From Indians-In-China IICofficial 2018-08-14
"Raj and I fell in love within a few days after meeting each other at "Coffee Hour" at the beginning of our summer session in 2008. When we decided to get married in the year 2009, we didn't tell our parents because both sides wouldn't agree, and in fact, they were against our union at that time. So we got married at the Civic Center of San Francisco. After several years we finally gained approval from our families. In January 2013 my parents hosted a Chinese wedding ceremony for us in my hometown, a remote place in the mountain area in Fu Jian province. “
拉斯和我在2008年夏季会议开始时在”咖啡时刻“相遇后的几天内坠入爱河。当我们决定在2009年结婚时，我们没有告诉我们的父母，因为双方父母都是不同意的。所以我们在旧金山市政中心结婚。几年后我们终于得到了家人的认可。2013年1月，我的父母为我们举办了一个中国的婚礼仪式，我的家乡福建省山区偏远的地方。
As for Raj's family, they are going to host the Indian wedding in December 2013 in their hometown in east India. In Chinese and Indian society, wedding is one of the biggest social events, it's not only the bonding of two people, but more a family event. And since both of our parents need to host the wedding among their own social circles, there should be two ceremonies. So this is why we already had a Chinese wedding at the beginning of the year, and we are going to have an Indian wedding at the end of the year..."
至于Raj的家人，他们将于2013年12月在印度东部的家乡举办印度婚礼。在中国和印度社会，婚礼是最大的社交活动之一，它不仅是两个人的联系，更是一个家庭活动。由于我们的父母都需要在他们自己的社交圈中举办婚礼，所以应该有两个仪式。所以这就是为什么我们年初已经举办过中式婚礼，我们将在年底举办一场印度婚礼......“
Growing up, Zheng Momo from Guangze county, Fujian Province never imagined that she would marry a man from India, a nation that is geographically close China but still remains a mystery to most of China's population.
我来自福建省光泽县的郑墨沫从未想到她会嫁给一个来自印度的男人，印度是一个地理位置接近中国的国家，但对中国大多数人口来说仍然是一个谜。
She and Raj Shekhar Singh, from Bokaro in India, have been married for 9 years, and live in the US.
来自印度Bokaro的她和Raj Shekhar Singh已经结婚9年了，住在美国。
"What attracts me to him is his rich spiritual world, his respect for women and his mercy to people and animals," Zheng said. “
吸引我的是他丰富的精神世界，他对女性的尊重以及对人和动物的怜悯，”郑说。
"We went through a lot of barriers to be with each other like most other people in China-India cross-cultural relationships. We really cherish what we have today."
“与中印跨文化关系中的大多数其他人一样，我们遇到了很多障碍。我们非常珍惜今天的生活。”
The number of China-India cross-cultural relationships and marriages has increased in recent years because of the more frequent economic and cultural exchanges between the two countries, according to Zheng's observations.
根据郑的观察，由于两国经济和文化交流日益频繁，近年来中印跨文化关系和婚姻的数量有所增加。
Hu Zhiyong, a research fellow at the Institute of International Relations of the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences, also observed the same trend.
上海社会科学院国际关系研究所研究员胡志勇也观察到了同样的趋势。
"As the internationalization got deeper and the economic and trade relationships between China and Southeast Asian countries develop, China-India cross-cultural relationships and marriages will increase," Hu said.
胡说：“随着国际化进程的加深，中国与东南亚国家经贸关系的发展，中印跨文化关系和婚姻将会增加。”
"Under the influence of the Belt and Road initiative, more Chinese are visiting and working in Southeast Asian countries. It also provides opportunities for Indians and Chinese to learn about each other," Hu said.
“在”一带一路“倡议的影响下，更多的中国人正在东南亚国家访问和工作。这也为印度人和中国人提供了相互了解的机会，”胡说。
Zheng and her husband Raj met in 2008 in the US while they were participating in an academic exchange program. They fell in love quickly and a year later, they got married.
郑和她的丈夫Raj在2008年在美国参加了学术交流计划。他们很快坠入爱河，一年后，他们结婚了。
Ever since they met, Zheng has been observing the trend of China-India cross-cultural relationships and marriages. Back in 2008, there was no information about these types of relationships online. "But now when you search on the internet, you can always find new stories about China-India cross-cultural relationships," Zheng said.
自从他们见面以来，郑一直在观察中印跨文化关系和婚姻的趋势。早在2008年，就没有关于这些类型的在线关系的信息。 “但现在当你在互联网上搜索时，你总能找到关于中印跨文化关系的新故事，”郑说。
Zheng is a member of a WeChat group made up of people in China-India cross-cultural relationships and marriages.
郑是一个由中印跨文化关系和婚姻组成的微信群组成员。
"This group alone has 200 such couples," Zheng said.
“仅此一组就有200对这样的夫妻，”郑说。
Most of the relationships consist of an Indian man and a Chinese woman. According to Zheng, there is only one couple in the WeChat group where the woman is Indian and the man is Chinese. Most of the couples in the group live in China; a small percentage of them live in other more developed countries like the US.
大多数关系由印度男人和中国女人组成。据郑先生介绍，微信组中只有一对夫妇是印度人妻子，男人是中国人。这群人中的大多数夫妻都住在中国;其中一小部分人生活在美国等其他较发达的国家。
"This shows the inequality of men and women in India. Men have more opportunities to get an education, go into the world and be free to choose their own marriages. Not many women in India have these opportunities," she said.
“这显示了印度男女的不平等。男性有更多的机会接受教育，进入世界，可以自由选择自己的婚姻。印度没有多少女性有这些机会，”她说。
The increasing number of such couples indicates the more frequent exchanges between the two countries.
越来越多的这种夫妇表明两国之间的交流越来越频繁。
"More Indians are coming to cities in China like Guangzhou, Guangdong Province and Ningbo, Zhejiang Province to conduct business in trade. Once they are here, they meet the love of their life in China," Zheng said.
“越来越多的印度人来到中国的城市，如广州，广东省和宁波，浙江省开展贸易业务。一旦他们来到这里，他们就会遇到爱的人，”郑说。
Besides the business community, there is also more education exchange between China and India. From this education exchange process, more China-India cross-cultural relationships and marriages have emerged.
除了商业社区，中国和印度之间的教育交流也更多。从这种教育交流过程中，出现了更多的中印跨文化关系和婚姻。
According to a report by the People's Daily in January, there were 18,171 Indian students in China in 2016, which surpassed the number of Indian students in the UK, a country that has been very attractive to Indian students.
据“人民日报”1月报道，2016年中国有18,171名印度学生，超过了英国的印度学生人数，这个国家对印度学生非常有吸引力。
According to the same report, most Indian students choose to study medical science majors, engineering and computer sciences in China because of the lower cost and better job prospects.
根据同一份报告，由于成本较低，就业前景较好，大多数印度学生选择在中国学习医学专业，工程学和计算机科学。
According to a Global Times report in August 2017, the number of Chinese students in India has also increased in recent years. Chinese students are attracted by India's cost-effective higher-level education and English-language environment.
根据2017年8月的环球时报报道，近年来印度的中国学生人数也有所增加。印度具有成本效益的高等教育和英语环境吸引了中国学生。
Dheeraj is a 22-year-old medical student who currently studies at Peking University, and he met his Chinese girlfriend a year ago on campus.
Dheeraj是一名22岁的医学院学生，目前在北京大学学习，一年前他在校园里遇到了他的中国女友。
"Most Chinese girls are well educated, independent and have an open mind to people from other cultures. Besides that, their personality is very gentle, and they care about their family," Dheeraj said, adding that many of his Indian friends in China want to find a Chinese partner.
“大多数中国女孩都受过良好的教育，独立，对来自其他文化的人有开放的心态。除此之外，他们的性格非常温和，他们关心他们的家庭，”Dheeraj说，并补充说他在中国的许多印度朋友都想要找一个中国伴侣。
Besides the business and student community, many Chinese and Indians meet each other and fall in love in a third country while they are traveling or studying abroad like Zheng and her husband Raj did.
除了商业和学生社区之外，许多中国人和印度人在旅行或出国留学期间相遇并在第三国坠入爱河。
Yankee Chen, who runs a coffee shop in Beijing, met her Indian boyfriend in Malaysia while she was traveling with her friend.
在北京经营一家咖啡店的Yankee Chen在与她的朋友一起旅行时遇到了她在马来西亚的印度男友。
"I fell in love the first time I laid eyes on him, and we established a relationship the day after we met. Five years later, we are still together," Yankee Chen said. "Most of my friends don't understand why I insist on dating an Indian, whom they presume are uneducated, poor, unsanitary and have no respect for women. It's not easy."
“我第一次看到他时就坠入爱河，在我们见面后的第二天就建立了关系。五年后，我们还在一起，”Yankee Chen说。 “我的大多数朋友都不明白为什么我坚持与印度人约会，他们认为印度人没有受过教育，贫穷，不卫生，不尊重女性。这并不容易。”
Barriers to surmount 超越的障碍
To Zheng and her husband Raj, their road together is a bumpy one, and they had to go through many obstacles to be together, mainly from their families.
对于郑和她的丈夫拉吉来说，他们的道路是一个颠簸的道路，他们必须经历许多障碍才能在一起，主要来自他们的家人。
When Zheng first announced to her parents that she was dating a guy from India and they were going to get married, her mother cried for an entire year.
当郑首次向她的父母说她正在和一个来自印度的男人谈恋爱准备要结婚，她的母亲哭了整整一年。
"They didn't even know where India was, and they just assumed that people from India are poor, could not provide a good life for me, are superstitious and abuse women," Zheng said.
“他们甚至不知道印度在哪里，他们只是觉得印度的人贫穷，无法为我提供好生活，迷信和虐待女性，”郑说。
"They came to those conclusions based on the pieces of information from the internet where the media only report extreme cases as a hype to attract audiences."
“他们根据来自互联网的信息得出了这些结论，媒体只报道极端情况作为吸引观众的炒作。” "My family threatened to disown me if I insisted on being with him," Zheng recalled.
“如果我坚持和他在一起，我的家人就会威胁和我断绝关系，”郑回忆说。
While Zheng was under pressure from her own parents, her boyfriend Raj was under even more pressure from his parents. Raj's mother also cried every day and worried about their relationship.
虽然郑女士受到了自己父母的压力，但她的男友拉吉则受到父母的压力。拉吉的母亲每天都哭着担心他们的关系。
Arranged marriage is still the ideal choice for most Indian families. The older generations still believe that only by arranged marriage can their children have a stable marriage and that free love is a bad thing, according to Zheng, especially since Raj is from a place that tends to be closed-up to foreign cultures, and Raj is the first person in his hometown to marry a foreign woman that he knows of.
对于大多数印度家庭来说，安排婚姻仍然是理想的选择。据郑说，老一辈人仍然认为只有通过安排婚姻才能使他们的孩子拥有稳定的婚姻，而自由恋爱是一件坏事，特别是像拉吉来自一个往往与外国文化封闭的地方，而拉吉他是家乡第一个娶了外国女人的人。
"Free love is frowned upon, not to mention finding a foreign woman, that's a catastrophe," Zheng said.
“自由的爱是不受欢迎的，更不用说寻找一个外国女人，这简直是一场灾难，”郑说。
This is due to the stereotypes the older generation has for foreign women, according to Zheng.
郑说，这是由于老一代对外国女性的刻板印象。
The literacy rate and the internet penetration rate are not high in that time, so their perception of the outside world is limited, according to Zheng.
郑说，印度的识字率和互联网普及率并不高，因此他们对外界的看法有限。
India went through a rather closed period, and the media created some stereotyped images of foreign women, like in the popular Indian movie Purab Aur Paschim (1970), the Western women in the movie are depicted behaving rather loosely and they trick the kind, pious Indian boys, according to Zheng.
印度经历了一个相当封闭的时期，媒体创造了一些外国女性的刻板印象，就像流行的印度电影Purab Aur Paschim（1970）一样，电影中的西方女性被描绘成表现得相当开放，他们欺骗那种善良，虔诚的印度男孩。
"Under those circumstances, it is no wonder that many older Indians are defensive about foreign women. The obstacles we went through are mainly because of the misunderstandings between people from the two countries," Zheng said.
“在这种情况下，难怪许多印度老年人对外国女性采取防御措施。我们遇到的障碍主要是因为两国人民之间的误解，”郑说。
Fortunately, their love for each other is determined. Zheng and Raj eloped in the US, where Raj was doing his doctorate degree. Later, due to the constant persuasion and the confirmation that they are nothing like the stereotyped images, their parents finally accepted their marriage.
幸运的是，他们对彼此的爱是决定的。郑和拉在美国私奔，Raj正在那里攻读博士学位。后来，由于不断的说服和确认他们不像陈规定型的形象，他们的父母终于接受了他们的婚姻。
The many similarities 有很多相似之处
With nine years of marriage and two children, Zheng said despite the misunderstandings and the stereotyped images, people from China and India actually have a lot in common in terms of the relationship in a marriage and the strong attachment and feelings to their families.
郑女士说，在结婚九年和两个孩子的情况下，尽管存在误解和刻板印象，但中国和印度人在婚姻关系和对家庭的强烈依恋和感情方面确实有很多共同之处。
The family culture in China and India are both ones where the parents sacrifice everything to support and take care of their children, and the children take care of their parents when they are old, Zheng said.
郑说，中国和印度的家庭文化都是父母牺牲一切来支持和照顾子女的家庭文化，孩子们在他们年老时照顾父母。
Momo writes for her Mother-In-Law on Facebook:
For the past 40 days, every morning my mother-in-law wakes up at 6am to cook for the whole family, then she feeds, changes diaper, plays with the kids. In the library events we attend almost everyday, she is always jumping, singing and dancing with the kids, full of interests and energy.
Every night after we feed, shower, and make the kids sleep, my mother-in-law would clean up the whole kitchen and living space. Most of the time at 11pm you would find her folding the mountains of clothes of the family, almost dosing off.
The day before she flying back to India, she was crying and telling me:"Momo I love you very much." Do you know, Maa, I cherish each every minute of the quality time we spent with you.
Because you show me what is the true meaning of selfless love. In this selfish world, we see people getting dragged into their little world, we see them getting smaller and smaller. They fight over small personal lost and gain, while you are breaking your back, quietly washing the millions of dishes, packing the zilliions of toys, mopping the floor of the whole house.
You are still capable of giving, giving your whole heart.
You are still capable of sacrificing, sacrificing without caring about the rewards.
You are still ashamed of taking, no matter how tough of the life you had lived.
You still respect each every being you encoutered, forgives each every wrong doing and you teach us to do the same.
You are stronger than most of the people I've known. Because the ability of respect and forgive, the ability to achieve real inner peace, only happens with really strong minds.
Every day I am feeling unbelievably lucky for my kids, because my mother has the exact same quality as my mother-in-law.
I wish my kids will grow up to cherish their grandmothers, and to be like their grandmothers
"Couples in both countries are dependent on each other. They put their money together and make important decisions together," Zheng said.
“这两个国家的夫妻互相依赖。他们把钱放在一起，共同做出重要决定，”郑说。
"We have close relationships with our close relatives; we would live close by and take care of each other. This familial culture is different from Western countries. I think because of the similar familial cultures, Raj and I get along even better," Zheng said.
“我们与近亲有着密切的关系;我们会住在附近并互相照顾。这种家庭文化与西方国家不同。我认为，由于相似的家庭文化，拉吉和我相处得更好，”郑说过。
Besides, Zheng believes that she has learned a lot from her Indian husband in terms of the peaceful and rich spiritual world, his philosophical worldview and his love for all living things.
此外，郑认为，她在和平和丰富的精神世界，他的哲学世界观和对所有生物的热爱方面，从她的印度丈夫那里学到了很多东西。
"I believe that with the more frequent exchanges between the two countries, people from China and India will get deeper, and we will see more cross-cultural relationships and marriages between the two countries," Zheng said.
“我相信，随着两国交流的频繁发展，来自中国和印度的人们将会更加深入，我们将看到两国之间更多的跨文化关系和婚姻，”郑说。
