Just had one of the strangest playdates.... well, don't want to seem narrow-minded, but, is this what people do? I have no freaking clue, nobody ever taught me anything, nobody is there to discuss any of this with me and pass the wisdom, and there's no guidebook for stay-home moms and dads...
I think it's absolutely normal, it's what moms and dads do all around the world, arrange playdates for kids, right? It's just that today is swimming. Well, we do a lot of swimming/splashing playdates in our own community swimming pool with tons of families in the summer! I guess that when I go as one member of a family group, it feels more natural. Your husband or sister-in-law or sister-in-law's husband is always there to be with you.
So today it was just me and a stay-home dad...We've been going on playdates almost every week for a few months now. J has been arranging all those playdates. Usually, it's four families, 3 stay-home moms, and 1 stay-home dad. But sometimes it was just me and J because the other 2 moms couldn't make it. This week the other moms couldn't make it again, J knew we would be flying out on Thursday so he asked me if I wanted to come to their swimming pool today since their swimming pool just opened over the weekend. Well, why not? My daughter loves swimming, I do too, and we have nothing else to do.
I think it's really very normal, it's just that people from certain cultures might go through some thought process when it comes to events involving both genders. And people who live in different parts of the world like India or South Korea might not run into such situations.
But stay-home moms and dads, right? The most powerless and harmless category of people, no income, no social recognition, the entire security depends on the breadwinner of the household... Although J was an engineer at NASA, only because his wife is a surgeon, he decided to take care of the two sons instead of letting work steal away the most precious experience of being a parent.
I did resist the urge to feel weird about it. I'm an open-minded person who lives in 2022, why can't I go swimming with my child's friend's dad? Plus we've truly become good friends, we share stories, parenting experiences and tips, also social and cultural stuff. Since the daddy is half Japanese half Chinese, and mommy is Vietnamese, our families share a very similar culture. J does know a lot of stuff I'm talking about like the Asian history, what's happening in China, how Japan is, current geopolitics etc. Plus he looks like one of my old classmates, very Japanese too, that gives me a sense that I'm hanging out with my hometown folks. When I'm in China, we do hang out no matter where for all kinds of social events and don't feel weird about it right? Because we grew up together!
I don't understand why a stay-home parent has to be a woman and what if it's a man, like J, then he doesn't get a chance to make friends and enjoy the lonely parenting time with other stay-home parents? Why there should be a potential to view such playdates as not appropriate? How society puts all that weird stuff into people's minds, is absolutely sinister.
Luckily we don't live under anyone's watchful eyes, really we are making rules ourselves every step of the way. And I wish there would be more stay-home dads in the world to wash away the stay-home mom stigma. As a result, it could be a much more healthy and happy community which is so crucial to children's development.
If I was this strong and experienced years ago, I would have figured out a better way to be with my professor instead of running away and continuing to make a difference in the world. Anyways, part of the learning, part of the life. Just a thought.
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