Combing and reading through new and old articles introducing Chizuko Ueno and China's feminism movements (a lot about the government's suppression efforts). Realized that the perceived world I think I live in is a million miles away from contemporary Chinese.
I. will. never. fit. in. there. any. more.!
But, ya, probably should address this point at the end of this entry: maybe just in time for me to catch up and learn the Chinese way to better face a Trump era that will probably last well beyond four years.
Feminism has been effectively dismantled under the continuously malicious attacks from the government and its various hitman agencies. In the mainstream, "feminism" is now mostly used as a flowery decoration to elitism by the "successful".
Different branches of feminism do still emerge and exist, mainly grassroots and underground. How you associate yourself with the various social classes of women and their different calling for more equality is a thing. People's eyes will be on you when you make a choice!
What the pressure?!
But then, that has always been the Chinese or Eastern societies, no? You can't just comfortably seclude into your own world without norms and rules; people want to know which side you pick! I mean, if you are an intellectual who writes and shares your thoughts with the public.
It's not that I haven't asked myself this question: Am I really a feminist? Or let's phrase it more accurately: Do my world views on specific topics or my conditions resulting from my life choices conform to a "true feminist"? I know this sounds wildly absurd, but not only does America have Cancel Culture, but in societies where collectivism is more prominent, Cancel Culture is deep in your blood. There's even no name for it; it's simply the fundamental way of life!
Nevertheless, that's a good question: Where am I? Am I truly a feminist?
Publicly, I am a happily married woman who conforms to monogamy, a full-time mom in a lot of aspects, and financially dependent. I don't think I could fit in the description of a feminist, even living here in America!
And I have avoided going deep on it this whole time!
It is hard, any advancement or progress on this path is hard, even just the discussions. I remember how much resistance and rejection were there when I first brought about the debate about monogamy and polyamory to Leena. Even now, I don't really have a clear idea of this.
When 2024 we traveled to Mexico together, Leena was adamant that monogamy was a fruit of women's fight for equality since "polygamous (one husband with multiple wives) traditions were much more harmful".
I guess we didn't know anything about the surging development of a polyamory world, which is driven by the feminist movement in a way or the forefront ideals of the world's most renowned feminists.
How did we know?
Did I betray the ideals of feminism by getting married to one man, willingly having his children, and enjoying the company - oftentimes "exploitation"- of men? Am I not a worthy feminist who is still now (willingly or unwillingly) stuck in this very un-feminist situation? Does a hip but conventional mother count as a feminist?
I do question myself often, afraid that I am not feminist enough, or at all. But I am also aware that the doubting itself is very un-feminist.
I think one day I should just make peace with it: no matter what situation I'm in today, a true feminist should be more like an ally? Ally of the underrepresented, underprivileged, voiceless, and powerless. Those we want to collect under our wings do not need to be only women, but the whole LGBTQ community counts! Anybody could take the role of a feminist, all that matters is how you perceive it.
And that's that, then!
(See, I need to write the words out to clear my mind! That's just how my mind works...)
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