We had a fabulous night experiencing rope and BDSM kink in a workshop format! I really enjoyed being tied up; the process is utterly sensual to me. Raj was instantly turned on by learning to tie me up and by exhibiting that he was capable of this skill and could be creative too; seeing my partner being turned on while working on me also turned me on. Later on, I suddenly recalled that when I was much younger, I was sometimes fascinated and aroused by the thought of being tied up in Shibari style, or the thought of BDSM, but I never had the time or opportunity to explore. Life then got really busy with kids. Also, I enjoyed the process last night because I had two guys working on me together; I was comfortably supported and cared for while being slowly restrained. (I believe that, in Japan, when high-class individuals engaged in rope play, they often had assistance.) We ended up having a threesome with me restrained. I think Raj and I have finally reached a point where we are mature enough to understand and delve deeper into this art, using it to add much more pleasure and excitement to our journey.
Let me tell Tomás the story of our recent Vegas trip. We started microdosing before we even arrived, and we basically tripped for 48 hours nonstop. We had a five-person orgy the first night. Side story: from Feeld we got this gorgeous couple in their late 50s and a young single guy to join us in our hotel room. The woman was so intelligent and experienced, very open and kind to include me and teach me too. I had a great time partnering with, pleasuring, learning from, and exchanging thoughts with her. The two guys, although they claimed to be in the lifestyle for years, were not used to group play or an MFM threesome and they were so nervous. Luckily, Raj took up the challenge and made up for the other guys; he made the woman very happy. In fact, the guys continuously worked on me and kept me warm. Even though they were too shocked to perform, they continuously showed their sincere amazement and appreciation for me, which was quite enjoyable too. I think local Vegas people are way less wild than people in the Bay Area. While for us, sex is as natural as dining out with friends, we are used to all kinds of situations. After 4-5 hours of play in the room, we also sat with the couple in the bar downstairs and chatted with them for hours. Raj and I were tripping so hard, we were sharing some of our crazy stories and laughing nonstop; the couple also tripped with us because of how much we were giggling.
During the 48 hours of tripping in Vegas, we had great sex - with ourselves and with new people. We visited many bars, enjoyed a concert at the beach club, danced a lot in the nightclub, went to multiple sex clubs throughout the day, and enjoyed nudity and sex in the open. Side story: In one of the sex clubs, there were separate rooms with closed doors for couples to have sex. Couples looking for a threesome or group play would pick the single guys or couples and take them into private rooms. I demanded the two single guys who approached me have sex with me on the open bed, but they couldn't do it because people came to watch. I realized not many people in the world are used to what we do here on a regular basis, and I found that quite funny.
Due to the effect of consistent microdosing and stimulation, the craving for sex was building up in me. By the 35th hour or so, I already had four incredible orgasms while music turned into flying visual notes and dancing neon lights that waved their way from the dark abyss of space into my brain. But I wanted more. I was feeling that the entirety of my sex organ had turned into a 100-petaled flower that was on the verge of blooming; each petal had its own color, shape, texture, rhythm, and story. Then, after we got back from hours of dancing, around 4 a.m. in our Vegas hotel room, Raj fucked me again, and I felt my flower was blooming in the freest style I could imagine. And I suddenly found myself inside the body of a woman with a different demeanor: I started to speak - like in porn! Words just started bubbling out from me, and I was expressing wildly: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, baby, so biiiig... I love your big cock! Fill me up, please... oh this feels so goooood...don't stop..." I have always been nonverbal during sex; therefore, this was an out-of-body experience for me.
I believe that was definitely a new high for me, one I can only reach under extreme circumstances. But I want to recreate and relive that. I want to experience that level of excitement when I could naturally open up, even to the point of being able to speak during sex. The truth is, born and raised in today's world that's designed and constructed by men, I have never learned to tap into my innate feminine power. We have no idea what defines it, what it does, or how far-reaching and powerful it could be. Everything that exists in my world is seen through male perspectives and is a product of that, be it arts, social norms and constructs, politics, economics, philosophy, education, technology, and most strikingly, sexuality, emotions, and language/expression. So far, I only know that feminine energy craves connections - deep connections with the land and all the living things on it - and that we crave and thrive on deep connections with people around us.
Since today's world - and the direction humans (men) have taken - doesn't resemble a time when feminine energy exhibits its equal power, I don't intend to approach things aiming for a change. (I think it's way too late; I'm actually writing a sci-fi novel about it.) In fact, no need to mention "equal power"; we are practically non-existent, nonverbal, intentionally wiped out, and we don't have the remotest imagination for what a world built upon our energy could look like. I now just want to exist and live on my own terms, trying to ask questions about the existing concepts and underlying rules, and seek the truth within myself in spite of what we have been indoctrinated since birth. So yeah, rebuilding my own sexuality is one of the things I would love to continuously do; I believe it defines me in a fundamental way. And I am ultimately grateful for the open-minded and kind people in my life who support me in this pursuit; I will also be their strongest support in their journeys.
The reason I'm writing all of the above is that I realized (and Raj and I both feel the same way), this journey is much more fun with more people; MFM is always at the top of our list. Also, I found myself completely swept away by Tomás's style of sensual play and lovemaking. We played with guys who were highly skilled at sensual play, but I never felt this way before. I even feel that Tomás's style is tailor-made for me. And I thank both of you for being so open and communicative, which made me feel encouraged to be open with you. I hope this is okay with you both.
What if I tell you some things I'm excited about doing together with you two?
A private room threesome, for sure! Also, nature and semi-public spaces - hot springs, sex clubs, beaches, you name it! I want to explore more Shibari and BDSM, but I will always prefer two guys with me on it. I want to go listen to live music with you two too. Music is something extremely sensual to me; it turns me on right away and feeds me all kinds of feelings and emotions. I'd love to enjoy some live shows with you both, like jazz at Yoshi's, and then go back to a hotel room. I'd love to go with you two next Thursday for the show; let's confirm it in the next day or two. I think as we play more, my naughty list will surely grow. I hope you guys can handle it!
