Ready?

Got so much done in just three mornings in office. Everyday 1.5 hours on way, not even three hours in the office, but ya, that's three hours straight of working for xxx. Haven't done that for long, not for work. Well, when I was at xxx before, never really considered it as work but more for fun, passion, plus responsibility. Only after 8+ years of being a stay-home wife/mom, as well as being an amateur online content maker, I'm now overburdened by life, the additional xxx work did become work. Therefore this office establishment is really good for me, helping me set up a fixed schedule, a non-disturbed work environment so to focus.

Raj has been in ecstasy, they are getting fundings after fundings, from groups of billionaires to different types of venture capitals. I was like, "Then what happened before, for the three months that you guys focused on three big funds but all of them rejected you? Why suddenly all the attraction?" However I had never for one second doubted that they were going to make it, one way or another, even when he was so stressed and constantly shitting on me. I got that sixth sense baby, had foreseen this was coming. Who is your wife baby? The Goddess of wealth and prosperity, if you treat her right. 

Raj was like, "So much money now! I am gonna pay myself good! We should hire a cook and a cleaner now. It has been very unfair to you, you did everything every day, so much work...." I was like, "Hold up dude, don't go from North pole to the South, your mom is going to be here for three months, then we will be in India for two months, then my parents will be here until the end of the year, we don't need cook or cleaner baby. Please just don't shit on me about how I should do my work, either home or xxx, don't (subconsciously) outlet your frustration on me when you are under pressure from work, that's enough baby, that's enough."  

From now on there will be a lot of India and Korea travels for Raj, that's why this whole summer we all are going to be there, checking it out, getting mentally prepared to adapt to a long term stay there. Raj was like, "For the first two weeks of March I will be in India, should I come back from Abhay's wedding and go back to India again? Otherwise how are you going to manage two weeks without me?" "What?! Are you insane? Just stay there for two weeks, nobody is going to die here. Or you are worried that I will be so horny and start humping on things? Lol" 

When Yanyi and I were chatting that day, we vividly discussed about how Korean corporations have this custom to take their clients, especially foreign clients, to high-end red light districts after work, as a mean of "treating them good". "What do you do then? If he does that?" "You can't stop that basically, they are traveling, everything is there to make it happen. No need to say it's very casual for men. Just don't let me know, I don't want to know. I am entitled to 50%, if anything goes wrong in the relationship, I am getting my 50% and out of here. I will find a young hot guy, ummmm..." "Lol! You are so funny!" I haven't thought about that actually, because till now Raj only has been traveling in America and India, but Panda has been traveling intensely in Korea for years! Hmmmm! Now I'm not sure if Raj could actually hold up, it's like eating potatoes, no? 

But we do talk about it often, because he really wants it but don't want to lie to me, ever. For him, being with me is the most important thing in life, because I am the sexiest and he is physically attracted to me as fuck. But in parallel, there is a man lurking in him too. He has been trying to find a solution. Is that all men? Good ones and bad one? Is it human nature or men's nature? I can't say for all women, but for me, still, physical intimacy ideally is reserved for love and affection, for fantasy and fairytales. When you are young, fine, you had no choice, you had to try your hands so you knew how and were able to avoid making life mistakes. Now that I am not in desperate position anymore, I have been very hesitant to lower it into the category of tasteless unhealthy fast food. Why men and women could be so different? Why can't we all live in the perfect struggle of Romeo and Juliet? Was classical love stories if written by men then merely written to please women? I have always knew, the day when I finally feel that I'm ready, it's the day I cut off the part of me who lives in an innocent imaginary universe full of magic and fascination, but only keep the part of me which is realistic, down to earth and good at turning head away from airy things like butterfly in the stomach, love at first sight, eternality etc.

So am I ready or not?