Dreamy

Such a dreamy feeling when listening to my favorite commentator on Chinese affairs praising this author to have written "the most powerful indictment of the regime and its zero COVID policy I have ever read so far"; my favorite commentator said he "has always been profoundly respecting" this author and "viewing him with the highest regard", and this author is actually one of our organization's core assets, yesterday I just got to know all the details about his association with us and how and what we should be doing to keep taking care of valuable asset like this. In the following weeks we will start to have a lot of meetings and discussions about the work that I am leading, and one day soon we could meet in person over our organization's gathering plan. 

It's a small circle for sure, most of us are in the hiding, if one day the time comes when we could safely come out, most probably we will all be like, "Oh, it's you! I've followed your work for years and always respected and loved for what you do!" For now, I am standing on a fairly safe ground where I feel a certain degree of comfort to let certain people know my real identity, but I still will largely be the force of resistance in the dark. I can feel more and more responsibility falling into my hands gradually and I will have to start acting like a mature adult because other people and their family's life and future depends on me. 

What about my losing faith in China and the Chinese people? What about me giving up because of the brutal experience I had with China? I guess that's already in the past now, no? It left no grudge even no trace in me, I am back to that silly girl who wanted to change the world with her bare hands, no? Hence let's just turn the page and keep moving on. The tunnel is still full of darkness and we haven't walked far enough to see that light.