March 4th, 2021
Pray for Myanmar...
In this Loka that we humans living in, there is a constant struggle between Good and Evil.
Good could appear in all different forms, but Evil always has the same face: Selfish, Egoistic, corrupted by Greed and Fear.
In the era that materialistic advancement has jumped to the top list of human achievements, don't forget that if the Good allows Evil to take over, there will only be darkness and destruction left in this world.
In the darkness, there will be no life worth living, if you had seen the light...
**
March 16th, 2021
Fate takes us wherever we belong to, most of the times we have no control over what's gonna come.
I'm grateful that I am at where I'm right now where all of us could respect and embrace our differences and enjoy the freedom that's carved into the foundation stones.
And I am forever grateful for having such a supportive and amazing family, each one of them is my rock, who holds me tight, gives me protection.
As a person who values freedom more than anything in the world, I don't see myself having a different life other than this one.
If this is the only path to take, then have no fear, I'm gonna lift up my head and walk on.
Years later when I look back, I will always remember myself as the woman, who every day woke up to the determination that she was going to be strong and not allowing fear to rule over her.
**
March 22nd, 2021
With my mother and father-in-law back in India, life suddenly got back to endless house chores. Hardly any time to take a breath, to focus on a thought. Feels like mothers are always segmented into small pieces, everyone takes the ones they need. Even her memories too, hardly anything unbroken and to herself.
Wait. Then how did I manage the days before my in-laws were here? How did I keep the family going while kept exploring different ways of content making, never failed to come up with something new? And how did I get through the years when my kids were merely screaming babies and my husband was on business trips 300 days a year? I was on Chinese social media too right? With all that work on my shoulder, how did I manage to follow through with different issues and kept expressing my opinions to try to make a difference? [well, that ended up badly...]
I guess the prowess in one, one should never underestimate.
Maybe this is the reason I can't give up this space. A space in which I feel free and focused, a space I feel whole and unbroken. You might say "Mothers, your work is with your children. They are your glories."
But when they spread their wings and go their own ways, who is there to guarantee your heart is not going to be left empty?
That's why I can't give up this space, even though I was showered in bullets and knives, in spits and curses.
Because in this space, I am always busy building up something, a bridge to understanding the world, a passage to seeking the light and myself.
**
March 30th, 2021
These are real heroes, from Chloe Zhao, Vicky Xu to all of those who perfect in their professions and never stop fighting. Personal defamation and attacks are still bearable, but the alienated relationship with the entire family and losing the chance to ever go back and meet anyone again? The hopelessness when your mother and father threatened and frightened over and over again because of what you say and do? That depth of agony and darkness, it's something most people in this world could never ever imagine.
But for truth and freedom, so many people have taken that road of thorns and flames, so many of them have chosen to sacrifice themselves.
It's because of them, the sparks of hope will continue on. Because of them, the world is getting one inch better at one time.
**
March 31st, 2021
Today morning before I headed out to school, I got out to chat with my two older women neighbors with who I speak Chinese (I actually don't know if they were originally from China or Taiwan or other countries). Suddenly one of them told me: "Please don't mind me saying this, now the Chinese new year is done, could you please take down the red 對聯 from your door?" The other one added: "Because recently there's so much China/Asian hostility, the blacks or whites or other community like Indians, they might barge into your house because they see your door. Did you see the (Chinese languages) news? There are so many cases like this..."
I was left speechless for 10 seconds there. Then I thanked them for the kind reminder, for worrying about my safety, and agreed to take down my Chinese 對聯 on the door tomorrow.
Then it got me thinking, I might never understand the full set of logic behind this, but there might be some explanations for what just happened.
But first of all, I have to clarify, as how party-frequent and multi-national as our household could get, I have never seen any of my guests showed any concern or even interest in the 對聯 on my door. Also about the Asian hate, sadly it's real for a lot of people and a lot of places, people have to keep fighting for it. But in my day-to-day life, I always have the most fun talking with random black dudes in the supermarket, chatting with random black women while waiting for something together. Even while driving, we always wave and smile at each other when showing courtesy and patience. Nobody cared if I look like Asian or what, and vice versa. As for worrying about people barging into my door because of the sign on my door? It's NOT a nazi or a particular party sign alright? Culture should always be respected if it's not harming anyone.
So why my Chinese neighbors urged me to take down the red 對聯？This is the possible reasons I can think of:
a. The only news they consume is the Chinese language, and the Asian Hate wave is magnified and exaggerated to an extent that people turn to apply the logic of sensational news to real life. As to how much the overseas Chinese news channels are infiltrated by China nowadays, you can't say for sure there is no play of the Chinese side behind. Fanning the fear, so to divide, so to rule, simple logic.
b. But I can't say for sure that they are groomed, or they are aligned with propaganda in China right? They could be completely opposite as well. That's why any sign on my door that reminds them China/Chinese is not candy in the eye?
c. Either a or b, collective thinking is definitely playing in the background, even you live in the individualist environment for all your life, what's been taught when you were young, sometimes it's difficult to change at all.
So should I take down my 對聯 on the door? Just to make my Chinese neighbors happy?
Why did I put up these 對聯 in the first place? To celebrate my culture obviously. A culture I wish was not washed away, a culture I wish was still authentic and rich in the soil where it originated. As a rootless drifter, all I can do is to mourn this culture in my own way.
Do I need you to understand my logic? No. Do I need to acquire your consent? No.
So, as I was writing these lines, I decided to not take down my 對聯 and just let it be there, to be the candy of eye.
And oh, Americans, you all should be so much better than putting everyone and everything in boxes, like what the Chinese news is propagating to whoever is listening. Just show more respect, show more love, show that you are determined to be color blind. With a smile and helping hand, you will always get a smile and helping hand back.
**
April 2nd, 2021
In this small group of children, you can find every race and color, a lot of them have two or more colors in them already.
They all blend in perfectly fine with each other, it's so natural that nobody ever has questions about their skin color.
This is what real rainbow looks like, this is what real America should be.
**
April 4th, 2021
Every being that came to exist, either a civilization, a culture, a religion, an era, or an individual, the core drive for it to bloom and grow, is Freedom. Freedom, what we human beings have been fighting for from the very beginning; the one word that could define who we are and pretty much summarize whatever values we hold for our existence.
Don't tell me there are 2000+ years already. 2000 years, merely just a blink in the universe. Without giving it the freedom to breathe, in another blink, everything will vanish without a struggle, without a lament.
