I have something interesting to share with you all. As a lot of our friends know, my son loves to build from the beginning. His favorite toys are building blocks, train tracks, lego, magnet blocks, puzzles, anything that he could build and create. He is always known as the "little engineer". Meanwhile, my daughter rarely showed any interest in any of her brother's building toys. Instead, she picked the soft toys that her brother seldom touched. She treats them as her "babies" and takes care of them.
I had never worried a thing, because my house is not "pink-blue" marked, meaning all of my kids' toys are gender-neutral, our attitude towards them also gender-neutral. My daughter likes to play with her "babies", she is also wild and full of energy, her other favorites are reading, sports and being mischievous, she is emotionally very mature, she is perceiving and expressive.
But when parents compare notes, you sometimes would hear a little disappointment or concern toward girls' choice of toys. "Why she only likes her dolls?" "We are trying to make her play more of the building blocks." "Well, boys are boys, girls are girls." And in my house, a few times we heard comments like "Aditi, stop playing with your 'babies' and build something with your brother!" "How can you guys let her play dolls all day long? I don't want her to grow up to be unintelligent."
Now this is a very interesting aspect. Most of us literally was raised up in patriarchal society, up to today, large of us still live in such mentality and environment. This is where the "males-who-do-engineering > females-who-Only-nurture, engineering > nurturing" mindset rooted. Well, there are obviously other angles to it, for example, the popular campaign of "STEM" or "STEAM" education that promotes Science, Technology, Engineering, Art and Mathematics.
As you can foresee, while my daughter is growing out of her infancy, the pressure of making her play with "engineering type of toys" is also growing. I would sit her down and (almost forcefully) teach her puzzles, sometimes on the edge of breaking out, I am holding up my patience but some unhealthy thoughts start racing in my mind "why she is not getting it as fast as her brother?" "When he was at this age, he could do 48 pieces easily, but she can't even figure out 8?"
Before all of this went to a dark and misleading direction, one day something just clicked in my mind as I was recalling why myself loved building wooden blocks when I was little. I was building castles for the "people" to live! Without this emotional element, pure engineering would not excite me.
I believe everybody is triggered by different keywords, while my son's keywords are Train, Plane, Rocket, my daughter's are People, Emotions, Relationship. This absolutely doesn't indicate that she is uninterested for STEM, you just need to guide her by her own keywords.
So I asked her "do you want to build a crib for your baby bunny?" Before we had time to get shocked, she was building crib, highchair and house for her babies, and she was extremely happy and excited that whole night. In the photo, it's the "bunny highchair" she designed and built.
Some of the things I learned from this experience:
1. Parents have no power in choosing the interests of their children, all you need to do is accept it and respect it;
2. For bringing up children, it's really tedious and frustrating sometimes, but there is always a way, you just need to be more patient, get a little deeper and try harder.
I had never worried a thing, because my house is not "pink-blue" marked, meaning all of my kids' toys are gender-neutral, our attitude towards them also gender-neutral. My daughter likes to play with her "babies", she is also wild and full of energy, her other favorites are reading, sports and being mischievous, she is emotionally very mature, she is perceiving and expressive.
But when parents compare notes, you sometimes would hear a little disappointment or concern toward girls' choice of toys. "Why she only likes her dolls?" "We are trying to make her play more of the building blocks." "Well, boys are boys, girls are girls." And in my house, a few times we heard comments like "Aditi, stop playing with your 'babies' and build something with your brother!" "How can you guys let her play dolls all day long? I don't want her to grow up to be unintelligent."
Now this is a very interesting aspect. Most of us literally was raised up in patriarchal society, up to today, large of us still live in such mentality and environment. This is where the "males-who-do-engineering > females-who-Only-nurture, engineering > nurturing" mindset rooted. Well, there are obviously other angles to it, for example, the popular campaign of "STEM" or "STEAM" education that promotes Science, Technology, Engineering, Art and Mathematics.
As you can foresee, while my daughter is growing out of her infancy, the pressure of making her play with "engineering type of toys" is also growing. I would sit her down and (almost forcefully) teach her puzzles, sometimes on the edge of breaking out, I am holding up my patience but some unhealthy thoughts start racing in my mind "why she is not getting it as fast as her brother?" "When he was at this age, he could do 48 pieces easily, but she can't even figure out 8?"
Before all of this went to a dark and misleading direction, one day something just clicked in my mind as I was recalling why myself loved building wooden blocks when I was little. I was building castles for the "people" to live! Without this emotional element, pure engineering would not excite me.
I believe everybody is triggered by different keywords, while my son's keywords are Train, Plane, Rocket, my daughter's are People, Emotions, Relationship. This absolutely doesn't indicate that she is uninterested for STEM, you just need to guide her by her own keywords.
So I asked her "do you want to build a crib for your baby bunny?" Before we had time to get shocked, she was building crib, highchair and house for her babies, and she was extremely happy and excited that whole night. In the photo, it's the "bunny highchair" she designed and built.
Some of the things I learned from this experience:
1. Parents have no power in choosing the interests of their children, all you need to do is accept it and respect it;
2. For bringing up children, it's really tedious and frustrating sometimes, but there is always a way, you just need to be more patient, get a little deeper and try harder.
