I used to be very intimidated by men. I still am on most occasions.
Before the app, which we started last year in October, we used other websites, such as Reddit or the local club's internal matching sites. They didn't give us much success - some, but mostly temporary.
This couple was from the internal matching site of Twist, a famous SF club. We saw this couple a total of five times until I finally gathered enough strength to get out. The vibe check was amazing because the wife was so smart and sensible. I chatted the entire time with her about China, India, America, history, and politics. She had a good sense of what was going on in the world and was able to get into details with me.
She was like me: she makes a great deal of effort for her husband. The difference between them and us was the husband. My Raj loves me to the core and would put me first for anything. I am not so sure about their relationship.
For the first few times, the husband would just come and grab me, keeping me to himself for the entirety of the play, for hours. And he was rough on me; I almost felt like I was being assaulted, raped. Since they came as a couple and the wife was making my husband feel loved - she hugged, kissed, and massaged my husband, which at that time was not very common, since most white and Asian women we met didn't really like Indians - I didn't mind being treated so roughly by her husband. I also used to think that's just how men fuck. My own husband sometimes would go rough on me, sending me bleeding for days, especially when he was passionate and in love.
We tried to develop a healthy relationship with them. Before the play, we used to have a table pool play or a hot tub session at the hotel bar. I tried to be close to the husband, hoping to get a little intimacy in return, but he was incapable of it. He was a tall and handsome man, Costa Rican and Filipino mixed, who looked black. At 6'1", with whole-body muscles because he used to be a football coach before retiring, he didn't look like a late 40s man.
I brought it up to Raj many times, telling him how I felt. Raj was also inexperienced and insensitive about my feelings sometimes. He thought I enjoyed rough sex with him. Well, maybe for the first one or two times, because I crave novel experiences. Each Monday morning, the husband would inquire about a playdate. Then he would keep coming back for the planning until we could set a date. He used to whisper in my ears that I was his "most most favorite." He has been a playboy his whole life; despite being a responsible man who provides for and supports his family, the number of women he slept with was too large to fathom. I still wonder why he would call me his "most favorite."
He was incapable of soft talk, pampering, touching, kisses, and anything that belonged to the "foreplay" department. I started feeling used and abused whenever we played, and it was hard for me to move on. I started hating the whole lifestyle scene; I was confused and hurt. But nobody could help me. I used all excuses to delay the planning and make it not happen. I tried to convince Raj I couldn't continue with them anymore, but Raj did not seem to understand at that moment.
"You go through ups and downs," Raj used to comment. Obviously, I withdrew because of all that insensitive rough sex. I told Raj that I didn't want to play with anybody for a long time, maybe never again.
How I moved past it was because of my guy. Raj started the app and my guy was the first to meet with us, last year end of October. The process of using app to find matches was novel so it got me excited and ready to give lifestyle another try. My guy is such a soft-spoken and gentle person. Sex with him felt very natural. He doesn't have many tricks, but it was very intimate because we kissed, we touched, he whispered to me, and we cuddled. Because of the experience with him, I figured out that I love gentle guys - I love guys with gentle movements, gentle hands, and gentle voices. A few times with my guy helped me gather enough courage to finally say no to that couple. Raj gave it one last try: he observed closely during the play and saw me crying. Yes, it got to a place where I was crying while that husband was fucking me senselessly.
Gratitude toward my guy contributed significantly to my respect and admiration for him. And that feeling was maybe what initiated my feeling of being in love with him. But my guy is really too busy, or let's put it this way: he couldn't place sex too high on his list of priorities, and he doesn't think of me as anybody special he should make a little effort to meet, with or without sex. I tried, I really tried, for months. I tried to build a friendship with him, I tried to express my love and appreciation to him, I tried to plan something with him, but he couldn't make the time for me at all. Even now, considering how busy I am, I still tried. But moving onward, I truly have too many things on my plate, and I don't think we will ever see each other again, or at least not for a very, very long time. And I don't think I should call him "my guy" anymore, now I am happily building friendships with many of "my friends". "My friends", should be and would be one of the most essential structures that would support me and love me, through and through.
But this is all it's about, no? You meet people, you experience different things, and you figure things out. You figure out what you like and what you don't, you figure out what or who likes you and what or who doesn't like you, and in the process, you figure out who you are. And yes, not many people could stay for long in your life; only a few very very special people will. It's nobody's fault; it's just how the universe runs.
And now, suddenly, I found myself among people who, at least for now, care for me and desire me. I have absolutely no idea if any of them will last, or for how long. But as for now, I found myself completely lost in the embrace of Tomás (T, the "sixth". Now the number merely indicates the sequence in which they appear in my life as a single guy who plays MFM threesome with us), a guy who is so good at foreplay and impact play. Every move of his is sensual; it makes me hot and turns me on. I didn't know sex could be so interesting and fun; I have never experienced something so sensual before.
Actually, there were guys who tried sensory play on me, but what Tomás does to me is beyond anything I ever knew. The way he touches my body turns on all of my senses, and I believe each move was from years of experience and was intentional. He lifts me up in a way like how he lifts up a little baby, crawls them up into a ball, and puts them close to his chest. After a brief moment of heavenly closeness, he would then throw me around in an aggressive but gentle way. I know I would not get hurt at all, and my body and mind fall for the direct domination. He'd place me in the position he desired, most of the time a very articulated and complicated position. In that position, he then finally goes ahead and exhibits his dominance over me, in the most primal way possible. By then, I was all warm and wet, absolutely ready for him to occupy and dominate me, reaching the deepest part possible inside of my body.
Tomás was rough, but he was such a gentle partner; he possesses this ultimate capability of finding the balance. He hurts me like crazy because of his size - eight and a half inches, definitely the largest I've ever been with. I was in pain for at least a full eight to ten days after our first, and soon-followed second, play. My cervix and uterus were intensely painful and sore.
But when he was around me last night, I wanted him so much, and I found myself patiently and quietly longing for his attention while he took turns attending to all of his friends. He kindly introduced us to some of his best friends, and after the Folsom Street Fair, we had a 14-person orgy in Power Exchange, followed by a 9-person one in his hotel room.
What a great group of amazing human beings: kind and accepting, fun and adventurous, living their best lives with the ultimate sense of freedom. Tomás plays an essential role in this group because of how much he cares for and loves each and every one of his friends. He consistently makes an effort to satisfy all of their needs, to help them in whatever way possible. His existence puts people together - people who just want to live a happy life, freed from repression and judgment.
In the main room of Power Exchange, we played on the bed in the spotlight while a crowd watched. It was my first time there, and I didn't realize the "spotlight" setup after I was tossed around in the bed with five or six friends of Tomás. I think the whole mating process was being intensely observed by people who surrounded the open bed, and it’s part of the fun for this club.
"You are so sexy. You know all the guys who are watching us want so much to be doing what I am doing to you, because of how absolutely sexy you are," Tomás whispered in my ear.
One time he literally flipped me upside down. He was holding my pelvis, so my legs were up in the air above his head, and my arms, hair, and head fell straight down. He shoved his face into my upside-down pussy and devoured it like a savage.
At around 12:30 AM, in Tomás' hotel room, Raj really wanted to go home. Tomás lifted me up like a baby and dropped me off just three meters away, where I could maybe put on shoes. We were still talking, and I was also trying to take off the handmade leather wear Raj bought for me earlier at the Folsom Fair. As I was taking off the top part, we both sat back on the bed; he was one meter behind me. I could have done it myself, but I scooted back to be close to him and asked for his help to untie. My back was in front of his chest. He did help me untie, but he started caressing me while embracing me in his arms. He couldn't help but start kissing my hair and my shoulder, and he began moving me and positioning me.
I can't resist it when he does that to me: lifts me up like a groom lifts up his bride, a mommy lifts up her babies; holds my legs from my back and places me on top of his thighs facing outwards; applies force on my wrists to restrain them and place them whatever way he wants... I can't help but let him do whatever he wants to me and be instantly turned on.
Tomás started lifting my legs and placing me on top of his thighs, facing outwards. His friends started cheering, "Looks like nobody is going home yet." The whole room watched him pounding me for twenty minutes until I cum, screaming for an entire one minute.
I had a similar, yet completely opposite, experience with that couple. It was an eight-person group play in a hotel room as well. I was trying to escape, but that husband held on to me like a predator, and in front of the whole room, he pounded on me for a long time. To be honest, when men start pounding in the most primal way, they are the same - there is no gentleness and no mercy. But how different a woman can feel!
It was the exact same setting - an intense mating scene being closely observed and commented on by a room of friends. Physically, I was in immense bitter-sweet pain, but mentally I felt utterly violated with that husband who was unable to connect with me and be intimate. Making me cum? What nonsense! Whereas I felt longing, satisfaction, comfort, and ecstasy with Tomás, who had been sensual, sweet, and gentle to me. Our bodies and souls connected and intertwined in a celestial way, I could cum over and over again with my vagina tightly and intensely wrapping his giant cock in rapture inside of me.
That eight-person orgy in an SF hotel room was the last straw for me. After that, I couldn't contain how much I detested the experience with the husband, in spite of how gorgeous, kind and fabulous the wife was. I begged Raj, I cried, I was saddened and confused, I wanted an exit, at least a long pause from this lifestyle. I suffered in silence. Now, more than sixteen months later, I've survived and walked out of that temporary shadow. I even met a guy who is capable of showing me what real love-making that is tailored specifically for me feels like. I can't fathom what could make me feel luckier.
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