Getting ready

Don't know if it's anxiety or excitement. It's gonna be a big change for sure, for my life. Maybe I couldn't even anticipate it to the full scale. Or maybe it's nothing, nothing that major, just some alteration in the schedule. 

I don't know what to think.

All I know is that now I have lived through childbirth and raising children, I have navigated through the storm of nationwide persecution and the violence of Cultural Revolution. 

I don't think I act more mature now, especially nowadays I'm always 5 seltzers' high when having family gatherings and parties, most things I say at parties, won't remember the next day. But surely, something got tougher inside.  

Not sure if my oral English got better? Depends on how much alcohol I took I guess. 2 bottles, significantly better, 4 bottles, drop to negative 5. Got to pick up all those specialized words and terms for work, got to be prepared to present and communicate. 

Maybe I'm mentally and emotionally ready, right? I think so. Sometimes maybe that's all that matters. 

Will I be able to put aside the stress and emotional impact of work? Can I find a good balance of caring enough to fight for the cause and being able to temporarily escape if feeling suffocated? 

Promised myself I will always be open and straightforward. Promised myself I will never think low of myself, and maintain a power balance but not imbalance with all colleagues and counterparties, no matter who they are. Promised myself I will stay firm and confident. 

I don't think I have any doubt in my ability to learn and master, whatever skill that's needed to deliver. Back then, it had always involved a lot of self-learning and exploring. Everything is changing in seconds, what I need truly is the stamina to sit through the research and learning. Most of the time I will have to teach myself the fundamentals of different fields and areas, something I completely had no idea before. But that's the fun part of life, no?  

At the end of the day, I think the best value I can bring to the table is being a solid and trustworthy friend. Now after all these years you know that's the most important thing to lead a happy life. Such a friend either as a family member or life partner or colleague or friend friend, the people who get to have them are truly lucky. Can't control the number of such I am entitled to, but at least I can be one of such for the others. 

I guess I am ready then. Ready to start a new chapter, ready to move on. Ready to get back there and march on.