Prostitute

In the core of any human being, one thing I take very seriously is whether this person respects women most fundamentally. For men, respecting women means they give regard to women's experiences, they treat our physical differences as normality, even though men's bodies naturally desire women's, and men are generally bigger and stronger. On a higher level, they are curious about our health, our happiness, or the way we perceive the world, which is entirely different from theirs.   

Most men in this world don't have that in them. They didn't grow up that way, nobody taught them properly, and the various societies they came from did a poor job. Some societies are even going backwards, doing a worse job now compared to before: pushing women down, stepping on them, and punishing them. America, China for sure, maybe India, and all Muslim predominant countries. 

I am a woman who was and still is being punished by Chinese society. The men in the society use me as a "living example". None of the things about me on the Chinese internet are true, and whatever they fabricated in 2021, the exact duplicate content, they keep reposting. 

I still receive nasty comments from Chinese internet users daily on my new YouTube accounts. Of course, I needed to set up those YT accounts after my almost 10k account was eliminated. My own fault, but it is what it is. I need a place to share my updates, as well as some old videos, in case people saw those defaming fake articles and searched for me to find out how miserable my life was. 

I recall that in 2021, during the storm, I received tens of thousands of comments daily on my YouTube channel, after all of my Chinese social media handles were deleted and blocked access altogether. People used VPN to find me on YouTube and leave comments. 

Two keywords in most of those comments: Prostitute and Traitor. Actually, Chinese internet users have been using these two keywords on me for more than a decade already, from the beginning I was online and started actively promoting different cultures, in 2009. I have gotten used to internet violence, and it has toughened me overall. Part of the crucial growth in my 20s and 30s. 

Today itself, there were at least five comments across my new YouTube accounts with the keyword "prostitute". 

I actually do not understand this discrimination towards prostitutes. Aren't they doing jobs to support themselves? Isn't it the oldest job humankind could think of? Doesn't the work provide a great deal of necessary service for men? 

I have immense respect for prostitutes. In fact, one of my favorite classics is "The Lady of the Camellias" by Alexandre Dumas fils. I read it when I was 9, 11, 14, and 16, can't remember how many times, progressing from an abridged version to a comic-like version with black-and-white drawings, and then to the original copy. I sobbed for days, maybe weeks, each time I read it. When I was a teen, I thought to myself: when I grew up, if I ought to be a writer, I should somehow experience this kind of life in person. Maybe a side job related to this field when I reach 20, like the young adults who work to put themselves through college in those American movies. I have had an open mind since a very young age, it's just that life has always treated me well financially. It's always a trade-off. 

The classic tragedies from all walks of life taught me to look beyond the obvious and see through things. And in reality, I hold strippers in a very high regard, I believe you gotta be gifted by the Gods and Goddesses with perfect bodies to master this job. I dream of measuring up to it, and I know that practice can help compensate for my body's shortcomings. Perhaps I could be a successful one with my own niche market, regardless of my age. 

I understand where they come from when they leave nasty comments on my accounts, calling me a prostitute; but they won't understand why that doesn't affect me at all, based on my experiences from a teen till today. We are from entirely different systems.

So, am I a prostitute? My answer is this: whatever answer you formed in your mind regarding me, it is only an indication of your own life path, your experiences and understanding of your own world. It says a lot about what kind of world you are coming from, too. And you have all the freedom in the world to forge your own opinions about anything, including me. Although most of the time people mistake the derivation of brainwashing-induced quick views to freedom. Keep an eye out for that. The thinking regarding me your mind cultivates provides me no value about myself, but only about the thinking my mind cultivates about you. And to that, I only have a limited amount of interest and energy to draw a very generalized picture from the tens of thousands, maybe millions, of your comments. 

So am I a prostitute? That's a great question and the right one to ask!

Sometimes maybe you just want to see me being here, 

spoke for 4 minutes but actually conveyed nothing?

Strawberries

Been in this Starbucks for more than a month now. The cute cashier who remembered my name today told the cashier who was serving me that "She is Momo". The Cameroonian guy with whom I always share a table chatted a little with me, telling me he might go back to Cameroon at the end of the year, after twenty times of smile and "Can I sit here?" or "Hey, you again, can I sit here?" I told him about our summer plans. And the cute young Latino cashier brought the coffee I ordered to the table for me while I was busy chatting with the Cameroonian. 

Human connections. Always what I have been looking for. Random chats in the street make me happy. Random in the sense that it's a total mix of people, no specific purpose of being there, just passing by. Chat a little about our respective lives, what bothers us, what makes us happy, and what's happening right now that catches our attention. 

Whenever kids look at me, I smile at them. Kids often stare at people, and most people don't notice. I don't pay 100% attention, but if I see it, I 100% would smile at them. 

Most people you meet in life, you only meet for once. Recurrence is extremely rare. With whoever I meet and catch a little of my attention, I give my 100%, because I know from the next second until the end, they will not be there. Maybe at the very end, when we all go back to be a part of the Gods/Goddesses, you'll see them and remember them again. But in the Earthy life, ya, nice to meet ya and farewell. 

There are some places or things I wanted to revisit, but most of the time, that doesn't happen. Subconsciously, I always know. Hence, wherever new I go or whatever new I do, I take a trip of it. Entirely immerse myself in the experience. Like that time when I went to Walmart to buy Magnums. Walmart is not my usual route, I took a trip to enjoy Walmart. I got my Magnums. Stopped to talk to the Latino guys outside who were selling fresh strawberries and cherries. They asked me while I was stepping in, and when I saw them again while stepping out, I couldn't say no. Inside Walmart I talked to multiple people about where to find Magnums and how to pay etc. Walmart was ancient, they didn't have G-pay or A-pay, I had to fetch a physical card.  

I Venmoed the Latino guys, got a whole box of strawberries and a bag of cherries. Cherries were for Maa, she loves cherries. The Latino guys used the same Venmo account, which belonged to their "boss". I was wondering how that worked, how they knew who sold how much. Basically, I bought from both of them because I just couldn't say no to either. Paid two times, but to the same Venmo account. Guess it's essentially a family business, with the "boss" most likely being their brother or cousin. 

I miss the Yemeni guys who work in the vegetable market in Hayward. I haven't visited there for months! Even after my parents returned to China, I grew accustomed to bulk-buying at Costco because there was always something to purchase for Maa - new shoes, pants, socks, hats, vitamins, creams, and many gifts to bring back to India. The vegetables and fruits are always so fresh in their market! The young guys work there; their uncle owns it. It's also a family business. I enjoy spending time getting to know their stories - how they ran away from Yemen and settled here, how many months/years they got stuck in which country; who are here with wife and kids; whose wife still back in Yemen; where they kids go to school to or why their kids don't go to school. I will surely go back for a visit before the end of June, when our summer trip starts. 

Finished the gift shopping for the coming trip. Filled two whole suitcases, one big one and one small, for a total of 45kg, all gifts, for London, China, and India. I can already imagine the happiness that people experience when they receive their gifts, especially in India. One time we spent Durga Puja in the village, and I prepared a whole suitcase of kids' stuff - nice toys, books, stationery, and candies/chocolates. The village kids crowded around me and politely took turns to get their gifts. They were sooooo happy, which made me sooooo happy. This time we'll spend a few days in the village again, because the new Shiva temple we funded to construct is almost done. Oh India, whenever we are there, we carry a loooot of cash and give it away to whoever helps us, drivers, carriers, guides, cleaners, cashiers, servers, you name it. The gratitude on people's faces was so sincere, a testament to the respect and cherishing they felt. 

A batch of kids, from the family helper's (leftmost) family, who lived in the village,

 arrived to get sweets, a tradition during Durga Puja or any Indian festival. 

Little did they know that they would get sweets, toys, and all kinds of stuff 😁

2018 October

After I purchased the whole box of strawberries, I drove back home. When I was exiting the highway, a man stood there with a sign. I drove past him, couldn't stop. So I drove forward and stopped the car at a parking lot, took out 3 baskets of strawberries from the total of 6, put them in a plastic bag, and drove back to the highway exit. I stopped my car on the side, rolled down my window, called the man, and gave him the bag. He was so happy. I wish I could do more, but sometimes I don't carry cash or a whole box of fresh strawberries! 

Raj told me when I was giving him massages last night, "You're free, you know. I read your blog, and I don't want you to feel that you're trapped here. I never wanted to chain you down, I was only afraid that you could get your heart broken. But if you want, you are free to love whoever you want in whatever way you want. Remember that I'm always here for you, you can always fall back." "Hmmmm, well, thank you. And ya, I was just in a bad mood, don't worry. I'll think about it later. I'm not in any rush lol!" 

Not me to blame

I am immensely boring when it comes to sex: I don't have any kinks, I don't like violence, I don't like to continuously choke and gag on cocks, I can't take too heavy of neck or chest choke, I don't want to eat or swallow it, not on my face neither. I also don't enjoy much dirty talk, either in person or online. 

I think my value in this business is that I do have a very fuckable body, nothing perfect because I'm getting old and I have no breasts, no long legs, no good proportion, or anything presentable like the girls on tv, movies or porns. Still, I am really tight, wet, and warm down there, like all Asian women. And I do enjoy sex, I can't help but respond to men's movements. 

Raj was telling me how he and this other Chinese woman (33 y/o young wife of a lawyer, 2 kids) were sending dirty messages to each other. I like her too, she is wild, fascinatingly wild. I also enjoyed chatting with her, sharing stories via text after we played. She loves violent sex, almost equivalent to rape. She loves being choked and pressed really hard. She can keep choking and gagging on cocks for hours nonstop and she loves men to cum on her face, in her mouth and she would love to swallow it. 

I am genuinely happy that Raj and she have a connection. I asked Raj, "Do you think you could fall in love with her? At least some feelings, so you want to go out on dates with her?" "No." "I'm really hoping you do, so I can finally go on too? Please keep an eye out for that?"

I am patiently waiting for that day to come, maybe years later, perhaps a whole decade, after my kids have gone to college. Hopefully, by then, there'll still be some guy out there whom I'm naturally attracted to, and he is attracted to me too, so I could go on regular dates with him to see if we could explore love together. Different kinds of love. I'd love to go watch movies with him, eat ice cream somewhere, go on hikes, even try a little camping or traveling together. He could be young, could be old, could be rich, could be poor. I have never measured men using societal measuring sticks, and I will stay the same. 

But Raj insists that he absolutely can't love anybody else, so ya, I'm not allowed to be open, for now. 

In this game we play, I have never looked for sex itself, unlike most people. That instantly put me at a disadvantage, I think. After the novelty wears off, there won't be connections left to find, because who wants complications and the burden of emotions? 

However, I am an extremely valuable asset in conventional settings: a fabulous wife to keep and the best mother anyone could imagine. I work hard for others. I take over the housework and labor on it for hours and hours. Every day, I spend 8 to 10 hours (when no grandparents are here to help) cooking three meals for everyone, cleaning dishes, wiping down all surfaces, washing and folding everybody's clothes, arranging the house, buying groceries, and driving the kids to various activities. I sacrifice my years, my youth, and my career so that others can have comfortable lives and healthy development. 

Meanwhile, I am exceptionally low-maintenance; I don't wear expensive makeup or clothes, and I don't really care about any of that, actually. Also, I am so confident and self-assured that I am drama-free. People like to take me traveling because I am surprisingly easygoing, and I am super fun. I always work for them: I clean and cook for people, I pack their luggage, and wash their dirty clothes. 

For Raj, he thinks I am super smart too, and he wants my opinions on various matters, especially when he needs to make crucial career decisions. 

Raj told me, "I am feeling so lucky to have you. You are so so so smart, usually women that smart and capable, they feel different. Especially as they grow older, they become stiff, uneasy, and unpleasant. But you never change, you stay soft and easygoing, you stay tolerant and helpful. Everything eventually comes down to how kind you are. You are so enormously warm and kindhearted, you never make anybody feel even a little bit unpleasant when you're around; on the contrary, everyone is so happy with you because you always make so much effort for all of them." 

See, what a fabulous asset to have. 

But the thing with assets is, under the framework of this world, the patriarchal world, assets are personal belongings; usually, men don't share them. They are considered property, should be owned privately, and owning private property is protected by law in a republic.

I didn't set up the world. I lack any sort of power to change how this world functions. So, I remain a valuable asset to my owner, for as long as my owner wishes to dispose, exchange, or trade me. Only he has the power; I don't.

Women do break out of this setup, such as single moms. I have so much respect for them. But in my circumstances, there's no reason for me to break out -- I have a loving husband who respects, values, and loves me tremendously. It's the best setup for my kids to grow up into healthy human beings. Our world is built around the family model of one father and one mother as the primary caregivers, and all social setups are derived from this concept. 

Monogamy (or polygyny) -- men, and their ownership of everything, right? Remember my writing in the artists' gathering at Noah-Leena's house? 

I didn't know anything else existed when I was young, and my parents really needed me to give them grandchildren, so I walked into this model, which was the only option for my entire life, and it remains so to this day. Men I know also respect this model, whether they agree or not. They would first respect other men's properties, set up boundaries, and then act within those limits. This world that's built by men sustains because the men in it generally are happy about the rules and setups and have no intention of change. 

So what is there for me to say? I get by day by day, in the meantime, for years, I have been ready to go. Yes, I do enjoy my life; everything couldn't be more perfect for me. But other than my children, this world doesn't give me much at all. Or, I don't have expectations from this world at all. I am simply surviving here so that I can raise my children and help them as much as possible. I am still here because I can't leave my kids behind. I also can't go before my parents. Then that's that, simple as it is. 

So funny, today I wrote a brief note before the full-length version of whatever I've written on my sci-fi novel, "The War", and set up the entry to automatically post on August 30th, in case I don't return after my summer trip to China and India. This should be something I do each time before taking a flight or traveling somewhere, especially for international trips. Not for anybody else, but for me -- I spent so much time writing my novel; I have to post it somehow, even if I'm gone. 

The funny part is, I felt absolutely nothing writing that post down. How psychopathic I am. Everything feels like a dream to me, and I can't wait to wake up from it. My parents are so scared of dying, and that always amuses, as well as puzzles me. If I know I am not leaving my kids behind, so they are not going to suffer from the loss of me, I would have zero hesitation to go. Happy as I always am. 

That's why it will eventually fall on my shoulders, the fight for justice and freedom. It's written in my fate. If it's not me, then who? Who is this hard-boned, psychopathic, and fearless like me? Personally, I don't know any! Most people are not ready to go. Too many attachments. But I have been walking a fine line of an ultimate loner for decades: left everything and eloped with an Indian to an entirely new country, was ostracized and punished by the entire Chinternet, stayed connected but highly solitary all these years. 

I let everyone in, but no one was truly let in.  

For that, I blame this world. 

为了自由 Baraye Liberty برای آزادی

为了在街巷中翩翩起舞

为了能亲吻所爱的人

为了你的妹妹

为了我的妹妹

为了我们的姐姐

为了改变落后腐蚀的思想

为了贫穷带来的耻辱

为了过正常的生活而感到的歉疚

为了垃圾桶边捡食的孩子和他们的希望

为了这个独裁者治下的经济

为了污浊的空气

为了瓦里亚瑟大街和那里凋败的树木

为了猎豹和它的灭种之灾

为了无辜的流浪狗

为了无穷尽的泪水

为了这一幕一次次重演

为了微笑的脸孔

为了学生们和他们的未来

为了这个强加于我们的“天堂”

为了被囚禁的精英们

为了阿富汗族的孩子们

为了所有的“为了”

为了毫无意义的口号

为了虚假的楼宇终将坍塌

为了心中的和平

为了漫漫长夜之后的阳光

为了焦虑和安眠药

为了男人、故土和欣欣向荣

为了那个想成为男孩的女孩

为了女人、生命和自由

为了自由

为了自由

为了自由

Nerdy presentation of current sci-fi writing & brainstorming

I write because I happily exist in this world, even though it's a world that does not belong to me. I continue to write as I live a full life, exploring and experiencing happy moments with people I like and people I love. But I don't have any expectations of humanity, or let's say, manity? If I ever find myself no longer happily living my life, I'll also stop writing. 

I write, definitely not to "achieve" anything, or "attract" any attention. Money? Fame? The most worthless notions fabricated by people with evil intentions. How shallow. How patriarchal. But most people blindly fall into it. How much of it will bring you fulfillment and contentment? There's no bottom in this abyss. 

I write because that's exactly how I think, and I just have to let it out. I don't give a rat's ear who would ever read it or what they would think about it. None of my business, isn't it?

I write, and my writing constantly evolves as my understanding of myself and my journey deepens and widens, as I move forward without looking back. 

I write, my imagination is flying wild in the boundless sky, but my roots are reaching deep and wide in the vast underground.  

I write, because I love. 

I write, because I'm living. 

https://youtu.be/OE8EariPKTk?si=qNQus2WOW7LEgFUD

This is the first time I have openly discussed my sci-fi novel "The War". The full shape of the story has only recently taken form in my mind, thanks to all the new people and experiences from the past few beautiful years. I don't think I could ever go back, but only to push forward. 

I will walk out my own path, which was, is, and will be different from anyone else's. Not only do I not look back, but I also don't look around. I focus on my own transcendence and enlightenment, as well as my own satisfaction and enjoyment. I owe this disappointing world nothing, not a dime. And I answer to no one, no one but me.

***

More nerdy sum-ups and inspirations from the discussion: 

1. If you wish to truly think out of the system, each term that ever exists in your vocabulary is questionable and redefinable. Considering connection as a resource and the possession of connection as a means to establish a hierarchy is a way of thinking within the system. 

2. I believe that on Earth, patriarchy brings about materialism, capitalism, and colonialism. Noah tried to remove the reliance on materials from the equation and see if that still leads to patriarchy. What I believe is that if taking materials out of the equation, we become the opposite side of the war in my novel, much higher in intelligence, but not carbon-based. I think the form of existence as Earthers is okay, the only problem is that patriarchy made materialism (unlimited exploitation of materials), capitalism, and colonialism inevitable, and that leads us to a bleak future. 

3. Under the influence of patriarchy, we are on a different path of technological and intellectual advancement. That's why we have absolutely no idea if, with a few thousand years of development, with women not completely being wiped out of the equation, what powers we could discover within ourselves. And what future path would lead humans into -- definitely not self-destruction and mass destruction.

Visas and all that shit!

Visas have always been a huge drama in our lives! Every time we wanted to travel anywhere, due to our Chinese and Indian passports, we had to apply for various visas and whatnot. It usually took us a whole month, sometimes 2 months of work! As a Chinese passport holder, I required an Indian visa to visit India, and subsequently, an American visa to return to the United States. For Raj, an Indian passport holder, he needed a Chinese visa to enter China and an American visa to return. 

Then the kids came, holding American passports, we acquired Chinese Travel Documents (citizenship for Chinese kids born overseas if the mother was on a visa but not a green card while giving birth) and Indian OCIs (Overseas Citizen of India = green card) for them, because they were considered Chinese and Indian citizens until they turned 18 years old. Then they have to make a choice about whether to retain their citizenship or not. Chinese Travel Documents are valid for 2 years each time, while Indian OCIs are valid for a lifetime. 

Things finally got a little easier after I successfully acquired Indian OCI, after 7 years of trying. It took me two applications. For the first application, they made me wait for 3 years, then told me I submitted to the wrong category. What fucking bullshit. Redtape Assholes. Because the relationship between our countries is bad, they don't give away OCI for Chinese people that easily. We didn't give up; we applied again. Each application costed $ 400-$ 500, by the way. Then, after three more years of waiting, they granted me OCI, because, hello, I'm legally married to an Indian citizen, okay?! Indian government stopped giving Chinese citizens regular tourist visas since last year or so, China-India relation has always been so shitty and it affected all of our lives. 

Now this time, (background music starting), I'm traveling as an American passport holder, and Raj too! Fuck yay! Due to a change in citizenship, I had to reapply for Indian OCI. It took us two months, but my OCI finally arrived yesterday. It lasts a lifetime, I will never need to apply for Indian visas anymore! Only Raj will go to India with a tourist visa this time, because he didn't get an American passport in time to apply for OCI himself, but I and the kids are OCI holders! 

Raj and I also applied for a Chinese tourist visa with our American passports. Damn, this morning Raj picked up our passports from the SF consulate and we got freaking 10-year visas! Both of us! Never experienced such privilege before, most probably the first time ever! 10-year visa to China??? Wow.... My kids, who are Chinese Travel Document holders, have to renew their documents every two years!  

And London, we are coming! Without any freaking visas!!! Fuck yay! Gods know how much money and time we spent during the last 18 years applying for Schengen visas, EU student permits, UK visas, and all that shit! Each year, the mental load it gave me! Ciao, tata, farewell, zaijianbusong! 

Raj owes me big on putting my occupation as "housewife".

He said it was the easiest way without requiring detailed information.

Oh well, then I shall always act like a proper housewife, shall we?

Us four now.

How we enter China

How we enter India

My son's three types of citizenship documents since birth

My daughter's three types of citizenship documents since birth 

One last secret

"I have to tell you something. Can you sit down?"

Raj instantly looked scared. "What? What?! What are you going to tell me?!?" I've been putting him through a lot, as always, lol. All that he didn't want to know but has and needs to know, in the grace that I have been super open about everything with him. I kept pushing him up against the wall. The most frequent "inquiry" from me lately was - "Why can't we be in an open relationship so I can go out on normal dates?" I can feel each time I tried to push for a discussion, Raj's ass tightened, shoulders squeezed, hair stood and head exploded. "Men think very logically and pragmatically, okay? Our minds don't drift like yours. Especially you, born a princess, treated as one your whole life, never had to worry about a thing in your life. There will always be people who tidy everything up for you!"

"Don't worry. Do I ever put you in a bad position? Did you ever feel truly harmed by me in any way? Instead, most of the time it's me who gets hurt. Do I ever manipulate you, knowing how much power I have?"

"No, you never. And I love you so so so much..."

"Okay. Remember I told you how I rode with strangers on their motorbikes outside of a train station, I forgot where, in an East Coast town on a solo trip after UC Berkeley summer, they were black dudes, cute and sweet, offered to drop me off at my hotel, and I went with them? Remember how I got into another stranger's car outside of another train station in another East Coast town on the same solo trip, he was a sweet Vietnamese guy, offered to drop me off at my hotel, we chatted so much on the way, he gave me a wine bottle from his trunk at farewell and exchanged Facebook account with me, I still see his updates?"

"Yea, yea, you told me those stories. Why? What happened?"

"Oh nothing happened. I'm just trying to tell you, my heart has always been open." 

"Remember first I told you I was a virgin when you knew me, then I told you I lived with my first sexual partner for 2-3 weeks, then later I told you I actually lived with him for 2-3 months? Well, breaking my virginity was my sole purpose of being with him, as all of my Chinese and French friends knew and cheered for me. They were seriously worried about me as an 'extremely old virgin' and my French and international friends sincerely offered to help me with their, you know. You got the updates from that story, right? 2-3 months together but not 2-3 weeks, right? Traveled all around Brussels and France, learned from him how to make tomato eggs; he was having a girlfriend back in BJ, with whom he was cheating. But it was none of my business because he kinda forced me into having sex with him without full verbal consent in the first place, well, but I was in search of how to break my virginity without any experience, so it worked. He was gentle and sweet with me for the time we were together. I had a great spring; he planned all the travels. Later, when my article with you was all over the Chinese internet, he turned into a crazy person, accusing me of being a traitor to China, what a spoiled brat of a higher government official's offspring and all that?"

"Yea, I think I finally got the updated version after many years."

"Yes, you did. The version you have now is the most updated."

"What you trying to tell me now?"

"Well, what I'm trying to tell you is that I have always been adventurous and open."

"Yea, yea, I know."

 "Oh, remember I told you about my sweetheart Pat from Poland? We met online when I was in my second year at XMU. We met in person once in XM, which was a sweet day out in the romantic coastal city. Many years later, I traveled to Poland with him for five days, having stayed in France for a year, trying to decide if I wanted him to be my boyfriend. He is such a sweet and respectful person, and I still hold him in high regard. Five days of traveling around the whole country, he planned the entire trip, Warsaw, Krakow, coastal cities, I don't even know where we went, a big circle around the country. We walked around each city, visited beautiful museums, and he took me to watch movies, listen to live music, meet his friends, and drink in bars. He tried once but at that time I was still a virgin, waiting for 'the one', he never forced himself on me, having staying together in a same hotel room for five freaking days! Unbelievably respectful!"

"Yea, yea, you told me about it. So, anything you want to tell me today?"

"So that one solo trip I did in Italy. I walked all around in Rome, then Venice, and all those beautiful Italian cities all by myself, remember? I told you about an encounter in Rome? I almost got trapped by a fake film director?"

"Ya, you said you drank coffee with him and went away. What happened?"

"Well, there was more and I told Leena today, we laughed our asses off so I am updating you now."

"There was more? What happened? Why didn't you tell me?"

”Well, it was very embarrassing, alright? But now it's just funny. Lol!"

"Tell meeeeeeee!"

"So this middle-aged Italian man saw me, a tiny thin Chinese girl in flip-flops rolling a red suitcase all by myself. He told me that he was making a film and looking for actresses. He invited me for a coffee, so I went. We sat together outdoors, and many locals were eyeing us. He explained it to me in his broken Italian English, and my Chinese English was still quite poor at that time. But I understood he needed a 'doppelganger' of an Asian woman's role in his film. He said he already had the actress for the front, but he needed a 'doppelganger' to act as her back. He thought my back must be lovely."

"So?"

"So he said he needed to see my back in a private room."

"And you went with him?"

"Ya. Told you I have been and now still very open!"

"Where did you go with him?!?"

"A shady building, maybe it was his apartment or something. He led me there, asked me to leave my red suitcase on the first floor, and then locked it in a room. He then led me upstairs to his room, I think."

"Whaaaattt?!?"

"Ya, I went with him. He asked me to take off my clothes so he could see my back. I went to the bathroom and took off my top and pants, leaving only my underwear on, I think. Did I take off my undies too? I seriously don't remember anymore. I came back to his room naked only to find him lying in his bed, pantless, holding his thing and demanding me to eat it."

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttt?!?!!?!?! What did you do then?"

"I was like, 'Oh fuuuuuuuuck!'"

"Oh, I think that 'oh fuck' was about an hour too late."

"Yea, exactly! I was like, 'Oh fuck, what the fuck I got myself into? I'm still a virgin, this must be the first raw penis I've ever seen besides my dad's.' Then I instantly turned into a monster. In my head, I was like, 'I saved myself for the 'one true love' for all these years, you think you deserve that???' I didn't panic, I pretended to be exceptionally calm, but I completely changed face, I started saying things about Gods remember what. I think that got him shit scared because he had never imagined to meet a true psychopath in that way. I was only 22, but I had been traveling around China with my family since I couldn't remember when. I had met some really dangerous people in my life when I was way younger than 22. I had ample experience and practice in mind-reading, face-changing, and role-acting kinds of self-protection and younger-sibling-protection skills. No matter what kind of criminal you are, you don't want to fight with a poisonous king cobra; she could single-handedly take down your whole operation. After about 2-3 minutes, he quickly put on his pants, while I went and put on my clothes. He then led me downstairs, retrieved my red suitcase, and let me go. No handshakes, no kisses."

"What the..... I am speechless! You are one crazy woman."

"Well.... Isn't that straight-up-to-ass hilarious now, after so many years?"

"So much could have happened to you! You could have been raped, even killed, or human trafficked!"

"Yup, I know. I could have been raped and murdered many many many times, considering all that wild shit I got myself into when I was solo doing all that stuff in all those foreign countries at such a young age. But hey, never! I only had fun and made life-long friends!"

"You are one crazy woman with the best luck!"

"Well, you can say that! And ya, this is the last secret I kept from you, of my time before meeting you."