4 AM

Can't believe after a whole week plus, I am not able to shake off jet-lag... Every mid-night either 2am or 3am or 4:30am, my daughter will cry so I will need to assist her pee and poo, sometimes nose bleed, and love her back to sleep. On the days when she wakes me up at 4:30am, after that I won't be able to sleep. Actually every morning around 4:30am I feel alert and awake. In the night from 9pm-ish, I am in my supposed-to-be-at-deep-sleep state, being awake is adding to my bad mood.

4am to 6am in the morning, what a spirited time of the day. I think I just had an half an hour vivid dream about some spirits here who live in this land. Oh man, they don't thrive in good conditions! I clearly saw the dream and woke up remembering it. I mean the spirits, they were kind and helpful but here in the now-Christian land, in Christians' deity realm, there is no democracy but only dictatorship, so only the king and queen and some confidants are well off, most of other spirits are suppressed, oppressed, went in underground and became underdogs. Because of jet-lag, my brain has been very active during 4am to 6am, if I would be in the state of half-asleep, I almost always become the platform of confidence.

Sigh, no place in the world is perfect. I have been feeling homesick for the last few days, I have missed India and my time there. I love to experience a spiritual world when all the gods and goddesses and the underworld spirits are free and live the life they deserve. Throughout day and night, my mind was dancing with them, either asleep or awake, I am existing together with their presence. That was the way I grew up actually, in China, it's essentially the same. I assume Japan, Thailand, Laos etc are the same too where Hinduism-Buddhism are prominent, where "religion" is merely a way of thinking, an awareness of a healthy spirited world that co-exists with us. For the ones who have the ability to feel the spirited world, like an Earther myself, I want to see my deities live in a free world as well, besides wanting to live in a human free world with my own physical form.   

They desperately need a second round of renaissance man! For all that was interesting in Europe to see, was the monuments of Greeks' and Romans', when back in the days their deity realm was still free and democratic. I seriously have no idea what got into Constantine's mind, what kind of deal he made with this one male spirit, he single-handedly diminished the light in the land of Europe and made it dark for a thousand years. People still suffer from it, the whole planet still suffer from it, all the colonized lands suffered; all the native cultures suffered, in fact most of them killed off and wiped out; all the darker-skinned humans and their descendants suffered; all the women suffered. Constantine definitely had mother or father issues. History is indeed random, a handful thousands of years could be utterly decided by a tiny emotional trigger marked in one person's brain since one's childhood. 

First round of renaissance didn't touch the core, hence came the suffering of the whole planet after them getting out of a thousand-year-long darkness. If ever a second round of renaissance should happen, I wish all of the deities regain their respect and importance, people's mind could be truly free. All in all, our cognition of the deity world is merely a reflection of our own world, maybe nobody will ever know what a true deity world looks like, but what matters is how we perceive and comprehend, it comes back to have real impact on our physical existence. 

I don't mind being the platform of confidence actually. Sure, it's noisy, it's crowded, it's busy. But at least they found a place to outlet and a connection to our world too. I just wish that my own deities are here to protect me if anything shall go wrong. Well, they have been and will always be here, I know.