When I was visiting China in 2017, right before we flew back to US, I got a copper ring inserted into my uterus. At that time my daughter was more than one year old, I and my husband decided no more children and China was THE world's number one birth control country till then (now China flipped 360° because the shortage of Domestic Infant Supplies).
Seen OBGYN many times, did ultrasound too, looks like it should be ok for me to keep this life-saving copper ring until the time is up for my uterus. Damn, that's what I'm gonna do and you have no idea how empowered I feel just because there is a little ring in me preventing me from getting pregnant.
Before the birth of my children, I used oral birth control pills for years, sometimes I missed more than two, Raj had to rush to grocery store for plan B. And we were scared to the bone each time! We were poor students ran off against both sides' family's will for love. We were trying to get permission and eventually a wedding over the course of 5 years.
If, if I didn't have access to contraceptive pills, plan B, luckily accidental pregnancy never happened, but if I didn't have access to legal and safe abortion procedures, my life can be completely different today. I might even not have a life anymore. And surely I wouldn't have the healthy, strong and smart children I have today.
The importance of safe contraceptive and abortion methods to a woman's life, dignity and future, I do not understand why it still has to be screamed out by the women, till our lungs out. Have a little mercy on us, don't treat us as mere wombs.
No matter how many times I have it, I'm to this day still horrified each time to deal with this amount of blood. How it gushes out from my vagina, how sometimes it gets messed up in layers of underwear, pants, bed sheets and mattress, and gets messed up in my hands and fingers, and places in toilet.....
A short moment I gave birth to Aditi, for no reason I started bleeding out, I was still heavy on epidural so didn't feel a thing, only that maybe my legs and body were shaking. Nurses and then doctors ran in immediately after calling each other once they noticed the blood dripping down the sheets and bed... they did something I couldn't recall, after some time the situation was under control, nothing spiraled and luckily I didn't bleed out to death or needed blood transfusion... I was almost needing it though, they were monitoring the situation by the seconds... if that happened in today's Shanghai, my bleeding might never be stopped.... just a thought...
And the birth of my first? Something to do with mothers' hormones so you forget all that pain once you have the baby in your arms. Without those hormones, I might be scarred for life psychologically. It took me 3 days to open up to 10 cm, 3 freaking days, 72 hours of enormous pain and slient + outloud screaming.
Because it's the first, I endured the pain without pain medication to let my cervix naturally open to full, so I can have a vaginal birth which is considered better for my recovery, breastfeeding, bonding with baby right after birth and all that (although for a lot women it's not up to them, surgical procedures save lives therefore I'm always grateful for modern medicine). Until I completely broke down at the 62nd hour mark. My body was not anymore in any circumstance able to carry on without medicinal interference. With the help of pitocin and epidural, my body finally was relaxed. 3 bags full of urine was out through tube, and after 7, 8 hours of lying in bed, my cervix was open to 10 cm.
Because of all the 3 days of pressure from contraction plus a big tear and cut while pushing out my baby boy, my outward part of the reproduction system was massively traumatized. I was in bruise and pain for at least 8 months if not longer. My husband was kind enough to let me rest and recover. My inward part of the reproduction system also traumatized, I had nonstop bleeding for more than 60 days or so. It was like nonstop light to medium menstruation for 2 months. But with the infant by your side, your body was forced to forget all that pain so only pass security and happiness to the baby and get ready at any minute to protect the baby.
Don't ridicule people when they think any pregnancy could be a risk of death to the mother. There's nothing more true than that in this world. The temporary passion/lust/commitment of men to help take care? In a lot cases, all those either illusion or short-lived, if without years of mental, emotional and financial preparation.
And the psychological trauma posted to mothers? Don't even get me started...hormones went rollercoaster rides, even healthy bodies and minds take mountains to adjust and digest. That's why it's so common for women to be on depression pills postpartum.
For me, I went nuts and bananas, both pregnancies. After all these years, everything was a blur for me. I was in a trance I don't think my mind was in a place to realize it was kinda-nuts and I was not in any way a clear state to express it with sensible words.
How did I get out of it? Absolutely no idea, maybe because babies now grow up a little, much less dependent on me. Or have I ever gotten out of it? All of the trauma I endured simply because of this female body from a child who endured sexual molestation at 8 years old to a woman who gave birth to 2? For most of my life, you can easily use the word "disoriented" to describe me, no matter what role I'm playing at what moment.
So please don't easily go around and ridicule women to be nuts, crackheads, dumb, dramatic and all that. Life has its extra weight on women, you haven't experienced it doesn't mean nonexistent. And the ability to feel the other's pain even if it's parallel to your universe, it's called being humane.
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