My heart bleeds

I am not doing well. 

I don't understand why there is so much suffering in this world. 

I can't bear to live in such a world. 

I thought I escaped all that brutality by leaving China, but the truth is, escaping humanity's inhumanity is pure quixotism.

Am I the one who's gone mad, or is the world? 

Am I really existing, or is all this just a nightmare from which I could wake up?

Why does everybody act so normal as if none of them saw or heard a thing? As if nothing had happened?

Why do people fail to respond to children's cries for help? How can people allow the powerful to conduct such atrocities against children? 

How small people's minds are? How dark people's hearts can be?

Is this how it unfolds -- people, as a whole, gradually getting numb and falling into the abyss of authoritarianism and totalitarianism's coldness and cruelty? 

Or we, as people, never really had power?

Even when we were granted a certain level of power, we were too weak, ignorant, and deceived to accept and use it? Or did we take it for granted?

People are so selfish and short-sighted that they just couldn't see past the distractions and delusions in front of their eyes, and again and again fall into the same trap?

Most people do live in their tiny, dark, and lonely boxes without sunlight, don't they?

If I allow myself to be exposed to all the menacing crimes against the innocent children around the globe, how am I able to continue living? 

It takes a lot of courage to face the truth, that's why most of us choose to be small and weak, cold and distant, and choose to turn our heads away and shut our eyes?

Why is humanity always, always filled with slaughters, conquests, and oppressions? 

Endless atrocities — wars, genocides, extermination, eradication, and subjugation of entire peoples, they might pause for a while, but they will never leave us, will they?

Each powerful man has the potential to turn into a monstrous slaughtering machine, even with the whole world's helpless eyes on them?

Each society, no matter where it came from — even a high ground with absolute openness and freedom — could fall into darkness in a single night. It happened again, it will keep happening, isn't it?

What is wrong with us?

What is wrong with us???