Wednesday night, son couldn't sleep the whole night, with a high fever, crying, tossing, and sitting up. I was demanded to be by his side. "Mama, I don't feel good. Mama, I don't feel good." nonstop, even with medicine intake. Neither of us slept that night.
Thursday, son stayed home, continued to cry, and complained that his entire body ached. I canceled everything and was demanded to sit by his side. I took some naps with him during the day.
Thursday afternoon, took my son to the doctor's office, diagnosed with Influenza A. "The whole school is sick! Every kid is sick!" the doctor told us. Meanwhile, daughter started feeling sick.
Thursday night, son still complained about whole-body pain but slept through most of the night. Daughter started vomiting and having a high fever. Daughter started crying nonstop and vomited every hour or so. Whatever she ate, she vomited right away, the fever wouldn't drop because she vomited out all her medicine intake. "Mama, I don't feel good. Mama, I don't feel good!" throughout the night. I was demanded to be by her side. She managed to sleep half of the night, and so did I.
Was supposed to go with Noah to one of the SF Indie Film Fest events on Thursday night. Leena didn't want to go, so I tried to accompany Noah. Leena later changed her mind, which was better because I was not able to leave the kids anyway and most probably carried all that Influenza A virus.
Friday, both kids stayed home. Sitting on the sofa, vomiting, dosing off, complaining, crying and calling out to "Mama", "Mama", "Mama" nonstop. The good time was when both of them were able to watch a little bit of TV or sleep.
Friday night, daughter's fever was still high, vomiting didn't stop. She complained throughout the night. She demanded I be within reachable distance of her the whole time because she was constantly feeling the turning-around sensations and couldn't grasp reality. I can imagine how terrible that could be. I haven't had a good fever since I had the two kids.
This round, everybody else dropped like a fly. Raj started to fall sick on Friday morning, and my parents did too on Friday afternoon. Raj was bummed that we couldn't attend a party planned by some people months ago; whilst I was super relieved that we didn't need to go.
I haven't started feeling anything yet. "Mommy duty" keeps me bulletproof and resilient. I'm pretty sure my time will come when both kids fully recover. Getting sick on the spot is a high privilege since mothers always get the lag effect. The worrying thing is, I am the only one who didn't get a flu vaccine for this season. My last flu vaccine was in 2023; in 2024, I was too busy getting other types of vaccinations because of different issues, and the flu slipped out of my schedule. True story of a mother. Let's wait and see what happens to me with Influenza A in the spring of 2025...
"Maybe we could drive to Napa tomorrow and take photos, it's going to be sunny!" Raj was suggesting, rather imposing, it on Friday. What world does he live in? Oh, right, the one who stayed awake the whole night was not him! Kids sometimes would call out to "Papa" if "Mama" was unavailable temporarily...
I wish my daughter could be better by the evening so Raj and I can attend Noah's short film premier at SF IndiFest... I have been thinking about "Walking the Red Carpet" for months since the day Noah's film "Pigs Fly" was selected for the festival. I had a two-second silent role as a camera person in that film. I'm ultimately proud of that! There's a chance we'll miss this event entirely... (>.<)
Raj said he took Night Quill, so he slept through the night and felt much better. Son did that too. They are on their way to the California Academy of Sciences. Right before they left, Raj had to lash out at me for not printing out my son's homework yesterday since he was absent from school for two days. Who gave men so much power? Society took away the means and my will to sustain myself financially and put me forever under men.
No matter how much I resisted, Raj could take out on me anytime, on any small thing, especially when he was stressed at work. He would refute and claim that he was not loud, but it was all shouting and accusing in my ears. He would also immediately apologize and buy me many nice things whenever he could. Sometimes, for days, because of the stress at work, he would continuously lash out at me for no reason. Then, he would feel bad afterward. But it would happen again soon. I'm just so numb and used to it by now unless I have enough strength to push back at that moment. No wonder I enjoy all encounters when men talk and act gently and softly with me, even only momentarily. It is what it is. I'm only trying my best to train my son to not be this entitled; sometimes, it's hard when he has an example to follow.
While Raj has good reasons to feel stressed about his work, "feeding the whole family", "making y'all's life so comfortable", I have never projected any financial expectations on him. When he was jumping from startup to startup without basic salaries, I was chill and calm, put aside whatever dreams I had, and got back to earning. I was happy when we were poor, and I never cared about expensive things. All that Raj is going to achieve will add to Raj's own fame. Nobody will come forward and sincerely congratulate me; nobody will give me more respect as if they think I deserve it. "Stay-at-home moms" are the least deserving kind of human beings in this sickened society we live in today. And compared to what Raj could earn, I will be stuck in the "stay-at-home mom" category for eternity.
With most people, I don't bother to discuss what I do as paying work or what I do as dreams and aspirations. Who, ultimately, cares? I even crave to feel that unintended hint of contempt and pity out from people's noses when I reply "What do you do?" to "I just take care of the kids". It's not unfun. Most of them won't resonate if I pull out cards with my work written all over them or the imaginary worlds I have in my mind, will they? So why bother? I'm your stereotypical grandiose stay-at-home wife who leeches on a successful startup husband! What a lucky woman!
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