I am definitely overwhelmed currently. Raj has been at it full on. Somehow, he found many couples to play with on Thursday and Friday! They are all quite nice people, highly educated, and intellectual. I had so much to talk with one of the women who has a graduate degree in Art History from Columbia. Her husband used to be an aerospace engineer. Both are in their early 40s, live in the same city as us, 10 minutes away. A little beautiful garden with many flowers and weeds that we can pluck and smoke lol. This will be Friday, and we will go to their house since they have no children.
Raj also went ahead and planned with my guy! He asked me many, many times before. Each time, I hesitated like a chicken; I was like, "No, no, no, I can't." But over the past two weeks, I have asked him two times for the same night in an emergency. Guess who urged me to ask? Ya, Raj. Luckily, with my guy, planning needs to be done a few weeks, at least ten days before. Think I don't know about that? That's why I asked! Knowing it won't be him. And I sent messages in our group chat so Raj could see them. But Raj eventually planned with him and told me, "You are welcome."😭
I was like, "Did you guys have my consent planning it?" 😭
Of course, I want to see my guy. Nobody knows how much I have been wanting it. But I don't know how to react when I see him. Raj was like, "Should I cancel then?" I was like, "Oh no no, don't...." 😭
From now till then, I will have to practice... I got almost two weeks...
I will have to train or trick my mind into a state of absolute calm and nonchalance in the sight of him. I will have to come up with a list of things about him so I can go over it from time to time to remind myself that no matter how much I feel about him, he stays cool about me, so you also be cool about him, girl!! I will have to look into myself, see how gorgeous and arousing my body is, like a sex goddess, and keep reminding myself that's why all guys want to have their hands on you!! I am an experience, I am the ultimate definition of "fuckable". And they are an experience for me too, being in their strong arms, soaking in their sweat, cum, and satisfaction, the cosmic connection between us at that moment. Then we can go back to our separate lives and continue whatever we were doing. Everything should be confined to that specific time and space.
If I can get through this, I shall officially graduate. I will graduate into a man who is privileged in our society, a society that has put these principles into practice since the birth of men: separating bodily experience from emotions.
Hope I graduate! 😭
They can easily do it - A is A, B is B, everything is factual. It could be the society, maybe it's just the way their brains are wired. But for us, we often take A and B with us, and after we leave the room, they start fermenting in our imagination, sprout, and flourish into entirely different shapes, maybe Z and Y. It's a powerful ability, don't get me wrong. However, our society is not made to foster and encourage such an ability; it deems it inferior. The infrastructures of our culture make preying and feasting on people who naturally possess such an ability legitimate and a piece of cake. Hence, what, say it out loud with me, we should suppress it, if you want to be a good player in this world, their world.
Therefore, the first and most important tactic in dealing with this issue is refraining from conversing, online and offline. Conversations are the soil for fermentation. Talk your heart out with people who are safe, safe like a stone wall of a fortress on high hills where nothing could penetrate. Fine, there surely will be conversations filling up the breaks. Play brain dead then, act dumb, act insensitive, act obnoxious. They can conveniently curl the iron curtains up to feast on you, and they will, for sure, uncurl them once they are done, leaving you in the cold and dark. Build your own iron wall, build a switch too, and learn to control it. Imagine it as a performance. Ya, exactly, trick your brain to think it's all just a performance, then you will put yourself through it, no matter what.
I think I'm getting there slowly, a little more practice, and I'm good to go.
It started because I told this girl friend about the fifth. The girl friend showed me that she really wanted the man. One thing about me that will never change is that I always act on my best intentions, not even one hair on me is stained with impurity, and I have unlimited energy, sympathy, and kindness. If I can sense it, and I can actually sniff it from miles away, that there is room for me to be of some help, I will dive in head down, giving whatever I have.
So, I spent a lot of my time facilitating these two to meet and play. I wanted my girl friend to enjoy her life to the full and experience whatever she dreams about.
The meet and play was set to happen on Saturday night. The girl friend said she never had orgasms before, she never experienced anything that I take for granted daily - satisfying sex and oceanic orgasms. I threw my hands up, told the two, "You got this, it's your night! It will be her first time ever, her introduction into our world, introduction into sex and orgasm, even. Can you imagine that?!? I don't want her to be overwhelmed because she might be unfamiliar with three-way dynamics, don't care about me, and put her first. But hey, come to me whenever you are done satisfying her." By Friday night, I had become merely a messenger of the two. I had become nonexistent. They made it all romantic between themselves, via me, "I won't send her text just yet, even though you already gave me her number. I want to wait till she is all covered in cum and sweat and losing her breath and brain in my arms. It's more respectful that way." Okay, whatever you say, lovebird!
Eva had a kink of being choked, slapped, and she wanted pain, while the 26 y/o was a "hyper dominant" who loved to choke, slap, and give pain; he loved violent sex, I guess? I absolutely can't do it, I would want no one to give me pain or really choke me. I mean, many men did put their hands on my neck, but not heavily because they knew I couldn't take it, and my husband was there to protect me. Quite on the contrary, I love men being gentle and respectful with me. I'm turned on by gentle men with soft voices and gentle hands, especially if they are intellectual, who could spark deep conversations with me. I love men who are focused and are into details, but not in an emotionally possessive way, only the way they naturally approach and study things. The two were excited to be wrapped around each other's choking hands and strong arms, I understand entirely. I'm glad you guys found each other, lol!
But my husband didn't like the sound of it at all, the way they both couldn't be fast enough to treat me like an inconsequential third wheel. The way I was so obviously used and so quickly disposed of. It didn't say anything about me, but everything about them. He insisted, "No, it's your party. Everything is at your grace. You are The Queen. You gotta own the place. If you can't enjoy yourself at events like this, then there is no point at all in making such events. You, yourself, are not charity; your time is not charity. Only the extremely fortunate ones could get their hands on you, by your grace. Most people in this world can't even dream! And you can't always put yourself down like this, it hurts me, please don't do it. I don't want to see you always willingly sacrifice yourself and let everyone walk over you. Now go to the list of your guys, ask each one of them, see who would be available, and pick one to add to your party. This is why, since the beginning, I have urged you to come up with a list of them; it's for emergencies like this. And you make sure you enjoy both of the guys at your party. Don't be shy, go ahead and touch both of them proactively, grab them, kiss them, climb on them, hold on to them, and make them yours. You are the queen, you own them all at your party. In any case, if no one was available to join you, I would come and take you away. I can't be at the party because she is a friend of mine too, but ya, I'll come and get you out of it, I'll open a room next to them and make you my queen!"
Hence, I did. In my list, the first three, two early-to-mid-30s, one early-40s, are posh guys with posh jobs. They are busy, like us. One of my new (vanilla) friends once tried to ask me out for an event that would happen on the same night. I told him, "I'm sorry, but events with me have to be planned weeks before. I am, in general, always booked." The same goes for my first three fancy guys. One was going to the symphony, one had plans with friends, and one had plans with family. Two of them really missed me, and we planned for the next meet and play, within the same conversation. Ya, the one I was in love with has the highest profile and is the busiest. Well, actually, they three are in entirely different industries, you can't really say who is higher profile than who. He never would initiate the planning, due to the nature of his job, I guess. He appears to be the most cautious and reserved. But he was really sorry he couldn't come and wanted me to update him about the night. At this point, I am hesitant to play with him because I fear catching feelings again. I genuinely enjoy my nonchalant style of peace, and I want to continue being a man. To be honest, he didn't do anything to make me fall out of love. [Holy shit, Raj just went ahead and planned with him!! The bond between men who are both super intelligent, respectful, and responsible is beyond my understanding... I'm so fucked!!! 😭 But I'm overwhelmed right now, I can't think about it. One thing at a time. What should happen will happen...]
Luckily, my fourth, the most recent acquisition after the club crowd encounter, had the flexibility. He is a restaurant server, 33. I asked him on Saturday morning; he said work would finish at 10:30, and he would surely come after work was completed. He was thrilled that I thought to ask him and couldn't wait for the night. He gave me a positive feeling from the club encounter and some conversations we carried on in text afterwards. I believe he is a decent human being with sincerity and honesty. He also asked for my Instagram earlier. I checked his profile, and he seemed like a warm human being who loves traveling and enjoys time with a diverse group of friends. Even though we haven't played a three-way yet with my husband, my husband approved him and was glad he could help me in the emergency, on such short notice.
The fourth one is the strongest. All of them are tall hunkies, two are 6'2, and have big builds, but the fourth one surely ranks at the top. He does lift up the best; it seemed like a piece of cake for him, and he can sustain a long duration of time in that position without getting tired. Although they all love to hold me up and do that often with me, holding me in their arms, making me hold on tight to them and kiss them, the other three can only do it briefly (Actually, the guy I was in love with doesn't do that to me, he is not 6'2, tall still, he can, but he doesn't do it). "I can't wait too! And I wanna be lifted up." I told my fourth on Instagram.
He had a little gym section before heading to work
I had my music performance at 8:30 p.m. It was a huge success. I played well and danced the most on stage. As a team, we all grooved with music skills and style, and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. We were all so proud of ourselves and felt truly uplifted. Our friends and family also loved our show, and we got them on their feet to dance! I had my first round of massive fun for Saturday night.
I didn't forget about my commitment. The girl friend simply couldn't wait. The show was delayed for half an hour, and she said, "If you need to cancel, don't hesitate." The idea of canceling never appeared in my head; I am entirely unfamiliar with it. Did I ever cancel? Even once? No, I never put myself in the center so that my decision could kill the buzz for the others or even cause any slight inconvenience. I always first think and act for other people's enjoyment and convenience.
But I did need time to shower and dress up. At 9:50, I told my girl friend that I should be ready by 10:45. Her Uber arrived at my place at 10:25. If you gotta wait, you gotta wait.
We got into Uber, excited for the night!! "Now let me inform the guys our eta. Ya, surprise surprise, I got another hunk! Yeeeee!"
When we arrived at the hotel, the 26 y/o 6'3 was waiting, for her. I spent 10 minutes checking in. Then I found them hiding in a corner, she on his lap, his hands all over her, their faces stuck together. "You two already started!" They turned to me, bright red lipstick marks were all over her and his faces. On her nose, her chin, her cheek, all around her lips; and his face too, a wide bright red mark around his lips, some on his chin and cheek too. I have never seen anything like that before; it was pretty funny. Neither of the two intended to invite me in; the place where they sat had no room for me. I stood there, scrolling my phone. 5 minutes later, they wanted to move to the room. "You guys go ahead, I will wait for my friend to come and join you guys. Save some for me, okay?" "You got a friend?" The 26 y/o asked. "Ya, I got my friend A to join us." The two walked away with the room key while still holding onto each other, their lips stuck together while walking. I told them earlier that red marks were all over their faces, and they tried, but nothing came off. Still quite funny.
My fourth arrived in another 40 minutes. He kept me updated while I was waiting by myself in the hotel bar. My husband was on the chat with me the whole time while I was alone. My fourth explained that a group of young girls were celebrating a girl friend's 21st birthday, and he was taking a lot of photos for them. "They wanted the photos from all angles. I took many photos for them, and they were very happy." Then he had to clean up the tables and the floor, the girls had brought a lot of glitter that was scattered everywhere. "Awww, you are such a sweet person." I sincerely commented.
"Let's go upstairs, put down the bags, and go for your two tequila shots," I replied. My fourth said he routinely needed two tequila shots with a beer after work, plus a joint of weed, to ease into any night activities.
We kept chatting and opened the hotel door, room 735. The two in bed had an entire hour to themselves by now. "How was it? Are you guys having good fun?" It looked like they were entangled in each other's arms and legs. She hid in his arms, smiling uncontrollably. Their faces had been cleaned up by then; there were no red marks anymore. "This is my friend A, we are going to get some shots across the street. You guys be good, okay?" "Are you okay? Enjoying your time? You feeling fine? All good?" I leaned closer to make sure my girl friend was in a good state, not hurt in any sense, and had control of the situation. She looked completely smitten and was having the time of her life. Her "first date ever", her own words, seemed so far, so good. While the two were in bed, they had no intention of getting up. The 26 y/o did ask me to come closer, and we kissed a little. I told him, "Save some for me," following my husband's instructions.
A and I walked to the local bar, where people were singing karaoke. It was a cozy Oakland bar filled with mainly black people. Bouncer checked our ID, but A couldn't find it in time. There was only a broken half, the half with his birthday on it, so the bouncer let him go. But A kept digging into his wallet, eventually he fished out the new ID, and ran to the bouncer to show him. I really liked this behavior, a very sincere and honest human being. A got his two tequila shots and a beer, and I tried his beer. When he was in the restroom, an older black woman talked to me. She enjoyed the sight of us, wondering if A was my boyfriend. I replied, "Hmmm, a friend :) But ya, he is a sweetheart." She was happy about us hanging out together. We chatted nicely, and she gave me hugs and compliments. She loved my sparkling, shining high heels covered in crystals. I hugged and praised her back.
I checked my phone, husband was waiting for me to confirm my safety. I told him A was a sweetheart, don't worry about it. The plan was to send him three messages: the first one when we arrived at the hotel, the second one when A arrived, and the third one when I was enjoying myself with A and he was safe to be with. Then he could go to sleep. Now, three messages were complete. I also saw the 26 y/o sent a photo. I clicked one photo of us and sent it back, telling him we would be back in 10 min.
A and I kept chatting, and we conversed very naturally. He was very easy to talk to since he would like to answer my questions with as much detail as he could provide, and he was very free to share his stories, with nothing to hide. He talked with a typical black swag, which was quite new to me; I had never been close this way with that kind of swag. For a moment, I felt he was the black version of Forrest Gump, in the sense of sincerity.
After his joint of weed, we went back to room 735. We had never stopped chatting, talking about all kinds of random stuff. I was curious about his life, the work he did, the places he went, and the countries he enjoyed the most. He wanted to save up and buy a condo in Thailand and eventually retire there.
Back in the room, we got to business, sharing a bed with the other two, who had never stopped their actions. It was her last day of period, and red spots were everywhere. But at least one side of the bed was clean. A got into lifting up right away, I guess that was something he loved to do too. I couldn't stop joking about it because in the club, at one point, my hands slipped and I thought I would fall, but obviously he got me. I was like, "Don't drop me okay, I know you won't lol, remember in the club? You almost did? Or no, you won't let me fall. I know." "Baby, of course, I won't let you fall, never!" "Baby, tell me how you like it, I will do as you want it." We chatted naturally, not whispering, but in our usual voices, filling the room. I moaned whenever I needed to, I laughed as much as I wanted to, and we conversed about whatever was on our minds. Meanwhile, the other couple didn't make a sound, quietly but nonstop pounding. They also didn't make a gesture to interact with us. Maybe they were whispering to each other, but I wouldn't care; I had my own business. The couple eventually moved to the restroom and spent almost 30 - 40 minutes there.
"Eva hasn't eaten anything since breakfast. We are getting some food." "Sure! Are you guys coming back after that?" "Ya, most probably." "Okay, have a good lunch! Waiting for you here!" While searching for shoes, the 26 y/o had a nice peek at A's dong, ya, dude, bigger than yours, lol. A and I continued chatting. "Have you fallen in love before?" Then he spent the next hour sharing stories about his two times of being in love. The second time was with a Thai mamasang. This guy loves Asian women.
By the time the couple returned from their burgers, A and I finished his love stories and got back to having our second round. The couple whose tummies were finally filled bounced back to their business immediately. Husband made me cum really hard on Saturday afternoon, while I was taking a nap, recovering from the previous night with Leena. But I felt the need to cum there in the room. A was helping me. It was a little hard to achieve, considering all the circumstances. But A patiently tried out many positions for me. How fast, how slow, how deep, how shallow, he wanted me to give him an apparent instruction, and he did accordingly. We tried for at least half an hour, took a break in between, adjusted the positions, speed, and depth, and didn't give up. Yes, I did cum at the end. I screamed for a good twenty seconds.
"How did you feel when I cum? Can you feel me squeezing you?" "Ohhh, so if you were not in high speed, you could feel more. If you were fast, you wouldn't feel as much!" "Oh, so you keep reaching my cervix, right? How does it feel? Do you like it?" "Oh, you feel it playing with it, wrapped around it, oh wow! Like a soft surface you can dent in, right?!" "You know when I was the most horney? Let me tell you! See, I have been masturbating since I was a teen, okay? But the most horney was when I was pregnant with my first, the second trimester. I couldn't stop thinking about sex, not even for one second, with a baby inside of me!! Can you imagine that? lol! I was as horney as a teen boy, maybe more! That's why MILF is a legit thing, okay! hahha!" "So what, you got the freedom to decide who to give free cookies to? What about the customers who came and said, I got a promotion today, or I got a divorce today, would you give them free cookies?" "Oh, why are you the most loved server there? What do they love you for? How do you know they love you?" "Oh, you did that? That's so sweet of you. Once we were in a hot tub and a group of women, most probably on a cruise for their high school reunion or something, one woman had mascara all over her face, those other women classmates, none of them told her anything. That was so mean! I, a complete stranger, almost went ahead and helped her clean up her face. Then one of her close friends appeared and rescued her. I am so glad you are kind and direct this way, it's very sweet!" "What? What's cauliflower-steak?! I would never imagine, that's so funny, lol!"
After I cum, A didn't continue since I needed some rest. We resumed our chats. A lay there cozily, and I sat curl-legged, facing him. We were as comfortable as we could be, naked, nonstop chatting on random stuff. Laughing and spilling out whatever was on our minds, filling up the entire room with poise and confidence. Meanwhile, the couple stayed quietly, in action. And for a long time, in the bathroom, 20 - 30 minutes, in action as well.
Amid my amazement about the vegan dish "Cauliflower-steak", the couple was done and decided to go home. "You guys are done? Had fun? Happy? I hope you satisfied my friend?" "Oh, she came 3, 4 times? Oh wow, I didn't hear anything, but goooood! Job well done!" We all were dressing up and packing to leave. "Anybody missing anything?" "I just need my Kindle." Eva took her Kindle from her bag and held it close to her heart. Ya, ya, we all know, you are such an avid reader, of dark romance. A helped me with packing, clicking the buttons on my fancy shoes. He had trouble unbuttoning my fancy shoes when we arrived, which was pretty funny. Now it took us a long time to tighten the shoes, still funny. "See, these fancy shoes are difficult, okay?!" "Yaa, I'm saurry, lol..." A held my bags while walking us out. Eva got an Uber for us. A sent my bags to my seat, he didn't want me to leave them in the trunk since I could very much forget about them.
While standing outside the hotel door, waiting for Uber to arrive, I heard the two lovebirds, who had been stuck together for four hours exclusively, having this conversation: "Don't overthink, okay? You often overthink, right? I know it." Eva sweetly commanded, like a sweetheart.
The moment Eva and I sat in the Uber, I asked, "How was it? Good pounding? Hunky enough for you? Good orgasms? Satisfied?" She ignored the whole hunky part, but started telling me these: 1. "How can you say he is not smart? He knows so much about geography! He can pronounce the name of my country correctly!" 2. "We have so much in common!" 3. "He is going to Europe to travel, I think he is not as broke as you said!" 4. "He told me, 'You are so hard to read', awwww!" 5. "It's not me who is getting into trouble, okay? It's him, he is falling all over me! He is getting in too deep!" 6. "When I told him I hadn't eaten since breakfast, he acted so fast, wanting to immediately take me out for food!" 7. "He was so much into me, in the restroom, he got carried away, didn't use a condom."
I took a breath in and replied nonchalantly, "Girl, first of all, you gotta calm the fuck down and stop acting so stupid. Secondly, and most importantly, if you don't want to die or get pregnant with their babies, make sure they wear condoms. All of them want to do it bare, unless they get tested right before they play with you, never take any risk. Your sweetheart tried to sneak into me without a condom on Monday, too. Raj saw it and stopped him. Raj has always been my guardian, as I said, all, but all, guys want to have it bare! Get a test done soon, just to be safe. His last test was in March; Thirdly, he did the exact same things to me on Monday, he didn't respect the three-way play like my other guys, he didn't respect the husband but grabbed me for himself, the entire time. My other guys know how to play team with Raj, they know how to properly rotate and take turns, but he doesn't have self-control. Raj always would take a long shower to leave me alone with my guy for a good 20-30 minutes. During that time, he kissed my mouth deeply and long, played with my hair, and kissed all over my face, shoulders, neck, and chest, everywhere, repeatedly, nonstop. And do you know how many times he looked into my eyes and told me 'You are so so so beautiful'? At least 20 times, in that short time. Usually, I get maybe 10 times, from the sweetest guys, throughout the night, though. He was a little too obsessive, so I told you very early on that he was obsessive, remember? And remember those messages he sent the next day about lifting me up? He lifted me up whenever he got a chance. When we were exiting the hotel, walking down the stairs, since our room was on the second floor on Monday, he lifted me up and held me to the gate. He was kissing me nonstop when I was in his arms. I am now 100% sure this is his trick; he does it to all women. He acts like he is in love with you, so he can prey on you and make you fall in love. How can you fall into such an obvious trap so easily? Forthly, how ridiculous it is that he is not broke? Now you believe he is rich? Why did he never even mention that he could chip in for the cost of the hotel and condoms? Did he bring any condoms? Europe my ass. Fifthly, smart my ass, he has absolutely no opinion on any topic that I threw at him, music, social issues, history. Yes, smart at talking dirty, seducing women, definitely not intelligent, at all. I kinda cleared him as my fifth, but hey, I never wanted to rush to play with him again, for myself. A little obsessive and different from other decent guys. Now that it's confirmed, I know exactly who he is and his intentions. Not an inch of it is good. It's also not because of age and lack of experience that he doesn't know what's proper during a three-way. He actually claimed to be highly experienced. But there is something very evil in his behavior; he is a predator, preying on women to fall in love with him so that he can exploit them. And he does this to each and every woman. So, ya, don't be stupid, cool the fuck down. He is never going to be in love with you, and you are never going to be in love with him. I know you act this way mainly because society conditions women to be indiscriminately emotional since birth, and we are brainwashed to believe that we can't separate emotions from physical. The truth is, we can separate anything from anything; you just need a lot of practice. Now I have done enough practice to stay calm and not be affected, but you are inexperienced, no matter how much I have already warned you. But you enjoyed the hunkiness, you had a fabulous night, that's all this is about. Now go home and sleep!"
This is what I meant when I talked about dark romance. It is okay to be fans of dark romance, but if you box your life into its minimal version of the self-absorbed narrative -- you are the center of the universe, there will be a tall, handsome, smart, and rich, ya, he has to be rich, white, ya, only white, dude who has a huge dick picks you out from millions of women, treats you like a princess, gives you all the money and makes you his wife, stays exclusive to you forever -- your ability to judge is gonna to be totally messed up. And that is not gonna to be fun, but it will put your life in danger. No wonder I had never grown much of a liking towards it, not only because of the boring single version of a narrative, but also because of the potential damage it could cause to your brain.
The 26 y/o sent me a message saying "it was fun" after he arrived home at 3 a.m. I replied to him in the morning, "Fun? But you had zero interest in fucking me or pleasuring me like we planned earlier. I completely understand though, it happens, don't worry. I won't be inviting you to the three-ways, hope you understand." That was the last message I sent to him. He is out. In this game, I choose honesty, respectfulness, and decency, a little dishonesty and trickery, and you are out. I have been in this selection process for many years now, I have set up my rules and been following them strictly.
After three hours of sending the last message to the 26 y/o, Eva asked me if I had said anything about her to him. I was like, "To whom? Didn't I show you the screenshot of my last interaction with him? Out means out. It was my decision on qualifying or disqualifying him on my own game; it has nothing to do with you. You two exchanged numbers; whatever you do with each other, it's none of my business. I have many, many more people to go through, and I have a strict set of rules to follow. Business is business."
Then, after another 7 to 8 hours, Eva told me that the 26 y/o had blocked her after I sent that last message to him. It proved exactly what I said, didn't it? "I really like the way you and A were together..." We were pretty good, no? But one can't get everything one wants, right? And you didn't even say hello to my black friend, did you? The thing is, anybody can go ahead and build their own kingdom, and have all the different varieties there. It's utterly doable. But how diverse it will end up looking, it's everybody's own business.
What a successful night out. I have killed many birds with one stone. Let's count: 1. I picked a guy that exactly fitted into Eva's fantasy, she told me he was her "book boyfriend", exact word (just by seeing the photos and some screenshots of his chats with me); 2. I successfully introduced her into our world by giving her a night of fantasy and satisfying pounding, which granted her first-time experiences on many fronts; 3. I got to see through an evil, a predator, without having to go through more interactions with him myself. It was a quick, unpainful cut off; 4. I protected Eva from falling under an evil's prey; 5. I further qualified and confirmed my fourth; 6. I stood firmly on my ground and didn't let anybody walk over me. I showed them who the queen was; 7. I had a great night out. This whole thing was hella fun for me, to be honest.
I have built my garden and am its protector. I only invite people over to whom I have granted permission. Nobody gets to come and step over my plants and flowers. Nobody.
So this is what it feels like to be a man: bouncing around in different people's lives, don't leave a mark, or leave a mark, but stay unattached. The aim is to keep jumping, because that's what's fun.
I am finally living the life.
I can't complain at all. How much fun I have been having recently! They also have fun because they have been conditioned by society since birth to stay unattached and emotionally unavailable. Now I have finally reached their level. I have learned to play. I've had enough practice by now.
But I remain sincere and respectful. I treat each one who appears in my life, no matter for how long, with a sense of sacredness.
Now that my mind is trained, I only look straight and am focused. I get down to business, and my business -- well, it will stay forever different from the others. My business is to have a good time here, in this short journey on Earth.
I don't want to impact no one's life or leave a mark on no one. But I'll need people who are on the same wavelength to make it fun together.
No expectations, never expectations. People come and go, the most constant and universal thing is that change will never stop. Everybody is on their own journey. Sometimes our lines cross for a brief moment, sometimes for a while, but ya, we are moving forward in all different directions.
You are your own line. You don't "belong" to another line. How come? Children and mother? Husband and wife? Lol. A husband can never keep up with a wife's line of fluctuation and unpredictability, or creativity and vitality. How sick is our society, trying to force upon a twisted bondage of two individual lines, at the cost of one line completely losing its sense of direction?
I am enjoying it to the full right now, this sense of privilege, living like a man in a society that's built by them and serving them. And being the opposite gender who crossed over to take advantage of their system? There are so many more perks that men can't even see. Lol. I'm loving it.
I don't see race, and I also don't see age. The youngest I've connected with is 20, who has "mommy issues". He calls me "mommy," and I call him "baby." A wild, a little lost but not that lost, baby who needs me and other older women badly, so he "won't be wasting on therapies". He hasn't gotten onto my list yet; it's being reviewed. The 22 y/o didn't qualify due to his lack of experience, a second-generation Afghan. For men, experience is everything, and I didn't set up charity for him to gain experience through me. However, I couldn't completely erase him because he was literally begging me to take him along wherever I went; hence, he would be invited when we have larger events in the future. Meanwhile, the 26 y/o was "hella fun" (his words) on Monday night.
My friends commented, "You are doing a great service in raising up and helping our next generations." "Before they can settle down and have a family (families), they benefit greatly from the experiences with you guys!" "Who doesn't want some hot mamas like that when they are young?" If I were a man and I knew about this world, I would be taking one adventure after another with different types of hotties, especially mature and secure mamas who are way older.
But younger guys are not popular in this world. Somehow, for some reason, the majority of women love older men. Many women set up rules such as "No boys below 35 because I don't like baby dramas." "Below 35, they are immature financially, emotionally, and whatever." 35?? With their facial hair, caucasians at 35 feel like 45 to me, and I'm fundamentally intimidated by them. Beyond 45, my body shuts down at the thought of them. I'm not looking for a "mature" boyfriend or husband material to get settled with, am I? I could literally vomit seeing men in their 50s sending me long ping messages wishing to be matched - "I'll take you out to fancy dinners, have long walks in wherever," "You are perfect for me, I'm your perfect match" - Ewwwwww! Excuse me, sir, in what part of my profile couldn't you understand the clearly written statement, "For singles, I only like mature young guys in their 30s"? "Perfect match" my ass, you rotten stinky dictators/commanders who only want to put your hands on young hot girls. But I do have to suck it up if they come parternered with ladies.
The 26 y/o comes from a background I'm not entirely familiar with. Even though he grew up in Albany and Berkeley, his family was poor. His dad was a carpenter, and he started working in construction at 16, mainly lifting heavy stuff. Now a bouncer on Friday and Sunday in a Berkeley bar, he urgently needs two more jobs to pay rent. But he is sensible and sweet, and we communicate perfectly fine. The most important thing is that he has the most incredible body, in all aspects. A cute, sweet baby face too. The body build is not too large, not slim at all, extremely fit and solid. 6'3, which is a giant to me, I barely reach his chest. I didn't think about it beforehand until I realized that he couldn't at all resist the urge to lift me up, even when we were walking down the stairs to exit the hotel after we were done, holding me in his arms like a child. "It'll be hard not to just scoop you up and kiss you the moment I see you." He wrote to me last night when we were planning the coming Saturday night, among a hundred other hot discussions about the night before.
"Oh my fucking god, why was he blessed with such a beautiful d". (I couldn't stop laughing seeing her using the adjective "beautiful". She is truly new, yes, E baby is massively hung, but that's about most of the guys I've met on this side of the world.) "I don't know where it all fits. I thought it was only in books, apparently it's fucking real. Unbelievable. I'm honestly in shock." ("His apartment looks pretty clean, like what he claimed.") "Oh yeah. I wasn't even looking at that!" My girl friend and I had a blast planning out and analyzing thoroughly. It will be her gateway to this world, this Saturday night. Well, as a writer, she mainly intends to enrich her real-life experience by observing us. Nobody says anything about participating, especially since an agreement with her partner hasn't been initiated yet. It was very easy to convince her since she is now a writer of such encounters exclusively, and 6'3 is essential for her, being 5'10. I guess I found the perfect playmate for us all. What a lucky dude!
He is indeed a little different from our usual acquaintance. He has absolutely no filters, no pretentious sophistication at all. He speaks and acts following his most primal instinct. He couldn't stop reaching out to hold me around my waist, merely a minute after he met us in the Moxy bar. After we sat down to chat a little, within three minutes, his hands were already working their way into my pants, with Raj sitting next to me. Don't all men want to do that eventually? Most of them would strategically suppress the desire and wait for the "best moment", but to be honest, secure and confident women like me don't enjoy too much of pretension and bullshit. Nobody needs to impress me with their intelligence or whatever; we all know exactly what we are up to. On any given day, I appreciate straightforwardness much more than obscurity.
E baby treated me respectfully, unlike some other older men who made me feel like I was being used. E baby kissed me a lot, all over my body. He loved how I looked at him. "Your facial expressions, oh, I love it." "What exactly are the expressions?" "Saying how much you enjoyed it and you wanted more." "Hmm, ya, I like to tell you with my eyes how satisfied and pleased I am." He would look intensely into my eyes and tell me, "You are so beautiful." When Raj was taking a shower, he didn't just grab the chance to pound me more or harder, but he took the opportunity to make sure I knew how he felt about me, and how beautiful I was. He repeated the phrase "You are so beautiful" at least 20 times, amidst the nonstop kisses deep in my mouth, face, neck, and shoulders. He was inhaling me whole. He has no breaks and no blocks deep in his mind, and I really appreciate a personality like that.
"I remember earlier when you said you liked that I couldn't control myself around you. That's true, when I walked out of the shower I had every intension to put my clothes on, but I saw you sitting cross legged, naked, and I just had to fuck you one more time 😘" I think this pretty much sums up our first night and more nights to come. Somehow, I like it when he calls me "good girl". And obviously, I love this journey to be shared with my beloved girl friends too.
Gawd damn! 6'3 of this!!!!
Kill me, choke me, whatever!!!!
Damn I'm still thinking of you riding me last night 😮💨😘
I liked it too I liked how every time we stopped. You would just turn and wrap around me to get a kiss 😘
You were so cute reaching down to stroke me and when I fucked you from behind till you screamed 😈
I wanted to pick you up and enjoy you at the end but didn't have a condom
It was so hot how you moaned every time I pushed inside of you
I'm glad you enjoyed you were so tight around me
God i can't wait to fuck you again 😈
I loved your facial expressions when you took me 😘
Just the look of pleasure as you road me honestly 😘
Especially when Raj fed that plug up your ass
It was super hot
It was also cute how overstimulated you got when I took you from behind
Ya it seemed like it was too much in that position that's why I stopped and checked if you were ok
Lol thank you, and ya if it ever hurts or feels uncomfortable just say stop and I'll stop immediately
You did you little sex pot although not gonna lie I could've fucked you for a couple more hours lol
Lol I'll pick you both up and carry you inside 😈
I'll throw both on my and enjoy every minute 😈
Awsome can't wait
Especially to have that cute little ass in my hands again
It'll be hard not too just scoop you up and kiss you the moment I see you 😘
I hope i get to feel every hole wrapped around me
I would like to see a plug in next time I fuck you 😈
I remember earlier when you said you liked I couldn't control myself around you. That's true when I walked out of the shower I had every intention to put my clothes on, but I saw you sitting cross legged, naked, and I just had to fuck you one more time 😘
Just showing you what you do to me 😈
I hope you get to taste it again soon, maybe share it a little 😉
Do you, good girl 😈
Eva's really hot and so are you it'll be hard to keep my hands off either of you 😈
I have to be gentle with you you're small and sweet, she looks like she can take a little rough handling 😉
Such a good girl I can't wait to scoop you up and kiss you 😘
I'll need to control myself might be rude to send you both back to your husbands with handprints on your ass especially her first time 😈
Just jamming on your keyboard, god you're adorable
Lol it is funny watching you playing so cutely and imagining carrying you into a Hotel room flung over my shoulder to enjoy you 😉
Hey can I ask you a question
When we were in the lobby you like how I slipped my hand under your skirt? You looked so sexy just had to feel you 😈
I'm a simple man and when I saw that skirt I had to have you 😈
I'll probably do the same to you this Saturday wherever we go 😘
Wanna be have a hand on that ass at all times, maybe on Eva's too 😈
I'll make you call me master at some point 😘
And of course you're fun and soo sexy
Lol ya but I'm mostly just teasing I do like you calling me the king though 😈
Especially while imagining holding you against me and kissing you long and hard
Or holding Eva while you're on your knees undoing my belt 😘
I like a wild woman 😆
I wouldn't have you any other way
Lol but one little correction: Her body belongs to her, but when she's in bed with me it belongs to me 😈
Well if she is I'll make sure to reward her, if not I'll punish her, don't know which one I'm looking forward to more 😈
Lol as I said I'll wait till we've met perhaps till she's a sweaty cum soaked mess gripping onto my arm, it's more respectful 🥰😈
Can't wait to have you both curled up next to me ;)
Raj insisted that I write down everything, the details, the excitement of the extravaganzas. What can I tell him, I do have a place, a separate blog, already, and I've been writing down most of the events. Thought I would auto-post the location of the other blog in the year 2044, alive or dead, but maybe stories will now appear here more often, and anybody could already have a taste of it.
We've officially reached the "no fucks to give" phase of life. Almost all of the closest family and friends now know what Raj and I are up to, because, ya, do I ever have secrets with anyone? No. It's so much freaking fun to share whatever I'm excited about with the people I love! Some girlfriends did get traumatized a little by the screenshots of endless d-bombs. What about the acquaintances in society? I don't even know who the fuck they are, lol. Other parents at school? Cashiers in Safeway? Coaches and team families for kids' various sports? My house agent? The gang I go protest with, whom I found in the street? Neighbors? Aunties and uncles who live in India? People in my imaginary church, where I go every Friday night?!? Lol. All are completely nonconsequential in any sense.
"You are sure that your investment work won't be impacted if one day you are famous and the internet is filled with photos of me holding my bare titties covered in cum?" "Naa, the powerful men on top are all openly acquiring endless blond/Asian young women to fuck for transactions and make babies that carry out their genes. What we are doing is utterly pure and saintly! People should erect statues to honor our morals!"
So this is what happened last Sunday:
The first time we did this was more than two years ago. I didn't even know it was a special night when they allowed singles, in this sense, only one gender. When the three of us, Raj, I, and a female friend, arrived there, dudes came forward and crowded us, which excited me. We danced a little on the floor, many tried to be close to me, and respectfully presented themselves to me. One of them I played with the last time I was there. I agreed to play with him again. Since he was single, he was only allowed in the singles area. The moment we lay down, I was surrounded by a circle of at least 10 singles. Each of them asked permission to play with a part of my body, feet, arms, hands, face, mouth, legs, chest, while patiently waiting their turn. I got at least 10 in my mouth one by one. Raj held my right hand the whole time, ensuring I was treated respectfully and gently. "Put on your protection, dude." He oversaw each one and urged, a strict guardian daddy who always treats safety as a top priority. He also kept asking if I was happy and comfortable. Not all, but 6 of them were able to do it. But none of them could spend much time before taking off. Surely, a hot young girl like that was extremely rare, and guess I was even tighter that time. But Raj said there's absolutely no difference, things don't change that way, and it was not affected by childbirth either, at least for me, whose whole body is muscled up. Well, whatever you say daddy, who am I to disagree!?
I wrote this in my profile, and I brag about it with whoever we meet. People find it extremely hot. They get turned on instantly by the thought of it.
Last Sunday, we went on a special night again where they allowed singles: Raj, me, the same female friend, and another male friend. We danced a little, not as many singles as the last time, more than two years ago. Because last time was a Friday night, this time a Sunday night, people needed to get up and work on Monday morning. I scanned through the room and didn't find much. I was a little bored, then decided to just eye any random person -- this black dude sitting across the dance floor. I glanced several times and fixed my focus on him in very brief moments. I didn't want to move into the inside area just yet, so I suggested the sofa chamber in the dance room. The moment we sat down, the black dude followed. He asked politely if he could sit next to me. When he sat down, I asked if he had been here before. After a brief Q&A section, I asked if he wanted to play. By then, I was on top of him. When I was busy engaged with the black dude, the other guys started to sit around us, and I welcomed them with a smile, a whisper "you want?", and handshakes with their precious. In no time, I was surrounded in all directions. Compared to the first time, this batch of guys was of much better quality. Each of them took time and did well because they were capable of it, which I liked. I think the way I was sitting or bending, but not completely lying down, so I got to give them all a little bit of love, and make them ready.
Raj was busy, but he made sure no one skipped protection, and he made sure to check on me often. He told me later that when he asked if I was okay, I was holding one in each hand, while a third was on the back. I freed my mouth, lifted my head, smiled, and replied, "Ya, I'm good." He wished he could click a photo to remember this moment. He wanted to organize something with my usual guys so he could get that photo of me.
The guys patiently and politely took their turns. One guy urgently needed protection, "Anybody?" A little desperation was in his voice. One guy from the back generously assured him and swiftly handed him one. All of them needed Magnum, so that worked. "Thank you so much, thank you, brother." What love, what humanity, pure brotherhood. If only our world were run this way. When they were done, they would approach my face, which was buried under countless legs and arms, compliment me on how gorgeous and amazing I was, and thank me sincerely. Kisses on my forehead and cheeks. They asked me, "What's your name?" "Momo, you are so beautiful, you did so amazingly. Thank you so much, Momo, thank you!" A total of 7 (not including Raj) made their night. Raj said, "Definitely one of the best nights of their lives, they would always brag about it and remember it till they die."
After they completely tired me out after more than one and a half hours without a break, Raj, our female friend, and I decided to move into the couples' area. Left a line of dudes who were not lucky enough to get their turn. Yes, they quietly formed a line eventually. This black dude, with whom I played for a long time at the beginning, followed us, since our 22 y/o boy friend was done for the night. The black dude was also very smooth in fetching me water and keeping an eye on my safety; that was how he could stay by my side the whole time, waiting for more turns. We continued in there for another hour, with more passion, and tried more positions. This sweet black dude, one of the thickest and strongest bodies I've ever met. I used to be intimidated by the bigness, but I am not anymore, I guess. We exchanged contacts eventually. On my phone, he is "A (lift&..)". He was the fourth one to make it onto my list.
Well, this is what happened last Sunday. Raj wanted me to write down everything, so I did.
Raj wants me to build a list for 8 to 10. We draft them one by one and put them through layers of selection. Four have been added to the list so far, from the past six months or so, out of 15, 20? A few were set aside for certain reasons, instead of a complete rejection. Several are being viewed right now.
Last night was the first time we encountered some form of lying. You couldn't conclude how much they weighed from the photos until seeing them in person. Or the photos were intentionally outdated.
Nowadays, we skip the first step and combine the first two into one when Raj and I are both available. (When Raj is not available, I get to go by myself, and that always turns into new adventures and excitement. Some to remember and repeat, some to forget and alter.) Hence, all of them would get lucky at least for one night. We also don't see why not, save us some time, because time is the most precious. But many wouldn't make it past the first combined step.
He was way over, if not because he lied in the "application", I would never - fitness is THE most crucial factor of men's capability, on top of natural endowment (well, above average is good enough). Since we were all there, we chatted respectfully, with fun. Both Raj and I are very kind, we were like, "Naa, it's okay, he seems sensible, maybe he would be good. We give the benefit of the doubt."
But he wasn't. He didn't last. I was so freaking tight for him, as he couldn't stop being awed by it and couldn't last.
"You don't usually play with Asians?" -- mostly Latinas since he was a Mexican.
The shortest duration of play ever, incomparable to our usual 3 - 4 hours in the setting of three. At least my man never disappoints, almost made me multiple within a short period, but in the end, my multiple did need much more to happen! Good that we all can go back home early and get some rest.
I still chatted nicely when we were getting ready to leave. Asked about his dog and all.
As I was standing barefoot next to the bed, he commented, "Oh, you look shorter than I thought."
"I am 5'1." I replied nonchalantly.
What in the hell?!? The audacity!!
I didn't lie about my height in my profile, unlike you with your photos from ten years ago! The sole purpose of me writing out my height was for their imagination, which was completely unnecessary. Unlike them all proudly and necessarily present - 5'11, 6, 6'1, 6'3. I was just being kind and thoughtful. Would my or any other woman's height ever be taken into consideration even remotely? Even if it were, it should be in an entirely opposite direction - could I easily lift her up? And that happens quite often, to be honest, they love that, especially the tall and strong ones. Do you know how many thousands of "applications" I got and how many hundreds I receive daily? And don't you know within your gender (absolutely not mine), there is a wild discrimination towards height, but I have never picked up that discrimination, only treating all with respect? And you have no freaking clue who my other guys are, what are their professions, their looks, their talents, their capabilities, how fancily maintained they all are and how much efforts they put into this to get a girl like me - my marvelous group of guys across all races? Well, there's only one bar you reached, that is, you do fall within the average range, which is 30, since my body and mind simply reject the above - this is the only lasting trauma of me being brought up in an authoritarian regime under old men dictators. And I don't see this trauma ever going away because even though I thought I escaped old men dictators, I didn't - different location, different system, same outcome. Anyways. The audacity...
【Raj said he heard that and he didn't think he meant I was short short, but in a cute, complimentary way. Well, then finish your freaking sentence and actually spell out the compliments! Hello?】
All in all, that was some easily forgettable experience, lol!
"Thank you in advance for not interrupting my train of thought, letting me finish my thought, and allowing me to reach my conclusion. I know men don't usually give so much respect and patience to women, especially when women have opinions that they dare to express in front of men. It's a 'difficult' thing to do growing up as a privileged male in this world that's built for you to suppress us."
"Lol. Promise, I won't interrupt you."
"Ya, if you intend to spill out your inputs in the middle of me forming my thoughts, even in the slightest manner, I would lose it miserably. It's a non-fixable reflex due to the lifelong suppression and repression. My mind automatically goes along with yours and forgets where I was. And ya, everything is my fault."
"Ya ya, okayyy! Now just say it!"
"Okay. What I realized was that, under a patriarchal framework, women are considered property that belongs to men, bestowed by marriage. The primary function of women in marriage is to give birth to legitimate heirs for men. As a result of such setup, men are granted sexual freedom from a young age - barely reaching puberty, whilst women are indoctrinated to 'guard virginity as the most precious thing in her life' because the society reinfoces norms and social codes to maintain the patriarchal order it created; women are, as a matter of fact, stripped of any sexual liberty since a young age. Therefore, men and women sit on opposite ends for sexual freedom: in traditional societies, and in the hidden depth of our seemly modern societies, boys are encouraged to have sexual encounters since they are capable of it, it's considered a good practice and a necessary path to 'make a boy a man'; girls, since well before puberty, are discouraged from engaging in any form of sexual activities, and they live in constant fear of being punished or abandoned by the society if they dare to taste the freedom, there is an entire system of culture built to foster the imposition in the forms of fairytales, folktales, movies, songs, and of course, religious preachings. Wherever there is fire burning people down, there is religion, at the center of it. And ya, such a mindset gets carried into adulthood, throughout most people's lifetime."
"Ya, I believe..."
"Oh no, please don't interrupt, we agreed on it. I'm still just forming my thoughts. "
"Oh, sorry..."
"So, what I realized was, there is this saying in society that goes - men are capable of separating sex from emotions, but women always get carried away in emotions if they have sex, right? Total bullshit. Merely an ill-intended language fabricated by patriarchy that aims to maintain its order. Remember I told you how language plays a significant role in making and maintaining social structures? The language we are using right now, no matter which culture, is obviously a patriarchal language that was formed to serve a patriarchal order."
"Ya, right?!"
"So, from my experience, women enjoy sex as purely as sex itself, physical intimacy, fun, and excitement, in the heat of the moment. Not necessary that emotions have to be involved each time women have sex. How men can separate sex from emotions, women possess that trait too, if not more, at least equally. See how much fun I had last night, right? So many of them?! Seven, if I didn't miscount?! So many unlucky ones waited so long but didn't get their turn. I was THE star of the floor, and they got "THE best night of their lives". You and I purely enjoyed it for what it was. Women from patriarchal societies are not exposed to such endeavors and adventures, much less than men. Hence, we lack exercise. Too much bullshit and poison was forced into our minds, plus the restrain from monogamy marriage, which is also the fundamental framework of modern patriarchy, women's minds are not free and our bodies are chained. As a result, women generally don't understand sexual freedom in depth, and we don't have collective memories and experiences on how to master such freedom and play it to our advantage, even when such freedom does exist here and there in the modern era."
"Exactly right!"
"Ya, bear with me, my train of thought is unfinished."
"Okay, please continue!"
"Now this is one thing that got cleared. My other thought: yes, anybody, regardless of gender, can have sex while not engaged emotionally, but if there is an emotional, intellectual, and/or spiritual connection on top of great physical chemistry, it is a brand-new terrain of enjoyment altogether, unmatchable! The experience with him when I was so in love was... indescribable... I was so attracted to him from the first time, remember? It just happens; you can't plan, avoid, or control it."
"Ya, but I always felt that your guys' frequency didn't really match. I was happy for you, and I'm sorry that it couldn't last."
"Ya...I think physically, I was utterly drawn to him, and then he was so smart in so many ways, but somehow, our worldviews and perspectives were a bit off. Under all circumstances, we couldn't even maintain a friendship that was marked as a boundary from the beginning anyway. But that journey was so beautiful, no? I got to experience what it felt like to be physically intertwined while intellectually and spiritually cosmological, an entirely new world filled with exciting pleasure. My past experiences made me realize that each strong connection I built was different. For example, with you, we clicked on all levels profoundly, we built an enduring partnership, and expanded it, but that is not the end. I am capable of, in fact, I am made to connect with more people in diverse ways, some of the connections could go as deep and wide, maybe even more, I don't know yet! This is human's true nature, isn't it -- connecting with multiple people on various grounds and levels, just like some individuals could possess not only one, but many hobbies that they wholeheartedly love. Social structures that prevent the formation of human bonds are not only against human nature, but evil at its core, since it suppresses the most authentic and breathtaking element of humanity and gives it an ugly twist. I believe my life journey here is to explore and discover more about such bonds and experience the boundless integration with endless endeavors. Experience sex in its most primal form is divine for sure, but what keeps me going has always been the unending pursuit of bonds beyond physicality, expanding to emotions, intellect, and spirituality. I genuinely appreciate your support in my exploration, and I feel deeply grateful for your love, understanding, and patience towards me."
"You know I am always here for you, for whatever you feel like doing in your journey. I will be happy for you if you find more bonds and connections besides deepening ours. And I will always be the nest for you to fall back into, whenever you need to. I will always be here with you."
