"Men are useless!"
As I was busy packing everything, I seriously taught my daughter about this:
"Men use their bigger physical bodies to make up this world we live in; they possess everything, including women and children; they own everything, including all the money, so women work for free for them; in that way, men control women. But you see, men are useless - for the past one hour, you dad just pooped for half an hour and took a shower for half an hour; whereas I packed all of our four lunch boxes, fixed breakfast for all four, packed everything you need for afternoon fencing classes, and my and your dad's things for hot yoga. And look at me, oh, actually, I only prepared three breakfasts for you three, I left myself out! I forgot to eat my stomach medicine too! That's how women turn to have weakened health later on because they are so busy and they exclude themselves from the care they provide for others for free!"
If "men are useless" is the narrative my daughter will remember growing up, let it be. I highly suspect she was born a lesbian anyway. And guess what, "women are useless" is the narrative I grew up with.
While my mom does 80% of the housework, which is 99% better than all Indian households because Indian men do 0% of the housework. She works like a horse and a cow for the whole family, while she could never get herself to eat freshly made dishes by her, and she always goes to leftovers (that impacted me hugely, for the longest time after I got married, especially after I had kids, I subconsciously felt that I only deserved leftovers but not delicately made dishes because those are for men and children; I never would cook anything for me, but only for guests, men, and children, and I would happily eat their leftovers. Indian women are Not allowed to eat at the table with men at the first round of food serving, which is still happening now in the majority of traditional households. They are only allowed to sit on the floor in the corner of the kitchen and eat leftovers from men, in the most backward places in India, like the state where my in-laws come from). Still, when my parent fought, my dad consistently demeaned her, "Women are useless and stupid." Look what that got me into!!
My daughter is too precious and gifted to be some men's slave. My parents never taught me about it; on the contrary, they molded me and paved the way for me to successfully become a slave of men, a successful slave.
When we were younger, Raj used to slip out the exact demeaning words about me too, when we argued, "Women are so stupid!" All that stemmed from his own society and his environment growing up; his dad would outburst extremely loud scolds towards his mom in front of all, "You stupid, stupid woman, shut the fuck up!"
It took maybe 100 times of such emotional abuse and my fighting it back for Raj to now change to a different narrative (and I could take such a massive amount of emotional abuse was because of my dad's scolds about my mom growing up), "Momo is so freaking smart; she has the IQ of xxx." As if I give a fuck about my high IQ, lol! Men are so freaking stupid and useless, seriously... The best I figured I should do is to take my high IQ and idle around, do absolutely nothing.
Why do I want to contribute to this world made by stupid and selfish men? Haven't I experienced enough of all kinds of trauma and abuse from all? Do you think I have healed fully yet? I only do things that I absolutely feel like doing. If even just a tint of unpleasantness, meh, Imma get meself the fuck out.
Making money and money itself is not a concept that has formed in my mind. I don't mind being passed around by different owners and masters, owning my body, my womb, and whatnot, as long as I don't need to trouble my mind about money-related matters! Is there much difference in being owned by different men? Is there much difference in the number of dollars a man owns (after a certain amount of zeros)? Apparently, not much! Well, size and effort in bed do matter, though. So, ya, two basic thresholds -- number of zeros and sizes. And remember it, it's the society that sets those up for men and women, not generative from the authentic me! Lol!
Anyways, all is well, I'm still in love with my life!
Rui is moving away with his husband, though. MY might too, one day, with her wife. Rui and his husband are expecting the surrogate to deliver their first daughter in July. It costs a great deal to get one surrogate in Oregon pregnant after one miscarriage. One surrogate in Colombia just went through a miscarriage, but trying again since surrogacy in Colombia is a hell lot cheaper than in the US. Since Rui is now in between jobs and his husband's work is fully remote, they decided to move to Phenix, where his white husband's parents are. They are selling the townhouse here and buying a big single-family house there, with a pool. They will move at the end of April. It was indeed "a good news and a bad news" for us... But we are excited for Rui's new journey as a dad. This time, it was his husband's sperm that survived; maybe the next child would be his biological child. It doesn't really matter at the end, though.
MY and her wife, now both 32, are using the Apple benefit to freeze some of their eggs while searching for a sperm donor. Maybe they want to be moms too, in a few years. Once an actual pregnancy is on the calendar, they will think about moving away too, since MY's wife doesn't enjoy her job at Apple, and MY can write her book anywhere in the world; on top of that, things are way too expensive here. That will also be "good news and bad news" for us next year.
Then, in the Bay Area, only Sandra and I stayed, and my professor and family too, but only us. Tony moved back to LA, inspired to be a popular commoner's lawyer there, a politician one day too; Cindy moved back to Vancouver to unite with her whole family; now Rui and MY are also moving away... :(
But we still look exactly like we did when we met 15 or so years ago -- not much has changed in our appearances at all. Amazing Asian genes!!
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