Smoking

Obviously, I don't smoke. 

I'm pretty much French, 

Qui 

(in the sense of women's liberty in mind and body), 

but haven't gone so far as to be a real smoker.

2007, when I was first in France, 

smoking indoors was freshly banned earlier that year. 

Or else I might be nurtured into a smoker by friends...

Raj used to hate it when I occasionally smoked; 

he would snatch off my cigarette in front of people 

and throw away the packages in my closet.

I had a perfectly healthy body to be impregnated 

and gave birth to two perfectly healthy babies. 

Absolutely no difficulty in getting pregnant

 (both on the first month of try), 

and 100% free from any pregnancy or birth complications.

Almost went into depression after the second one was born, 

Raj was away traveling 200 days out of 365. 

Those few times smoking in my car while driving alone aimlessly, 

I will never forget the feeling of de-stress and relief.

I don't know why sometimes smoking with friends when outing feels nice. 

Liberating? 

Do whatever harmful stuff you want to your body? 

Because smoking causes cancer and birth defects? 

And we are not only birthing machines?

Sometimes people just do things that feel good momentarily. 

And yes, it does feel good. 

The sense of bonding, the sense of sisterhood, the sense of gangster shit. 

It does feel good. 

So ya, guess from now one more "must-have" will be added to our girls' night out.

Plus, Leena was a biiiiiiig smoker when she was young and wild. 

Finally, she is gradually returning to her original unobtainable form. 

We don't live for any of them,

 we live for ourselves. 

Whoever gives a side eye, 

they can pretty much, 

kindly, 

go fuck themselves.