My minion

Raj watched my son in the fencing tournament yesterday morning and drew the conclusion from that. Shiv actually showed significant progress in fencing. Yesterday was his first time getting an award, 8th place. I was utterly thrilled by it.

We've always known Shiv is not aggressive, but rather cautious on each of his moves. That's his nature; he's born like that. He is careful and diligent; he is kind and respectful. He is super humorous and always tries to make people laugh. He feels what other people feel; he is very sensible and understanding, and he works very hard, often prioritizing the happiness and comfort of others. On top of that, he has a freaking high IQ, definitely above most people in this world; he gets whatever is been taught to him right away, be it maths, chess, coding and robotics, language and literature, music (in various instruments), humor, fencing, horse riding, soccer, Taekwondo, I have never met a teacher or coach who was not amazed by how much he could focus, how fast he learns and absorbs and how hard he tries. 

And it does take a lot of time and practice to grasp the essential idea or vibe of fencing. Shiv hasn't completely grasped it yet, but is surely making steady progress. He has the brain and body; he just needs to strategically apply them to fencing. Doesn't mean that my son needs to change his personality to excel in fencing, nor does it mean my son's innate personality is at fault. And it surely doesn't mean an aggressive personality has a higher chance of succeeding in this world. 

Kids are born with certain traits, and we should develop "useful" skills around them rather than trying to alter their innate nature. The will to change it is extremely disrespectful, harmful, and toxic for the children. At the end of the day, we merely want to survive and thrive in society, but we're not particularly keen to comply with whatever it's set up there. At least not me and my kids. 😸

Raj is surely not entirely familiar with my ever-evolving ideas and perspectives, which are continually shaped by my nonstop growth. And men often feel threatened, don't they? Even though they get to do whatever they want career-wise and family-wise, and they get to make decisions for whatever they like. That kind of privilege, at least I personally have never tasted. I guess you need to have it to feel the threat of losing it. I never had it, so I don't feel threatened; I'm merely trying to survive and live a full life, maybe according to what I like, a little bit, someday. 

I sincerely don't think that whatever is happening to the boys and men in the patriarchal world applies to my son. I don't understand why this is happening, and I also don't have the energy to spend on it. I have a limited amount of energy to only focus on my son, that's a case-by-case analysis. And yes, I don't think I've detected any potential problems in his development. That's that then. 

And I'll never forget what I saw just a week ago on Santa Cruz beach, while I was watching the kids dipping in and out of the waves: Shiv came, joining Aditi and some other kids she met on the spot, they were chasing and running away from the waves. This shorter Latino boy was playing together, every time he felt a little tumbling on his feet because of the wave, Shiv stretched his arm out to reach him, giving him a hand. It was not entirely needed, actually, because the Latino boy was playing like that for the past half an hour with Aditi, under my watch. Shiv held up his arm long enough that each time the Latino boy ended up holding onto Shiv's hand, even though he knew it was not really necessary. Shiv was digging up holes with a different group of known friends from Santa Cruz in a different location; he had just joined Aditi and this group of random kids who were playing with the waves. Upon his arrival, he was able to give his hand to a complete stranger, just to take care of him and make sure he was 100% safe. 

That is my boy. He is not timid, and he doesn't need to be aggressive. He will be just fine.