2021-8-25

Been trying to make peace with this world, been trying to move on. Yes, it was a very sudden and complete failure, it shattered all that hope which has been built over half a year. 

What's the hope? The democratic world finally will have a leader and make the alliance, getting ready to face off the authoritarian regimes and the dictators' wild ambition of taking over the world. How many people have died in the pandemic so far? That truly broke my heart. How did it happen? Arrogant months-long coverups and telling lies, shutting down of only domestic airlines but not international ones - the premeditated let-outs, and utilizing the nation's propaganda machine inward and outward, to shirk responsibilities, frame and defame the other nations. If a man-made (you can call it that way regardless of the virus from a lab or not, no?) pandemic that took so many people's lives is not enough to wake us up, then we are surely moving toward a path to destruction. When the next global disaster comes, I don't think any of us would be ready for the loss. 

But this is the essence of democratic societies: the top brain reflects common people's will. Who are common people? Just like most of us humans: ignorant, biased, shortsighted, greedy, weak and selfish, deeply flawed. Just because one has never lived in the dark, one lacks the imagination of darkness. That's why we have never stopped suffering, and we would never will. I guess the essence of us humans is about repeating that painful history over and over again, cycle after cycle. We will never learn, we can never learn. 

I think I have found my angle, the angle to make peace with this world. No matter how much we cry, how hard we try, all that we are, just a speck of dust floating in the dark, a spot of foam carried down by the river. Not able to cause a ripple, not able to change the direction, even our own direction. Yes, some of us are more powerful than others, like the dictators, they believe they could alter the course, by sacrificing and slaughtering. But the ability to face our ultimate truth, facing it with no fear and no regret, is what makes you and I different. 

I can never build up that anger for anything or anyone, because no matter how heartbroken I am, the world is indeed beautiful to my eyes. Simply because of the existence of us, the deeply flawed humans. Either in the same space or parallel universe, either at the same time or scattered in the past and future, I have felt your heart and you have seen mine, I have missed you and you have missed me, you have been true to yourself and I have been too, that is all about the story of us, that is all about the story of us.