I think I have turned into one of the crazy dog ladies who use stroller to push their dog babies everywhere... Monday through Thursday I took Lulu to my Berkeley office in all mornings. By Thursday I had started talking to Lulu nonstop, wherever we went. "Who z a good girl? Who z a good girl? Lulu a good girl! Lulu a good girl!" We also had our long talks while I was waiting for her to poop in random bushes on the road side and picking up those stinky sticky sticks. People saw me from their cafe window must think I was talking to myself if they couldn't see my dog, but meh, it's Berkeley, no big deal. Lulu recognized the path from where I park my car to my office from the second day in Berkeley. I only needed to remind her, "Lulu, stop, wait here! Lulu, it's green light now, can you see it? It changed from red to green just now, let's go! Run Run Run, we got Only 15 seconds! It's dangerous to cross the street without watching all cars okay? Always watch first then cross the street." She would run towards the right direction, ahead of me, with ears standing in the air.
I don't allow Lulu to sleep in my bed, that's the line I draw between me and a dog. Fortunately Lulu is good at complying, on the first night I told her "no", she would never cross the line. But as day went by, I started picking her up more and more often, holding her on my chest like a human baby, especially when I see her looking up at me with such innocent watery eyes. Sometimes, randomly, for no reason, I just have this urge to put my hands on her, comb through her curly hair, lift her up, bring her to my face, whisper to her ears, bother her and walk around while shaking her in rhythm. She never seems to be bothered though, she loves it, quietly enjoys all that love.
The thing is, she follows me wherever I go, never more than two steps away. At beginning it's mostly food motivated, but more and more I realize it has developed into love and affection, she just wants to be exactly two steps away from where I am in spite of if she's hungry or full, day and night 24 hours a day! She looks for me all the time, if she couldn't find me, she cries outside of my door and that's while Aditi is searching for her downstairs and wanting to play with her! Every night when I brush the kids' teeth she sleeps on the bathroom mat, when I send the kids to bed she follows to the bedroom's carpet, when I leave the bedroom to go downstairs she instantly wakes up from her snoring deep sleep and follows me on her tumbling steps at 10pm! Then I just hold her up in my arms to go down the stairs, up the stairs, lock the side door, fetch the mails, wash clothes, heat up water, make my drinks, eat some snacks. For whatever that I do after 10pm, I am now holding my dog baby because she's so adorable and so kind to be half-awake this late to protect me!
Holding Lulu is like holding a toddler who's forever 1.5 years old, however a toddler without the whining to address, without the worry for development and education, and without the sadness of seeing them grow up then grow out of nest. How can I not have this motherly urge to pamper this little dependent and obedient furry creature?
Lulu is a small size poodle mix, mix with what, I didn't pay attention. In dogs' world, little dogs bark much more than big dogs, not sure I understand the correlation here though. But no matter how small they are in size, it's in their blood to protect his/her tribal members. One day a delivery guy left a package outside my front door, he pressed the door bell and went. I was not experienced therefore right away I opened the door to check. Before I realized it, Lulu already stormed out of my door and ran across the street, followed the delivery guy to his truck, and barked at him in such aggression, warning him to stay away from her humans or else he would taste her rotten small teeth and claws. That poor delivery guy even lifted up his right leg, got ready to fight for his life. Lulu is never aggressive when we are around, she never scratch nor bite. But man oh man, she was ready to fight for me with her own life.
Another incident happened on Friday when we were buying grocery in Indian store. Aditi was sleeping in the car, Maa and I had to leave Lulu behind to shop inside the store. When we took turns coming out to check on the two baby girls, the baby dog was sitting on the platform in between of driver and co-pilot seats, 100% alert, eyes locked on the sleeping human baby, 100% quiet, not even one tiny bark. If I have to lock Lulu inside the car by herself when I run for other errands, she barks helplessly and constantly looks outside in the direction of which I left. And if I fall asleep in the car, I am pretty sure she would snore much louder than me, legs and head open in five directions, long torso draping on my head. How come dogs so loyal and intelligent? You just can't resist falling in love with them.
"Why give them canned turkey meat if I could cook fresh chicken or any kind of meat for them?" From the fourth day onward, I have been feeding Lulu the meat I cook: washed curry chicken, roasted pork spear ribs, stripped chicken nuggets, meat-attached beef bones... She trembles uncontrollably when she knows freshly cooked meat is on way. She finishes those meat in a lightening instant, I don't think I could even count to 5 before all completely disappear but an empty bowl. What a foodie. "I am gonna make you such fine cuisine that you will be addicted to merely the thought of it, and you will never want to leave me, not even two steps away, day and night. I am gonna let you eat it as your heart desires, gonna let you eat it as much as you want, whenever you want it. I am gonna let you lick it, let you play with it, let you slurp it, let you chew on it, let you suck it, let you do whatever you want with it, whatever you want...'m gonna..." Is it only me or it's sounding a little dirty?
I have started my campaign on Raj, campaign of getting my own dog one day. He sounded very hesitant, "I don't like dogs, but if you really want... just don't go to a shelter without me, okay?" "Hey, where are you now? I get really lonely okay? Dogs stay close to me at all time, make me feel less lonely..." "Okay, okay, as long as you really want... It's a lot of work okay, don't rush into it..." I wouldn't get anything before the summer when we will be in India for two months. But once we get back, I might really walk in some shelter one day. I have started researching on hypoallergenic dog breeds, they all look so damn cute and innocent, now I could fall in love with merely ads image of puppies. I guess once I am in the shelter, I will bring home the first hypoallergenic puppy I will ever meet, they all possess the power of melting my heart anyway.
I am much confident that I will be able to take care of a dog, mainly because I can bring my dog to Berkeley office as how I brought Lulu in. Prof has a cat in home, which means they are not allergic to animal hair. I didn't inform him I was going to bring a dog, just directly dropped my dog on prof's table. Prof told me earlier that his daughter really wanted a dog but they refused, it was even used against them. I guess they are too busy to tend to any dog or puppy. The first day I arrived earlier than prof, when he opened the door, Lulu barked at him like there was no tomorrow. I went ahead picking Lulu up and telling her "no no no". I also explained my situation to prof, prof replied, "It's ok, she will get used to here". On that day we worked together a lot, prof was sitting with me in my room most of the time. When we had a meeting with Tony, I locked Lulu out with door closed. Lulu started whining towards the end of the meeting. However Lulu got familiar with my prof. The second day, she only barked one or two times when we entered the building. The third day, I arrived earlier again, Lulu barked at the door which was being open but stopped when she realized it was prof. The fourth day, prof came and said to Lulu "Hi Lulu!" Ya, I am surely gonna bring my own dog baby to office, if I ever get one.
With me getting more serious about my work as well as taking up more responsibilities, I now think I can't leave America three years in a row, it's not going to work out for my work situation. I want to be with my prof, I want to build up multiple new sites together with him. I understand the significance of our work, I comprehend the importance for the future to come. It's exactly what I have been longing to do, precisely how I have always been wanting to contribute, for making a better China. Only that, compared to my own personal social media platforms, it has a thousand-time larger and higher stage. When I was younger I was naive about what the party held. Now all that layers of clothing have been ripped off, I have seen how filthy and grotesque it looks like without disguise. I have lost all hope but only the will to fight. I have also gotten rid of that tiny drop of doubt about the purpose of those who fought, because I have become them, in an identical style. Yes I want to be with my prof, in our own way. Hence we are considering the possibility of staying in India for a summer, a semester at one time, rather than a whole year or whole three years.
Ok, time to wake up my baby dog, lead her pee and poop outside, and hold her upstairs for sleeping.
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