Story of my life

I don't understand how can they talk everyday. Everyday at least once, sometimes twice or three times, they would video chat with Maa, ask her what did she do, where did she go, what did she cook or eat, who cooked? What? Scared that I mistreat their mom? Don't give her food and starve her to surrender? Use her as domestic labor and abuse her emotionally? In fact we are going to take Maa to the nude hot spring we frequent and I plan to strip off to nothingness in front of her. Hopefully she won't be emotionally impaired for life.... I know I have the innate quality to be a psychopath, some traits are similar, but I'm in general a sweet person who's not antisocial and raised up with a lot of sunshine without too much of open-wound childhood trauma. By now most of my wounds are fully healed I think, I'm only functioning on what I want my life to be, no trenches that I haven't passed, not much fuck to give if I don't feel like. To reach here takes long time, not many people in this world have reached or will reach, so ya, I am one of the lucky ones.

Well, I'm just jealous of people who have normal relationship with their parents. After maybe 10 days, I finally video chatted with my mom, in between I posted some photos to them and I updated my WeChat feed. I also checked their feed to see if they were active, where did they go, what did they do. When I send them photos in the group, most probably they wouldn't reply a word. Sometimes because they are busy traveling in different cities, mostly they just don't reply to any of what I say at all, unless they need to spill something out themselves, usually scolding me or blaming me. Like this time, I finally saw two missed video call requests from my mom. I called her yesterday, she was not happy, scolding me with the deepest mistrust and discontent, "Why you never call? Why you never there when I call you? Shiva forgot about me? Aditi doesn't like us anymore? When do you come to China?" I thought I told you WeChat is not installed in my regular phone for security reasons? I thought I told you I might go back to China after I get American passport, or might not for a long long time?

My mom tried to contact me yesterday, because they saw those articles again. They were scared. Around 2 weeks ago some of those articles and videos about me were again flooded online for a little bit. A lot of people flocked to my Youtube to leave comments. It reached my parents at the end just a few days ago I assume. Some of their friends must be regular brainwashing sites' readers. My mom pressed on me, "Is Raj getting paid now? Where is the money? Who has the money? Why you don't have the money? You never get into finances? Then how you sure the money is yours? Are the kids eating meat? If your mother-in-law has been cooking, then how can kids get enough nutrients?" This is the response to those slandering fake stuff about me being divorced, dumped and abused for the N-th time by the same Indian man who didn't marry me but only took me as a mistress and completely made me into a barbarian Indian women who now is used to all kinds of physical plus emotional abuse even starvation. What tragedy. I might as well end up in a mental hospital already, like all those intellectuals who dared to rage against the tyranny. 

They were like, "Are you on something again? Are you? Are you working on something?" It sounded like they were questioning a drug addict but what they were implying was the work I do with my prof. Tony once accidentally spilled out in front of them. They met my prof, had parties with him, cooked prof's favorite dishes, but I never told them what exactly we did. Tony was just chatting with them one day and said it out loud. "What work? Do you think I have time to work? I'm too busy being a housewife, okay?! Only poor and miserable women from lower-class family need to work okay?" I tried very hard to pretend that I had absolutely no idea what happened, didn't see a thing, didn't catch a sign, wasn't paying any attention on the Chinese language of a internet and if those people did that again, it had nothing to do with what I do as a regular satisfied housewife, they were only trying to make money out of other people's fabricated miseries. The video chat section might be monitored anyway. And by now I am so experienced with this, I know no matter how much "updates" they are gonna use in the new waves of persecution, none of them have the balls to mention what I am currently doing with my Youtube and other social media accounts, making myself one of the most fierce rebellions who doesn't give a fuck about exposing her own identity. Well, partial identity. Ya, bring it on, you morons. 

I could have a normal relationship with my parents actually, they are ordinary loving parents to me, never was a bit of selfish with me, gave me whatever they could, raised me up like a princess, rained money on my education, development and whatever I want. The only problem comes with the unbridgeable difference of the two worlds we ended up living in. I have never stopped hoping that one day they would sincerely realize that the life inside is truly fucked, "Now I'm glad that my daughter ran away from here long time ago." Maybe that day will come, maybe it won't. The truth is their life is ultimately inside, all of their people are inside, uprooting them and taking them out is indeed cruel. Unless they don't feel there's anymore enough of security and stability left in that dark society they lived all of their life. The sad true story of my life.