一个视野开阔的位子。在阴雨了好久后，天第一次放晴，心情不错。现在是早上九点半，我刚从一大堆会计数据里钻出身来，正呷着热开水，坐着看窗外的风景。

九点半是上课时间，馆前光与影的交错下，路面洁净得有一些发白，偶尔一两个背书包的单车低低而过。两侧的自行车堆黑压压一片，像昨天一样地摆放。矮矮的花圃里还只有一些暗黄微红的叶子，一种我叫不出名字的植物。边上寂寞的四角街灯在初春毫无掩饰的阳光下特别泛白，高高瘦瘦，颇显孤独。

不远处曲折的小径由工整的大理石块过渡到杂草四蔓的土路，向对面那个原始的小岛延伸而去。岛周围仍旧是乱石散布，大的小的石块，略带些灰的土黄色与后面秃山上点点条条的暗绿相映。乱石脚下的湖水也还是浑浊寂静，似乎和山坡上灰多于绿的草坪一样，尚未找到春天的感觉。

我低头呷了一口开水。身后突然传来几个女生压低的嘻笑声，我转头一看，照进馆内的阳光异常明亮，不知什么时候书架上下已人头攒动。放下热水杯，窗外突然明亮的阳光重又把我的目光吸引。思绪才离开几秒？玻璃窗外的风景已有了如此变化：

大红的，明黄的，艳绿的；衣服，书包，太阳伞；一个，两个，四五个；骑着车的，抱着书的，拉着手的。馆前这片干净的大道俨然成了一张画纸，不知是谁已在瞬间完成绘画。

如此简单地，绚丽的青春色彩覆盖了一切灰暗底色，或许这就是我最爱图书馆这片落地窗的原因吧。

一粟

于2005年4月
想拿着参加“文体大赛”的，被淘汰

＝＝＝＝＝＝

未完成的画

又是一幅未完成的画
随着灵感的到来竖起画板
挤出颜料
用嘴角满意的微笑开始了旅程

画架就置身于景物中
画笔却并不清楚哪里是终点
看似信手拈来的笔端
总也绘不出曾环绕耳边的小调

一层又一层的涂抹
用仍不满意的色彩盖掉曾不满意的
哪有恒久的灵感不会被掩覆
转瞬即逝的美丽
终要投降于内心的空白

年轻而浮躁的心
只能又留下一幅未完成的画

今天画选修课的油画

一粟

于厦门大学

2005年

＝＝＝＝＝＝

星光下起舞

在海风中唱歌
在星光下起舞

* * *

一阵清清的风
能否吹来你靠近的目关
飘零的叶子
何时能找到你的方向

仰头轻叹
上帝啊
让两颗心靠在一起
下一秒才不会孤独

伸出手去
怎么才能抓住
你在哪里......

* * *

地平线上
你的小船驶向我的方向
在风中幽幽摇曳
担心,紧张,害怕
距离仍旧遥远
何时才能相遇

我也在拙拙前行
尽我最大的努力飞翔
海风中已留下我的呼吸
想听见你轻声的呼唤

你的呢喃细语
温柔而深沉
像烟 不散得环绕我的耳边
虽然从来不是为我而唱

我要怎样努力
无奈也只能听从天命

* * *

天空飘过一片洁白的云
那是我的微笑

可是匆匆
还来不及倒映在你的湖里
已被吹走

无人知道
我默默的叹息

* * *

飞机滑翔而过
留下一道白线

曾经是伤口
现在已隐去
散作云随他而去

* * *

为何还要有期望
其实从未真正走远

* * *

我想我愿意
做你爱情的傻瓜

我是这样的我
你是那样的你
一样的幼稚与可笑

那些永远难忘的言行
让我暗自低头窃笑
留在了我的回忆里
是我对爱情的唯一体会

不由控制地打翻碗碟
按错各种按钮
被地板滑跌
只因在你目关下
我成了你爱情的傻瓜

* * *

为何又见你灼灼的目关
明明知道我无法抗拒
也很清楚不会有结局

* * *

一只寻找大海的鱼儿
迷失在你无底的眼神里
它以为它已到达
梦中那片温柔的海洋
靠近才发觉海水冰冷而陌生
要它如何幸福地畅游

你的眼睛 写着什么
为何没有它要的海洋
你的心里 藏着什么
掀不起包裹它的浪潮

* * *

六角型

灰色金字塔悬浮在城市上空
破裂的砖块下刻着隔世真言
寻找一个使者去开启尘封的历史

一只鹰划过头顶
呼唤我抬头

金字塔换上了金色与我的凝视相接
等待一个回答

我被人群从背后推醒
束一束风衣
继续敢前方的路

* * *

飞翔,飞翔
像一只鸟儿
心在飞翔

一只又一只 遇到了他们
但都只是擦肩的美丽

总有那么一片陆地吧
我将着陆的地方
等待我已久
我将安静地收起翅膀

一粟

于厦门大学

2005年05月

＝＝＝＝＝＝

你的蓝天

从来都是理所当然地接受你的爱
自诞生的那天起
教会我笑,教会我哭,从未想过要离开

娃娃日记厚厚的三大本
我的记忆比别人多
第一次哭泣,第一次睁眼
第一次说话,第一次迈步

天下哪有这样细致的父亲
像往雏鸟嘴里塞食物一样
我的每个小口袋里都塞满你的爱

你的眼里闪着光芒
无论我高兴地,撒娇地, 赌气地还是害怕地
叫着爸爸

永远记得躲在被子里偷偷流泪的那个晚上
你发现时都慌得不敢问原因
可爱的女儿竟因为爸爸要出差几天伤心了一晚
那时你满足的表情就像天下最快乐的农夫


从何时起,你不再整天抱着我拿胡子扎
不再闭着眼睛使劲揉我的耳朵
不再让我随便爬上你的膝头

你一把把我推开
告诉我要长大了
其实我依然看到你包裹我的眼神
躲在背后悄悄注视,哪有一刻愿意离开

有一天我信誓旦旦地说要远走高飞
去证明我的翅膀可以飞翔
已经忘记了当时你的表情
嘲笑着却有点悲伤
有一种稠稠的感觉,好像那天喝的土豆汤

接受变化总是需要时间
当你终于不情愿地承认了我的变化
看到你的小鸟可以自己立起双脚颤颤巍巍地踱步
你不再一天一个电话
看看我在做什么

又是一个失眠的夜晚
什么事情让我心慌
好久没接到你不知要说什么的电话了
记得刚到大学的第三天听到你声音时眼泪怎么也止不住的尴尬

白天受了委屈
心却从未被抽空过
你的爱是我心里最坚硬的柱子
再大的风雨也无所畏惧

夜晚降临
安静地闭上眼睛
我什么时候飞出过
你这个画家为我绘制的蓝天?

* * *

父亲给的爱是我生命中第一次对爱的体会，沉默而深邃的眼神写着的爱我可以用一辈子去体会，从来都那样包裹着我，没有一刻让我受冷。长大的女儿却像患上了健忘症，多久才停下来想一想真正值得自己去关心的人，父亲头上悄悄长出的白发我是否找到心情去细细体会？想要找回曾经任何时候都能从心底涌上的感动，却因距离有些力不从心。
但我知道自己这只鸟儿是离不开家的，总有一天，我会回到自己来的地方，和所有我爱的人一起，过着平淡却精彩生活……

一粟

于厦门大学

2005年06月

Fire and Ice

Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction,
Ice is also great
And would suffice.

Finally a sunny day :P

Amando and his buddies from heater company fixed our broken heater, actually replaced the old one with a brand-new one. Now this new machine makes this noxious steel burning smell, it makes me faint, but I am happy.

Because I like Amando and his buddies who speak Spanish among themselves but very nice to me :)

They are Mexican-Americans, I like Mexicans. Last time the Comcast guy was also a Mexican, we talked about Raj and his Japanese ex-girlfriend, he likes traveling too. He has whole set of internet + tv + fix phone service at home for his Mexican girlfriend who watches a lot of soap opera. They also travel a lot, wishing to travel to Asia, of course I said I am dreaming of traveling to Mexico someday :)

I like Oakland, in the bus stop or in front of some store or some street corner, there are always a 'hi' or a waving hand or a smile, I do the same back with pleasure.

This is the charm of this place, no matter where you come from, what do you do, you have a new identity in this new land, thus more and more people will be attracted to come because of the open arms.

It's totally different from what happened in Swiss who banned building of minarets on mosques, no?

According to me, it's the local's problem. There was no such a beginning that they embraced any people with weird shapes, so there was no beginning of the participation to the local activity from the side of the weird shape people, so there was a beginning of dissatisfaction and fraction for example they don't communicate with a same language but using out original abilities such as discriminating or having babies, so there was a beginning of banning and kicking out from the powerful side, so that eventually it would look like there is no trail of the weird shape people who once lived there. Bravo! Dreams realized! However it won't be so easy, you need a little bit nuclear to realize the dream.

I am happy also because I am encouraged by my professor, my professor !! :)

Ya I am at the beginning of something, something I dreamed my whole life of starting, something I practiced all along to kick off, something left from those ridiculous dropping decisions, something almost being nipped off while it was a bud, something became even stronger thanks to the abuse, something good ;P

Blue morning

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiK61Wq_jgo

You belong to me - Jason Wade version

**

The heater is broken this morning, Amando is trying to fix it now. Raj and I were woken up by chill. The cold and wet weather makes me pretty cheerless.

Plus I saw some articles shared by friends in "Chinese facebook".

This beautiful song "You belong to me" edited and republished by Jason Wade, a guy with the voice which could kill any girl.

Although I can fully dive myself into his voice and understand what he is murmuring by knowing what is in my heart, I am cheerless. Just like I am outraged, disappointed and feeling helpless most of the time even without such a weather.

If I stayed, can I ever get anybody with this wild mind and limited time spending on making myself pretty? Of course I can easily have somebody when most of the people are lonely enough, but will I be considered seriously as candidate Ms. gf who could be taken out as a showoff? I will for sure lose the battlefield of being shinny and spicy with smoky shadow over the rim of my eyes, a fake but mature smile in the corner of my mouth and precious experience of buying expensive handbags which deserves to be shared. The best scene will probably be that me in the dust corner with a gleaming smile and too "radical" thoughts nobody dare to share. The worst scene, hmm, most probably that after some years I will be replaced by a younger prettier cutter and better body figure girl who knows how to play wii.

Yes I exaggerated it. But I definitely don't want to try it. What I have now, it's a realized dream (it still needs time to say though :).

How can the people possibly well follow the materialized style of life while they don't have any faith and ethics anymore in the blood?

If a society would easily disappoint a moral woman only because she has smaller eyes and wider mouth, where would be the future of this society?

There is no place that we could go back, neither move forward, as long as people are blinded.

First English blog

Yes my English sucks.

But I have to try.

Raj always encourages(scolds) me, saying the best way to improve is to write, since I really like writing (in Chinese).

Today saw Chinu's blog which recorded a small but touching story happened in her medical college, to be honest I am infected, I have to join you guys, Chinu, Abhay, KGP guys...

hmmm of course we have stories, tons of them, only thinking of using this spot to expose some takla's brutal behavior makes me happy :P

Raj and I are together for...1 year 7 months and 9 days...lol that is not short ! But it still feels like we are in the relationship honeymoon (basically the first 2-6 months of a relationship) all the time...I hope this is not too wired for normal couples.

Now he is shouting at his reading assignment from geo department, social geography courses seem like really driving him crazy...non art guy...if it was me I definitely would enjoy the theories (except the English-reading-speed part) and the talks with social geo people...they are the hardliner protesters, even start to make a study group out of the recent protests...respect !!

Protest, hmm, when I arrived at Berkeley, I started to know what protest really is, just like when I got out of China, I started to see a true China, when I met this Indian guy, I started to know about some facts about India. Lol, my education... no complaining tonight, today is some Indian education festival.

Writing makes me happy, just like reading funny Chinese articles makes me happy.

By the way I start to learn Hindi now, every language is a beautiful language if your motivation of learning it is beautiful (I guess people say French is beautiful is mainly due to the sexy and wild French girls). Hope I could successfully capture the right accent of Hindi and making jokes with my dear Indian friends :)

The sad thing is, I guess I am not beautiful enough to make Raj feel that Chinese is beautiful, he always has this learning bias while learning Chinese, saying language is not his cup of tea, so guys, you have to give him pressure, otherwise how can he communicate with my parents... :|

Ok, first English blog in this place, wish I can keep on doing this and tell you guys all the funny stories happening in our life...except...when I am in China there is no access to blogger.com, and no access to docs.google, and youtube.com, and facebook.com and and and...anyways, this is normal, my country, a door-shouting-down fan...let's just wait and see what will happen this time.

Raj is shouting at his reading assignment in Hindi !! God I have to remember this sentence and use it in the future ..

Good night ^.^