Friend in need

When I left xxx to go through pregnancy and the very early chaotic years of my infants, Sandra would come at least two times a year to check on me. Whenever Tony was up in the bay, both of them would come visit me and the kids. How I wish Tony lived here, so the three of us could always hang out. Two-on-two is fun, but three of us is always the most fun. 

When I joined back at xxx last year, Sandra left xxx for a few years by then, but we did spend more time together since. Actually, before that, whenever she needed a referral from me for her job application, it reminded me to have her over for a hotpot. Oh all the seafood hotpots we enjoyed for the past few years! 

We couldn't hang out as often as we would want but we always keep each other updated with our lives. Like with Tony now, we get to talk because of work, before we can start anything work-related, we have to update each other on everything. Can't wait for him to come visit the bay in the coming month and there's so much to share with him in person. 

The connections we made 14 years back are going to last for a lifetime. I mean how three of us are all so unbelievably kind and vulnerable, such a group is truly rare to form. The fact that only I out of the three found a trustworthy partner to share the life journey differently makes it a little sad, but it's just how life is. Luckily I got Raj before I got Sandra and Tony so the existence of Raj and the kids came very naturally. Tony is still young, barely 33, I wish he could one day get over the bad experiences and move on.  

I wanted to hang out with Sandra more, after the Chinese feast in my house. So we went to a boba tea place. We already planned to have a hotpot night out after my band performance, but that day I really needed to share something with her. She has always been my rock, my pillar, who gives the most valuable advice when I encounter confusion and complications in life. 

I thought I was the one who needed to be heard, but then I saw the tears in her eyes. I didn't know, I didn't know to think about it, I didn't put my mind to it to think further. I guess I have been too direct and straightforward a person, if people don't tell me their feelings on my face with the simplest words, I wouldn't be able to guess it out. 

It has been two years now, and I never thought about where their relationship was going. The last time I knew, they were trying to cure it, guess they had been holding the hope of J being recovered. Actually, prof would ask about it each time and I would give him the updates I knew, I never thought about if J wouldn't be cured. 

But the situation is different now, it has been put down into words as "Medication-Resistant Psychosis". They tried all kinds of medications, they even tried electric shocks to the brain but the situation has gone out of control now. In her tears, I felt the loss of hope. I have never seen her cry, never. She is such a strong and kind person, her tears were the struggle of going or staying which she believes contradicts the moral obligation she inherited when she chose the man 12 years ago. Tony and I were the only witnesses/family members presented, in that simple marriage in San Francisco Civic Hall. 

"I could have easily cheated but I stayed by his side because I took a vow 'to be there in sickness'." She sobbed. In my Google Photos I indeed have the videos I took that day, when they did the vows. "But his mind is gone already, you did everything you could, and there is nothing there for you anymore. Your company no longer has the value of a companion, no need to mention a partner, but could be well replaced by a professional caregiver. To be very honest, he's unalive in this world now but you are still living, I don't think it's fair to kill yourself for his unfortunate fate. If he's in his right mind, he would for sure want you to leave him and keep living."   

I know it's a tough choice, but I am there for her, so I have to keep her alive. J is gone now, I don't want him to take away my friend too. J still gets up, eats, walks around in the house, watches TV, and exercises, but his mind is not there anymore, for two years he hadn't taken one step outside. For two years they haven't had a normal conversation or physical intimacy. What kind of living is that for Sandra? It could be much easier if he only lies in bed. His parents are still healthy, and wealthy too, they have a house J can walk around, and his sister also stays inside the house the whole time. It's obviously a much more comfortable life if he goes back to live with his parents. 

Sandra needed to hear all of this. She needed someone to tell her: "It's ok, you are making a choice that is better for the future of both you and him. You deserve to keep on living. You tried all you could and you never gave up hope or left his sight for two years until his mind was completely gone. Nobody in this world could use any doctrines to tell you that you are doing something wrong. No, if you leave today, you are making the best choice and his parents would wholeheartedly agree with you too. You have no children, no property, all you need to do is walk out." 

So now she is beginning the rental apartment search and will move out in the coming months. I am going to be there to make sure she gets through the whole process.