Conversation

"You know what I realized?"

"What?"

"Thank you in advance for not interrupting my train of thought, letting me finish my thought, and allowing me to reach my conclusion. I know men don't usually give so much respect and patience to women, especially when women have opinions that they dare to express in front of men. It's a 'difficult' thing to do growing up as a privileged male in this world that's built for you to suppress us."

"Lol. Promise, I won't interrupt you."

"Ya, if you intend to spill out your inputs in the middle of me forming my thoughts, even in the slightest manner, I would lose it miserably. It's a non-fixable reflex due to the lifelong suppression and repression. My mind automatically goes along with yours and forgets where I was. And ya, everything is my fault."

"Ya ya, okayyy! Now just say it!"

"Okay. What I realized was that, under a patriarchal framework, women are considered property that belongs to men, bestowed by marriage. The primary function of women in marriage is to give birth to legitimate heirs for men. As a result of such setup, men are granted sexual freedom from a young age - barely reaching puberty, whilst women are indoctrinated to 'guard virginity as the most precious thing in her life' because the society reinfoces norms and social codes to maintain the patriarchal order it created; women are, as a matter of fact, stripped of any sexual liberty since a young age. Therefore, men and women sit on opposite ends for sexual freedom: in traditional societies, and in the hidden depth of our seemly modern societies, boys are encouraged to have sexual encounters since they are capable of it, it's considered a good practice and a necessary path to 'make a boy a man'; girls, since well before puberty, are discouraged from engaging in any form of sexual activities, and they live in constant fear of being punished or abandoned by the society if they dare to taste the freedom, there is an entire system of culture built to foster the imposition in the forms of fairytales, folktales, movies, songs, and of course, religious preachings. Wherever there is fire burning people down, there is religion, at the center of it. And ya, such a mindset gets carried into adulthood, throughout most people's lifetime."

"Ya, I believe..."

"Oh no, please don't interrupt, we agreed on it. I'm still just forming my thoughts. "

"Oh, sorry..."

"So, what I realized was, there is this saying in society that goes - men are capable of separating sex from emotions, but women always get carried away in emotions if they have sex, right? Total bullshit. Merely an ill-intended language fabricated by patriarchy that aims to maintain its order. Remember I told you how language plays a significant role in making and maintaining social structures? The language we are using right now, no matter which culture, is obviously a patriarchal language that was formed to serve a patriarchal order."

"Ya, right?!"

"So, from my experience, women enjoy sex as purely as sex itself, physical intimacy, fun, and excitement, in the heat of the moment. Not necessary that emotions have to be involved each time women have sex. How men can separate sex from emotions, women possess that trait too, if not more, at least equally. See how much fun I had last night, right? So many of them?! Seven, if I didn't miscount?! So many unlucky ones waited so long but didn't get their turn. I was THE star of the floor, and they got "THE best night of their lives". You and I purely enjoyed it for what it was. Women from patriarchal societies are not exposed to such endeavors and adventures, much less than men. Hence, we lack exercise. Too much bullshit and poison was forced into our minds, plus the restrain from monogamy marriage, which is also the fundamental framework of modern patriarchy, women's minds are not free and our bodies are chained. As a result, women generally don't understand sexual freedom in depth, and we don't have collective memories and experiences on how to master such freedom and play it to our advantage, even when such freedom does exist here and there in the modern era."

"Exactly right!"

"Ya, bear with me, my train of thought is unfinished."

"Okay, please continue!"

"Now this is one thing that got cleared. My other thought: yes, anybody, regardless of gender, can have sex while not engaged emotionally, but if there is an emotional, intellectual, and/or spiritual connection on top of great physical chemistry, it is a brand-new terrain of enjoyment altogether, unmatchable! The experience with him when I was so in love was... indescribable... I was so attracted to him from the first time, remember? It just happens; you can't plan, avoid, or control it."

"Ya, but I always felt that your guys' frequency didn't really match. I was happy for you, and I'm sorry that it couldn't last."

"Ya...I think physically, I was utterly drawn to him, and then he was so smart in so many ways, but somehow, our worldviews and perspectives were a bit off. Under all circumstances, we couldn't even maintain a friendship that was marked as a boundary from the beginning anyway. But that journey was so beautiful, no? I got to experience what it felt like to be physically intertwined while intellectually and spiritually cosmological, an entirely new world filled with exciting pleasure. My past experiences made me realize that each strong connection I built was different. For example, with you, we clicked on all levels profoundly, we built an enduring partnership, and expanded it, but that is not the end. I am capable of, in fact, I am made to connect with more people in diverse ways, some of the connections could go as deep and wide, maybe even more, I don't know yet! This is human's true nature, isn't it -- connecting with multiple people on various grounds and levels, just like some individuals could possess not only one, but many hobbies that they wholeheartedly love. Social structures that prevent the formation of human bonds are not only against human nature, but evil at its core, since it suppresses the most authentic and breathtaking element of humanity and gives it an ugly twist. I believe my life journey here is to explore and discover more about such bonds and experience the boundless integration with endless endeavors. Experience sex in its most primal form is divine for sure, but what keeps me going has always been the unending pursuit of bonds beyond physicality, expanding to emotions, intellect, and spirituality. I genuinely appreciate your support in my exploration, and I feel deeply grateful for your love, understanding, and patience towards me."

"You know I am always here for you, for whatever you feel like doing in your journey. I will be happy for you if you find more bonds and connections besides deepening ours. And I will always be the nest for you to fall back into, whenever you need to. I will always be here with you."

"Awwww, thank you baby, I love you!"