Nov. 10th
The first day in my daughter's class, oh my sweet lord... when the kids were having recess in the playground, I was rushing to wipe all that dirty tables... those were wiped by multiple parents in their cleaning-up volunteering time before the pandemic. Post pandemic, until yesterday parent volunteers had not been allowed, the tables just left unwiped, being dirty for months...
My phone playing "The Ants Go Marching" to warm up for the musical storytime I was about to give right after recess, my head right above the table, sweat on forehead, both hands up and down so hard following the ants marching beats, trying to scrape off layers of glue, color wax, scotch tapes and whatever sticky things there...
I was totally in my Chinese Maid Mode, ended up wiping everywhere, arranging everything and picking up anything from the floor. And I can't shake off the thought that on Friday I would carry my own vacuum cleaner in my car, once I get permission from the teacher, I'm gonna run back to my car, get the vacuum cleaner and vacuum the heck out of the floor and carpets.....
I did sing and read to the kids, this week is the letter "I", not many cute animals with this letter so I read some insect books. The boys loved them, well I mean both boys and girls loved the insects but boys paid more attention and asked great questions, actually, girls too, now that I think. It's just that after 30 minutes or so when some of the boys still wanted to know more about the anthills and praying mantis, some girls wanted to play... I guess they knew only limited playtime was left and they missed their dolls and animals, it was about time anyway, they did very well sitting through, listening and cooperating..
Anyway, it was fun being a full-time assistant and cleaning lady to my daughter's TK class, and got to see all the beautiful, well-mannered, and curious children. Oh btw, there were already around 10 kids who got the COVID shot, I was surprised because I have only been able to book an appointment for one of my kids, CVS system has been down all these days!!....
Nov. 15th
Kids at recess, just cleaned up all the tables, stuck their name tags with tape, wiped down the tables again only to find my arms are sour from Wednesday's crazy cleaning, arranged their pencil boxes, also sharpened a lot of pencils... Cleaned up the puzzle corner, almost got a panic attack when I couldn't figure out the 3-6 year-old 13 pieces puzzle, I just left all the pieces there on top....now I'm gonna finally, at last, Broom the Floor!!!!
Nov. 29th
Children at 4-5 years old are just so fantastic..... they are still wet clay that is shapable, constantly absorbing the environment. The boy who didn't know how to hold a pen properly, was called by the teacher at least 20 times a morning because of not following directions. I've been spending extra time with him, teaching basics, encouraging him, cheering for him. This week I haven't heard one time him being called on and today he really tried to write letters and did very good drawings, he seemed calm and put down efforts on learning.
Not only children are like shapable clays, but they are also like water buckets, you got to first fill those buckets with love, care and attention, help them feel full about themselves, be confident, be satisfied, be secure, then they could have love and care for others, like the water outflow from the buckets.
Dec. 5th
People are very familiar with the Indian online Internet service providers in recent years, call centers and website builders for 8 dollars an hour. Now we are also getting tutoring services from India! Actually, I've been hearing that our friends and family are having Indian teachers to teach them musical instruments, vocals, and all kinds of stuff. And they are good indeed! The teachers are personal and parents got to monitor the whole 1 hour, all 60 minutes not even 1 is wasted.... and their marketing....man, the Indian sales forces.... they just keep you hooked....the whole system is profound with detailed information and long-term teaching plans and curriculums, very Americanized with a good understanding of American education system and parents' thought patterns and way of dealing with things.... feeling like we have our own private homeschooling system setup remotely with Indian teachers... coding, maths, piano, maybe more in the future.... and of course, it's way much cheaper than anything....
The sales guy was trying to be professional with me, assuming an American mom, talking slowly and a made-up accent, then my husband wanted to add something, the sales guy instantly switched to Hindi and a lot of "Haan Ji Sir Haan Ji Sir Haan Ji Sir", the old familiar Indian men's negotiation mode, then my husband said, "please keep speaking English so my wife can understand"... oh man it was funny...
Dec. 1st
It's my fault, I am too used to the female-friendly environment where people (in general) respect men and women with no difference. When I relive the experience of being treated as the secondary, the no-voice, the non-existence, the unconsequential woman of the family who doesn't have a say in any matters, I get damn angry... "Sir" "Sir" "Sir" bowing to my husband, who assumedly to be a breadwinner and family authority, while to me? "Don't move the chairs!" "Don't touch this!" "Do it again! I told you so!" and "Nobody is fucking replying to your stupid womanly jokes!" with a cold poker face that has contempt written all over, treating me like an illiterate who can't speak English. You think I won't report and complain the fuck out of you? You fucking Chauvinist Pig.
Nov. 10th
I completely forgot how nasty it was to have UTI!! That was 12, 13 years ago, and mind that, the last time I had it was before giving birth!!! I peed in my pants today!!!...
Was driving my daughter back home from dancing class, was thinking, "OK, 10 minutes is fine, I can hold...." 2 minutes later, became:" No No No I have to go NOW!!!" Luckily I just went to CVS to pick up my antibiotics and used the bathroom there, so CVS it is!!! But I was not sure I could hold until the bathroom inside so I parked in some corner, ready to go outside my car!!!!(it's dark at this hour) but I'm scared of the parking lot cameras, so I grabbed my daughter and ran like running for life. Straight into the bathroom, luckily not occupied... but I did pee in my pants while running, significant amount!!!.... luckily I have my period right now so I'm wearing this thick pad, otherwise, my pants would be all wet like a toddler or an 80-year-old who needs diapers....
Oh man, bathrooms and diapers, hold up women's last dignity.... me and my daughter ran straight out of CVS after using the bathroom because I got to pick up my son for his Taekwondo class...people in CVS looking at us like watching a movie..... I deserve a boba tea today....
Nov. 9th
My physician was like: "How about your bleeding? You want a referral to OBGYN?" She's been on my ass to get to see an OBGYN, not letting any one of my postcoital bleedings go... I think doctors sometimes don't trust patients that much especially when it comes to domestic violence on women, because most women wouldn't admit it, so the best for the doctors to do is not let any sign and suspicion go and send their patients for further examination.
At least doctors in America that I met, they would always try to figure out if any patient is being hurt by the close ones. I feel lucky to have a physician who takes care of you and thinks about your case.
Nov. 13th
沒錯! 人不是按照地域或者種族或者皮膚色或者口音或者頭髮長短眼睛大小鼻子高低錢包大小來分。用外表和長相，或者其它外在的標準比如金錢和地位，來做判斷并鑒別一個人，只能說是你不成熟，非常不成熟，而且注定你會犯錯，會吃虧。因為唯一能把人區分開的，是一個人的內在品質: 善良 誠實 美好 光明 有愛心 同情心 有責任 不自私等等，這些才是你應該擦亮眼睛去尋找的東西。搞不清楚這一點，這輩子只會在一次又一次錯誤的選擇裡蹉跎，孤單寂寥。這是一個阿姨/小姐姐/母親給大家的忠告。
Nov. 13th
人和人之間的區別: 人之初本性的善惡，當然還有受環境薰陶的眼界高低。從只有國家沒有個體的地方出來的人，當然不具有對個體(包括自己與他人，任何一個獨立的個體) 的最基本理解與尊重。無法將個體從所謂"國家"的概念裡分割出來，不認為個體具有獨立性，擁有基本的權益應該要受到保護，也不認為個體對從 個體到國家各個層面的問題擁有自主決定權。常年教化下，他們無法將"國別""政府""社會組織"這些概念客觀化與平淡化，無法將其與"母親""母愛""親情道義"分割。久而久之，陷入極端與僵化，並且視野極其狹隘，將人處於世的基本道德與禮儀，局限在政府和組織的框架下: 只要非本政府 非本國轄區範圍內，便可不屑置之，認為不配予以最基本的作為人的理解與尊重，并把此無理言行視之為對其政府與國家的忠貞。可知，這與現今文明世界裡的博愛觀背道而馳，與文明世界裡的普世價值相去甚遠。觀念之差，讓人類進化進程顯示出幾百年甚至幾千年的差別。滔滔文明古國落於此，可悲可嘆。
Nov. 31st
這麼雞血的婆婆!!!🤮🤮 絕不是說中國沒有好男人，但是能找到具有現代文明特徵的普世價值觀的人，懂得包容和博愛，懂得對不同種族不同類型不同政見的人有基本的尊重和理解，是非常不容易的。就算這些都不懂，起碼可以有最基本的開放思維，思想不封閉不禁錮，眼界不狹窄，但都是非常難的事情。錯不在個體，而是環境。稍微一點點開明的男人都難求，再來個這種典型的愛國婆婆，簡直就是生不如死，不如單身一輩子。這也是現在很多中國女人的境遇。[女人向來比男人更容易融合，更容易接受新事物，適應新環境，包容他人，所以在一個封閉的社會裡，往往是男人更封閉，很多女人反而因為所接受的教育與外界影響，開明得多。婆婆因為受家庭地位與權力的誘惑和侵蝕，另當別論。]
Dec. 4th
We are thinking about canceling the UK trip due to the new variant, we are monitoring the situation, waiting for more stats. Meanwhile, my dad was also getting more and more unrest by Wechat articles: "Yes yes don't go anywhere! Cancel everything! Don't even go out! There's this new article written by a Harvard professor today, he said all vaccines are not working anymore, none of the vaccines work anymore! He said there are ABC three kinds of different COVID viruses, he said humankind will most probably forever stay indoors and online business will forever prosper, he said the best way to deal with it is to quarantine, quarantine forever, strict rules!...."
I was like: "Dad, whatever you can see in the Chinese language in Wechat, is intentionally planted brainwashing content, aim to aid the extreme control your government is exercising on its people, legitimize the inhumane authoritarian measures. Laughing my ass off - Harvard professor my ass, humans will most likely stay indoors forever, humans should be quarantined forever lol lol lol.... only CCP wishes to do so because of the easy control of its people under such 'scary forever pandemic' circumstances."
Looks like when the holidays are approaching, plus a new variant is emerging, it became a huge opportunity for the propaganda machine to reach a new round of brainwashing goals. Everyone in China is getting scared, for no reason, well, for Americans and all outside of China's people's life actually. The Chinese are scared and worried for us! Worrying the "not quarantined wild land of America and the West", eventually, everyone will catch the virus and die. Only the brutal elimination of individual rights and freedom, the ridiculous Digital Totalitarianism is the Correct way forward as humankind!
Dec. 5th
Ya right, Bilibili people from day one have been massively discriminating against me and violently bullying me, just because my husband is Not White Enough (NWE) or Not White (NW). When my incident happened in 2021 Feb, Bilibili turned into a "Cultural Revolution Virtual Persecution Hub"(CRVPH), I was violently and ruthlessly persecuted in Bilibili. Bilibili has always been a major platform where Pinks gather because the new and younger generations are way more controlled and brainwashed than the grew-up-in-the-80s-&-90s and Bilibili is the youngsters' base.
Nov. 14th
I had several experiences that were just out of my own imagination, 3 incidents before and while I was pregnant with Shiv, 1 incident when pregnant with Aditi, many other incidents that I am not yet able to understand, but I'm trying...
This life on Earth is a very amazing journey, I believe we are all interconnected, if you dive deep, you can feel it too, and we all have some role to play.
All you need to do is keep your eyes and mind open, listen to your heart, face off the fear, and always, always, remember to love.
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