Sorry that it's been a very long time since I wrote blogs here, in English.
My personal blogs, I was busy with the Chinese one, where I share my feelings of being a girlfriend of an Indian boy to get more respect from Chinese people and discovered the awesome groups and individuals such as "marry-to-Indians-Chinese-girls", "Chindian-mixed-blood-babies" or "we-are-Chinese-who-love-India" etc. I made a lots of friends and had lots of fun.
From the time that my Chinese blog attracted thousands of clicks everyday due to CommonWealthGames pictures posting, to the time that I had to deny the allowance of comments for almost 3 weeks due to unbearable nasty comments, to the time that more and more and only the people who are looking for and sharing supports are visiting my blog and leaving warm-hearted comments, not a bad job indeed :)
Checked H's blog this morning, suddenly remembered the hard time I've been through while I was also a very sensitive and easily heart broken little girl who was stubbornly looking for something, something almost unreal, in this realistic world. Now that at last I am in some safe hands, which hands are holding me, protecting me like what I wished for :P
But being a girl like me, I have to be out of my mind occasionally.
Incidents like the "Midnight Cat Incident" happen to me all the time. By the way, I saw the cat again in day time, his name is "Mookies", I will name whatever petted animals I will have Mookies: Mookies the junior piggy, Mookies the crazy cow, etc, someday.
OK, there was something like this happened at new year's eve. Since I was in THE period that any normal guy who has a girlfriend fears, my "outraged" behavior was actually not so unreasonable.
We were partying at SF a friend's place, almost like a night club without checking your ID, high. Raj the poor guy got allergic out of nowhere and I was sitting with him outside the cluby apartment, high. Suddenly I got mad for no reason and directly moved out into the dark street by myself. Raj didn't follow up immediately. So I kept on walking, in my trembling steps, in the shady street at 2 or 3 am. Those frequently happened incidents such as people being robbed and shot to death after coming back from a night out never got into my mind, I felt my bravery, backed by some anger, some sadness, some bitterness, some desperation.
The next thing I remembered was sitting on the stairs in front of a dark building, I had no idea how far I had walked, the whole street was dark and soundless, I didn't know where were I, I left my head buried into my laps, I think I started to feel the fear. Then they came, 4 girls, stopped and asked me if I was ok. That was all I could remember, they were 4 girls, I couldn't remember if they spoke English or Spanish or French or Chinese, I couldn't remember if they were white or black or brown or yellow, I couldn't remember if they were fat or thin, dressed up or not, drunk or sober, the only thing I remember was that they were 4 girls, asked me what happened, invited me to walk with them to eat some tacos, hugged me while I stood up. I remember hugging all of them, the closed up image of one of the girl's face is still there, a pair of caring and watery eyes, a handsome nose, in the darkness. That's all I could remember.
So I followed them, in my still trembling steps, I couldn't remember what did they talk about while walking the long street, but they were talking about something. After walking for a while, at a street cross, something suddenly got into my mind and blinked, I recognized the street I came from and told them that I had to turn right to this street, they all stopped, asked me if I was sure, and wished me: ok, girl, good luck, and be safe. They hugged me again, all 4 of them, the only thing still in my mind is the closed up image of one of the girl's face, the same girl, it was really beautiful, a pair of caring and watery eyes, a handsome nose, under the orange street light, brightly.
After some more trembling steps, it came the running Raj, almost slapped me, said he went back to get my coat and got scared that I disappeared...
I started crying, crying out loud as if it was from deep of my heart, as if without alcohol this part of bitterness would always be hidden but never be unveiled. I told Raj that I missed my mom, my family and my friends, I missed the life in China, I was feeling lonely here in the US, I told Raj about the 4 girls and started to cry even more since they saved my life.
After I got a little bit more sober, I told myself, no matter when and where, if anybody needed help, I would give my hands without hesitation. I know most of the time, it's just a kind smile or a nice "hello", that could change some other people's life.
Yes, it's amazing that a new year again comes, while writing dates, we have to get used to 2011 instead of 2010, earlier it was 2007, 2008, 2009... Time flies fast while life goes on, sometimes I want to hold on to the past memories, sometimes I get confused with where to go in my life, but most of the time, I wish I am just this kind of a silly girl, who could give a kind smile and a nice "hello" to anybody who needs it.
Happy new year my friends, enjoy the life :)