I have thought about it, hard, with the help of Sandra. I rarely pre-meditate, rarely, always a throwing-the-bag-over-the-fence-first kind of person. But I thought about it under all hypothetical circumstances and I concluded that I can't and shouldn't do it.
It will be a dilemma I'm going to face at every step and I will never choose to take something away from someone. If it's not mine to take, I will never.
I will never take away someone's happiness of having a family, a sweet wife, some children, the ecstasy of being a father.
I've had my time, my life, and my children. It's not fair that I insert myself into others' lives and take the risk of knocking them off the track to beautiful possibilities, even if it's just a risk.
At this point of my journey, after experimenting with a bunch of stuff, I came back fixating my mind on connection and love, like who I have been my entire life.
Heartbeats, butterflies, daydreaming, how I long for it but I can live without. Yes, I can live without.
The dilemma? Keep looking for possibilities of love but eventually endanger others' lives because of my pursuit.
Maybe some people in this world are simply not lucky enough to be in the position of such pursuit.
So ya, I believe, I can't and shouldn't allow myself to fall in any way.
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