No matter how horrible the situations turned out to be regarding women's social status, rights, and freedom, or the society's progress on justice and equality, civility, and habitability, if Raj took me to see ancient ruins, I would surely find strong spiritual connections with the land. I must have existed in ancient India, hundreds or thousands of years ago, inside the grand stone cities or lingering around on Shiv's high mountains. I used to be intimate with Shiv; I still am.
My Indian family has grown used to me and is very tolerant of my choice of clothing and my social media posting style. Still, I got mad one time when staying in Bokaro because of Maa’s comment on my top. I was wearing my India-special outfit - long, flowy ethnic pants with a fairly conservative top, compared to my other tops. Raj reminded me to take a shawl because we were going to visit a 96-year-old grandma and her offspring. It's considered "disrespectful" if women's body parts are not covered up. Why? Nobody knows. People just blindly follow without asking questions or knowing what it was like before.
Let me explain to you then. It's considered "disrespectful" because women are considered inferior, because women's bodies are deemed demonic and sinful, and because people believe women lack the ability of self-regulation. If men "fell," it's all due to women's looseness and seduction; hence, women's behaviors should be under severe surveillance. According to whom? According to the dominant religions in the current world, no? Ancient Indian women never used to cover up; each and every woman was topless, sometimes with a drape of a silk shawl on the shoulder, and that was it. Ancient Indian women's bodies were never considered sinful because, back then, women had a higher social status, mothers were not considered weak, girls were not considered stupid, they were more involved in public affairs, and they had more voice.
Our guide on Ajanta Caves summarized: "Gods are generally useless; only Goddesses control crucial things in life. These include the Goddess of wealth and prosperity (Lakshmi ma), the Goddess of power and victory (Durga ma), the Goddess of knowledge and wisdom (Saraswati ma), and the Goddess of fertility and family happiness (Parvati ma), along with many others." And don't forget the Sex Goddesses who were sent from the celestial realm to this dusty Earth to bring about happiness and satisfaction, like me.
In almost all ancient cultures, Goddesses played an important role in ideology and religion. When people come from and have a close relationship with nature, women are seen as just as important, strong, and powerful in their native way of life. The new set of religions gained power as one gender and intentionally pushed out other genders and their existence. This was one of the most effective ways to consolidate power, because ruling over and exploiting people who coexist in your community is the fastest and easiest track to control and power. Men have done this for thousands of years, in the blink of an eye. Now you understand why I'm obsessed with ancient cultures, especially ancient Indian culture, as it is the only surviving ancient culture of humans.
In ancient India, societies were much wealthier before the robbery, exploitation, and oppression of the Mughals and the British. The invaders and colonizers made people of the land forget, and they forgot. They forgot about their past glory, forgot about their pride, forgot all about their original way of life, and how respectfully they treated women. They forgot the ideals of respect, including respect for themselves, their cultures, nature, their surroundings, and women. That's what poverty causes. The British sucked the land of India dry and forced all the wealthy natives into extreme poverty. Poverty wipes out people's pride, respect, perspectives, and values.
I'm okay with always carrying a shawl and covering up whenever it's "needed", according to them, for their beliefs and for their convenience. Immediately after Raj's reminder, I took off my shoes, ran upstairs to my room, grabbed a shawl, and ran back down. With the shawl on my shoulder, Maa approached me tensely, held my top, and asked me to change into a bigger one. That sudden invasion of my personal space was entirely unfamiliar to me; even my parents never got so close to my body and touched my clothes if they thought they were "inappropriate." This triggered me, and here is how I respond when I am triggered: first, I would never go and change, you can as well kill me; second, how much of my chest I show to the world with my shawl depends entirely on my mood at that moment -nothing else has a say in it; and third, I make sure to convey my anger properly so people around me, including my kids, will know and learn. It's good for them to experience this sort of drama when they are young. I would rather them grow up with a mom who gets into trouble for resisting society's oppression of women than with her silence and submission.
"Why do all people's minds only think about women's clothing? Why is what we can and cannot wear, say, think, or where we can and cannot go - according to you - so important to everyone? Do you have absolutely nothing else to worry about? Why can't you think about the extremely dirty environment, the trash you all live in? This is not my world, okay? Always remember that! I have never seen or experienced anything like this before - trash everywhere, and nobody gives a damn about cleaning. You literally poop wherever you eat. And Chinese women can wear whatever the fuck we want, wherever we go. Think for yourselves how backward you all are; the only thing you can worry about is my top." On the entire ride to the old grandma's house, I made sure the car was filled with my anger.
Of course, I wouldn't say it was Maa who triggered me; I was solely shouting at Raj. Maa never has bad intentions, I know that. She was just in a state of hyper-tension, an automatic setting from living in Indian society for so long. People judge, people bully, people make sure they talk, and you obey. Did they think I would ever succumb to such evil and stupidity? Not another thousand years!
But obviously, Maa was intimidated by me, and she didn't say anything to me related to my outfit that day or for the entire trip traveling to the south together. She did try to explain herself to Raj later, saying that she "was only worried about my safety." Papa was in that conversation, too, trying to tell Raj that they don't really mind what women wear, but they worry that it's not safe for women in the streets of India and they want us to take care of ourselves. Papa didn't sit in the car that day when I got mad; well, if he were there, I would only shout at Raj when we were alone in a room. Maa is my friend I can be true with. Papa is Papa...
I do get angry sometimes, especially when it comes to women's rights and all. But I make sure people know that my anger is not personal at all; I am mostly angry with society and the general masses. None of our close family members is the typical "general mass" kind of people; we are open-minded and kind, and we have all traveled around the world. If some distant relatives are indeed the "general mass," I would make an extra effort to stay the fuck away from them, and I would be super polite with a fake smiling face whenever I am forced into the same space.
Right after we arrived at the old grandma's place, I held the doors for Maa, guided her hands, tidied her shawl, and cleaned her hair. I acted like the "sweetest daughter-in-law anybody could have" under all the watchful eyes. I stocked up daily beauty products for Maa from the market, left her those beautiful jade jewelry pieces I received as gifts while in China this time, on top of a pile of gifts I prepared from America and China, took her for a facial when I was getting one, made sure she ate well, and helped with house chores. We took Maa Papa along on the trip because we knew Maa would enjoy it. I didn't allow Maa to lift any bags on the way, like at the airport and all. I literally grabbed anything Maa was trying to hold from her and forced her to walk with ease, while I was holding two heavy food bags in my hand and carrying a heavy backpack. I made sure Maa always ate and drank well, was not too tired, and was well taken care of during the entire trip. And I was the family's designated photographer, videographer, video editor, and social media correspondent, as online presence is absolutely crucial in today's world, with hundreds of watchful eyes from town/village relatives and acquaintances. My parents run their own WeChat and Douyin (the Chinese version of TikTok) accounts, and these have become efficient announcement windows through which society gets firsthand news of them directly, rather than relying on rumors. For Maa and Papa, my posts on Facebook and, nowadays, Instagram, have always been their window to show people in their world. "Momo's posts" have always been popular among the Indian side.
Yes, I do get angry sometimes, but in my actions, I would never mean ill. Maa and Papa know, and that's why after we arrived back in California, on the first phone call, Papa was out of the blue praising me before any conversation started: "Momo is such a good girl, such a good girl! We are very lucky!"
In India, I dress whatever way I want. I cover up to please them or show off my enticing shape and skin to intentionally seduce or offend them, but mostly for fun, however much I want. I make sure I remind everyone there who is aware of my presence: You have your way of doing things, and I have mine. You do you, and I do I. You have absolutely no power over me, don't even try. I am definitely not one of you if you don't believe so. I surely could be one of you if you could reach my height and are willing to accept and include me as I am.
With the confidence and grace I held, I had turned myself into the center of attraction wherever I went. In the tourist spots, where people walk around from cave to cave and monastery to monastery, people stared at me, murmured and giggled about me. They also crowded me, talked to me, reached out to me, and requested to take photos with me. Sometimes, a group of more than 10 could crowd me, and one by one, they asked to take pictures with them; some young ones also asked for selfies. After the individual photos were done, a group photo would be taken. Raj often had to forcefully pull me out of the crowd and raise his voice at them to rescue me. Our guides and paid helpers joined the team of bodyguards, too, making sure I was not suddenly surrounded by people and didn't disappear. Without the constant effort of dispersing and discouraging the crowd, it would have been very hard for me to continue and finish my tour. My kids were very amused observing me on the side. They were singled out in China, too, due to their dark skin, but rarely did Chinese people come forward to take photos with them.
I gladly accepted most of the women's requests and invitations, while turning down most of the men's because there were too many of them, and it was a little scary being crowded by them so fast, and more men would come forward and pile up. Whenever a group of women or girls happily asked me where I was from and how long I would be in India, I made sure I stopped and answered, and posed and smiled sweetly for all the photos. "Welcome to India!" Some happy Indian girls would tell me. I especially loved it when Muslim women wanted to take pictures and chat with me. "You are soooo beautiful!" a Muslim girl sighed. "You are absolutely so beautiful too!" I replied to her instantly. Her face was not covered, only her hair and body in black. Many Muslim women wanted me to pose for a photo with their young children, too. I would always squat down, hold the babies on the side, and pose nicely for them. I would also use my Hindi skills to praise the kids in the most Indian way: by gently pinching their cheeks and saying, "What a cute baby, what a cute baby."
Everybody was sighing that the Muslim women in India used to dress no differently than Hindus in a saree or salwar suit. Horrifyingly, merely a few years ago, they all started to cover up from head to toe, exactly like Middle Eastern Muslims. Evidently, Middle Eastern Muslims are using their oil money to influence Muslims all around the world, making them extreme and forcing them to cover up their women. With the help of social media, Muslim women in India are now all covered in head-to-toe black, so no one in public can ever see their faces anymore.
Aurangabad, the city we traveled to, which is home to the 2,000-year-old Buddhist caves, has a 30% Muslim population as the Sultanates used to settle there. Our hotel driver told us he had also never seen such a thing growing up, even just a few years ago. Muslim women used to dress normally like other women in India, and there was rarely a case of covering up, but things have drastically changed as the whole world has been turning to the right and extreme. This was the exact same observation Raj had been sharing with me since the beginning of the India trip: Muslim women across the board are now being forced into a head-to-toe black cover-up due to the global influence and control of oil money.
The social media influencers who advocate for the cover-up say, "I choose not to be sexualized. I choose to be free, so I put on this black veil and I feel liberated behind it." The problem is, your freedom is a one-way street; you can never announce to the world that you feel like wearing a bikini today. But I can. I can wear whatever top I feel like - tiny, big, solid, transparent, sleeveless, or long-sleeve. I can cover my chest and legs as I like, depending on my mood. One day I want to feel the fresh blood of being an absolute slut and the next day, I want to feel the reserve of being a nun. I can even cover my face and withdraw behind a veil too, wiping out my identity, but the next day, I could have a change of mind. I have all the colors in nature to choose from, and my least favorite is black because it represents nothing close to life, laughter, and happiness, for Goddesses' sake!
I am truly glad that I exhibited such strength and confidence, in contrast to the disappointing and dire reality in today's India. Without such an attitude, I could be suffocated and my entire trip could be sabotaged. To see such a free-spirited woman showing her happiness as who she is requires a whole team of open-minded and kind family and friends behind her. Most women do not have that, not even close. I am lifted up by the joined hands of my husband, my parents and in-laws, my baby cousins and baby sister-in-laws, my kids and close friends, and other family and friends. Because of them, I am free and wild, even though most of them are still chained down most of the time. Therefore, my freedom, my freeness and wildness, is merely a mirage on the barren desert land; it's illusory and temporary. My tiny little oasis won't have enough water and green to suffice even my own journey to spirituality and enlightenment.
India, the place I always find a strong connection to my past lives and lost attachments; India, the only place on Earth that I could close my eyes and feel the presence of Gods, as Gods and Goddesses reside in me and I reside in Gods and Goddesses. But India, today's India, I am a woman for this life; hence, I choose to remain a traveler to you, because this is the only way I get to be who I am. Being who I am, and looking for who I am, is all that this is about.
"Why it took you so long to come to bed with me? I've been missing you the whole night."
"I was just brushing teeth and washing face, now kids woke up and they need breakfast."
"Just lie down here with me for 10 minutes!"
"Okay okay. You know what happened to me today at 4am?"
"What happened?"
"I dreamt about the spirits here. I think it was one, or two, I don't remember too clearly, but I went inside her place, I was waiting for some information from them, I needed help. I saw their place, not good at all, they are not having a good life at all."
"Oh? The spirits here? Why not good life?"
"Ya the spirits here in this land. Imagine it, before the Europeans wiped out indigenous cultures, the local people here must be living together with the spirits. If you know a little bit about native culture, they have spirits for wind, for water, for sun, for moon, for animals, for plants, for four directions and all. Like you told me before right, native cultures anywhere in the world, respect their own lands and live in balance with nature, either in Africa, the continent of America, India or Asia anywhere. They did not over kill their animals, they did not over kill their plants. And as we are familiar with our own cultures, either Chinese or Indian, spirits are in every being, each tree, each river, each stream, each mountain. Like in Japanese culture, each house has its own house spirit to protect the house and people in it, so you have to announce the arrival and departure to and from the house each time, they still do it. Chinese had very similar culture before CCP, I think it was a common Asian culture, but Japanese did carry it through."
"Yes, I understand. So you are connected to the spirits now?"
"Yes I do. I have always been hyper connected with the different worlds, I kind of always knew it, remember how magical it was when we had our two children? The difference is, now especially after this Indian trip, I can consciously face it without any self doubt, hesitation and I feel very peaceful, natural and real within."
"That's why I follow you for everything. I listen to what you have to say always, no? I always know you are different in this way. It's great that you are connected to spirits, maybe you could ask them if we are in the right track? And you should do more meditation, in that way you can hear more and see more."
"Ya, meditation is what I really want to do more from now. And ya, I'll always discuss with you what I encounter and realize. So go back to the spirits I saw today, they are not in good shape you know."
"So you feeling sad?"
"Ya, a little bit, but we have always known it right? Their cultures wiped out, their people killed, their lands looted. They lived here for thousands of years, some of the tribes were very advanced. Basically the spirits exist for a reason right? In India, the system is perfect for all deity beings, everyone is believing in something - gods, goddesses, spirits of trees, animals, rivers, mountains, a lot of times underworld deities and villains are worshipped too. You do not need to worship every being yourself but once you are in the land of India, you subconsciously know that all beings are respected and valued. Like in ancient China or Japan right? We worship river spirits as River Gods, ocean spirits as Dragon Kings, in the house we worship Kitchen God, Caishen, King Yan, the spirits of ancestors and all. Because we value all of the spirits, the spirits are having a good life in our cultures. They co-exist with us as our own reflection okay? But the spirits here in this land at this moment, they are undervalued, unrepresented, ignored and most disheartenedly, forgotten."
"I'm sorry that you can feel them, I mean I feel sad for them too. It's so magical that you are this way.... You know what, next time we should stay in the Himalayas for two weeks, rent a little house there, you felt the presence of Shiva when in the Himalayas right?"
"Ya, we should surely do that. But human beings like me are not a rare thing okay? In Indian culture you regard intellectual human beings as half deities because of the knowledge they possess, I forgot where I got that information, somehow I got to know this time. And enlightenment does mean normal people achieve the state of knowing through meditation and learning. I think the knowledge I possess does have a positive correlation to what kind of connection I observe myself making, because knowledge opens up your mind and eyes. The divine beings have always been there, the difference is how open your mind is and how wide do your eyes open. I couldn't stress enough how precious India is, the only ancient culture that survived as a complete nation state. Ancient cultures all had strong connections to nature and valued the balance of nature, they all deeply respected feminine power, they all worshipped the presence of multiple types of divine beings, in huge contrast to Abrahamic religions whose legacies are mostly about expansion, destruction, and conversion. Nature for them is merely a resource for further expansion and feminine power is utterly suppressed and undervalued. I just love India so munch."
"And I love you so much. Let's go stay in the Himalayas for two weeks next time!"
Now we're back in California, but I'm not feeling whole as if I left my heart, I left a piece of my soul back in India. I've seen the world, but there's hardly any place like India, such a precious jewel of spirituality and enlightenment. Each stone, each tree, each story is radiating the timeless light of peace, kindness, acceptance, and tolerance.
True freedom comes within. Satisfaction and peace derived from enlightenment only could grant you the ability to realize who you are and the freedom to be who you are. Thus, you could eventually make peace with yourself and with your existence. Most of human suffering is due to the deprivation of such freedom. But India, India is the only place in the world where you could obtain freedom in whatever way you prefer and in whatever shape or form you are in.
The ancient wisdom of good and evil, light and darkness, the timeless chant of truth and deception, peace and war, the enlightenment and nirvana achieved by our ancestors, has prevailed and been passed on in calmful whispers and murmurs, in spite of all that loud destruction human brought upon because of the ugliness in our soul. And that's the power of India.
A few days ago, a driver was chatting with us regarding what was happening in Russia. "Social structures like authoritarianism and dictatorship, ideologies like communism and extrem socialism never really work. On the contrary, freedom and democracy is the main reason humans could progress." We three reached a mutual agreement. "Sigh, India is so lucky to have freedom and democracy! We are so lucky!" The driver had the exclamation from his heart.
Of course, India is lucky, India gave birth to human beings' oldest idea of freedom and tolerance, and that idea got carried on throughout thousands of years' ups and downs, of course India is lucky!
June 25, 2023
I think I found my favorite place in India (and the world) and wish to go back again and again. These temples are like living museums, I learned so much about history, culture, religion, and spirituality, I am also profoundly inspired by the openness and inclusiveness of the artists whose arts survived time and space. It's ultimately a very spiritual place where you can find peace, kindness, and acceptance, where you can deeply feel your connections with deities, with the people you love, and with yourself. I am forever grateful for Indian culture to fruit such timeless beauty, to connect us with our past and future, to allow us to take a pause, and cherish our significance and insignificance in this vast universe. At Khajuraho The World Heritage City.
June 21, 2023
After visiting Dalai Lama's Temple in McLeod Ganj, we took a little rest in this little café outside the temple. Sitting next to us were two senior Tibetan monks and an extremely handsome young Tibetan guy, chatting contentedly and respectfully with the seniors in Tibetan. Before we left I asked the Tibetan lady who owns the café where to shop high quality things, she replied each shop is different, some of the street stands are also good.
Just a few doors up, we got into a little old shop with canvas paintings, the paintings exhibited outside the shop were mostly old and torn. The owner of the shop, a Tibetan woman with disabilities, walked into the shop after we did a scan of some art works indoor. The woman is a painter, the artist herself painted most of the paintings and they are hats-off fabulous. She showed us more of her works which were rolled up, some of them were painted in real gold and indeed are valuable art pieces. We eventually picked a white Tara (a Tibeban Goddess) on lotus, we all loved it, the painting is colorful, lively and exquisitely fine, we will frame it when we get home.
The artist respectfully answered all of our questions, taught us different Tibetan Gods and Goddesses, their looks and meanings. While we were chatting, there was a French girl purhased a painting and respectfully took a photo of the artist with permission. The artist was born in India, her parents ran away from Tibet in the early times, her son who now 22 years old will start the training of painting. She lives upstairs to the shop which is a neiboring house to Dalai Lama's Temple, hence she meets Dalai Lama very often.
The artist used the simplest tools you could imagine to pack our purchases, Shiva asked, "You don't have a scissors?" Raj replied, "They use whatever it's there for them, the simplest things, it's Dalai Lama's teaching." The artist replied with a light "haan" and a little nod.
Then we kept walking up the street, checked up some stores but didn't find what we wanted. Right across the street to Dharamshala Sky, a ropeway connects McLeod Ganj to Dharamshala, there was a clean looking store, some Tibetan monks were shopping in there. The products there are fine and in high quality, we assume local Tibetan monks shop there for their daily prayer wears.
The kids and I were quietly chatting in Chinese while choosing things to buy. When we were ready to go, the owner told us in Chinese that he was from Yunnan, now a province in China but before it was part of Tibet. His hometown is Shangri-la, now an extremely popular tourism destination among Chinese, famous for its naturally colorful water and Gods' own work beautiful nature. He escaped China 30 years ago when he was 13 years old, together with him there were boys as young as 8 years old. They walked for weeks across the snowy mountains in Nepal and reached east India. We chatted a whole lot of stuff for quite some time, before we left the shop, he told us he really loved it here in India, life is simple and content, and protected by law, he has the freedom to be himself and flourish in whatever he likes to do. The slow life here in McLeod Ganj is not making him rich but he would not give up that freedom for anything.
June 18, 2023
Had a great trip visiting home after 3 years, great as always, kids had a lot of fun and received a lot of love. I'm very glad to see how India, even in the most underdeveloped part where our hometown is, is growing and progressing little by little, some good changes here and there each time.
India has freedom to thoughts and expression, India is rich and diversified in races, cultures, ethnicities and ideologies, Indian citizens have fundamental rights to speech, religion, movement and migration, ownership of property, protest, assembly and vote, these are all crucial factors to grant the trajectory of progress, no matter how slow.
As how I carry a heavy heart seeing the too-quick-to-grasp ups and downs by the unethical, greedy and ruthless authoritarian Chinese regime, as how I witness China is falling uncontrollably again into a dark time of ignorance, exclusionism and most probably, extreme poverty of the suppressed and deprived, I take the highest regard of what India holds and wish to remind all Indians to never let go of your fundamental rights and freedom. All those rights I mentioned above, most Chinese have never seen throughout our lifetime. Yes, I mean All.
If I, a Chinese who has now no home to go back to, doesn't allow myself to give up hope on fighting for the freedom of my country, then you, the Indians, should use whatever you have in hand to guard the light as how you guard your life against dark and evil. The light that shines upon you, is the fruit of selfless sacrifices and unimaginable bravery from countless Indian freedom fighters before you. Never let go of that light.
As we finished our trip to hometown, we are starting our little trip to Dharmashala. We had planned to come here 10 years ago but this is the real first time. I have always wanted to come and take a look, to see what true Tibetan culture looks like, how exiled Tibetans live freely without the threat of cultural extinction and day to day suppression and discrimination. As a Chinese, I forever carry that heaviness and guilt for them, and for myself.
It was a true independence after decades of peaceful nonviolent movements and democratic readiness. It has been a true democracy from the beginning of independence because diversity, tolerance and pluralism are deeply rooted in Indian culture and history.
None of the Asian countries achieved it by themselves, like the way India did.
So for all Indians, no matter where you are, remember that the word "India" represents multiculturalism, tolerance, diversity, and nonviolence.
Never let anyone brainwash you into the oblivion of exclusion, intolerance, and ignorance.
Only upholding the values of diversity and tolerance can ensure a democratic and republic future, nothing else.
Some Indians so backward and dark age too, like some Americans 🤮🤮🤮 Control your stupid son to not use social media!!! There is porn from all over the world at his fingertips, for free. He can find whatever skin color men or women, whatever shape and whatever style he wants. Or why not put covers on your dear stupid son's eyes and ears!!! lol
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Well, I guess I'm never gonna be a professor in India lol but you can always call me "The Professor". Hope this professor's sandy ass is not accidentally arousing any 18-year-old innocent virgin boy lol
This time we are celebrating the traditional festival of Karva Chauth. This is the map of North India, not exactly covers the states where Karva Chauth is celebrated, but the difference is only by one or two states, that’s why I’m using this map (sorry I don’t know how to make my own map yet), I am also listing the states where this festival is celebrated on the right side of the map.
This is a very important festival in North India. It’s a women’s festival, celebrating the love between husband and wife. Wives would pray for the long-life and well-being of their husbands, they also fast for one whole day from sunrise to moonrise.
Yes you heard it right, wives fast and pray for the long life and health of their husbands. How lucky to be the husband right? Exactly my thought! My first impression was that, because in North India usually women’s rights were more oppressed (compared to the South), that’s why this festival was more prominent. And the people who were celebrating it were unconsciously falling into the trap of Patriarchalism.
Think about it, why only the wives have to fast and pray for the long-life of husbands, right? Why husbands didn’t need to pray for the health of wives, right? For me, it reflected the unbalanced power in the relationship, manifesting the dominant role of husbands in the family.
As a hard-core feminist, also as someone's first time hearing about this festival, in the beginning, it was not easy for me to accept this festival as it was. I was worried that with the celebration, women’s rights were violated, at least the current husband-wife status quo in the North was going to be enhanced, which would ultimately hamper the progress of the feminism movement.
Drawing from my own understanding, I was also afraid that women were damaging their health by fasting, and some households might be forcing their daughter-in-laws to fast, so as to save money on her food. Coming out from China, I am very familiar with how a patriarchal society looks: sisters always get less than brothers, less food, fewer toys, fewer clothes, lower in both quantity and money-value, daughters usually get way less investment in their education and development, compared to sons.
It was much easier for me, a person who was not native to Indian culture, to accept festivals that featured the power of Goddesses like Durga Puja, Kali Puja and Lakshmi Puja etc, but not festivals like Karva Chauth.
Actually my own in-law family doesn’t celebrate this festival, because they reside in the East part of India (although there are similar festivals like this I’m sure). The reason this festival got into my life was, a lot of my friends were from the North part of India.
November 2018 when I was in Delhi traveling, I joined a Karva Chauth prayer gathering with my friend, as well as participated in the celebration party hosted by my cousin sister-in-law later in the night. November 2019 I was at home in California, my neighbor is a Delhi girl, she and her friends hosted the prayer gathering and I was lucky enough to be invited.
My friend, the woman who took me for the first Karva Chauth function ever in my life, now she and her husband moved to San Francisco. This festival is very important in her family and culture, so this November, I also celebrated Karva Chauth with her. In fact, one week before Karva Chauth, my neighbor pinned me in WhatsApp to discuss this year’s celebration, it turned out that she and her friends all preferred to have the prayer by themselves, instead of gathering, due to the pandemic outbreak.
It seems like no matter if my in-law family celebrates Karva Chauth or not, I am going to celebrate with my friends here and there every year. Karva Chauth will be part of my adopted Hindu life anyway.
To be honest, for the past two years, I joined the events as an outsider and an observer, due to my curiosity. I fathomed, it was so fortunate to be invited into the authentic celebration of unfamiliar cultures, therefore one could really get into it, and understand it.
However I hadn’t done any fasting for both of the years. In fact, I hadn’t done any fasting for any of the Hindu festivals I ever participated in before. Simply because my in-law family never asked me to. Instead, my in-laws always urge me to eat on time and eat well, they love to see me take good care of my health. There were some events that required my mother-in-law to fast, some happened to be the time when she was here with us in America. She just did it quietly all by herself, never even bothered to tell me more details. When I asked, she said, “I am ok, I am old, it’s good to fast sometimes. But you are a baby, you are my child, so you don’t need to fast at all.”
This slightly obscure attitude toward mothers on fast seems to be kind of common nowadays in India, resulting from the ongoing feminist thinking awakening. A lot of people started questioning if letting their mothers fast is a truly good idea for their health since malnutrition and health negligence happens way more often to women, who are holding sharply lower social status than men.
During the prayer gathering for Karva Chauth, when I told my friends that I wasn’t fasting, they just replied “Oh ok” without further inquiry. Because it was completely my freedom, they respect it, just the same as I respect their freedom to fast.
Derived from my own prejudice, I subconsciously connected wives’ fasting and praying to behavior that is “subjected to sexism”. However, after observing my friends who truly enjoyed this festival, I started to question:
all of my female friends, like the friend who first introduced me to Karva Chauth, right before the prayer gathering, she was wearing a saree, all dressed up and driving a giant Jeep in the street of Delhi, showing full confidence (oh we had a lot of fun on this one). Her husband is a successful entrepreneur in Silicon Valley who founded a fast-growing startup, a rising star indeed, however, she didn’t rely on his help, but steadily built up her own organization, bringing the beautiful and rarely seen culture from her birthplace to the world, helping to mobilize and liberalize the women from the mountains.
And take a look at my cousin sister-in-law and her friends in Delhi, they are all working women, they all have their own professions, and are financially independent. My sister-in-law’s tall friend, this beautiful lady, has also been running for elections in Delhi, wishing to join politics. And according to my observation, their relationship with their husbands are equal and modern, as admirable as any happy couples I’ve seen in different parts of the world. Btw that’s the true face of the middle class in metropolitans in today’s India actually.
And my friends in America, these amazing ladies who all work in Silicon Valley’s high-tech companies, some of them in high-ranking management roles, almost all of them have Master’s degrees in technology or management.
And most importantly, they are all somewhat feminists (in or out of the closet feminists as I put it, like my husband, I call him In-the-Closet Feminist, who is still needing a bit time to come out of the closet, but judging from his behavior and thought patterns, yes, he is a feminist). Yes I talked with most of my female friends if I had a chance, very directly, as you know me, so I know.
Ok, hence my question is: my feminist friends, why they are willingly being subjected into the customs that are seemingly sexist? Why don't they feel it’s not Ok to fast and pray for the husband’s long-life, while the husband doesn’t need to do the same? Aren’t they feeling oppressed?
For the cultures and customs that one is not native to and not familiar with, just based on some shallow impressions, a lot of people tend to judge it from a “higher moral ground”. Perceiving oneself to be more liberal and more progressive, putting oneself into the mindset of a “savior”, a lot of people tend to impose their own opinions on others from different cultural backgrounds, without fully understanding the other cultures.
This is some fundamental human trait, a mistake that all of us humans keep making over and over again, throughout human history. Therefore, my early judgment on the festival of Karva Chauth, is it a prejudice built on misunderstanding and ignorance?
No matter what, I think I took the first step by asking questions and starting to think over.
As I was digging more into it, I gained more knowledge and understanding on the concept of Fasting:
1. First of all, I got myself familiar with the origin of the concept of Fasting: fasting exists in all of the major religions in the world - different branches of Christianity and Catholics, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddism etc etc. The Taoism that originated in China also required intense fasting to obtain immortality. Each religion has its own rules, what can one eat, what can not, is water allowed or not, which festivals require fasting, for how long, at what exact time etc etc.
Although there are derivatives of the method, the purpose of fasting tends to be similar across religions - obtaining purity in the body hence the spirit, so to better pray to or serve the god/ goddess. Gluttony (excess greed or lust for food) is considered to be a major sin across different religions.
2. Secondly, I realized fasting is only a form that has no indication to the core relationship between husband and wife. Because fasting is a religious behavior, it’s not pertained to gender, it’s surely not an act designed to keep women oppressed. The women who fast in Karva Chauth, the action of fasting itself, has no correlation to being anti-feminism.
But if the woman truly accepts her unequal family status and views her husband as godly and higher in command, if the woman truly believes that her well-being is less important than her husband’s, her existence is merely an extension to her husband’s. Then the celebration of Karva Chauth for that individual family, is soaked in sexism for sure.
However each family has its own situation, it could be completely different from each other. Labeling the festival of Karva Chauth or the activity of fasting to be unprogressive and illiberal, it’s making a generalization and suspiciously stereotyping.
Take my friends and family for example, all of them are financially independent and emotionally mature, their husband-wife relationship is based on mutual respect and understanding. So when they pray for their husbands’ health and prosperity, there is hardly any difference to how you and I pray for the health and well-being of our parents, siblings, family members, friends etc.
It doesn’t matter if the person prays on a specific festival or not, if the person fasts or not on that festival. The core relationship between husband and wife has no cause-effect relation to the formalities.
On the other hand, for the couples who are already in an unequal relationship, the reality is not going to change due to the festival. The reality of a wife being the victim of marital inequality, emotional suppression or even physical abuse by the husband, abuse by other in-law family members like mother-in-law or sister-in-law, abuse by the society that treats this inequality as a norm, is not going to change, if you fast or not.
The only feasible path to lift up women’s social and family status, in my opinion, is that women have to fight for their own rights, gradually, over time, little by little. In time, a woman has to find independence and self-worth from other places like the workplace, a career of any sort, or just something she is good at, a friend circle that is in favor of her etc -- somewhere that gives her validation and fosters her self-respect.
forgot to record the paragraphs in bracket【With the newly obtained self-realization and confidence, a woman can undergo some under-the-table negotiation with her in-law family, so as to improve her situation in the family.
In my opinion, in a lot of cases, a change of attitude and perception could bring a significant amount of change in the relationship. If you are always willing to be subjected to oppression, the suppression will grow only stronger and more ruthless. But if you learn to stand up on your feet and express your feelings openly and wisely, slowly, an understanding about you could be formed, and that could bring you changes. 】
According to my observation, some of the best tactics for the feminism movement, in family and social structures (most probably not applicable in professional fields) are to unfold quietly and steadily, over the course of time. The most effective way to achieve is not to outthrow the current social setups overnight, but to somehow maintain a healthy social and family relationship, while secretly growing bones and muscles for future negotiation.
However this is under the circumstance that women's rights are not violated by ongoing violence of any sort or outright exploitation.
From a different angle, unequal family relationships (as how we define “equality” in the 21st century), is not automatically an indicator of lacking warmth and affection among the family members. Most probably, the spontaneous and passionate romantic flame is lacking, because to make that kind of a spark, one crucial condition is that the couple should consider each other as equal and be mutually intrigued by the counterpart’s ability and prowess.
However if the wife treats her husband with high regard and views him as the one who takes care of the whole family, vice versa, if the husband credits his wife for holding up her “designated roles” in the family - as a loving wife, a nurturing mother, a respectful daughter-in-law etc, this is also a functional model for a husband-wife relationship which could lead to harmony and happiness.
Therefore in the so-called unequal relationship, if there is no violence and exploitation, you can’t say for sure that the couple is unhappy, needing your savior. At the end of the day, we all think differently and want different things. The path to self-salvation, is one’s own path to take, only one can do it for oneself, nobody else.
The truth is, for thousands of years, almost all the husband-wife relationship in India has been built upon this model, a model where each family member has his and her distinctive role, and the roles for men are definitely more essential, more important and respected by the family and society.
This traditional family model has always intertwined with culture and religion, acting as the bedrock of social morality in India. Generation after generation, people have been protecting this social structure as part of their culture and heritage. Thus it is unrealistic to break down this structure overnight, so to serve the feminism movement.
And it surely will do more harm than good to society if change happens too fast (talking from a Chinese’ perspective, in modern history Chinese’s drastic social changes only brought turmoil but hardly progress). I don’t think this is the path the feminism movement should take.
In fact, the feminism movement in India also rarely focuses on demolishing the current social structure in a short period of time, but seeking a way for improvement and reformation. For example, pushing reforms in the legal system, to make more inclusive laws to better protect women’s rights, to make more efficient legal procedures to better deliver justice to the hurt ones. For example, raise awareness about violations on women’s rights, raise funds to make more girls educated.
As a matter of fact, dialogues in different styles - themed conferences, news reports and analysis, books, movies, tv serials, documentaries, talk shows, youtube videos, social media groups and posts, even advertisements, are part of feminism awareness efforts. And all these dialogues are playing an important role in changing the landscape of India’s social structure, gradually.
Back to today’s topic, this is my second realization: fasting is only a form that has no indication to the core relationship between husband and wife.
3. My third realization - I’ve learned how Indians really feel about fasting. In India, fasting has traditionally been seen not only as an act of religion, but also a health method. By fasting, people believe they give time for the body to detox and cleanse, removing toxins that are accumulated in the body over time, which could be potentially harmful for long-term health. After one fasting cycle, the body could reboot and start again, clean and fresh.
This is especially true for seniors, Indian people believe as older you get, the ability to digest food decreased. It’s very common to find Indian elderly reduce food intake significantly, especially meat, oily and fatty food, so to keep fit and achieve long life. Actually, the majority Indians, when they are getting a little older, usually 45 to 50 years old, will switch to a purely vegetarian diet, if they were not a vegetarian earlier in life. In this way, not only their body could be cleaner and healthier, their mind is also getting purified.
This is the reason why Indians are not likely to connect fasting to rights’ violation. Rather oppositely, most Indians consider fasting a fine and healthy act for body and mind, and they would love to find excuses such as various festivals to conduct it.
4. Fourthly, I’ve gained a broader understanding of the way people celebrate this festival, financial-wise. It turns out, most households spend additional money on the wife and daughter-in-law during this time. Women are likely to receive gifts from their husbands, mothers-in-law and friends. Gifts such as fancy sarees, jewelry, makeups etc are usually given by the husbands. Wives would love to wear them during the prayers and gathering, so to show how much she is loved.
The prayer thali(the metal plate) with sacred pot, sieve, sweets, diyas and all, usually is prepared by the mother-in-law, she gives it to daughter-in-law as a gift, every year a new set. Mother-in-law is also in charge of preparing her daughter-in-law the grand breakfast before the fast. Breakfast is put together in another thali called Saagi, it better be grand, with all kinds of tasty bites. The dinner to break the fast is also usually a big one, prepared by the husband or mother-in-law.
Therefore to think that people are saving money on women’s food, is far away from reality. At the end of the day, it’s a festival that belongs to women, for them to enjoy and feel happy about.
5. And lastly, I’ve also realized, traditionally, during the fast women who have no outside work usually sleep the day off by not doing any house chores. Family members also don’t expect them to work. The only thing she needs to do is to dress up and join the prayer event in the evening. If you are that woman, is it a tough choice to make? Yes, no lunch, but in return, no house chores and tons of gifts and fun.
Not only the misunderstandings on fasting was cleared, I’ve also digged more into the origin of this festival: Karva Chauth is mainly celebrated in North India, because according to one of the folk tales, it originated in the time of the Mughal invasion. Men were at the border fighting Mughal armies so to protect their families, women and children were left at home to pray for the men’s victory and safe return.
So each year, there was one day, women would love to dress up with colorful new clothes, make a lot of sweets and spend a day together, they would fast from sunrise to moonrise, to pray for the warriors who were fighting the war. This origin is especially popular among the Sikhs and Kshatriyas in North India who are the warriors traditionally.
Just like all of the festivals and mythologies in India, Karva Chauth also has multiple origins. One of the other popular ones is: in ancient times, a new bride was sent far away from home to her in-law family, it could be really lonely and considered unhealthy for her well-being. The solution was to “assign” a Godsister to her. The Godsister would talk to her daily, help her be familiar with in-law’s culture and customs, share her secrets etc.
Therefore Karva Chauth in some areas in the North, is a festival to celebrate sisterhood.
The bride, her godsister and other women in the family and neighborhood would start purchasing new sarees and jewelries weeks before. A few days before Karva Chauth, they would paint the clay pot with colors, make a lot of homemade sweets to put in the pot. They would also draw Mehndi on their hands and feet, so as to enjoy the festivity. On Karva Chauth day, they would exchange the clay pot full of sweets, in this way passing their gifts and appreciation to one and another.
It’s the love among women that they are cherishing and celebrating during Karva Chauth.
I have to say after observing these many Indian festivals, I have come to understand one thing: why do people follow traditions with such zests?
Because tradition is the heritage their ancestors, elders and grandparents passed to them, tradition is the knowledge of life their parents and family gifted them to have a better life. To respect tradition, is to show acceptance and love. Calling tradition the transmission of customs is not entirely conclusive, tradition is rather more of transmission or demonstration of love, love to your roots and origin.
That’s why when it comes to tradition, a lot of people intentionally fail to notice or reason the logic behind each and every custom, as long as nobody is hurt. For centuries, even thousands of years, whatever their family has been doing, they would follow through, so as to show respect to their roots.
I think this is a very crucial standpoint to understand Indians and their persistence to tradition.
After learning all these fascinating facts, are you also gaining a better understanding, as well as a more respectful and favorable attitude toward a culture that is different from yours? It’s a fabulous thought experience I have to say.
To any tradition and custom that survived for a long time, especially in India, uncountable traditions have survived for thousands of years. Thousands of years! That’s longer than most of the civilizations that had existed in human history. If you haven’t been living in it yourself, if you haven’t made yourself acquainted with the details, if you never cared to figure out the hows, whys and the history behind. Based on limited knowledge and experience, judging and criticizing from a baseless “higher moral ground”, it’s called Prejudice and Discrimination.
Sadly it’s one extremely common human trait, I am pretty sure we all made misjudgment out of false conception that we inherited from our impartial knowledge of ourselves and the world.
The important thing is to learn to wake up your mind and open up your eyes, so be able to consciously avoid such traps in the future.
Furthermore, as I was learning about traditions and customs, I realized that there was always some reason why certain customs were passed down from our ancestors, and the reason most definitely was sincere and was for goodwill. In other words, traditions are usually served as accumulated life experiences aimed to improve the quality of the descendants’ life.
This means, tradition is not something sinister to begin with, rather oppositely, it’s something that should be treated with respect and consideration, even though sometimes it could appear to be out fashioned.
Unfortunately, in modern China, some people in power had malevolently used the “rusted part” of the tradition to impose that all traditions were backward and regressive, and needed uprooting eradication at once.
Why? Because only with such distortion, plotted social uprisings were able to establish “moral ground”. Abrupt and forceful social changes come with great social unrest, social unrest comes with the chance of manipulation, hence the chance of consolidating power.
In the name of purging “innately backward and outdated traditions'', truly was all for personal gain and power grab.
The long-term consequences of such draconian measures are yet to be unfolded. But one thing is clear, after one cultural cleansing and another, China suffered tremendous loss of traditions and heritage.
Uncountable profound customs are on the edge of extinction, for example most of today’s Chinese hardly know the detailed procedures of Chinese traditional weddings and the meaning behind each step, yes, there was reasoning behind each setup...
For example, we hardly know the stories and tales behind each traditional festival, let alone how to prepare for and proceed with the celebration and prayers.
Do we still follow the calendar of Chinese New Year? 3 days before, 2 days before, on the eve, new year day 1, day 2, day 3, each day has its own function and rules. Do we still unite our ancestors from the past and celebrate all the household genies like Kitchen God, Craft God and Land God? No, we only have a vague idea but not much in detail, at least that my family has lost track of the to-dos and not-to-dos down to the days.
Do we still have our village or community band and dancing team to perform traditional instruments and dances on specific days and events? No, those are rarely found in cities, even in the most remote villages.
The rich soil of culture has become thin and barren, the once colorful way of living is now tasteless and bland.
Because some customs were old and not compatible with the new norms, so to dismiss every other old customs and eliminate all traditions as a whole, I have to say this is a complete failure of policymaking.
A nation without traditions and heritage, it’s like a plant without roots, you can count the days before it fully dries out.
In Chinese society, a lot of collective symptoms have already emerged due to the loss of roots, for example, the loss of moral compass and core social values, the loss of confidence in the sense of cultural identity. An obvious indication of moral decay and loss of faith is to be found in every corner of society.
And on top of that, a promised open, modern, scientific, democratic social and political structure is light years away from reality, even though the old had seemed to be once deserted completely.
On the other hand, India’s well-known Soft Power is built on its deep and vast roots of history and culture. The cultural identity of Indians is shockingly unshakable, the adherence to one’s own culture and heritage helped the Indians navigate through in the dark age of colonization, exploitation and cultural imperialism, it helped them gain independence and find the light of democracy, it helped them embrace modernization and transition into the new age.
The influence of Indian culture to the world is so significant, there is indeed something we all could learn from it.
Also I have to point out that for Chinese, tradition is not the only thing taken away from us, in the wake of violation of any right (no matter it’s the right to tradition or the right to religion), most likely you will find yourself losing all of the rights, namely Fundamental Human Rights, on top of the list is Freedom, Freedom to Be Yourself as it is, Freedom of Choice, Freedom of Speech, Freedom to Think and Freedom to Thrive.
Losing tradition is just the result of losing individual freedom. And if God permits, one day, freedom could be replenished into the society, people might find a lot of lost heritages back, I hope.
I have to say, under the Extremely Centralized Autocratic rule of Monarchy, Individual Freedom is its Natural Enemy, as natural as freedom is the Innate Quality of Human Beings.
China has been exercising centralization of government's power for more than 2000 years and came up with an Exquisitely Sophisticated Mechanism to maintain centralized control and constrain Liberty. The system is so Intricate and Profound, it has become Immensely Difficult to bring any change into it.
But there is no other way to obtain freedom but to change this state apparatus, and to change the system, the only key is to release the power of Individual Freedom.
While for more than 2000 years the concept of liberty has been Amputated to serve the purpose of centralized control, the Suppressed and Twisted understanding of freedom has become the core value of the Chinese culture. How can the Chinese break that spell once and for all? You tell me.
Ok ok I’ve gotten carried away, back to Karva Chauth, how do North Indians celebrate this festival?
On the day of Karva Chauth, women would fast from sunrise to moonrise. Around 3 to 4 o’clock AM, women would wake up to eat a grand breakfast, this feast before the fast usually is prepared by the mother-in-law and is pure vegetarian. After the early breakfast, the fast starts.
In most places, women don’t even drink water during the fast, but just like all the things, in India, there is no universally fixed rule on anything, a lot of women also drink water and milk tea (chai) during the fast. Especially for the women who have to work outside the house, it helps to drink chai with sugar and milk, they need that portion of liquid, carbohydrate, and protein to stay up.
Actually, if you have a big breakfast and keep drinking some milk tea throughout the day, it’s not so difficult to skip lunch, because a grand dinner awaits.
On the afternoon of the Karva Chauth day, traditionally, women would take showers and change into their new dresses, they would put on makeup and fancy jewelry. Then they would gather together, sit in a circle to have the prayer event. There would be one senior lady reciting the stories from ancient times, the stories about the warrior husbands on the border who fought the invaders to protect the nation.
After one section of the story, the storytelling senior stops, women start singing prayers, while holding up the sacred thali, and pass it onto the lady next to her. After one round of Thali passing, when your own thali comes back in your hands, this praying section ends with you placing the thali in front of your forehead and saying a prayer, afterwards the storytelling section resumes.
After many rounds of sections like this, when the storytelling senior finishes her stories, the praying event is also ended. Usually, it lasts about an hour. Women then get up, pay respect to seniors and greet to one and another. There are lemonade and water on the side, for the women who prefer to drink water during fast.
On this footage, it’s the Karva Chauth prayer gathering event I attended in October 2018 in Delhi. Most of the ladies in the video are Sikhs, Karva Chauth is one of the main festivals among Sikh communities because traditionally they have always been fighters and warriors.
Let me have some more words about the praying thali. On the Thali, women would place one or several diyas, some matches to light the diyas, a special sieve, some water in the decorated pot, some sweets, some fresh flowers, a little red clothes to cover the thali etc.
Diyas are to be lighted up during the prayer gathering and moon watching event, the sieve is used during the moon watching event after moonrise. During the moon watching event, both husband and wife would come under the light of the moon, the wife would see through the sieve to appreciate the magnificent moon and her handsome husband. Meanwhile the husband would feed the wife some sweets and water from the thali, to break her fast, as well as to show gratitude for her sacrifices.
All these details are very interesting, I will explain more when I show you guys how we celebrated Karva Chauth in the year of 2020, in the next video.
Only 4 hours of notice, then a complete lockdown of the whole nation, due to the fear of Coronavirus spread. Millions of migrant workers were left stranded, homeless, and scared. Without day-to-day income, they can’t afford livings in cities. With all the transportation like trains and buses being completely shut down, they have to walk for hundreds, even thousands of kilometers to go back to their home states: Jharkhand, Bihar, UP and some others - the “backward” and extremely poor states. Many walk with their young children, many walk for days without any food.
These migrant workers go to other comparably richer states to seek better job opportunities, most of them work as maidservants, drivers, laundry wala, delivery wala and security guards etc. They barely earn enough to survive, barely have a voice in society. With the inadequately planned lockdown in place, they take a direct hit and it is such a tragedy in modern time India. It shows how brutal and disregard the Indian administration is toward the lower strata of society.
More facts to know:
1. Police brutality and misdemeanors is a scar not yet healed from colonial times under the British rule. The policing system was a centralized structure built by the British colonists to rule over Indian citizens, suppress resistance, and facilitate exploitation. It only answered to the up and suppressed the down. More than 70 years after independence, redesign of the structure, and reform in the police force is hardly satisfying. The policing system stays largely the same in modern time India - answering to the up while suppressing the down.
2. Bihar, Jharkhand, UP, West Bengal these “poor and backward” states were the center of British colonization, thus the most exploited and most disrupted. Bihar and Jharkhand (was combined as Bihar) was rich in coal mines, thus a curse to be the free supply of endless coal mines to the British authority. The uncountable robbery of wealth in natural resources is one thing, the unregulated excavations without any regard for the local ecosystem and sustainability have an even longer and deeper impact on the colonized land. No need to mention complete destruction on the social and economic structure that left the land in chaos and despair. And it surely takes an unimaginably long time to rebuild and reflourish. That’s one of the reasons why there are still huge economic gaps among different states in India today, especially the East Indian states, where was the center of colonization, to the other parts of India.
Why Are You Not Angry For Them? - A Chinese Has This To Say To Indians
Live video: Large amount East Indian citizens stranded in Vellore, Chennai, Tamil Nadu
I believe India will rise much faster with women's empowerment, vice versa.
"...women have always been disadvantaged compared to men in almost all spheres of life. They have been discriminated systematically in their access to food, work, education, and healthcare, and in opportunities to participate in development, to lead, think, dream, and realise their dreams. They are, and have remained through millennia, truly the world's largest minority.
...women are not treated by patriarchy as persons who are agents and ends in their own right, individuals complete in themselves.
Instead, they are mere instruments of the ends of others:
reproducers, caregivers, sexual outlets, and agents of a family's general prosperity. Their cultural acceptability is only as appendages of men, as daughters, sisters, wives and mothers, otherwise they are dispensable or ‘fallen'."
