Sandy Lerner

Sandy Lerner on "How I Built This" Podcast - Utterly Inspirational

What a legendary woman! I am completely awed by her strength and wisdom. 

I believe what she experienced while growing up back then, that degree of sexism and sexual discrimination in both subtle and coarse ways, led to the most regrettable moment in her life - “leaving me out of it”. A decision led by impulsive thought processes that were baked up unconsciously over the years under a fundamentally hostile environment for women. Deep down, self-confidence and reassurance were slowly stripped away without noticing. 

I believe what she did after Cisco was all highly related to or directly resulted from the Cisco trauma - realizing her powers as a woman, making loud noises, as a woman. 

We are able to understand this now, only because things have changed drastically for women, we have landed in a somewhat completely different landscape. [ Or not? ] 

As we are pushing forward on this path, I believe what’s equally, even more, important to unleashing the inner strength of women, is the “fundamental fairness and decency of men”. Why? Because from the beginning till now, men have always been the dominant force of human beings. 

And of course, there are many dimensions to her story, one lesson for all of the new entrepreneurs: Never let the investors take over what you built! Actually, in today’s entrepreneurial world, that piece of knowledge has already been carved into the foundation stones, thanks to the predecessors who had suffered. 

Sandy: “You know I’ve already decided my epitaph that has one word on it, what do you think it is?” 

Guy: “I don’t know. I have no idea…” 

Sandy: “Bold. Bold.” 

Playlist - Useful podcast episodes I love https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzlsklOlfSJ6BTjcXzjF6iz2wtdzXjqYL

Why I'm a Feminist?

I'm a hard-core feminist, I have never hesitated to announce it to my friends and family, strangers in the bar, and the vast internet. 

Feminist and feminism, a term being so twisted by the society that still deeply poisoned by patriarchal mindsets, never stopped being relevant to the progress and prosperity of society and humanity. Even after 200-300 years when it was first established. 

Why? Because women today still being systemically discriminated against, widely harassed and their rights of being an equally important individual constantly violated. 

I was sexually violated at the age of 8, then 12, then 27. Those are major violations that changed my personality and surely the course of my life. Small day-to-day violations are just uncountable... 

I'm 36 now, my old scars left me easily stressed and agitated, and I found myself worrying about being raped or harassed constantly, no matter what I do, where I go, or who I'm with. 

Some trust once was lost, was lost for good. 

And all the women I know, had been sexually harassed in one way or another. You heard it right - ALL The women I know in person. The majority of them had a changed personality or temperament because of the severity of the violation. 

My stories compared to what some of them had been through (rape, attempted rape, forced intercourse, violence, physical and emotional abuse...) almost sound like nothing. 

But I sure went through a dark full 10 years to recover from my violations before my formative years. It was surely a decade filled with fear, doubts, nightmares, screaming, and tears. 

Now you see me openly talking about feminism, sexual violence and all that, because I'm fully recovered. You don't see them talking about their stories, because they might never be recovered. 

So tell me why we don't still need feminism in this world?

My view on feminism

I'm responding to my friends' comments on the book I am reading about bringing up girls, one section that the author talks about the difference on brain function between boys and girls. First of all it's great to see the discussion on feminism in India, thank you for updating me the information. I have my own stand on this issue and now I feel the the need to go through it in English too. Yes I indeed quite often express and discuss this topic in my Chinese social media.

1. While I am agreeing on the existence of different brain function on boys and girls(as the book illustrates), I think rather easily people take it to a different degree, especially people coming from a patriarchal background. For example, words such as "wild" and "naughty" are not to discribe brain functions but character and personality. Although boy brains and girl brains are wired differently (in most cases), personality exists without a pattern. Take my kids for example, my boy is truly a boy-like "engineer brain", and my girl excels in sensing emotions and expressing, they play different kinds of toys without any influence from outside. Meanwhile my daughter is more naughty and more wild than my boy.

2. From the reading I kind of understood (some schools of) feminism in nowadays India is trying to eliminate the difference between men and women, physical and mentally. In my opinion, admit the difference is not unfeminist, but only scoring the difference unequally is unfeminist.

For example, when I say "my girl is such a girl, she is loving and caring, she plays doll all day long." As most of us who grew up in a patriarchal society, our brian automatically gives a conclusion: "She is a mother material." But that's absolutely not in my mind. I only see the difference of brain function in my two kids but I do NOT think one will neccesarily "achieve higher" than another ("achieve higher" as what the society thinks - higher salary and higher position, personally I don't think there is another job more important than mother).

Why? Because if a brain is wired to feel deeper and wider emotions, to better master the language and is more expressive. What does this indicates? This brain will be suitable to be a future diplomat, politician, thinker, philosopher, leader, manager, negotiator, communicator, famous writer or well-known comedian. But why in such women-brain-suitable fields, rarely you see successful women? Because they are told "NOT TO DO" from a young age. And all of this is not the result of the difference in men and women brains, but a result of Patrilineality that could be traced back to the beginning of human society. We are still living in that after-world.

3. Aren't men and women tremendously different? Obviously, because our hormones are totally different and it affects almost everything. Men can separate body and emotions, women just can't. Men can have their brain blank as a paper for the longest time, women's brain never stops, not even in their sleep. Women have to accept the reality that a "hormone bomb" is coming each every month to mess up their emotions and feelings, men have no idea whatsoever.

4. As a feminist, I believe it is meaningless to ask women to match up to men, instead women should live up to their own potentials. Because we both are equally powerful creatures with our differences. Actually most fields are suitable for both women brain and men brain, the only difference is determination,  ambition, hardwork and belief.

I hope I have expressed myself clearly with where I stand as a feminist and I welcome your further discussions.

#feminist #feminism