Fuck You All (Well, Literally Too, LoL)

Ya this world is filled with filth and disgusting notions like this. 

I spend my whole day and night cleaning, cooking, arranging clothes, buying groceries, Ubering for my kids' classes, tending to my screaming kids, so my talent is washed away little by little and my dreams of being someone who achieved something because of her talent is slipping away little by little. 

Not only we are slaves whose hard work is regarded as worthless, our wings are cut too, so we can never fly. 

 So to this filthy world I say: mind your own fucking business and fucking let me be. 

None of you are worthy to decide anything for me or my body.

Tujenge Maisha progress

Dear friends,

As some of you know, we have been supporting the women in Narumu, Tanzania for many years, through the non-profit organization Tujenge Maisha (https://www.tujengemaisha.org/). Our ultimate goal is to build a health center in Narumu so pregnant women and new moms with infants have access to basic healthcare and prenatal and postpartum care. Currently, they have zero healthcare for the population of 12k people in Narumu.

In 2022 December, we raised some funds so the women in Narumu purchased a second-hand truck (see attachment). With this truck, pregnant women in an emergency can be transferred to the nearest hospital 45 minutes away. The truck has been in frequent use since, and is a big help for women there. 

In 2023 December, Raj and I donated 4000 dollars, together with Dorothy (Tujenge Maisha's founder) who also put in her own 3000 dollars, now a health center building has been built on Dorothy's ancestral land. The construction lasted from December 2023 to April 2024, it has 4 rooms, 1 restroom, and solar panels for generating electricity (see attachments).   

Now we are asking for your help so we can put the health center to use. We need 5000 dollars to purchase a laptop, desks, chairs, beds etc, as well as hire staff who could deal with taxes, accounts, and paperwork, so Tujenge Maisha can acquire its non-profit status in Tanzania. The funds will be wired to Tujenge Maisha's official account in Narumu which is held by a group of women there collectively. 

If you are willing to help, you can transfer (Wire Money) directly to Tujenge Maisha's official bank account in America, the donation is tax deductible: 

Tujenge Maisha Inc

1096 Cape May Drive, Pittsburg CA 94565

Routing no.: 321171621 (Cooperative Center Federal Credit Union)

Account no.: 00002071164049 

Your help is life-saving and impactful, it will provide basic healthcare, as well as crucial prenatal and postpartum care to thousands of women and children there in Narumu, making their lives significantly better. 

Many thanks!

Missing my grandma 😭😭😭

 

Raj's journey

"Urumqi Middle Road" Documentary 《乌鲁木齐中路》纪录片 - 记录一个伟大的时刻

"Urumqi Middle Road" - a documentary on the 1st anniversary of the White Paper Protests (November 2022) in Shanghai was censored less than a week after it was uploaded to the internet in China.

The X account and YouTube channel of Plato, its producer, have disappeared. On January 5th, 2024, producer Plato, Chinese name Chen Pinlin, was arrested and accused of committing the crime of "picking quarrels and provoking troubles". 

The documentary contains a lot of first-hand video footage filmed by Plato. We don't want to see this documentary of important historical value completely disappeared by the Chinese authorities. 

我们中国人配自由 我们配民主 我们在一起 ✊
 

 

The reason

It's difficult for me to build any hatred for anything, but I know, 

this is the core reason for all the sorrow and sadness in my life.

This totalitarian regime that I'm tied to with my life.

我的外婆走了

从外婆进ICU起一个月过来，每天心里都很难过，也很愧疚已经四年半没有带孩子们回去看外婆了。 

从小婆婆把我带大，爸爸在外地读书的几年，和妈妈一起住在婆婆家里，妈妈要上班，婆婆每天骑自行车接送我上下学。从小最期待的事情就是周末可以去婆婆家吃饭，和婆婆到菜地或后山玩耍。有时还可以留下来过夜，那是要恳求爸妈很久才偶尔被允许的。小时身体不是很好，家人想尽办法也没有特别大的好转，于是不信教的婆婆开始带我去拜七仙娘娘做干妈妈。她一边学怎么祭拜祈福一边教我，嘴里不停叨念“保佑我墨沫，保佑我墨沫”。她还会存一些零花钱下来，偷偷捐给庙里好让神灵不要忘记保佑我。 

幼时对过年的美好记忆大都是在婆婆家的：热热闹闹的年夜饭、饭后对着池塘放焰火、龙灯队吵吵嚷嚷地从初一到初七每晚进婆婆家绕几圈、婆婆对着他们噼里啪啦丢一堆鞭炮。后来再也没有在哪里感受过每晚欢跳着，从龙灯在一百米外的邻居家里就开始激动地等上门的过年气氛。每当有人问我最想念家乡新年的什么，我会在心里偷偷想念婆婆家的龙灯表演。 

初高中每天放学回到婆婆的食杂小店，饿得眼冒金星撞进厨房，“婆婆”二字还没来得及叫出口，婆婆已经对着我们大喊“赶紧洗手吃饭”！一桌子我们最爱的饭菜热腾腾地摆好在那里。后来离开家乡去厦门法国和美国，每到离别日，前夜已经道别并交待了婆婆不要早起送行，早上天不亮，婆婆已经拿着鞭炮等在我们家楼下。再次道别后，婆婆对着慢慢离开的汽车丢了一大堆噼里啪啦的鞭炮，祈福我出门在外平安健康，一边还看到她偷偷抹去流下的眼泪。

婆婆性格大大咧咧的，说话声音大，喜或怒，各种情绪都毫无修饰地显露于色。桥头巷尾碰到陌生人，可以把祖上几代人的故事都分享了。婆婆出生在战乱中，家乡是广西省贵港市的木梓镇，幼年时曾四处逃难逃荒，会说广西、广东、四川等各地方言。读完了初中毕业，后来听说福建好，就跟老乡一起来福建打工，少年时她在工地挑几十斤重的石头，后来在水泥厂当工人直到退休。八九十年代后生活逐渐好转，可惜我的外公在2000年就早早过世了。后来经常听婆婆独自嘟囔：“这些新东西多好啊，我老头子太早走了，福都没有怎么享到，哎，可怜我老头子太早走了。”

虽然历经艰辛和苦难，但婆婆没有哪一天不是在开心地为她的家人而忙碌着。似乎昨夜流过的泪水，一早起来已抛掷脑后，只记得望向前方，全心全意地期待未知的美好。我想自己身体里“打不死的小强”、粗枝大叶啥都不怕也不在乎，以及可以对陌生人把祖上八代的故事一顿乱分享的优质基因，大概率是从婆婆这里继承下来的。 

婆婆非常开明，虽然她没有接受过高等教育，但在大半个中国流转的少年让她眼界很开。我爸爸因为年轻时叛逆，不喜欢接受毛主席的洗脑，说“毛泽东语录就是个肥皂块，洗我们的大脑”，作为惩罚，毕业后被校领导分配到偏远的县城。在小县城里，孤身一人的爸爸受人介绍认识了妈妈，外公外婆很快同意了婚事并开心地把让他做了上门女婿，如同自己儿子一样对待。外人有任何非议都被公公婆婆挡了回去，说“我女婿很好，做上门女婿是我们家的福气！” 我出生时计划生育刚开始施行，我是父母唯一的孩子，但却是个女儿。妈妈总是遗憾没有儿子，时常哀叹，但婆婆每每大声回复她：“为什么要儿子？女儿多好啊？看我有三个女儿多幸福啊，儿子能干什么？女儿才好！我墨沫最棒！”我离开家到法国美国后，认识了印度老公并执意在一起，爸爸妈妈反对了好久并且一直无法释怀。所有的家人里，婆婆是第一个站出来同意我和印度老公婚事的。她大声说：“外国人没什么不好的，只要我墨沫喜欢就可以！只要人善良会好好照顾我墨沫就可以！在哪里生活也没有关系，远就远一点，他们自己生活得幸福快乐就可以！”

婆婆，感恩你给了我生命，感恩你一把屎尿把我养大，感恩你从来都无条件地站在我这一边支持着我的所有决定，感恩你把自己对生活热爱与期盼的态度传承给了我们，感恩你如此坚强地走完了充满泪水与笑容的一生，不曾有一天放弃。

心里一直很愧疚，四年半没法带孩子们来和你见面、道别，但我也知道你一定能理解，一定能原谅。八十九年，你的一生，是我们生命的源泉和依靠。一路走好，婆婆，我永远爱你，你永远活在我这里。

外婆出生于1936年6月15日，去世于2024年4月6日