Don't know how to title

If I can use one word to summarize what I'm so busy with all day long, in this Earthy world with the people around me, the word is Relationships. Day in and day out, all those messages, conversations, meetings, and activities, are to build relationships around me, around us. 

First was yourself, then the "us" extended to your partner, then a family with children. Meanwhile, the "us" also included natural family members who were there for you, later extended to the ones you learned over the years that you could trust with your life and have been there for you.

I had thought it would always be just me. But as I have lived for others, I have become a pillar for them too. It's impossible that it would just be me.  

I had thought it would always be just me because I got uprooted way too many times. I lost physical connection to all of my family members when I moved out of China, only my parents followed me and helped me. I literally uprooted them too. And from childhood to now, batches of close friends came in and faded out, including online communities. Simply because I have never stayed in one place for too long, neither physically, nor mentally. I have always been evolving: getting rid of brainwashing, learning and growing with the internet, unleashing my potential with multiple fronts of work, and maturing with the experience of a woman and a mother. 

But people did stay, people did stay for me, as I stayed for them. People do need me from time to time, as I need them from time to time. Most importantly, people did have the ability to grow with me, most of them grew in their own circumstances but we were able to keep bridging with each other into the newer expanse. The ones who couldn't or didn't, fell out. 

So many had happened recently I don't even have the energy and time to write them up. No need either. All I know at this point is, time does prove everything, and kindness thus trust is indeed the most crucial element of all. Therefore we learned to form up, learned to identify and approve each other. We also learned to hold on to the most crucial and let the small ups and downs get passed by without leaving unnecessary marks. Everyone has their own struggle at the end of the day.

Finally, I have also learned to not live through my parents' eyes and perceptions. Actually, not to live through anyone's eyes and perceptions. Not even let any of those impact me, but calmly analyze, make up my own judgment, and be confident and unapologetic about it. And that will be at the top of the life skill list that I would help my children build. 

But beyond this Earthy world, I do have my own imaginary universe I have yet to explore. Make up my own rules and laws, create my own cause and effect and paint my own colors. Whenever I am able to spend a little time traveling there, I feel happy. Even just to warm up myself with diaries that write out my thoughts, that's a relief for me. 

Maybe currently I'm supposed to be fully occupied by this world filled with people and their relationships with me and this journey on Earth, I'm supposed to be the pillar for everyone and live for everyone. I do hold on to the hope that one day I will have my chance to submerge and dive into my own imaginary world, though.