Tuesday, February 21, 2017

对盗用我照片乱编故事的新闻的回应

大约从几个月之前就陆续有亲人和朋友在微信上分享链接给我,说“Mo,你怎么上网易头条了?”“Mo,有人盗用你照片。”打开链接一看,几张我的照片加一些简短的文字,有不少文章也用了其她女孩的照片,每次还都是像网易这样的正经新闻平台。随便瞄了几眼文字,好像最开始看到的几次还蛮客观,也很简短,说这中国美女远嫁印度,印度是个神秘的国度。后面几次看到的愈发离谱起来,故事编得一套一套的,前因后果都来了,一吃饭就被婆家人扇脸,一上街就被印度男人性骚扰,老公还劈腿找了印度女孩。 

说实话我一点都不介意,带着两个孩子天天又累又困,朋友善意发来的链接打开一看,最先注意的是自己的照片,“嘿,选的照片还挺美,那时瘦瘦的,Raj也还有头发,可以可以,不错”。孩子在身后又闹起来,赶紧丢掉手机。常常到后来忘记了回复朋友,隔一段时间孩子照片视频拍太多手机没空间,清空并重置微信,忽然再想起来,也都找不到之前那对话与新闻链接了。 

这段时间父母来帮忙照顾孩子,两位老人承包了大部分家务,于是我一下子挤出不少空余时间,上周已经有两个晚上溜出去和姐妹泡吧到下半夜。那天看到微信“中印恋人”群里有姐妹艾特我,打开对话框往上翻了几页,咦,好快,才两页就翻到了艾特我的对话,看到姐妹给我分享了个新闻链接,大家评论说这样捏造是非实在令人恼火。往常如果群里有人艾特我,想找到写给我的话,往上翻个半死,眼睛都花了,手指都发抖了还找不到,中印恋姐妹们太能侃了,话题一个接一个的聊。 

我打开这个链接,一篇网文,我的几张照片加一些简短的文字,照片竟然还把我的脸打了码,幸好当时年轻没生过孩子,身材还算匀称,值得一看。故事完全是编辑根据自己躲入洞穴几十年修炼出来的偏见和歧视胡扯的,想象力还不错,鸡毛狗血一地的实在感很强。趁两个孩子熟睡之际,我把链接分享到了微信和微博给朋友们看看。朋友纷纷为我打抱不平,建议我去投诉,几位亲人和朋友还真的为我评论并投诉了。 

感谢大家的关心,感谢大家为我生气。不过屏幕后面的我,一直觉得很滑稽,一点上火的感觉都没有。还记得那个很执着地和百度(污蔑)印度吧对着干的Momo吗?我觉得自己好像真的已经走完了一个比较偏激、火烈的人生阶段。现在回头看,我赞叹当时那个年轻Momo的勇气,她热烈、真诚,充满了正义感。她勇敢、直接,不低头不害臊地对外界表达着自己。当然她的想法时而幼稚,时而偏颇,但是她勇于挑战自己,不断地学习钻研、交流对话。她不断地探索和积累,相信人生是一个从低往高走的旅程。那个阶段,发生在我的二十到三十岁之间。 

我今年三十二岁了,不敢讲自己脾气变小了,但至少对于中国网路上关于印度的舆论这件事情来讲,心态已经相当成熟与平和。我仔细想想,这里面最重要的原因应该是因为自己和印度先生的小生活比较平和幸福。最初的那几年的确是不易,我和先生毅然决然私奔来美国,没有一个亲人在这里,远在中国印度的两方父母都无法接受我们的决定,经常在电话里哭哭啼啼。说服他们的过程漫长而坎坷,前后花了三、四年的时间,我们才分别办完了在中国印度的婚礼。生活艰辛,心态自然就难以平和。看到尖刻的评论会上火,看到污蔑的话就想去纠正。不仅在网路上发火,偶尔还把火气无名地发到先生身上。幸好Raj从小就充满自信,心态健康,最终他总能谅解并安抚我。 

到现在我和Raj已经在一起快九年了,我们有过夜夜笙歌的放逸不羁,有过恶言相向的不可理喻,有过刚愎自用的年少轻狂。我们一路紧紧拉着手,珍惜共同点,磨合不同处,一起成长,共同进步。刚刚度过二十岁的花样青春,接着又把两个孩子带入人世,开始了三十岁的魅力征程。任凭外界风起云涌,电闪雷鸣,想到我们自己的小家,心里就很安宁祥和,想到孩子们天真的脸,这世间便再没有不可解的仇与苦。 

我的先生一定要是印度人吗?当然不一定。我自小性子就很直,敢做敢为,有喜欢的男孩子从来不会埋在心里了事,常常主动表明。只不过缘分一直未到,也痛过也苦过也哭过,不是你的强求不来。而属于你的,不远万里总会有相遇的那天,在异域之地说着异乡之语,那张异于俗世,如此陌生却又如此熟悉的脸。这是缘分,不可解释,也无需解释。由此与神秘的天竺之国结下因缘,这一切也都是命运的安排。我享受这不可言状的奥妙,珍惜每一次与天竺之国的碰撞,向往与善良印度家人的相会。 

也许不少人觉得,嫁入印度这是遭人唾弃的恶运,但于我而言,中国也好,印度也好,巴西也好,俄罗斯也好,这只是一个人的标签,每个人的灵魂是独立于任何标签之上的。两个被标签禁锢住的灵魂,一旦寻觅到对方,他们将挣脱枷锁,合而为一,江水竭,天地合。怕印度的脏乱?就算是枪林弹雨,啮雪吞毡,也照样能活出旷世的精彩与甘美。 

可惜的是,这人世间并不是所有的灵魂都在等待涅槃重生,许多灵魂乐于被禁锢的现实,也不是所有的灵魂都有那样的命运能与谁合而为一,绽放自由。能体会到这份痴狂的我们,是幸运中的幸运,我们只想努力地牢牢抓住这份幸运,不让它逃走。道路越坎坷,终点越美好。 

这一路走来,我真的很感谢支持和鼓励我的朋友们。从2014年怀了第一胎,到现在第二个宝宝也快半岁了,三年之间博客更新方面相当于放了一个大长假。但是每隔几日仍会有朋友在微博或微信找到我,告诉我说喜欢看我的博客,从中受到鼓舞,并给我和家人送来祝福。我热爱写作,脑子里飘着的都是半熟不熟的句子与点子。我会坚持下去,把更多的印度还原给大家,拿更多的想法与大家分享。 

有人无法改变他们的偏见与歧视,并且拿我的照片来编写故事,旨在贬低和攻击印度,我能做的只有拿起我的笔,把更多的丑恶与美好,哭泣与微笑,冷漠与温暖,客观地给大家呈现出来。

 感谢朋友们的关注和爱护,我爱你们。

Thursday, February 9, 2017

To Shiva and Aditi - Letter From Mommy3

My beautiful children Shiva and Aditi,

Mama wants to keep a tradition of writing a letter to you every year on your birthdays, September of 2016 has long passed but I had never really got time to settle down to write. Now Gong-gong and Popo are here to help Mama, I am starting to have some time to myself.

My dear son, Mama sees that a fabulous human being is emerging from you. You have a really kind heart with a tender nature. There is so much peace in you (yes, you are a peaceful boy, even though you are like a tornado, jumping and running nonstop, leaving chaos behind you wherever you go). I have never seen you pushing anybody or taking toys away from other kids. I have never seen you being mean to anyone. If you are pushed or toys in your hand taken away, rarely you would react to it. You keep calm and move on to other available fun things to do, no fuss no mourning. However the mommies here are very nice and they protect you from their own naughty kids.

You are very conscious about sharing. Most of the time even when you are fascinated with what you are playing with, if I ask you to share, you don't mind at all. It feels like sharing indeed gives you pleasure, if not more, at least equal to the excitement toys give you. Mama is feeling very blessed, because you will understand one day, sharing and caring with an open heart brings only happiness.

It took you a few days to adjust to the arrival of your little sister. At first you were a little shocked and sad that Mama was fully occupied by this tiny crying alien. Luckily Papa, Gong-gong and Popo were on the mission to give you all the love and attention Mama couldn't give at that moment. You transitioned very well. In a really short period of time, you fell in love with your little sister like all of us, don't mind that you have to share Mama and Papa with her.

Now every morning when you wake up, you quietly come to Mama's bedroom, climb onto my bed, find your sister there, kiss her forehead and loudly chant "Bonjour" and "Hola" to her. And she laughs so hard as if she has been waiting for this moment all night long. The favorite thing for your sister to do is to watch you do silly things and laugh. Like when you are performing break dance, singing Chinese songs, patting balloons, jumping around or simply eating your dinner. She enjoys the most and laughs the hardest with you. You are also Mama's great help, you help bathe your sister, place blanket on her, rock her chair, put toys in her hands and you never mind sharing your toys with her.

Before the birth of your sister Mama thought that your coming back to this circle of life might be because of Mama or Papa. Now I am very certain that you and your sister were seeking each other. The connections you two had in your previous lives was unbreakable. Mama is feeling very lucky that I am your rendezvous.

I want you to respect each other. Respect and cherish the similarities, more importantly, the differences. You two are very lucky to share a space formed with both Ying and Yang. And from an early age to understand that all things exist as inseparable and contradictory opposites. This way of living would be very beneficial to you, because you would have a better understanding of the other half of the human population.

I want you two to always love and support each other, take care of each other throughout your life time. The reason that Mama and Papa want to have two kids is because single child could face loneliness. While the most common age differences among siblings are three years and up, we decided to have a two-year gap because we want you two to be in the same age group and develop intimate relationship. You and your sister will surely learn together, grow together, and enjoy the adventurous life journey together. Cherish this siblinghood.

My dear daughter, welcome to this wonderful world! Thank you for choosing me to be your mother, trusting me to nurture you, protect you and bring you up. I am feeling truly blessed. You are such a sweet and tender little human being. Every morning you wake up having a big smile on your face and make happy cooings. Whenever I smile at you, you smile back. You are always ready to give a good laugh to Mama's amusing facial expressions, Papa's comic sounds and brother's funny movements.

Actually when Mama was pregnant with you, I was overjoyed that you were going to be a girl, however I had no idea how it felt like to have a daughter. I have never heard about sayings such as "daughter brings mother glory", "your daughter will grow up to protect you", they are only associated with sons. While I was growing up, in the neighborhood I only witnessed baby girls being aborted or abandoned, or discussions about the abortion or abandoning of baby girls. I only heard about the sex techniques, the food to avert or to consume a ton if you want to conceive boys. I only knew families that kept having four, five daughters until they met a son, no other way round. Expressions like "girls are stupid", "women are useless" are commonly used. "Is it such an inglorious thing, having daughters?" Imagine that this was an actual question circling in my head sometimes, before I had you.

On the day when I was holding you in my arms for the first time, in the morning ray of a California sunny day, my beautiful princess, I finally saw you. You have practiced Kung-fu inside my belly for 40 weeks, my little Kung-fu Master. You are as precious as any baby to their mother. I saw your rosy cheeks and tiny nose, your frowning eyebrows and alert eyes. My thumb felt the strong grip from your fingers. Your hungry lips were searching everywhere to find Mama's nipples to latch on. I just knew that you were my baby who I would kiss a zillion times, tickle a billion times, who I would die a million times for, who I would love to the moon and back. I didn't need to turn you upside down and check if you had a penis, so to determine the way to treat you. And I feel deeply disturbed by the society that shames the mother so much so to cause her to lose the motherly nature of loving her own child.

Your eyes are big and shiny, every time I see your face, they remind me of the beautiful snake I saw in my dream. It was May 20th 2016, Mama was exactly 24 weeks pregnant with you. I had this magnificent and vivid dream that I think was about you. Something terrible had been happening in the forest, there was a snake gang made of ruthless and gigantic snakes, they killed each every innocent living. There was screaming and fear everywhere in the forest. In the dream Mama was a human being, hiding here and there in the forest. Although I was shocked and scared, I was brave enough to keep moving. Because I was carrying a mission. There was a suitcase I was protecting. Eventually I found an empty house in a safe place, stayed in there for weeks, with windows and lights shut in the night.

Weeks maybe months later, the owners of the house returned. They were two men with European accent. At the moment they found about me, I asked them not to be angry but quietly follow me to the room I had been staying. I had something to show them. They entered the room with me. I took out a box, opened it deliberately. A little snake was lying in there, slim and vigorous, red flowery patterns on dark shinning skin. Her eyes were big and shiny. Her face expression was soft and benevolent. She was a little female snake. At the sight of the snake, both of the men were frozen, as if they were struck by lightning. "She is THE one." "Yes, she is the one... wow, she is so beautiful..." They murmured in ecstasy. Yes, this girl snake was my mission, more valuable than my own life. I didn't remember where I got the suitcase that held the egg. I just knew I had to find a place to hatch the egg, protect the baby snake and bring it up. Because this baby girl snake was the one who was going to change everything, who would defeat the snake gang and bring peace and prosperity back to the forest. And everybody recognized this fact at the sight of her, even when she was just a few days old.

In the East, deciphering dreams during pregnancy is a very important part of the culture. Only two or three days after the possible conception date of your brother Shiva, I had a significant dream. It told me I was pregnant with a boy, he was Shiva. Two weeks later, pregnancy test showed me I was pregnant. Five months later, ultrasound result confirmed it was indeed a boy. While I was pregnant with you, Mama had waited patiently for the dream in which I get to see you.

My beautiful daughter, I have no doubt that that little powerful dark snake was you. The forest could be a nation, so you are its president. The forest could be a movement, so you are the leader. The forest could be a company, so you are the one to save it. The forest maybe just represent the hardship of life, so you stay strong and rescue yourself. That little snake was your inner strength. All you need is the freedom to dream. You need the freedom to consider different possibilities and the freedom to follow your heart. Mama will always tell you "Yes, you will be the first/second female president of our country if you want to." "Yes, you will be a respectful supreme court judge if you work hard." "Yes, you will win the world championship if you never give up." Maybe you are the Murphy Cooper in movie "Interstellar", who knows!

At times there might be people implying "Girls shouldn't be so naughty." They might ask "Why she keeps playing with those test tubes like a boy?" They might suggest "Your daughter should focus on something more girly." But how can they know you better than Mama? I am going to quietly turn away and keep granting you the freedom to believe in yourself. I think this is what every mother should do to their daughters.

My sweet son and daughter, your skin complexion is so perfectly brown, I am truly proud of it. It tells the story of Mama and Papa, the story of your origin, your identity. You should be proud of it too. However recently some voices emerged, telling you to be ashamed, telling you that you are not welcomed. In the year of 2008, Mama and Papa first came to this land, it accepted us as one of its own. It showed us the true meaning of diversity, freedom and equality. We fell in love with it. Soon enough we started to consider this land as our own and we fight to keep the values it holds. The unkind voices are a threat to these values.

Yes sometimes the world seems like it's getting darker. But we are at the most peaceful time of the history, at the most diverse and inclusive place one could imagine. Embrace this fact and be grateful. In human history, two steps forward usually followed by one step backward. The most important thing is we should believe in our ability to push it forward, to clench our fists and give a good fight. Nothing worthy comes without a fight. To prepare for it, be tolerant, be kind. More importantly, be positive and optimistic. When they go low, you hold up high. When the darkness is crawling in, you be the light and lighten up the way.

I love you for always
Mama
Feb 9th 2017