All for fun

Lol, got referred by friends of friends and will end up in this talk on Sunday! Let's see if anybody shows up for our talk... It's a bit too late to "clear my name", but ya, it's all for fun now!! haha! 

https://post.starshiner.org/p/momo-zheng

A message to my audience

Somehow y'all found me here—silently following my journey and secretly forming opinions about who I really am. And honestly, digging back into my old entries, yeah, I can see why! lol.

Yes, yes, don't panic: this is a diary blog. Whatever you access here is 100% real and genuine, poured straight from my heart based on my actual experiences. You're not reading fiction articulated chronologically by some detached author, hihi. Which makes it 1,000 times more fun, no? It's a real person's life! I don't have a single clue where it's going, who I'll meet next, or what crazy stuff I'll do... I don't think AI can replace this kind of thrill anytime soon, right? Fingers crossed.

For anyone new here, a few basic facts about me:

1. I’ve spent the last five years writing exclusively in English—no Chinese since 2021—because it's how I escape and rebuild.

   • Escape from persecution: Writing in Chinese attracts unwanted attention from authorities. No matter what you write or where you publish—inside or outside China—they keep a close eye on you. But writing in English? They don't care nearly as much. Who knows what AI will change in the future, but for the past five years, everything I wrote in English had zero consequences.

   • Escape from self-censorship: Using a new language helps shape my thinking—a language where I feel free, without hidden rules or landmines waiting to explode.

2. Most of you probably found this site by searching for the "Chinese woman (中印恋人-辛格莫默, real name 郑墨沫) who became the mistress of an Indian man," using my real name, pictures, educational background, etc. Yeah, whatever is circulating on China's "chinternet" about me is absolute lies. China lacks laws to protect fundamental individual rights like privacy or defense against slander and defamation. As a result, fake content using my real name and image thrives in that closed-circuit clown house. As for my current status? Six consecutive years of applications for a Chinese visa/asylum from India, all denied? lol, I can't even...

3. My husband and I legally married on August 17th, 2009, at San Francisco Civic Center, and we have lived in the Bay Area, California, since then. We’ve stayed happily married all these years and now share two human children and one dog child: a 12-year-old boy, a 10-year-old girl, and a 4-month-old puppy girl.

4. Being legally and happily married in a stable, typical family setup—complete with in-laws, parents, and growing kids—doesn't mean my husband and I only have sexual experiences with each other. (Check out the "Sexual Liberation" column of entries in the right sidebar!) Yes, since four years ago, we have started to have a lot of sex with all kinds of different people! We lead an extremely fun, exciting life, and I document all of it right here—consciously, openly, and proudly.

Maybe the way my life has unfolded seems like an impossible dream to most of you, but yeah—I chose it, every single step of the way. I intentionally and wholeheartedly laid down each foundation stone. I safeguarded our little garden with the best intentions and all the strength I have, continuously watering the flowers for almost two decades, without a single day of slacking. I deserve every single drop of nectar from the fruits of the life I built!

That said, can any of you form an opinion about who I really am? I don't think I even can myself. And maybe that's why I keep an open dialogue here—to talk to myself and keep track of who I am—and I don't mind others joining the adventure.

Honestly, I don't think anyone should jump to conclusions about themselves or anybody else. Human beings are utterly complicated, and most of us are sheltered in one way or another. "Shelter" is too light a word; the real word in my mind is "brainwashing." Maybe the only true meaning of this life is to uncover as much as possible: the millions of versions of yourself fused within one physical body, and all the truth along the way.

So what new thing about myself did I uncover? Ha, that's why I wanted to write this entry!

First of all, I have such a "hoodness" in me—a gangster in spirit. I fear nothing: not before actions, not after actions, not in front of people, and not behind their backs. I fear no consequences, and I disregard any established precedent if it fails to convince me by virtue or gets in the way of my curiosity and excitement.

Secondly, I find myself shocked by how I navigate the stories in my life. I am shocked by how I can play along to the fullest extent with the version of myself that best fits the storyline. It's not simply "playing along," but a profound kind of role-playing. And it's nothing inauthentic or fabricated—no, each word, each expression is true and poured straight from my heart. But I know, deep down, exactly what I want to feel and how to get there; I know precisely what I need to do to get the full experience I crave. And the novel experience unfolding in my hands is what truly drives everything.

While that version of myself fluidly steps out to play its part, there are always other versions of me working in the background. Who else do I play? I play the writer, the detective, the investigator. My mind has never stopped fathoming. Ignoring "red flags"? Ha—you should ask if that's just part of the role-play. Not for a single second do I ever lose control to any other version over my writer and detective roles.

Thirdly, as my experience accumulates, I find myself growing stronger and stronger in how I master my own mind. And the way I control my mind is by deciding exactly which version of myself to unleash in any given moment. There are moments meant entirely for play and exploration. Then there are moments that are inherently high-stakes—moments involving vulnerable kids and elders, or relationships I truly cherish and value after years of deep testing, mutual approval, and care. These situations are fundamentally different, and I would never send the same version of myself to face them; I am far too complex for that. 

To truly approach me requires navigating multiple layers of clearance, each one earned through sustained effort and innately good intentions. It takes time—years, at least—to gain even a fraction more access. I have my own ways of testing people, of granting or denying passage. And with me, there is never a way back: once I have made up my mind to move on, it is done forever.

For some love stories, people have tried, and I thoroughly enjoyed the attempt—that effort was a crucial part of the novelty I was looking for. And I got what I needed. But after careful evaluation, I realized they lacked the capacity to push further or generate the kind of sustained novelty I require. So, I simply steered the story to its finish.

Yes, I don't have many friends, and the ones I actually trust and rely on are extremely rare. Raj, for sure; Leena (and Noah as a pack), yay; all the others have earned various levels of clearance over the years; different people hold different levels of access to the openness of my heart, but nobody else is quite there yet. 

So to anyone watching from afar, secretly taking notes or trying to figure out who I really am: welcome to the audience. Enjoy the show, but don't get it twisted—you're watching a master class in living life on one's own terms. The script is unwritten, the detective is always watching, and the next chapter is bound to be wilder than the last. Until then, stay curious.

How do we do it from now?

This time around, we’ve finally come prepared—certain about how we move forward.

​It took many relationships and stories to get here, but whatever happened, happened for a reason.

​Now Raj and I have successfully mapped out our boundaries and set up the foundation for how we play:

1. ​Unbreakable Team: 

Raj and I are forever a team—the strongest you’ll find within a 20-mile radius. We have zero plans to break up or go our separate ways as a couple. We are always communicating, exchanging thoughts, ideas, and opinions, and we will never stop exploring together.

​2. Poly or Not Poly? 

It depends on how you view it. Raj and I are both open to me having romantic lovers who are also my sexual partners and friends. Our lives won't be overly intertwined simply due to the limited time I have managing a crazy big family. 

But if I meet with each lover every week or two, over time, they could become part of our big constellation family. Call it poly, or don’t—it’s up to you.

3. ​The Three Requirements to Be My Lover:

​a. A strong romantic relationship with me.

b. ​A strong friendship, partnership, or even romantic/sexual connection with Raj.

​c. A mature, trustworthy mindset that prioritizes health and avoids anything potentially harmful.

​And I'll take my sweet time trying things out with people and slowly getting to know each of them. One guy at a time, though—I'll give it a few months with someone, then decide if I want to keep seeing him or call it off.

​Voilà, this is the plan, and I'm already on guy no. 1, hihi! The sex was brief the other day, but it was soooooo good, and now we're onto our second date. We two actually have great chemistry, I have to admit. We all met together with Raj at the end of June, and he waited for me to come back from my India-China trip so we could go out. If things go smoothly, I'll have updates—and maybe photos, too—to share soon. 😊

New adventures

No, I don't think I'm that kind of person—you know, the female version of a guy who avoids commitment? Nope, I don't think so. I have done things properly and taken care of all my relationships without hurting anybody, all while having my fun and experimenting. 

I do have a very, very high bar for anybody who wants something for the long run. I am energetic, hardworking, curious, freakishly smart, open, wild, and wise, and my heart is sooo soft and kind. With my level of self-understanding and competence, I naturally wouldn't last with people who don't match me. 

So guess what? The questionable side genuinely won't be me. I deserve to go through people one by one and take my time to experience, observe, and understand. I deserve to make my decisions based on how I feel, who and what I want, and how I want it. 

I don't expect to meet people who could turn out to be "long-term." That's going to be absolutely too tough for anybody to do—nothing is more difficult than matching me: matching my compassion, my intelligence, and my energy if they want to be close to me as a true friend who can get inside my mind and my body. So far, only Raj can do that. 

But hey, I'm open to it. I am open to welcoming all that fun, all those experiences, and all those adventures. Because that's me, and I ain't changing that for anyone. 

So here I am: after taking my time with my previous experience, making a genuine effort, and giving it a well-deserved finish, I'm ready for the next. 

I have learned and grown so much, one story after another. I am not the same anymore, yet I haven't changed a bit. I think the most significant difference in me now is that I take total control of who I want to meet up with, when, where, and what we do. 

I am never in a rush. I'm picky, freaky, and spiritual. I patiently wait for whatever the spiritual realm wants me to have; I watch for signs, and I follow them. In fact, throughout my previous relationship, I was simply following along with whatever the spiritual realm wanted me to experience—and I was thoroughly protected. 

Now, I've already been set on a new journey filled with fabulous new encounters. I don't know yet if anything will be "long-term," or if anyone will pan out to be a true friend of mine. What I do know is that I am excited for novelty, for new experiences, and for true connection. But the kind of bonding that earns my approval takes years to prove itself. 

So yeah, I'm in no rush to get to deeply know anybody or become their core memory. I'm just super excited to start, take my time, and ride into new adventures.

The trial is done

I'm finally back. Wow...

​What a journey—and I don’t just mean our annual China-India trip. I’m talking about the journey of trying out polyamory, navigating having a boyfriend alongside a husband, and managing multiple relationships. But that trial is officially over now, and I’m back.

​Basically, I realized I’m just not built for polyamory in my current environment. My husband loves me so so so so so much, our lives are completely integrated, and our relationship is deeply co-interdependent. Because he loves me sooooooo intensely, me being gone for even a few hours always brings him down for a day or two, which ends up making me sad in return. On top of that, my now 22 y/o boyfriend and husband couldn't get along very well as my relationship and boyfriend developed. Eventually, we couldn't hang out as a trio anymore, and a bit of drama even unfolded. I absolutely hate drama; no matter how minor the incident was, it traumatized me deeply.

​Furthermore, once a relationship passes the honeymoon phase, it needs a foundation in real life to thrive—looking forward to shared milestones like moving in, getting a pet, or tackling a project together. We had none of that. I realized we couldn't grow any deeper, at least not to the level that satisfies me. As a highly intelligent, creative, and high-energy person, I'm not easily matched.

​Even before our trip abroad, I came to the conclusion that Letting Go was the right thing to do. I held off on talking to my boyfriend about it until yesterday, though I had been keeping some distance, including disappearing for an entire month. Yesterday, I finally brought it up when we were chatting:

​"You see, this is what I've been thinking. I'm not jumping to conclusions, but I want to leave this as an open question for us: how do we grow deeper without a shared life together?"

​He responded, "It’s helpful for me to process this, but let's drop the boyfriend-girlfriend label. My feelings get hurt when you say titles don't matter to you. It means a lot to me, knowing that you are my girlfriend. I tell everybody about it; I really take it seriously."

​I told him, "Well, I could never post 'Me and my boyfriend' on social media anyway. At 41, titles truly don't mean much to me—plenty of husbands and wives end up acting like enemies. You can call me whatever you want. But if dropping the title gives you peace of mind, please do it; I respect your choice. That doesn't mean I don't want to have sex with you anymore, though! hihi. But what we had was so beautiful, right? A good 6-7 months, almost all honeymoon phase. We had so much fun, we had a good run! I am thinking about our good time in Yoshi's...."

"Yes, yes yes! Usually honeymoon phase only lasts for 3 months. I'll never forget all those moments, baby; it has been sooooo magical. It's the most intense and deep love I have ever experienced, and I believe maybe in my lifetime, I'll never get to experience a love that inspiring and intense anymore. I love you so so so much, baby. I'll always, always love you, and I'll never forget our moments together...."

China 2026

This summer Leena and Noah joined us to China 

From Hong Kong to Beijing to Fuzhou to Wuyi mountain to my hometown!

"The War"

The reason I couldn't continue contemplating and imagining my sci-fi novel, The War, has become obvious now: the world I thought was entirely a figment of my imagination is actually here. It isn't in some far-away galaxy, nor is it confined to non-carbon life forms or alien environments. It is right here, co-existing with our physical world. We have these beings and this existence right among us!

Therefore, what is the point of me imagining something we already have, rather than studying it thoroughly?

I guess the process of immersing myself in that imagination was a necessary step toward my spirituality. I was basically imagining the spiritual existence as "the other world," completely unaware that it has been here with us all this time...

Henceforth, I will focus more on learning about ourselves and exploring spirituality. The novel? Yes, I still want to write novels, but I need to form new stories in my mind that reflect my new state of mind and evolved imagination.

Here are the other blogs, besides this one, that I will be regularly updating:

• A Woman Stuck on Earth (https://awomanstuckonearth.blogspot.com/): I want to keep writing my short stories, revelations, and realizations here, ready to share with everyone.

• Journal on Spirituality (https://momosjournalonspirituality.blogspot.com/): I started this new blog as a digital journal to record my spiritual journey.

• Ride (https://feimoyu.blogspot.com/): Sci-fi short stories, keep my novel writing going 

  The stalled and unfinishable project "The War" (https://thewar333.blogspot.com/)