"Mind fuck"

Holy shit, I can achieve spirituality or nirvana or whatever it is by getting lost in my writing! Oh, it feels so good...  

I realized my "novel" falls into the category of sci-fi, but my mind has never functioned as if it were constructing a fiction. Not in a normal sense. My mind has always been bubbling with non-fiction words, in a philosophical manner, never too much into imagining detailed personal ups and downs or relationships and stories between different individuals. Most of it feels too gossipy and soapy for me to truly enjoy.   

Especially after this "rekindle" effort - I officially announced my defeat on continuing the "dark" sexual rom-com after halfway through. I told Raj, "so much bullshit, detached from reality in all senses and also non-nutricious at all to my mind." Not to demean, but it's really not for me. How deep can two people go, emotionally and spiritually, when both are stereotypically conditioned under the mainstream doctrination? How complex can a story between two people be while lacking any description or regard for the social structures and networks in which they live? I thoroughly enjoyed the "Bridgerton" book series; they reminded me of the classics I loved and grew up with. They all possess a thorough understanding and display of their current societal frameworks, as well as the diverse relationships and characteristics within them, which is what makes them interesting. There is a massive difference between rom-com and classics; no wonder I had never gravitated towards them growing up. In the Chinese language, such rom-com is prominent too, alright? Because it could stay as far away from politics as the authors wish, they are safe and profitable, and they make girls scream! 

Gosh, I will never be a "famous" writer. I don't think I can ever write to satisfy people's fantasies and whatnot. My nonfiction style of writing may not be interesting to most people on Earth. Meanwhile, she is! After indulging in reading rom-com for a year, she is now a writer of rom-com! I do hope she finds calm, peace, and fulfillment in this process, and even achieves fame and success! Whatever makes one happy, right? I think as long as I can freely immerse myself in my own thoughts and imaginary worlds, amazed by the boundlessly weird concepts my mind conjures, I am all set! 

I will still be waiting to fall in love, though. I think the ultimate romantic scene for me would be -- mind fuck, a concept that popped up in my mind a second ago. I haven't experienced that, actually. With Raj, to a degree, for sure. But there might be more, I just don't know yet. What a great concept, "mind fuck". Imma include this in my novel! Imma invent a group of nouns and verbs to describe this concept in my own way, which becomes prominent in the late 2060s amidst the 4th wave of the feminist movement, a byproduct of the rise of "nonverbal meditational practice" and the surge of women's search for spirituality with their renewed sense of self-concept and their relationships with their physical and spiritual environment.  

Leena told Raj about me last night, "She was nonstop bubbling about her ideas in her sci-fi, feminism and all that, Sangha and I were high and couldn't stop laughing, and I was thinking to myself, wow, this girl is so smart, these weird points are all making so much sense!" I was high but so happy hearing it. I think this could be a little inspiration as for what "mind fuck" could feel like. 

I'd love the complete physical submergence comes with it though, hence I think my "mind fuck" could still be limited to be with one gender, in the general sense. I want to experience the back-and-forth in-depth exchanges about our minds and imagination; I want to be awed by how the other party can penetrate so deeply into my mind with their perceptions and imagination (while penetrating my female body - one on one DP); I want to know what it feels like to link our consciousnesses and lock them in the most magical way. An entity has to be equipped with the capability to achieve spirituality itself, in order to perform "mind fuck" with me who must be upgraded to have all senses open too. It could be entirely confined in my imagination, or it could be miraculously happening in this earthly world with another human being, or a (male) dolphin. I just don't know, yet. But yeah, I like this idea and will surely incorporate it into my sci-fi!

"We fuck b* together type shit" 

Where did this village illiterate come from???

I have never used the term "f*boy" on anybody

 (unless I aim to specially demean that person, never happened anyway)

I corrected a 22 y/o about calling women "chicks" 

was his father's way of expression

got poisoned growing up without knowing

but now he doesn't do it

"Just call them women, 

girls if they want to be called that way, or if they are young, 

but best, women"