Sunday, November 25, 2012

令我恐惧惊慌的《Life of Pi》

昨晚去看了《Life of Pi》,同去的朋友显然都没懂,把影片当成冒险片来欣赏,试图和Raj讨论,他也回答不上我的问题。从来没有一部电影我看不懂,这是第一部。找了原著的介绍看,发现电影与原著的深度不相上下,连夜看了一些影评和书评,可我还是无法将所有的环节串联起来,无法明白那些细节。

如果不是因为感恩节滑雪之行的疲劳,也许会失眠更久。我独自在黑暗中打着寒颤,闭不上眼睛,恐惧于我从电影里看到的人性阴暗面,恐惧于为什么我选择相信的是人的而不是动物的故事,这就像是对我的惩罚,我害怕自己已被遗弃。为什么他们说,这本书(电影)是神灵存在的最好证据?为什么?我真的不明白。

小的时候身体不好,外婆为我认了七仙娘娘做干妈妈,每年七仙娘娘的生日,外婆会带着家里的孩子一起去庙上,在那里吃上一餐素食。忽然有一年,班干部的我怕这个迷信而耻辱的行为被同学揭发,拒绝和外婆同去,得到父母的大力支持,后来就再没怎么去过。

外公过世的时候,我常常半夜哭醒,我不知道他去了哪里,现在依然不知道。死亡于我,是未知和恐惧。

我不是偏理性的人,并没有因为宗教的不合理性而自主地选择无神或不可知论。

Raj说这部电影应该是鼓励人坚持于信仰,看过之后应该心里平和。可是对于我而言,为什么反而被拽向深渊?

信仰是什么?

我要再看这部电影,也许会有时间细读原著,总有一天我会找到答案。

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

My miserable Indian visa applications (follow up 2)


Consul of Indian Embassy in SF Mr. Jha just called me... asked me if I wanted Entry Visa or Tourist visa, Entry Visa "will take time", so I "might not get it before my departure to India"....While talking he said he was holding my passport and found my pervious Indian visa was not an Entry Visa. But I just dug the scan version, it's clearly a X type.

One year back because of the PIO issue, I spoke up confronting the Ambassador of India to America Mrs. Rao at her visit in Berkeley, at that time Mr. Jha promised me to have a meeting with me but it didn't happen...

I have no idea how bureaucracy works, but if we could successfully meet Mr. Jha in the coming year and discuss about my visa issue, it might save us a lot of time on filing RITs and all sorts of internet stuff, it might...

PS: my blog entry about that meeting one year back: http://feimoyu21.blogspot.com/2011/12/nirupama-rao-pio.html

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

My miserable Indian visa applications (follow up)

One year back when we first got to know that Chinese passport holders, along with Pakistani, Afghanistan and 4 other countries, are not eligible to apply for Indian PIO, which are granted for Indian origins and spouses of Indian citizens, we were shocked and angry. Then we tried to apply for Entry Visa, spent 300 dollars for a 5 years' Entry Visa but got a 3 months single.

After 2 times visiting the SF office, we got to know I am not even eligible to apply for Indian Entry Visa this time, even I have 2 Entry Visas in my passport. "Sorry, the embassy has no comment on this", I am only eligible for a tourist visa instead (hopefully will get it).

As Raj said, after 3, 4 years' struggle and tons of drama, we eventually broke the "glass ceiling" of our society -- my Chinese family and Raj's Indian family finally accepted us with no tears but love. However the "glass ceiling" of governments, their insecurity and bureaucracy, is it possible to be broken one day in the near future? It's absolutely not fun to hit the ceiling once every months.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

My miserable Indian visa applications

My Indian visa application again had some problem, nobody replied back to clarify, even I already had so many Indian visas (although each time was a pain).

I am always angry at this issue, It's not about the visa itself, it's about acceptance.

Seeing what is happening in US, how people are fighting to truly embrace the diversity, to become more tolerant to differences, I wish one day India will embrace me, the wife of an Indian citizen, with easy visas...