Hit the street

It's indeed a very sad moment for South Korea. Usually developed countries don't know much about it, it's only associated with "poor, crowded, dirty, and backward" places like India, and "inferior, filthy, uneducated, barefoot Indians' lives don't regard to be as worthy as rich countries' fair citizens". Just the way how this world was and is. 

The stampede, there is always something that triggers it. Once the wave starts, it won't be able to be stopped. People got dragged in and pushed down in the wave, never able to get up and get out. Most of them suffocate to death. 

Chatted with J, she thanked me to comfort her during such a sad moment. They all are in mourning, and Halloween celebrations were abruptly canceled among friends and families. "A lot of bright young lives were suddenly taken..." 

I know. Precisely because I know how it feels, I know how important is to have people who understand and feel for it, and how important is to have people who are willing to feel for it with you. I wish there were more people around me who feel the same despair for my country. But I've walked so far so alone, I am used to the loneliness. And I never really have expectations for anyone. I try hard to make my life here count, try to make other people laugh, and do everything for them. But deep down, I can never stop the feeling of being left all alone in this universe. 

But I also developed my tactics to cope. Without the shame of disturbing others, I relentlessly share whatever information I consider relevant with them; and without the excitement of being seen and liked, I headstrongly speak up for whatever I consider vital. I know most of them don't really care and I know most people can't stand a person who expresses oneself like how I do. It's never loveable or pleasant, especially when you are a woman. Nevertheless, I solely can't pretend to be anything else. 

At least I have Leena to go to the street with me. No matter how strangely and immensely different Leena and I think, we always find that weird way to be with each other, support each other and love each other. Brushing off the discomfort that pops up once in a while due to our unignorable differences. At least both of us are completely transparent, never holding back or hiding. Whatever people can see is whoever we are. Both of us are so hot-tempered and headstrong, exactly like firecrackers. The difference is I've been groomed to be polite and compliant throughout my childhood, so I can easily maintain a good stance on the surface. If the affair is nonconsequential, I have the "wiping out mechanism" to forget all about it, only exploding on matters that are deemed pronounced. On contrary, Leena sprints on all. Lol, anyways, just different mechanisms to cope with living in this miserable world...

All of a sudden, Raj is moving on fast to the project with P. I do not understand how the world could shift within an unnoticeable moment, the same way I do not understand why the world stays indecipherable for most of us' longest duration of being. I do not understand, so I do understand. I do understand, so I do not understand. 

Nobody knows what's coming for them at any given moment, not even when things were long gone. It's only that imperceptible longing as if you might be not alone, not left alone. 

At least I have Leena to go to the street with me.