Ethics

I know people might think women like me, who claim to be "breaking all rules", "deconstructing the foundation of existing social structures", etc, must be inclined to do "wrong" things. Well, that depends on how you define "wrong and right".  

The ongoing story of two band members who I even once thought, "Wow, how I 'envy' them 'falling in love' like that", was not going to end well from the beginning. 

Because it is not ethical, there were innocent wife and daughters involved. 

Yes, ethics is essential for women/people like me who are trying to challenge social norms.

From when I first entered the dating scene in Xiamen U before 20, I had never played games with boys, never wasted any men's time, emotion, or money, and never hurt even one girl/woman. Despite how my parents used to try pressuring me into submission - "Make them wait, make several good ones wait while you pick the most promising one!" Considering the massive number of proposals that have come to my hands each day for all these years, I am damn proud of myself who failed this game miserably according to social norms. That's why all those men remain respectful to me, even after two decades. 

Actually, since 2nd or 3rd grade, I was surrounded by boys' love and affection. Never toyed with any one of them, not even one. I have stayed sincere and respectful to all since I was a child. I just kept saying very sincere "sorry"s. I made sure it was loud and clear, "I'm sorry, I don't like you. You are a nice boy, thank you for liking me, but please don't send me flowers or letters or follow me anymore." Most of the time, I have girls who help me pass the messages. 

I have stayed 100% true to myself as well. If I liked someone, I would let them know. They would know. I do my part, direct and straightforward, leaving them to choose and do their part.      

Is it a hard thing to do? Some people just couldn't follow through?

For me, you would need to kill me to make me hurt another woman.

I Would Never! 

I tell myself all the time -- "Never Ever Hurt Another Woman!" It's so ingrained in my brain that it has become a natural reflex.

Of course, I have been presented with profound opportunities that could hurt some wives and daughters at home. I can six-sense it from two miles away and have already decided how to escape two days prior! That mental preparation always made escape 10x easier, and I would never be caught in the moment. Hey, I had rehearsed it!

You think it's that easy? Trapping the 20-something me? I would never hurt another woman! Don't even think! Aren't we all victims of this patriarchal world?

Now, the 40-something me? Ha! I choose the time, location, people, and encounters based on my own standards, and I proactively plan everything that will happen. Stronger than ever, I hold the ethics that I would never hurt another woman, and I would never hurt any man either, young or old. Finally, I am at the age that I can choose not only to feel like a victim but also to be a protector. I guess I have been a protector all along, even as a victim. 

It's unnecessary for all stories to "end well", but if you are assertive about your ethics, you can always answer to yourself. If there are hard feelings, heartbreaks, or disappointments, you can get through it much more manageable. 

There is so much to do in this wide, wild world; there are so many beautiful, ethical people out there waiting to share a mutually respectful time with you. 

You gotta choose well and make each step clean. Don't lay the stones for regret.