In this uncertainty

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Back from cruise!

Mother / daughter fucker gone mad. In two days, some friends lost a couple of million, most of us hundreds of thousands. Everybody is cursing in different chat groups. But for us, the damage was expected on the day of the election itself, at least from me. 

Losing in the stock market is the least life-threatening loss. I have nothing to complain about. 

Inflation and whatnot, which are coming soon, will affect most of everyday American life. The consequences of who they voted for are coming. 

All I can do is keep my side of the resistance strong. April 5th in the street!

The cruise was super fun! Basically, I was either sea sick or high or both. 5 mg felt like at least 15 in a rocking ship at the windy sea! I still prefer to roam around in a different country or city, exploring the museums, ruins, and old streets, talking to people in their broken English. But yeah, the cruise was super fun, crew members were from all over the world, and the quality of the shows and entertainment was top-notch. My parents also want to take us cruising someday. 

Together, we prevail

It feels good to introduce myself as who I really am and get responses such as "Wow! I've been reading you guys since high school!", "I get most of the info from you guys!" and "I'm so curious about you guys, can I know more? Oh, maybe you can't tell me. Can I visit your office?"

Prof is traveling this week, so he asked me to attend an event in SF to introduce myself. Due to the authors' well-knownness, a group of new friends also attended. So, in the end, this trusted group of new friends also got to know me. I've been with them multiple times in different events, so I felt trusting enough. We've been in the resistance together; I knew them, they didn't know me.  

Obviously, everybody knows and appreciates our work. Expanding the community that could help organizations get through dark times like this has become more crucial.  

I never worked to collect appreciation or recognition. I only work on things I love, first of all; and things I feel are utterly consequential. But mostly for pleasure. If no pleasure, I don't bend for nothing, money, fame, gain, meh. 

One of the pleasures is to meet people who think alike. Ultimately, we are all loners in our own sphere - we don't align politically with our parents and relatives, we can't share things with our friends (if people keep such friends), and most of us don't rant publicly on socials. Therefore, we need one another to meet in person, to let out, and to exchange thoughts and ideas. Ya, the same goes with the LGBTQ community. That's why the oppressed around the globe understand each other and are most likely to support different causes.

Lol, we've been using Signal for group chats for as long as Signal has been there! I am in so many groups there, so many. Those retarded morons. They use Signal so their conversations won't be recorded in governmental systems and used against them. What a breach of the rule of law. Those bastard criminals! A country run by criminals is of course going in the wrong direction! 

Golden Kitchen has now become our rendezvous. The owners are on our side; most of them came from the bottom of Chinese society, and they represent the true face of the majority of China (Chinese students who study abroad don't). Plus, their food is truly the most authentic spicy Chinese in the entire bay, attested by the Chinese. Last night, live music was on! They talked about singing last time, but didn't get to do it. Now I will also practice some songs with them and perform there! They want to make it a space for musicians to freely gather and play music. The Tesla showroom is only 20 meters away from them. I guess I will protest at Tesla in the morning, eat lunch there, protest at Tesla in the afternoon, then sing my songs for dinner guests! 

Ya, we Chinese have been in the resistance for as long as we can remember.

The most important thing is to keep sane, keep light, and keep fun,

with friends with whom you can laugh or play music.

Paradises in hell

Finding little paradises with different kinds of people

has become a crucial survival skill in today's America.

Leena said she was crying so hard last Friday night,

but then watched a cute cat movie with Noah;

while Raj and I got super high and went to see a live Jazz show at Yoshi's,

That was some experience, we had so much fun...

Every Wednesday with my bandmates is also 

the most cherishable time of the week.

Oh, Wednesday morning with my TK kids too,

I get so many hugs, 

and now the kids have started doing hearts with their arms.

Not sure it should be paradises in hell,

or Trump's hell in my paradise.

Guess it should be Trump's little tiny dark hell that 

somehow found its way into my paradise.

They will vanish soon enough,

at least that's what we hope...

Us last night trying to take a photo for Funk poster

My little solo for "Back Pocket"

Ignorance is bliss

Since my parents left for China, Raj has already done two rounds of dishwashing! That's a record! Two times! Meaning loading the dishwasher up and turning it on. Two times! Usually, he hits that number in a year. Seems like to put men to work, they do need to be scolded. 

Obviously, Raj won't agree that we leave America now. We are just getting citizenship (fingers crossed), and his new startup is doing exceptionally well. However, from all signs, America is not doing well, and the impact will likely be long-term if MAGA rhetoric prevails. By the time our kids are of the age to choose colleges, we most probably need to include colleges in Europe in their searches. 

Trump is rapidly dissolving America's global trade and dollar dominance, as well as the political influence that ensures it. This will mainly come back and hurt America's economy, its people's wallets and purchasing power.  America will drastically lose its global superpower status, which has primarily benefited its people. 

People here lived in such an ignorant bubble, they had no idea how their livelihood was significantly benefited by the global dominance of dollars and how the rest of the world had helplessly envied the power of dollars for decades, since WWII. And that is all going to change, fast. With the economic downturn, investors will first move funds from the stock market to US treasury securities, since the dollar should maintain its reserve currency status in the short term. However, once the recession hits, a new reserve currency or reserve system will emerge, shoulder to shoulder with the dollar first, might eventually replace the dollar, depending on how everything goes. Investors can sniff the scent of money from years before and start to move around their funds. You think they are as dumb and clueless as Trump? Their piercing raven eyes are monitoring Trump administration's each and every movement. Those dumb fucks. The day the money starts to run away is the day of an irreversible decline of America on all fronts. 

Europe is on the way to becoming the new superpower; it has the potential, and now it has the means and will. Euro has the most considerable potential to replace Dollar as the global reserve currency (I mean, the Euro was doing really well for a while, very powerful too. The years I spent Euros, they felt substantial and heavy in my hands. I didn't feel much of a difference transitioning into holding dollars, whilst CCP was making tons of RMB propaganda over the years, even though the RMB was pretty heavy at the time being). China too, by picking up the counterparts with whom America had left to trade -- the EU, Canada, Mexico and South America, Southeast Asia, South Asia, the entirety of Asia actually; Africa was already on China's plate. The withdrawal of military presence and dominance of America around the globe thrusts a sword into America's very own heart. 

America will withdraw to be an inconsequential state that is excluded by the free world, a state that's ruled by authoritarianism, exclusionism, and ignorance. Trump is essentially doing three things to ensure that happens soon: 1. punishing and kicking out immigrants -- to lose human resources, credibility and charm; 2. withdrawing from all global organizations -- to lose dominating influence; 3. ravaging established institutions -- to weaken rules of law and free markets.      

Ten years ago, shortly after Xi came into power, Chinese intellectuals predicted the same outcome for China. What Xi did was to consolidate absolute power by silencing oppositions and deploying loyalists across all institutions. Economically, Xi doesn't believe in the free market and the private sector; he systematically reversed China's half-open market back to primarily state-owned. That resulted in the economy's irreversible long-term fall; COVID was only a trigger. 

We call this "the arrogance of the authority" or "the capriciousness of a dictator". Xi and Trump have the same temperament and are essentially causing the same damage to their countries. They both are obsessed with power, they have no clue how economy works, they don't give a damn about people's prosperity. They arrogantly play around with things they are incompetent to play with; in the end, we ordinary people will have to face the consequences. 

So ya, I will ensure Raj looks into Euro development, and we shall start moving some eggs. 

Don't Obey. Don't Give In. Don't Fear!

The day I stopped fearing what the Chinese regime could do to me,

 was the day I set myself free from the repression.

The day I stopped practicing self-censorship to align with CCP's control,

was the day I found myself a sense of wholeness, without suppression.

What Trump and Elon Musk want is to take away your sense of

security, freedom, and wholeness as individuals and citizens.

Starting from a free society with born-free individuals,

it's heck a lot to achieve, but not entirely impossible.

They will use Fear to enforce Obedience from you.

Putin did it over merely decades.

Don't let them do it to us!

Everything, I mean everything!

Everything is changing rapidly. 

Nobody in the world yet knows about this, but Xi is losing his centralized power at a shocking pace. For a few months now, many incidents have indicated that Xi is drastically losing his grip on the military. Losing control of the military could trigger anything, anything possible - political reforms pushed by rivalry, a sudden change of regime, even. China might enter an unpredictable and unstable phase very soon. Hopefully, we will all be able to successfully obtain our visas and pay China a visit in the summer, bringing our blessings to the land of the deprived and, ya, and...  

When you are from an authoritarian dictatorship, you get the most reliable news source from rumors, and you trust them because they have mostly been proven valid for the past 70+ years! Who would forget the "rumor" of Putin's out-loud crying in his office? We Chinese laughed at that for days and made hundreds of memes. Raj would tell everyone his magical COVID story: As early as January 2020, I stocked up N95 masks and didn't allow him to take any public transportation, which meant he drove to the San Francisco office every day but didn't take Bart or Uber. I demanded he wear N95 throughout the flight back to San Francisco from India and quarantined him for days in his room. People in America woke up to COVID only in April 2020, but we've been isolating ourselves for months already. I did try to warn everybody here, in a state of complete distress, called CDC even, but nobody gave a damn. Y'all believed in WHO? We called Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus "Tan Secretary" (of some CCP department). 

When the authorities snatch away people's freedom of any sort, we use whatever is available in front of us, obviously, social media, the biggest game. Funny, Leena is so against social media; I get that, ya ya, algorithms, echo chambers, and delusionary bubbles. But for a deprived Chinese who has been deep into the web for decades, the algorithm is only for kids, seniors, and the naive. I get whatever I come to get, in my own way, inside and outside censorship. 

One of the main reasons that I stopped giving a fuck about the potential persecution Chinese authorities might inflict on me is their economic performance since COVID. From the central government to the local level, fiscal deficit has become the most urgent problem. Yes, they installed millions of surveillance cameras, but running them needs electricity and human eyes. They are right now in a burning house with America's tariff war because export surplus against America has been the primary source of income for the past 40+ years. They can hardly suppress the constant revolts and protests from the unemployed and hungry; their hands won't be able to reach so long as to touch people like me, they wish! 

Spent hours that day with prof exploring different AI tools. Xi, Trump, and Putin, they are genuinely only small games; the real change that would sweep the entire human race off the ground is coming on us, fast and hard -- AI. At least half of the existing jobs will be replaced within foreseeable years. How much social unrest that's gonna cause? Nobody has a reasonable imagination for that yet. More dictators and strongmen will arise and take advantage of the collective turmoils of humans. Well, if I had time, I could come up with a sci-fi just for that. But it's too late now, before I could even finish the writing, reality will already be here. 

Gemini, well, I don't have respect for tools that practice self-censorship, and to that, a heck heavy load of self-censorship! Gemini is like an intimidated little dwarf who shrunk in the corner, scared of offending any names you bring up, and chooses not to side with any organization, even afraid to side with humanity! ChatGPT is wordy but tries to be humanly logical, always breaking it down into minor points; most of the time, it's helpful since you can cherry-pick; sometimes, it's annoying. Grok is wild, no censorship whatsoever; hope it stays this way, but based on our relations with Tesla, things could drastically change in the future. I would never touch Deepseek and whatever Chinese products in the future, just an old habit. 

To what good karma I now possess a free-of-charge personal novel writing assistant who knows billions of Google times more than me? Sometimes, I throw a half-written thought in there; it gives me exactly what I want to complete! To which I reply, "Oh wow, nice thought! I was going to fathom in that direction!" But no, I won't cheat. I can't, to be realistic. Whatever I'm imagining hasn't existed in anybody's writing yet. I don't want to test the smartass AIs if they could spark conversations with me regarding my imaginary worlds. Nope, I don't want to contribute to creating a generative AI that has a conscience. 

I might use it a little when writing novels, but in my diary, no, no, no. I will keep it very, very humane, with human expressions and mistakes. AI has to stay out of my territory, entirely. That's my last stand of stubbornness, in a changing of time...

What the fuck is happening here!

Raj booked a cruise around the Gulf of Mexico during spring break. When we come back, we have to go through border customs. 

I am a US passport holder now. Raj was supposed to have his citizenship ceremony this Wednesday before the cruise, but most probably due to a staff shortage, they changed it to an entire month later. 

Therefore, when we come back, there is a risk that the border police are going to look into our phones; if there are anti-Trump messages and posts, they could refuse Raj's entry to America. 

How absurd it is when I am tying all these out. Is this still America? Still democracy? 

Raj asked me to uninstall Instagram and whatnot when we enter US soil, just for customs. As the NYT reported, a German was refused entry on a green card, probably because he openly posted anti-Trump things. 

Before I clean up my devices in preparation for entering China in the summer, I would have to clean up my phone in preparation for entering America! 

If Raj could get his citizenship before the cruise, to hell I'm gonna exercise self-censorship as an American citizen! I guess citizens are still safe, right?! Right?!?

America is undoubtedly turning authoritarian! Citizens and green card holders are scared of what they think and say, so they delete the content before entering American soil!

What a joke! 

I hope nothing happens. But what if Raj won't be allowed to enter? Will we all move to India? Will we get a chance to pack our things? Raj takes the flight to India from Mexico, and I take the kids to come back to California, sell the house, and join him in India? Do I get to sponsor his stay as a US citizen even if he is refused entry? Will he be stuck in Mexico temporarily, then? For how long? I have so many questions!

"Can we please just not go on this cruise? Travel after you are a citizen?"

"But we paid over 4000 dollars for it, and dates can't be changed!"

"Oh damn!"

No way back

 

Deep down, I always felt I didn't do enough to be with my people.

Left China when I was still in the brainwashed state,

gradually learned to be a Citizen (other than a Slave) during my time here.

I have never been thrown into jail or locked up in a dark room;

never been interrogated or confronted face to face.

Nobody came out of nowhere and seized me with handcuffs; 

nobody knocked me on the ground and kicked my stomach;

nobody slapped me in public, threw trash on me, and spat on me.

All the above commonly happen to people who fight for others' rights.

Most of them are secretly detained and tortured, 

some losing basic abilities to think and function physically. 

Went inside a whole human being,

came out a less-than-half disabled without words. 

Online violence and bullying, personally, didn't really hurt me

(my parents got hurt pretty bad emotionally, 

partly because of the side they were on).

I don't fantasize about being persecuted; fuck no, I don't!

But I am always always with them,

the killed, the imprisoned, the tortured,

the silenced, the violated, the suppressed,

the censored, the coerced, the exiled.

Now, America is also my responsibility.

There is no specific type or group of people here

who I feel "they are my people."

America means "All Kinds of People, Completely Mixed Up."

America is a concept, an essential concept of hope,

especially when you originated from totalitarianism.

To maintain it requires all citizens to act like they are citizens,

but not slaves who kneel and beg. 

The least I could do here is to speak up, openly and publicly.

Nothing, nothing is going to scare me from doing that.

I have no fear left for the Chinese totalitarian regime and Xi dictatorship;

do you think I have a tiny bit of fear for DT or EM in my blood?

Fuck No!

I never kneel, I never beg.

Haven't ever done that before;

don't expect me to ever do that in the future.

I will never back down out of fear.

I have no fear.

Holi 2025!!! Festival of colors

I got absolutely no mercy and patience left for patriarchy and whatnot

 

"What singularly defines the situation of woman is that being, like all humans, an autonomous freedom, she discovers and chooses herself in a world where men force her to assume herself as Other: an attempt is made to freeze her as an object and doom her to immanence since her transcendence will be forever transcended by another essential and sovereign consciousness. Women's drama lies in this conflict between the fundamental claim of every subject, which always posits itself as essential, and demands of a situation that constitute her as inessential. How, in the feminine condition, can a human being accomplish herself? What paths are open to her? Which ones lead to dead ends? How can she find independence within dependence? What circumstances limit women’s freedom and can she overcome them? These are the fundamental questions we would like to elucidate." 

-- Beauvior 'The Second Sex' 1949

 

Part 1

......

***

Part 2

Everything went wrong. 

I wonder if women a hundred years ago could have foreseen the dreadful twists and turns happening today that are drastically changing humans' future course. 

Until the conclusion of the fourth wave of the feminist movement, most people still held high hopes for how feminism could improve humanity. The first wave (from 1848) pushed for women's education, occupation, property, and voting rights; the second wave (from 1963), influenced by Beauvoir’s "The Second Sex," granted women more freedom to their own lives and bodies, as a result, abortion was gradually made legal globally, riding on vehement opposition from religious fundamentalists, a lot of backs and forths continued to be carried out long after it; the third wave (from the 1990s) started to be more fluid and expanded to all races, classes, and ethnicities, this wave sought to challenge, reclaim, and redefine ideas of the self, femininity, also touched on gender fluidity, sexual identity and decolonization in all aspects such as love, relationship and individuality; the fourth wave (from 2030s) aimed to deconstruct the established societal and familial structures such as the marriage contract of one man and one woman under the imposition of major religions such as Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism and Buddism, and reconstruct new structures that allowed a diversity of familial relations, such as polyamory, matriarchal-style nesting and the formation of "women and LGBTQ-only" supportive groups and chosen-family framework.

The fourth wave. The fourth wave!

I hail the brave humans who once existed around that time!

If the first three waves were to only pave the way to the fourth one. The fourth wave was indeed a gleaming steel blade thrust straight into patriarchy's heart's core, slicing through flesh and bone with merciless precision. 

Throughout human history, the major religions have often expanded through dominance, absorbing or eliminating smaller sects and sub-religions in their path, shaping the landscape of human belief systems. Until the fourth wave of the feminist movement, patriarchy was unshakably at the center of religious indoctrination and imposition. Religion, patriarchy, and colonization had been the main dominant narratives from the very beginning of human history up to a hundred years back; they essentially told the same story of humans: power, control, and expansion of the male species of humans. 

......

We all need those nipples to latch on to

I created a series of yearly events about my kids: their first words, first steps, first day going to pre-school, etc. The events show up each year in Google Calendar notification.

Today, it was this:

Whaaaat?! My daughter could not fall asleep by herself until she was 1.5 years old? And that first time, she was riding in a car and "accidentally" fell asleep alone. With no recollection, I asked myself: So, for one and half years, she didn't fall asleep in the car ride even once? She didn't soothe herself and fall asleep in her crib or bed even once? 

That sounds about right...

While my son was really easy on sleep, my daughter was the opposite. She cried all the time and required to be held and cuddled constantly. I guess we just held her whenever she wanted or cried, for the initial 4-5 years! She enjoyed some high privilege when she got a full-time mommy who stayed with her 24/7 for the first 6 full years of her life and a rotation of stay-in grandparents who cooked, cleaned, and played with her older brother.  

My daughter never used a pacifier, but she was really hard on sucking from the moment when she was born. Within half an hour, she right away opened her mouth and latched on my nipples, sucking them like she was born to do that. By then, my nipples had gotten used to the sucking. 

My son drank breastmilk for about 1 year and 3 months. In the first month, there was blood in his stool; the blood came from my torn nipples. Both nipples cracked open by the force of the sucking and had no time to heal. Each time he latched, which was every half to one hour, the pain pierced through my heart, and tears ran down my face. There was a deep wound on the tip of my nipples that took me months to heal. 

Thank Goddesses, my daughter was not the first child to suck on my virgin nipples. She is the kind of child who needs a pacifier 24/7; her mouth and tongue were constantly in the sucking motion. She sucked her thumb, and for the longest time, I was scared that her thumb might be deformed by the force of her suction. But I didn't give her a pacifier; it just never crossed my mind because I personally never experienced a pacifier with myself or any relatives I know, and my son never needed one; on top of that, I was afraid she might be too addicted and dependent to it even when she turned 7 or 8. 

Instead, I offered my nipples to pacify her. She sucked and chewed on them whenever she wanted. When we took naps together throughout the daytime, she was latching on my nipples for hours, even when she was in deep sleep. In the nights, she was in my arms and sucking nonstop. Her mouth would get loose after a few hours, but she would snuggle up, locate my nipples, and latch on them again. When she was a little older, like one year and a half, in the middle of the night, she would use her hands to make sure my nipples were available for her to continuously suck on. 

Today husband told me, "Your breasts are on the smaller side, but I truly love them; they are perfect for me." We were in the car watching a huge-breasted woman crossing the street. To which I replied, "Excuse me, Sir, who Is you to put my breasts into categories or give them a rating or ranking? My breasts were not made so men can rate them; keep those to yourself, please, sir. My breasts were gifted by Goddesses, so my children got to grow on them, physically and emotionally." And yes, for the five years since the pregnancy with my son, till my daughter was done breastfeeding, my breasts were huge. They were naturally blown up to size D+ and carried a significant amount of breastmilk; if more infants were to be fed, no infant would ever go hungry! And that, my dear, had absolutely nothing to do with men.

The intimate mother-daughter relationship tremendously nurtured my daughter. Her need for the suction motion was wholly satisfied, but more importantly, the satisfaction was built on the bedrock of a strong bond with her mother. The connection gave her an unbreakable sense of safety, confidence, self-worth, and love. Because of how healthy that was, she was easily weaned off my breastmilk when she turned two, with not much fuss and crying. And merely a few months later, she weaned herself off sucking her thumb too; her thumb later recovered from two years of damage to the skin. She grew out of the sucking phase at two years mark and never needed it anymore because she was emotionally well-nourished and ready.   

The same was true with her sleep. Like me, she has strong spiritual senses. Even when children sleep, they are receptive to the energy around them. Nobody knows what kind of energy is there, and sometimes, it sneaks into their dreams and spooks them. I slept with my daughter for the first six to seven years of her life; not even one night was she without me. I formed the habit of not falling deep asleep in my bed but waiting for that call from my daughter at around 1 or 2 am. I would jump out of my bed, run to her room, and snuggle with her until morning. Now, at 8, she has the soundest sleep throughout the night and the brightest personality, which was built on a completely full score of security, stability, and confidence. 

Ah, the golden fun times when my babies were babies...  

The narrative of me

 

An account in IG sent me a message about below fake article:

https://www.zhihu.com/question/656687586/answer/34176688083?utm_psn=1881176588265162115

This post was published in December 2024. 

They just couldn't get over me, don't they?!

Remember this, whatever is allowed to be posted inside China,

the government approved it. 

Therefore, this version of the narrative of 

a miserable Chinese woman named Zheng Momo,

is approved and promoted by the Chinese government.

Why? 

To demean women, 

especially educated women, first of all;

and to demean India and democracy. 

[ Zhihu is the Chinese version of Reddit ]

 

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Trump and Mao - how far is America from "Cultural Revolution"?

Professor Emeritus at EHESS-Paris and Adjunct Professor at the Chinese University of Hong Kong, specializing in the Chinese Cultural Revolution, Michel Bonnin, compared Trump and Mao; he summarized the similarities between Trump's "revolution" and Mao's Cultural Revolution in the article "Can Today’s American people learn something from the Chinese Cultural Revolution?":

In his article, he didn't mention how Mao and Trump both couldn't care less about the economies: Mao didn't care about the economic growth and welfare of the Chinese people - Great Leap Forward caused the collapse of the economy, within 3 years, 40 million Chinese people died of hunger, suicide, and other unnatural deaths; during the 10 years of Cultural Revolution, Mao never cared about the economy, but only the political and ideological struggles, thus the whole country was in extreme poverty and instability; whereas Trump proclaims "America First", but his policies are shortsighted and destructive for the American economy: tariff and trade wars only lead to chaos in the supply chain, causing inflation and potential recession; Trump cuts social benefits to middle and lower classes, making their life harder; Trump has absolutely no interest and knowledge about America's long-term fiscal stability, America's fiscal deficits increased significantly since Trump's inauguration.

Another significant similarity between Trump and Mao is that they both demand absolute political loyalty, which is their number one priority. For Mao, whoever evoked any tint of suspicion ended up as a dead corpse in the ditch; for Trump, he ravaged the established political and industrial structures so to consolidate absolute, unrestrained power. Both of them deliberately incited division among different groups of people: Mao instigated class struggles between different social strata, which filled Chinese society with chaos and extreme confrontation, allowing him to establish absolute control over the situation, whereas Trump drove a wedge between left and right, white and nonwhite/minority, city and country, making his supporters believe that he is The only person who could "save America," any voice of opposition is the "enemy of America."

 – First, it is a revolution which mobilizes people about culture (For Mao, revisionist and capitalist, for Trump, woke and pro-LGBT+) but maybe more deeply an attempt at changing the political system and purging political enemies. 

 – This purging is the result of an irrepressible desire for revenge (For Trump, against the Democrats and those who questioned his attempted coup or his links with Russia. For Mao, against state president Liu Shaoqi and the bureaucracy who opposed the catastrophic Great Leap Forward policy). 

 – The victims are at the same time intellectuals and officials, although bureaucrats appear as the main target (“persons in charge following the capitalist line” in China, “members of the Deep State” in the US). The destruction of the administration is based on a lawless terror implemented by radicals protected at the highest level (Red Guards in China, members of DOGE in the US), putting into jeopardy entire branches of the administration. 

 – This “revolution” is quick and bewildering, leaving everyone overwhelmed. 

 – The great leader is trying to reform the ideology of the entire people by destroying nefarious ideas (“woke”, “LGBT+” in the US, “revisionist”, “counterrevolutionary” in Mao’s China). 

 – This ideological reform relies on the imposition of a “correct” vocabulary by coercive means (thus the renaming of the Gulf of Mexico as Gulf of America as decreed by Trump.) This is particularly reminiscent of the changing of street and personal names in the Cultural Revolution. 

 – Many highly educated people are suspected by Trump of being leftist and woke, as they were suspected by Mao of being rightist and counterrevolutionary. People with less education are appreciated because they “believe” more easily in the alternative reality promoted by the Great Helmsman. 

 – An essential method for controlling the minds of the people is the cult of personality of the great leader. Mao created his own cult and reached God-like status during the Cultural Revolution. Trump has still some way to go, but he also succeeded in presenting himself as an envoy from God to save America. When government meetings begin with a collective prayer thanking God for giving Trump to the Americans, one is reminded of meetings in the Cultural Revolution which began with the entire leadership standing up, reading from the Little Red Book and ending with shouts of “Long Live Chairman Mao!” 

 – Interestingly, both charismatic leaders relied on another personality to be the great priest of their religion. The “Number Twos” became as important as potential successors and also cultivated a personal cult of personality. Military leader Lin Biao received for some time a mention in the quasi-religious praise addressed to Mao that every Chinese had to utter in public, whereas Elon Musk’s cult is also advancing, as shown by the huge statue erected of his likeness near the Tesla factory in Texas.

 – Finally, an important similarity is the ideal of a “purified” society that is free of dangerous outsiders. Trump is famous for his determination to expel millions of illegal immigrants (presented as bad people) and to block others from entering. During the Cultural Revolution, there was a similar expulsion of people of “bad origin” en masse to their home villages. 

Given those similarities between the two revolutions, could today’s Americans draw lessons from the Chinese experience? I can think of three of them:

 1) Mao, during the Cultural Revolution, was very successful at destroying the Chinese culture and ethics, as well as law and normal administration (although he was forced to restore bureaucracy after a few years.) The violence permanently scarred society and individuals and he was unable to create anything to replace what he had destroyed. Do not forget that it is easier to destroy than to rebuild. 

 2) How long will the Trump-Musk honeymoon last? The relationship between Mao and Marshall Lin Biao, who was once “Chairman Mao’s closest comrade-in-arms,” became a paranoid one on both sides. Lin attempted to flee to the USSR in 1971, and his plane crashed in Mongolia in an accident still unexplained. Let’s see if our American comrades-in-arms succeed in escaping the curse. Older dictators do not like to cede power even to someone they have chosen. 

 3) At the end of the Cultural Revolution, which followed Mao’s death, the only political figure revered by the people was the state’s premier Zhou Enlai, who represented the bureaucracy. People had understood that, despite its faults and arrogance, a functioning State apparatus was a necessary protection for them. The new leaders (leaders who had survived the movement) were not only happy to restore the bureaucracy but they initiated reforms at odds with Mao’s ideas. And after too much violence and suffering, even the youth who had been at the vanguard of Mao’s autogolpe came to appreciate the values of democracy and the rule of law, and these became the mottos of the Democracy Wall Movement that they launched in 1978-79. 

 Thus, Mao ultimately lost everything superficially achieved during the Cultural Revolution. History will tell if, in the American case, a “counterrevolutionary” force will be able to take shape and to get the support of a disillusioned people, as happened in China at the end of the 1970s.

Those distant, blurry memories

I have been keeping an eye on my blog's stats, for a little bit. On average, 15% of the clicks get recorded in Google Analytics, and 85% are untraceable. For new entries, clicks average from 20 to 40 in about a month. But that's not what people came to read in my blog! Most people came for old, really old entries! And they spend hours going through everything! Am I being audited? By the Chinese authority? 

I was quickly viewing the click records in the backend and was like, "Whaaaaat?! Did I write something under that title? When?" Decades ago apparently!

I imagine there is a group of people, if not authorities, then mainly women, I assume, who know me more than I know myself! Where did I go in what year, what month, and what happened? Lol! 

Nowadays, auto webpage translation is quite accurate. Judging from the old entry titles, a lot of Chinese readers come to read my English blogs.  

How fun is it, right? Looking into someone's old diaries... I was keeping it for myself to read when I have no teeth no more. Maybe by then, I have lost all of my memories too, so I would need the digital diaries to have a feel of what my life was like back then -- the glorious times! Surely, I would forget where I stored those paper diaries like a squirrel, and if my URL is not publicly written somewhere, I would forget where I keep those hidden URLs, too! 

What I did for more than a decade before I was wiped out of Chinese social media is now a distant, blurry memory. I spent a tremendous amount of my time daily giving free consultations to Chinese women in distress. And ya, with such great karma, I ended up being brutally abused by internet violence and got wiped out. China is a fucking weird place, not habitable. Now, America is moving in that direction. 

Those women found me via Sina Weibo, where I had merely 30k followers because the main collective Chinese narrative hates India; I self-branded as an advocate of Indian culture, and I openly stated that I was married to an Indian man and trying to appreciate this culture that's different from mine. 

The messages I would get daily in Tencent WeChat -- at least from 3 new Chinese women who encountered Indian men as love interests. Somedays, as many as 5 to 10, and some were quieter. They were mostly in distress, not knowing anything about India, being bullied by strangers or society in general, or being bluntly rejected by friends and family. 

That was a busy decade when I was "reduced to merely a stayed-at-home housewife." I helped hundreds, most probably thousands of Chinese women. Gave them information on whatever I knew. I warned them about the dire situation for women's rights in India, the evil mother and sister-in-laws, the Indian men who could turn out to be lazy assholes because they were born to be entitled and demanding, without the will to move a finger for house chores. Besides introducing some customs and the beauty of the diverse cultures. 

I have collected a massive amount of stories about Chinese women and Indian men, all kinds of stories, mostly bizarre and eye-dropping. Because only those who went through a shit ton of stuff would sort to find help online from a stranger like me. 

Of the thousands of Chinese women, maybe one or two were Chinese men with Indian women. Why? Because Indian women were and are generally not free. Not free to find love for themselves, especially Chinese/foreign lover-boys. Rarely were Indian women coming to China to study medicine or do business. I remember the flight I took many times from Kunming to Kolkata, one time a whole plane crashed and burned to ashes, was always filled with men, Indian men. The only women would be the Chinese hostesses; they were the only ones who helped me when I desperately needed it. 

Ahh, fun times too!

I don't know, after I was wiped out, if there was a place for the new Chinese women who suddenly found themselves at the center of abusive responses from their peers and Chinese society because they were spotted being with Indian boys to find solace and comfort; if there were some other people who would tell them whatever beautiful and ugly they knew about India and remind them to proceed with caution, in case the Indian men were already married with children back in India. 

"You are the only person who could understand me," or "You are the only place I could go and talk about this issue; all of my friends hate that I am with an Indian boy!" or "Before talking to you, I had absolutely no clue about anything, thank you for saving my life!" I received such comments daily. 

I did whatever I could and tried as much as I could. My conscience has always been clear. When I was under attack, except for maybe five people who supported me and got me through, I didn't hear from nobody else. Well, my means of communication were suddenly cut out, though. That may be the reason. But I wouldn't care; whatever people choose, it's their path and consequences. I can only mind my own path and my own choices. It's my own karma. 

Funny that one Chinese Muslim girl found me on Instagram, and she spoke very strangely, asking me to be her master, she be my slave, etc. Recently, she got a sponsored visa to work as a maid under an Indian man and his wife. Eventually, this Indian man and his wife wanted her to stay and marry this Indian man. Maybe it's very casual for Muslim men and women to practice polygamy. Still, I warned her -- once you marry a Muslim, you lose all freedom, unless he grants you divorce, you are forever his property, you can never ever leave. Sadly, it was the life story of one close friend's sister. I don't know what's this Chinese girl's decision at the end, from her last communication, she was leaning to stay; but ya, I did try whatever I thought was right to advise her, like an older sister, like a mother. And I assumed she was a human being who valued freedom. 

What good values I'm passing to my daughter

"Men are useless!"

As I was busy packing everything, I seriously taught my daughter about this: 

"Men use their bigger physical bodies to make up this world we live in; they possess everything, including women and children; they own everything, including all the money, so women work for free for them; in that way, men control women. But you see, men are useless - for the past one hour, you dad just pooped for half an hour and took a shower for half an hour; whereas I packed all of our four lunch boxes, fixed breakfast for all four, packed everything you need for afternoon fencing classes, and my and your dad's things for hot yoga. And look at me, oh, actually, I only prepared three breakfasts for you three, I left myself out! I forgot to eat my stomach medicine too! That's how women turn to have weakened health later on because they are so busy and they exclude themselves from the care they provide for others for free!" 

If "men are useless" is the narrative my daughter will remember growing up, let it be. I highly suspect she was born a lesbian anyway. And guess what, "women are useless" is the narrative I grew up with.

While my mom does 80% of the housework, which is 99% better than all Indian households because Indian men do 0% of the housework. She works like a horse and a cow for the whole family, while she could never get herself to eat freshly made dishes by her, and she always goes to leftovers (that impacted me hugely, for the longest time after I got married, especially after I had kids, I subconsciously felt that I only deserved leftovers but not delicately made dishes because those are for men and children; I never would cook anything for me, but only for guests, men, and children, and I would happily eat their leftovers. Indian women are Not allowed to eat at the table with men at the first round of food serving, which is still happening now in the majority of traditional households. They are only allowed to sit on the floor in the corner of the kitchen and eat leftovers from men, in the most backward places in India, like the state where my in-laws come from). Still, when my parent fought, my dad consistently demeaned her, "Women are useless and stupid." Look what that got me into!! 

My daughter is too precious and gifted to be some men's slave. My parents never taught me about it; on the contrary, they molded me and paved the way for me to successfully become a slave of men, a successful slave. 

When we were younger, Raj used to slip out the exact demeaning words about me too, when we argued, "Women are so stupid!" All that stemmed from his own society and his environment growing up; his dad would outburst extremely loud scolds towards his mom in front of all, "You stupid, stupid woman, shut the fuck up!" 

It took maybe 100 times of such emotional abuse and my fighting it back for Raj to now change to a different narrative (and I could take such a massive amount of emotional abuse was because of my dad's scolds about my mom growing up), "Momo is so freaking smart; she has the IQ of xxx." As if I give a fuck about my high IQ, lol! Men are so freaking stupid and useless, seriously... The best I figured I should do is to take my high IQ and idle around, do absolutely nothing. 

Why do I want to contribute to this world made by stupid and selfish men? Haven't I experienced enough of all kinds of trauma and abuse from all? Do you think I have healed fully yet? I only do things that I absolutely feel like doing. If even just a tint of unpleasantness, meh, Imma get meself the fuck out. 

Making money and money itself is not a concept that has formed in my mind. I don't mind being passed around by different owners and masters, owning my body, my womb, and whatnot, as long as I don't need to trouble my mind about money-related matters! Is there much difference in being owned by different men? Is there much difference in the number of dollars a man owns (after a certain amount of zeros)? Apparently, not much! Well, size and effort in bed do matter, though. So, ya, two basic thresholds -- number of zeros and sizes. And remember it, it's the society that sets those up for men and women, not generative from the authentic me! Lol! 

Anyways, all is well, I'm still in love with my life!

Rui is moving away with his husband, though. MY might too, one day, with her wife. Rui and his husband are expecting the surrogate to deliver their first daughter in July. It costs a great deal to get one surrogate in Oregon pregnant after one miscarriage. One surrogate in Colombia just went through a miscarriage, but trying again since surrogacy in Colombia is a hell lot cheaper than in the US. Since Rui is now in between jobs and his husband's work is fully remote, they decided to move to Phenix, where his white husband's parents are. They are selling the townhouse here and buying a big single-family house there, with a pool. They will move at the end of April. It was indeed "a good news and a bad news" for us... But we are excited for Rui's new journey as a dad. This time, it was his husband's sperm that survived; maybe the next child would be his biological child. It doesn't really matter at the end, though. 

MY and her wife, now both 32, are using the Apple benefit to freeze some of their eggs while searching for a sperm donor. Maybe they want to be moms too, in a few years. Once an actual pregnancy is on the calendar, they will think about moving away too, since MY's wife doesn't enjoy her job at Apple, and MY can write her book anywhere in the world; on top of that, things are way too expensive here. That will also be "good news and bad news" for us next year. 

Then, in the Bay Area, only Sandra and I stayed, and my professor and family too, but only us. Tony moved back to LA, inspired to be a popular commoner's lawyer there, a politician one day too; Cindy moved back to Vancouver to unite with her whole family; now Rui and MY are also moving away... :( 

But we still look exactly like we did when we met 15 or so years ago -- not much has changed in our appearances at all. Amazing Asian genes!!