China 2025 - home, family and friends

When Raj was in Singapore, one of his associates told him, "I just took my son to China for a visit. I told him that China is what the human future would look like - impressive infrastructure, high tech, but people are quiet because of massive surveillance and censorship".

This was a very accurate and forward-thinking piece of sarcasm. The world is gradually shifting right in front of our eyes, aided by high tech that has ended up bringing more division and distraction than unity and strength - technology that ultimately helped, rather than hindered, the invasion of authoritarianism.

Nevertheless, I had a great trip to China after six years, because family is family, whether in a dictatorship or a free society.

Every single one of my cousins traveled back home to meet us. They took some days off work and journeyed from Shanghai, Hangzhou, Xiamen, and Fuzhou to our hometown, Guangze. One friend also traveled from Xiamen to Fuzhou to see me.

I realized how much my baby cousins, with whom I grew up, love and miss me as their eldest sister. This became clear when: my baby cousin brother, Zhong, recalled his peak life moment as getting Moritz, the German, completely "under the table" (as well as himself) during my Chinese wedding over 12 years ago, in January 2013. He complained that he's still very much traumatized and now has compulsive habits related to the "trauma" I put him through by "forcing" ghost stories, horror movies, and scary evening mountain tomb-hunting tours on them. My baby cousin brother, Yi, is now entering a brand-new world that could be extremely dangerous, no matter how enticing it appears. He'll need my guidance and reminders from time to time, much like how I ensured Raj never strayed off track over the years. I seized my 20 minutes of face-to-face time with my closest baby cousin sister, Jing, and scolded her unreservedly for what she had been doing over the past few years. Later, I received appreciation from all the other young ones and her parents, who were in tears because nobody else had dared to do so. I wiped my other auntie's tears and kept assuring her I was on her side and would make sure my mom was too. This was after she was completely wasted, spent hours crying and complaining about her relationship with my uncle, and felt her life passing her by. She had stayed small, weak, and vulnerable for the sake of her children but decided "no more" now that both children have grown up and built their own lives. I defended and affirmed my baby cousin sisters for their life choices, whether it was getting a divorce or staying single, and tried to broaden their views by sharing a little about my life on the fronts of feminism, relationships, and women's mental and physical health, among other topics.

Six years have passed without us meeting in person or chatting much online, but not a single second has distanced us. We're as close as we were when we were just kids 25 years ago. My cousins are 12, 7, 2, and 1 years younger than me; I either grew up with them since birth or took care of them from their birth.

My mom and dad took care of all their parents by giving them secure jobs and helping them financially. My mom has always been pouring money and resources into their families to give them a better life. During all festivals, big or small, the kids received good food and cash from my mom. Whenever we received gifts, which was almost every day, my mom would distribute them among my baby cousins' homes. My mom sponsored many travels and local trips so my cousins could have as much fun as I did. My parents made sure all the kids studied well and went to good colleges, and they always gave them pocket money each time they left home.

When my persecution case happened back in 2021, my uncles and aunties weren't happy about it at all. It was truly scary, and nobody knew how it could affect them in real life. This time, I met a friend who told me I had no idea how serious and widespread my case was back then. Everyone she knew was talking about it, and they reminded each other not to use my name - the three Chinese characters - neither online in any chatting group nor in person. People automatically went into self-censorship mode and felt extremely anxious if they had ever been close to me. They couldn't dissociate from and denounce me fast enough so they wouldn't be affected by my "falling into disgrace." I can imagine if I still had access to my old WeChat account, I would have seen my friend list dropping in real time, a dozen a second.

Hence, I understand why my uncles and aunties felt the way they did. In fact, they only scolded me a little one time during a video call while I was apologizing to them for the millionth time. They stood firmly behind my parents since day one, being the strongest and most crucial support system for them while I, the culprit, was thousands of miles away.

And my baby cousins? They've always appreciated my honesty and strength and never questioned me in any way. They felt bad for me and fought with others to defend me. They still do. Rong posted our photos together this time, and when some acquaintances from her circle left foul comments - unsurprisingly - she pushed them all back.

Over the years, I became a factor for my family and friends to filter out their fake friends - whoever didn't stand up for me or defend me wasn't a true friend. The convenient part about this was that they simply distanced themselves from us. 

I apply the same principle to my situation: whoever genuinely wants to reach out to me will surely find a way. If there's no active effort to connect, I'll assume and respect your desire to maintain a distance from me. And yes, I am surrounded with real friends and family who truly love and support me, no matter what.

None of us chose to be born into authoritarian, totalitarian, or dictatorial regimes, but authoritarianism, totalitarianism, and dictatorship can't define us - at least not entirely. We live, we explore, we love, the same way as anybody else in this world. In the dire reality of dictatorship and constant censorship and suppression, if we can find a way to stick to our truth and to love each other, especially when it is against propaganda and directives, we are the true heroes. Our courage and strength will surely stay and prevail, and that's all it is about.