Small steps

Some, not all of us, have officially retreated under rocks. I asked, "This this that happened, what do you think?" "Uhu?! Really? I haven't read the news for a week." I wish I could also cover my eyes and ears 24/7. All of us wish we could. 

The thing is, we tried, tried all we could, before the election. Now, this is what most Americans want; all that is left for us to do is throw our arms in the air and shrug our shoulders. "I hope y'all are enjoying what you bought. Too late to return it, that's for sure."

Our lives will be hugely impacted. But we, as most of us Asians, over the years, built a solid foundation for our families. On top of that, we are used to being ignored, suppressed, discriminated, and even violated, with no expectations but only unlimited creativity for alternatives that are crucial for survival. Grocery price? Really is the least of my concerns. 

We will get through, easily. And at this moment, except for the LGBTQ community, I don't really know who else we could fight for. In this country, us fighting for others' rights is already an absurd concept, us minorities in race, gender, and culture who don't struggle any less in life. Never heard of anybody who holds a majority in race, gender, or culture reaching out to us and conveying their will to fight for us. Meh, this world. Maybe precisely because most people are this indifferent and cold, the world is turning out to be like this.  

But ya, in all seriousness, I will do whatever I can to help. I'm going to continuously safeguard freedom of expression and minority rights in China by attending events and going to the streets. I will stand by my prof's side and do whatever I can to protect what we have built. I have built these babies up from the beginning, and they will forever be part of me and my life. I will never back down, I will never give up, and I will never lower my voice, no matter how dark it will get. As long as I'm here, nothing is going to happen!

In the introduction section of rock school's new season, my event partner was surprised that my hobby was writing sci-fi. He exclaimed, "Wow, I've never heard of that, and I meet many people all the time!" Maybe the conversation never went there? Not sure under what circumstances people usually start talking about their sci-fi-loving hobbies? I seldom am asked about my other hobbies besides learning and playing music in rock school. If people could get through one layer of my hobby after allowing me to talk about my work, that's a lot of intimacy already! 

But in my mind, everybody loves sci-fi and always watches or reads sci-fi movies and books! I found myself indulging in sci-fi magazines since I was 8. My head has always been filled with imaginary, fantastical landscapes. My dreams too, sometimes with colors. That never changed since I was 8... What do people think about all day, all night, if not sci-fi??

Will go with Leena and Sangha to Costa Rica in April. We three are totally sticking to the new "tradition" of traveling to South American countries once per year. Leena loves to research and plan; Sangha has a lot of input since she lived in Colombia for some time. I am in the supporting role of all the planning and booking, always telling them, "Yes, choose whatever you girls like, and I will surely like it!" "Yes, I can be the driver, a great one indeed!" I seriously can't wait to be united with them two and go on our adventures again! I'm truly grateful that people in my life all love to plan trips, arrange finances, and make money, except Noah, so I, with Noah, can comfortably enjoy what we love, which has nothing to do with the above...  

I don't aim for big breakthroughs anymore but only focus on the small steps. Brought my parents to prof's house should be one of those significant small steps. 

One day prior, I played the interview of prof on tv for my mom to watch, he was telling many heartfelt stories about how he ended up doing what he does. Despite many guests in his house, prof sat with my parents and chatted with them for a long time. My mom was happy. It was not guaranteed that my parents would even come to join us, but they did, knowing whatever they knew. My mom also cooked some delicious dishes to bring along. 

Prof is always calm and gentle, respectful to everyone, and the kindest human being I've met. Now, I look around in my own time and in history too, I realize that all the people, mostly men, I look up to have one common trait: the kindest human being people around them ever knew. Be it a writer, a philosopher, a poet, or a painter. "Mostly men" is because the adequately documented human history is dominated by men, hence there are too few female figures for me to sieve through and pick my favorite.

Prof has a young heart; he has stayed vibrant and open since I met him 15 years ago. His inner child has never left him. That gentle, kind, also rebellious, and independent young adult with long black hair, he never allowed him to grow weary and gray.        

With my parents getting to know prof's life story, going to his house for a Lunar New Year dinner, and low-key accepting all of us and our choices for life, my parents are the true heroes. I also had a very calm but serious discussion with my parents about what I chose to do years ago with my prof and continued doing. I assured them that I knew the risk and had been taking precautions since day one. I believe now they agreed and accepted it with all of their hearts. 

Friends came over today to celebrate the Lunar New Year. My mom made a massive amount of delicious food again, and everybody ate to their throats. Sandra brought along her sweet new boyfriend. Nice Gutamala guy from Florida! Before they left, my mom held on to Sandra and gave her some life advice. I ask my mom, "Mom, do you think Aris is handsome?" She replied, "No matter how he looks, women should never hang themselves in one tree. You can keep him or kick him away, it all depends on whether he is sweet to you. Never hang in one tree!" 

"Very wise, mom!" Very wise indeed!  

What took Raj's sleep...

"Baby I just had a bad dream, can we talk about it?"

"Bad dream? I'm sorry about it, what did you dream about?"

"It was so vivid... I am scared... You were leaving me..."

"Hmm, what's the setting? Why do you say so?"

"I never had dreams so vivid, felt like it was real. We were sitting in a cafe and talking, you told me that you were in love with someone else and decided to leave me."

"Okay... Did I say anything about the kids? Am I going to leave the kids behind? Do they know about it?"

"I think we will share the custody. I got so scared in the middle of the conversation that I woke up..."  

"Lol, you needa calm the heck down bae... I'm going nowhere, not making my kids heartbroken and unattended. They haven't reached puberty and gone to college yet. You think I would make them go through something so fundamentally destructive?? And we have always been in open communication, no? I updated you on whatever I was going through; you know my heart is full of love, and right now, I'm in love with someone else, too. Am I pushing you to open up?"

"Ya, I know. I gave you the freedom to feel what you deserve to feel, you are indeed in love with someone else, and I'm happy for you. But the thing is, there were so many, so many handsome men you met and were available for you, but you were only in love with one. I think that scared me."

"If I have a connection with all of them, it's not that worth cherishing then, no? And bae, you really need to learn more about this new world; in between me staying and leaving this home I built with you, there are a million things people could do to make everyone happy. I'll send Insta videos for you to study, lol!

And remember that the reason for me to leave will never be that I met someone else; it will be because we don't work anymore. We would stop talking and communicating; we would stop caring, adjusting, and sacrificing; we would stop any physical and emotional intimacy. Before I leave, we would be in cold deadlock for years, and you'd wish for me to leave, or you'd leave. But most likely, we would pretend to be in a functional relationship for the sake of our children."

"Hmmm, makes sense..."

"Now you feeling better? And bae, I have to tell you that you are a typical victim of the society humans, or, precisely, men built. This world that is up and running in front of our eyes, where we all grew up and indoctrinated, is fundamentally a men's world. Each corner of our cognition and emotion is dominated by the male perspective. What's the male perspective? You guys, you guys only know two things: one is to conquer and own, and the other is to own up without limitation. On the contrary, I do not feel like owning up to anything; I just want to exist wherever I am, and I want to love and give. My heart is filled with love. Obviously, this is a generalization statement; I'm simplifying it for you to understand."

"A lot of women love to conquer and own too! What are you talking about?"

"Yes bae, keep in mind, we are all born into this world that is dominated by male prospects. All social norms, science and technology that's been created, all education and experiences we walked through, are biased towards you. That's why you rarely would find women who have woken up to their original form or carried enough courage to root themselves down in our world instead of spinning themselves up in your world. Same for men, you have no sense of what a world without ownership would feel like. So many kind men are feeling frustrated with today's world, but you don't exactly know what the outlet is. Truth is, 'our world' doesn't exist yet, and people lack the imagination. You can hardly blame anyone.

You made science and technology the way it is today to maximize your desire to conquer and own, and own infinitely. Science and technology is mainly served to exploit natural resources and enhance your physical ability, how sad right, nature for you is only a 'resource', and you think you, which could be free of disease and the circle of life one day, are beyond nature."

"Well..."

"The insecurity you felt in your 'bad dream', is deeply rooted in the predominant concept of our world - Ownership. You have always felt the sense of owning me, which sits on top of our relationship. Subconsciously, my leaving you triggered the fear of losing me, which is the opposite of owning."

"Noooo, nonsense! It's only about access to you. If you leave, I won't be able to access you anymore or so easily if I share."

"See, ownership of the access to me. Thank you for the denotation."

"......"

"But may I present to you, my perspective, a woken woman who dares to be true to her original form? I care nothing about ownership. I don't care about owning you, your love, other men's love, and owning my kids, my place, my things. I also don't care about your will to own me and your kids, your will to own fame and material achievement. I just want to exist in my own way. I care about expressing myself in a way not poisoned by your perspectives. And my expression, is through love. It's always about love. We are born out of love. We are made of love. We breathe in and out love. We touch our surroundings with love. Our purpose of being is to love. Can you imagine how beautiful a world it would be without a fight for ownership, no jealousy, and no disappointment? There is so much love we can provide; there would be no one left behind. Like the bonobos' society, but not the chimpanzees'. 

"Hmmm, yes to bonobos but no to chimpanzees, huh? But our natural resource is so scarce, human society was doomed to be like chimpanzees'."

"Yes, precisely. Since we formed farming/hunter and gatherer human society, we have been on the track to the ultimate collective unconscious. It's absolutely too late to reverse it now."

"We are all doomed?"

"Yes, we all are. So you better get back to sleep and stop being so silly. Wake up tomorrow morning and cherish whatever time we still have to enjoy the moment before the AI-human emasculation, or global nuclear explosion, or climate doomsday, or right-wing authoritarian takeover... Lol, it's 3am!!"

"Okay. I love you baby, please don't leave me..."

"......"

So proud of Sandra!!!!!

Sandra had her swearing in ceremony today! 

I went and pinned her badge! 

So proud of her!!!!!

She also got a special recognition award!!!

Kindness and humanity will be the brightest stars in dark nights

 

this isn't your land

this isn't my land

this land was stolen through acts of violence

if you think birthright should end immediately

then we both should pack our bags and leave

this isn't your land

this isn't my land

we are descendants of murderous migrants

if you think it's not part of your history

you should take a "23 and me"

this isn't your land

this isn't my land

let's stop pretending and have some kindness

for other people who aren't like you and me

let's try some basic humanity

Self-tyranny

 

"You desire to live 'according to nature'? Oh, you noble Stoics, what fraud of words! Imagine to yourselves a being like nature, boundlessly extravagant, boundlessly indifferent, without purpose or consideration, without pity or justice, at once fruitful and barren, and uncertain; imagine to yourselves indifference as a power - how could you live in accordance with such indifference? 

To live - is not that just endeavouring to be otherwise than this nature? Is not living valuing, preferring, being unjust, being limited, endeavouring to be different? And granted that your imperative, 'living according to nature', means actually the same as 'living according to life' -- how could you do differently? Why should you make a principle out of what you yourselves are, and must be?

In reality, however, it is quite otherwise with you: while you pretend to read with rapture the canon of your law in nature, you want something quite the contrary, you extraordinary stage-players and self-deluders! 

In your pride you wish to dictate your morals and ideals to nature, to nature herself, and to incorporate them therein; you insist that it shall be nature 'according to the Stoa', and would like everything to be made after your own image, as a vast, eternal glorification and generalization of Stoicism!

With all your love for truth, you have forced yourselves so long, so persistently, and with such hypnotic rigidity to see nature falsely, that is to say, Stoically, that you are no longer able to see it otherwise - and to crown all, some unfathomable superciliousness gives you the bedlamite hope that because you are able to tyrannize over yourselves - Stoicism is self-tyranny - nature will also allow herself to be tyrannized over: is not the Stoic a part of nature? 

But this is an old and everlasting story: what happened in old times with the Stoics, still happens today, as soon as ever a philosophy begins to believe in itself. It always creates the world in its own image; it cannot do otherwise; philosophy is this tyrannical impulse itself, the most spiritual will to power, the will to 'creation of the world', the will to the causa prima."

* "Self tyranny", what a perception. The origin and essence of Western civilization and Eastern Confucianism. If the West was not to dominate this world but the ruthless Genghis Khan, who would later adapt to Confucianism, which facilitates centralized federalism, we'd arrive at a world with approximately 95% resemblance 110 Earth years later. The time from the Industrial Revolution to the AI explosion was shorter since technological advancement was driven and primarily used by the empire; what took longer was for Khan to conquer and establish Chinese-style centralized imperialism. And that's just one wave of Tire 2 communication. 

* "Tyranny" is the keyword, either the object is oneself or nature. "Tyranny" best illuminates the nature of humans and the relationship between humans and nature. In all the existence and expression of humans, the shadow of "tyranny" is to be uncovered. Aren't humans forever living in our own images and constantly altering our surroundings according to these self-images?

* The question is why. Were we ever part of nature? Yes, then when? How did we derail? 

Lunar new year!

Growing up we spent Lunar New Year together with everybody from my popo gonggong side of the family. That included four siblings of my mom, all of their kids. We grew up together. New year was the best time of the year.

Before my popo passed away last year, they still gathered together each new year, young people went back from cities to hometown. Except me, I came here, for the past 16 years. 

Now I have gotten used to the aloneness. It is the path I have chosen. Life is all about choices. Most of the time, you can only choose one direction. No matter how much you want to be on both. 

The concept of home has become obscure to me since I was uprooted as a young adult. Went through self-driven deconstruction and reconstruction too.

Maybe I was always a loner? At least half of me. 

I anticipated much more joy and zeal when I finally obtained American citizenship. Surprisingly, didn't find myself going through many sentiments. Nothing complicated either. 

Going through life, you try to hold on to the people and your attachment to them. But nothing stays, no one stays, some a tad longer than others. 

That's why I dare not take anything for granted. Parents, children, family, friends, people in my life. Love them like it's my last day with them. Be open and present with them, and true to myself. 

Was with prof from the beginning, built the site together, before we acquired fundings. Can't believe it's now again a hard time, three months, hope no longer than that. I'm going to be here supporting it through, once again. 

It's going to be tough for a lot of us, the next four years. It's also going to be exciting and filled with opportunities for a lot of us. We will get through it together, one lunar year at a time. 

My 10 y/o built the robot and coded the movements.

"Crazy hair" day today at school. Growing into a handsome young man.

He records screen time daily to self-regulate. Screen time includes coding, using internet resources to learn to code, fitbit-watch checking, tv watching, and school laptop. 

The animal-loving 8 y/o daughter

New year's dinner my kind and hard-working mama made all by herself. Baba deals with buying groceries, and I deal with dishes and cleaning. Had to constantly fight my way to wash the dishes and clean, or else she would quickly finish them all. 

Mama handmade 8 rice cakes in total; we gave them to both sides of our neighbors, two friends' houses, Leena and Noah, and my prof. 

Some brief brainstorming...

* January 27, 2025, AI Race Sputnik Moment - DeepSeek-R1 surpassed ChatGPT as the most-downloaded free app on Apple Store US, marking the beginning of the AI Space Race between the US and China

* July 2028, SkyNet O1 Released - first self-improving AI model released by Chinese AI company SkyNet. Under the fierce AI Space Race, 1-year-old Chinese company SkyNet released model O1, marking the entering of the recursive self-improving AI era.

* May 2029, Anoiktos Became The Lead - 3-year-old AI giant Anoiktos surpassed OpenAI, Google, Meta, the old group of IT/AI giants, became the leading giant of a new group of young AI startups that dominated most of the market in America.

* October 4, 2029, Anoiktos-D5 Security Breach in US - the security breach happened with five main banks in America, Anoiktos-D5 was applied in their banking system. This breach resulted in a temporary government takeover and the issuing of a series self-improving-AI-model targeted regulations. 

* November 10, 2029, BioChip's Breakthrough on Chips - BioChip, a California hardware company, invented chips that had the computing power of a laptop but were as small as they could fit in human palms.

* September 20, 2030 Shanghai Agreement Reached - the last and seemly too late internationally collaborated resort to prevent or delay the artificial intelligence explosion. Some of the main regulations included Article 5 - restricting certain industries from adopting the use of recursive self-improving AI models; Article 14 - restricting access of AI to quantum computing, merging of AI and quantum computers is prohibited; and Article 25 - restricting implants of AI chips into organic human bodies. 

* February 5, 2032, BioChip's Breakthrough on Battery - BioChip invented batteries that had the power to run a laptop for 8 hours without recharge but were as small as they could fit in human palms.

* March 26, 2037, Leaking News of BlueOdyssey-Y3 - a quantum computer model that reached superintelligence by Chinese company BlueOdyssey. It broke the Shanghai Agreement 2030, marking the end of the AI Space Race. 

Xi Jinping, Donald Trump and Elon Musk flocked to China to achieve immortality... (>O<)