I know

Do you know that with each post published, I am saying Goodbye to my life in China, saying Goodbye to the people who are my relatives and friends; I'm saying Goodbye to the chance of being welcomed by my family and old friends, walking in the streets of the beautiful cities, my cities.

33 years ago thousands of Chinese youth did exactly the same, some of them even said Goodbye to their precious lives. 

But I won't choose otherwise, just like the thousands, maybe tens of thousands of us today. Because I simply cannot bear to see more despair, helplessness and all that cruelty. 

I have to do something, at least I have to speak up, I have to show to them: "See, don't be afraid, I'm not afraid. See, I am here, I'm supporting you in my way. I can see you, I am seeing you, I am with you." Like the many of brave ones who showed us their courage. 

Of course I want to go back, of course I miss my family. Of course I worry about my parents. Worry about if they would get into trouble, if they would have a peaceful old age without disturbance. At least I have no siblings, no niece or nephew who could be held hostage. 

But it's my duty, my duty as a human being with dignity, my duty as a privileged child born in a privileged time, my duty as a mother to all the innocent children who didn't want to be born into cages, my duty as a woman who deserve to be treated with respect and decency. 

One should never escape one's duty. And I realized, my life is made for this, for fulfilling my duty. I don't believe I should ever only live for myself. My life has always been for the others, as a daughter, as a wife, as a mother, as a friend. I will keep on burning myself to give out that little bit of light and warmth, this is the proof and meaning of my existence. 

Yes, once I have been here too, I have cried my nights out, I have walked side by side with you, I have kept my fire on and I have held my head high.