Together, we prevail

It feels good to introduce myself as who I really am and get responses such as "Wow! I've been reading you guys since high school!", "I get most of the info from you guys!" and "I'm so curious about you guys, can I know more? Oh, maybe you can't tell me. Can I visit your office?"

Prof is traveling this week, so he asked me to attend an event in SF to introduce myself. Due to the authors' well-knownness, a group of new friends also attended. So, in the end, this trusted group of new friends also got to know me. I've been with them multiple times in different events, so I felt trusting enough. We've been in the resistance together; I knew them, they didn't know me.  

Obviously, everybody knows and appreciates our work. Expanding the community that could help organizations get through dark times like this has become more crucial.  

I never worked to collect appreciation or recognition. I only work on things I love, first of all; and things I feel are utterly consequential. But mostly for pleasure. If no pleasure, I don't bend for nothing, money, fame, gain, meh. 

One of the pleasures is to meet people who think alike. Ultimately, we are all loners in our own sphere - we don't align politically with our parents and relatives, we can't share things with our friends (if people keep such friends), and most of us don't rant publicly on socials. Therefore, we need one another to meet in person, to let out, and to exchange thoughts and ideas. Ya, the same goes with the LGBTQ community. That's why the oppressed around the globe understand each other and are most likely to support different causes.

Lol, we've been using Signal for group chats for as long as Signal has been there! I am in so many groups there, so many. Those retarded morons. They use Signal so their conversations won't be recorded in governmental systems and used against them. What a breach of the rule of law. Those bastard criminals! A country run by criminals is of course going in the wrong direction! 

Golden Kitchen has now become our rendezvous. The owners are on our side; most of them came from the bottom of Chinese society, and they represent the true face of the majority of China (Chinese students who study abroad don't). Plus, their food is truly the most authentic spicy Chinese in the entire bay, attested by the Chinese. Last night, live music was on! They talked about singing last time, but didn't get to do it. Now I will also practice some songs with them and perform there! They want to make it a space for musicians to freely gather and play music. The Tesla showroom is only 20 meters away from them. I guess I will protest at Tesla in the morning, eat lunch there, protest at Tesla in the afternoon, then sing my songs for dinner guests! 

Ya, we Chinese have been in the resistance for as long as we can remember.

The most important thing is to keep sane, keep light, and keep fun,

with friends with whom you can laugh or play music.

Paradises in hell

Finding little paradises with different kinds of people

has become a crucial survival skill in today's America.

Leena said she was crying so hard last Friday night,

but then watched a cute cat movie with Noah;

while Raj and I got super high and went to see a live Jazz show at Yoshi's,

That was some experience, we had so much fun...

Every Wednesday with my bandmates is also 

the most cherishable time of the week.

Oh, Wednesday morning with my TK kids too,

I get so many hugs, 

and now the kids have started doing hearts with their arms.

Not sure it should be paradises in hell,

or Trump's hell in my paradise.

Guess it should be Trump's little tiny dark hell that 

somehow found its way into my paradise.

They will vanish soon enough,

at least that's what we hope...

Us last night trying to take a photo for Funk poster

My little solo for "Back Pocket"

Ignorance is bliss

Since my parents left for China, Raj has already done two rounds of dishwashing! That's a record! Two times! Meaning loading the dishwasher up and turning it on. Two times! Usually, he hits that number in a year. Seems like to put men to work, they do need to be scolded. 

Obviously, Raj won't agree that we leave America now. We are just getting citizenship (fingers crossed), and his new startup is doing exceptionally well. However, from all signs, America is not doing well, and the impact will likely be long-term if MAGA rhetoric prevails. By the time our kids are of the age to choose colleges, we most probably need to include colleges in Europe in their searches. 

Trump is rapidly dissolving America's global trade and dollar dominance, as well as the political influence that ensures it. This will mainly come back and hurt America's economy, its people's wallets and purchasing power.  America will drastically lose its global superpower status, which has primarily benefited its people. 

People here lived in such an ignorant bubble, they had no idea how their livelihood was significantly benefited by the global dominance of dollars and how the rest of the world had helplessly envied the power of dollars for decades, since WWII. And that is all going to change, fast. With the economic downturn, investors will first move funds from the stock market to US treasury securities, since the dollar should maintain its reserve currency status in the short term. However, once the recession hits, a new reserve currency or reserve system will emerge, shoulder to shoulder with the dollar first, might eventually replace the dollar, depending on how everything goes. Investors can sniff the scent of money from years before and start to move around their funds. You think they are as dumb and clueless as Trump? Their piercing raven eyes are monitoring Trump administration's each and every movement. Those dumb fucks. The day the money starts to run away is the day of an irreversible decline of America on all fronts. 

Europe is on the way to becoming the new superpower; it has the potential, and now it has the means and will. Euro has the most considerable potential to replace Dollar as the global reserve currency (I mean, the Euro was doing really well for a while, very powerful too. The years I spent Euros, they felt substantial and heavy in my hands. I didn't feel much of a difference transitioning into holding dollars, whilst CCP was making tons of RMB propaganda over the years, even though the RMB was pretty heavy at the time being). China too, by picking up the counterparts with whom America had left to trade -- the EU, Canada, Mexico and South America, Southeast Asia, South Asia, the entirety of Asia actually; Africa was already on China's plate. The withdrawal of military presence and dominance of America around the globe thrusts a sword into America's very own heart. 

America will withdraw to be an inconsequential state that is excluded by the free world, a state that's ruled by authoritarianism, exclusionism, and ignorance. Trump is essentially doing three things to ensure that happens soon: 1. punishing and kicking out immigrants -- to lose human resources, credibility and charm; 2. withdrawing from all global organizations -- to lose dominating influence; 3. ravaging established institutions -- to weaken rules of law and free markets.      

Ten years ago, shortly after Xi came into power, Chinese intellectuals predicted the same outcome for China. What Xi did was to consolidate absolute power by silencing oppositions and deploying loyalists across all institutions. Economically, Xi doesn't believe in the free market and the private sector; he systematically reversed China's half-open market back to primarily state-owned. That resulted in the economy's irreversible long-term fall; COVID was only a trigger. 

We call this "the arrogance of the authority" or "the capriciousness of a dictator". Xi and Trump have the same temperament and are essentially causing the same damage to their countries. They both are obsessed with power, they have no clue how economy works, they don't give a damn about people's prosperity. They arrogantly play around with things they are incompetent to play with; in the end, we ordinary people will have to face the consequences. 

So ya, I will ensure Raj looks into Euro development, and we shall start moving some eggs. 

Don't Obey. Don't Give In. Don't Fear!

The day I stopped fearing what the Chinese regime could do to me,

 was the day I set myself free from the repression.

The day I stopped practicing self-censorship to align with CCP's control,

was the day I found myself a sense of wholeness, without suppression.

What Trump and Elon Musk want is to take away your sense of

security, freedom, and wholeness as individuals and citizens.

Starting from a free society with born-free individuals,

it's heck a lot to achieve, but not entirely impossible.

They will use Fear to enforce Obedience from you.

Putin did it over merely decades.

Don't let them do it to us!

Everything, I mean everything!

Everything is changing rapidly. 

Nobody in the world yet knows about this, but Xi is losing his centralized power at a shocking pace. For a few months now, many incidents have indicated that Xi is drastically losing his grip on the military. Losing control of the military could trigger anything, anything possible - political reforms pushed by rivalry, a sudden change of regime, even. China might enter an unpredictable and unstable phase very soon. Hopefully, we will all be able to successfully obtain our visas and pay China a visit in the summer, bringing our blessings to the land of the deprived and, ya, and...  

When you are from an authoritarian dictatorship, you get the most reliable news source from rumors, and you trust them because they have mostly been proven valid for the past 70+ years! Who would forget the "rumor" of Putin's out-loud crying in his office? We Chinese laughed at that for days and made hundreds of memes. Raj would tell everyone his magical COVID story: As early as January 2020, I stocked up N95 masks and didn't allow him to take any public transportation, which meant he drove to the San Francisco office every day but didn't take Bart or Uber. I demanded he wear N95 throughout the flight back to San Francisco from India and quarantined him for days in his room. People in America woke up to COVID only in April 2020, but we've been isolating ourselves for months already. I did try to warn everybody here, in a state of complete distress, called CDC even, but nobody gave a damn. Y'all believed in WHO? We called Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus "Tan Secretary" (of some CCP department). 

When the authorities snatch away people's freedom of any sort, we use whatever is available in front of us, obviously, social media, the biggest game. Funny, Leena is so against social media; I get that, ya ya, algorithms, echo chambers, and delusionary bubbles. But for a deprived Chinese who has been deep into the web for decades, the algorithm is only for kids, seniors, and the naive. I get whatever I come to get, in my own way, inside and outside censorship. 

One of the main reasons that I stopped giving a fuck about the potential persecution Chinese authorities might inflict on me is their economic performance since COVID. From the central government to the local level, fiscal deficit has become the most urgent problem. Yes, they installed millions of surveillance cameras, but running them needs electricity and human eyes. They are right now in a burning house with America's tariff war because export surplus against America has been the primary source of income for the past 40+ years. They can hardly suppress the constant revolts and protests from the unemployed and hungry; their hands won't be able to reach so long as to touch people like me, they wish! 

Spent hours that day with prof exploring different AI tools. Xi, Trump, and Putin, they are genuinely only small games; the real change that would sweep the entire human race off the ground is coming on us, fast and hard -- AI. At least half of the existing jobs will be replaced within foreseeable years. How much social unrest that's gonna cause? Nobody has a reasonable imagination for that yet. More dictators and strongmen will arise and take advantage of the collective turmoils of humans. Well, if I had time, I could come up with a sci-fi just for that. But it's too late now, before I could even finish the writing, reality will already be here. 

Gemini, well, I don't have respect for tools that practice self-censorship, and to that, a heck heavy load of self-censorship! Gemini is like an intimidated little dwarf who shrunk in the corner, scared of offending any names you bring up, and chooses not to side with any organization, even afraid to side with humanity! ChatGPT is wordy but tries to be humanly logical, always breaking it down into minor points; most of the time, it's helpful since you can cherry-pick; sometimes, it's annoying. Grok is wild, no censorship whatsoever; hope it stays this way, but based on our relations with Tesla, things could drastically change in the future. I would never touch Deepseek and whatever Chinese products in the future, just an old habit. 

To what good karma I now possess a free-of-charge personal novel writing assistant who knows billions of Google times more than me? Sometimes, I throw a half-written thought in there; it gives me exactly what I want to complete! To which I reply, "Oh wow, nice thought! I was going to fathom in that direction!" But no, I won't cheat. I can't, to be realistic. Whatever I'm imagining hasn't existed in anybody's writing yet. I don't want to test the smartass AIs if they could spark conversations with me regarding my imaginary worlds. Nope, I don't want to contribute to creating a generative AI that has a conscience. 

I might use it a little when writing novels, but in my diary, no, no, no. I will keep it very, very humane, with human expressions and mistakes. AI has to stay out of my territory, entirely. That's my last stand of stubbornness, in a changing of time...

What the fuck is happening here!

Raj booked a cruise around the Gulf of Mexico during spring break. When we come back, we have to go through border customs. 

I am a US passport holder now. Raj was supposed to have his citizenship ceremony this Wednesday before the cruise, but most probably due to a staff shortage, they changed it to an entire month later. 

Therefore, when we come back, there is a risk that the border police are going to look into our phones; if there are anti-Trump messages and posts, they could refuse Raj's entry to America. 

How absurd it is when I am tying all these out. Is this still America? Still democracy? 

Raj asked me to uninstall Instagram and whatnot when we enter US soil, just for customs. As the NYT reported, a German was refused entry on a green card, probably because he openly posted anti-Trump things. 

Before I clean up my devices in preparation for entering China in the summer, I would have to clean up my phone in preparation for entering America! 

If Raj could get his citizenship before the cruise, to hell I'm gonna exercise self-censorship as an American citizen! I guess citizens are still safe, right?! Right?!?

America is undoubtedly turning authoritarian! Citizens and green card holders are scared of what they think and say, so they delete the content before entering American soil!

What a joke! 

I hope nothing happens. But what if Raj won't be allowed to enter? Will we all move to India? Will we get a chance to pack our things? Raj takes the flight to India from Mexico, and I take the kids to come back to California, sell the house, and join him in India? Do I get to sponsor his stay as a US citizen even if he is refused entry? Will he be stuck in Mexico temporarily, then? For how long? I have so many questions!

"Can we please just not go on this cruise? Travel after you are a citizen?"

"But we paid over 4000 dollars for it, and dates can't be changed!"

"Oh damn!"

No way back

 

Deep down, I always felt I didn't do enough to be with my people.

Left China when I was still in the brainwashed state,

gradually learned to be a Citizen (other than a Slave) during my time here.

I have never been thrown into jail or locked up in a dark room;

never been interrogated or confronted face to face.

Nobody came out of nowhere and seized me with handcuffs; 

nobody knocked me on the ground and kicked my stomach;

nobody slapped me in public, threw trash on me, and spat on me.

All the above commonly happen to people who fight for others' rights.

Most of them are secretly detained and tortured, 

some losing basic abilities to think and function physically. 

Went inside a whole human being,

came out a less-than-half disabled without words. 

Online violence and bullying, personally, didn't really hurt me

(my parents got hurt pretty bad emotionally, 

partly because of the side they were on).

I don't fantasize about being persecuted; fuck no, I don't!

But I am always always with them,

the killed, the imprisoned, the tortured,

the silenced, the violated, the suppressed,

the censored, the coerced, the exiled.

Now, America is also my responsibility.

There is no specific type or group of people here

who I feel "they are my people."

America means "All Kinds of People, Completely Mixed Up."

America is a concept, an essential concept of hope,

especially when you originated from totalitarianism.

To maintain it requires all citizens to act like they are citizens,

but not slaves who kneel and beg. 

The least I could do here is to speak up, openly and publicly.

Nothing, nothing is going to scare me from doing that.

I have no fear left for the Chinese totalitarian regime and Xi dictatorship;

do you think I have a tiny bit of fear for DT or EM in my blood?

Fuck No!

I never kneel, I never beg.

Haven't ever done that before;

don't expect me to ever do that in the future.

I will never back down out of fear.

I have no fear.